My Desperate Endeavor To Find My Whoever.

I was like a deer in the headlights.

Lisa. Lisa was jealous of....me? Even more so, because I just danced with Alex? Call me crazy, but that's hard to believe.

I looked up, kind of shamefully. Alex's head was still on the table. And Jack...well Jack was staring at me intently, looking between Alex's head and me discreetly. Meghan, was wearing a look that had, 'Lisa is freaking crazy' written all over.

"God, is it me, or does she seem insane?"Alex said, muffled by the countertop.

Rian was the first to speak at the table of shocked gawkers. "Alex." He looked up, "You have to remember that she misses you, and hasn't seen you in about three months."

"Yeah, but she needs to trust me! I would never hurt her on purpose..."

Rian looked at him all too closely.

"That was different. This, this is different."

"Oh is it?"

Alex and him seemed to be staring each other down. And I could tell that nobody besides Rian had a clue as to what they were talking about.

"You know that was never intentionally."

"A huh." Rian said.

"You know what?" He stood up,"I don't need this."

He pulled me with him out the door, and soon we were on our way to the park.

We got there and I could tell something was off with Alex.

We sat on the swings in silence.

"Alex," I said quietly.

"Hmmm?"

"Are you alright?"

"Er...Yeah..."

I gave him a look,"Okay, you know that's not very convincing."

"Well..."He looked at me,"Can I tell you something?"

"Sure, you can trust me."

"And you'll take it to the grave?" He asked looking at me nervously.

"Yeah."

He took a deep breath. "Okay, well...Rian was talking about something that happened last year when we were touring...You see...We threw a major party and I got drunk off my ass, which wasn't usually a problem...Jack's cousin was there and she sort of had this thing for me...bad.

"Not to say that she's a whore or anything. Not to say I was the least bit interested in her because I did have Lisa...But she knew that. She knew that I loved Lisa and i had told her before that I wasn't interested. But she still went for me, when I was drunk beyond belief.

"We...we had sex because of that. Then Rian found out the day after, and he did promise not to tell anyone, not Jack nor anyone else knows...Just Rian, and now you. But I felt guilty and it was barely a week that had elapsed since the incident. So i told her, and she...well she kind of flipped a bitch. Not to say that she didn't have any right to. But I think that she never really began to trust me again...And after that she dumped me, for about a moth we had not shared a word to each other. Those had to be my most depressing days...basically I just sat around feeling empty and useless..."

I could tell it took a lot for him to tell me this. And he barely even knows me at that.

He was standing now off the swing, his head down, eyes glued to the floor.

"And the worst part is, I'm actually beginning to think I'm just like all the tabloids say. Alex Gaskank, the man whore."

"Don't."

He looked up at me,"Don't what?"

"Don't believe that."

"Why the hell should I not?" He asked.

I got up, and went to go hug him. "Because I barely know you, and I can tell that's not true. You had the decency to tell her, to admit to her your mistake. Not too many guys do that...."

He looked at me, and I knew he knew, that there was more to what I said than I was letting on.

"What do you mean?" He asked, his eyes probing mine.

I sighed. I guess it was my turn."Well...I guess it's my turn to tell you isn't it?"

"If you wouldn't mind." He added smiling softly.

"Two years ago, I had a boyfriend, his name was Destry..I thought we had an amazing relationship, the kind that would last forever, you know? Everything was great we had been together for almost a year by then. But one day I came home, and my mother was out for the day, and my sister was gone to her friend's house...or so I thought. Earlier I had asked him to if he wanted to hang out for awhile, but he said he couldn't so I just went home.

I took a shaky breath,"I got home and well, I found my sister, who was a year younger than me with him...you probably know what I mean by that."

He gave me a knowing glance.

I continued,"And turns out he was cheating on me with my sister for about three fucking months...I was devastated. I thought we had it all, that he would never hurt me, but in the end he proved me wrong...And the worst part is, he told me he regretted none of it...and turns out, neither did my sister.

"Things spiraled downhill after that. I cut myself off from everyone. I stopped talking to everyone and anyone. I sat around much like you, and I was empty...Every time I looked at my sister, it reminded me of him. With each look it tore my heart just that much more to know that she didn't even care about my feelings. So...I cut myself...I'm not too proud of that, but things just didn't seem to be getting better...and that just kind of relieved the pain..."

I lifted my short sleeves enough for him to see the scars near my shoulder on the inside of my arm.

He looked in my eyes as he tenderly traced the scars,"Why?"

"Because...I felt like wasted time...like he didn't even care enough to spare me the pain of this...like my sister never gave a crap about me at all."

He was still looking at me,"Please...tell me you don't do this anymore...?"

"No...ever since i met Meghan last year, I felt new hope, she cared, she listened to me, she was everything my sister wasn't. And when we became friends, the cutting just stopped. She didn't, and to this day still doesn't know about that. You are the only one who knows." I looked him fully in the eyes.

"You know, I don't know how he could live with himself for doing that to you. More so how he could in the first place, when he had a girl as beautiful as you."

I smiled lightly. He hugged me, and I hugged him back.

"By the way, thanks for confiding in me."I said as we pulled away.

He smiled softly, "No thank you for letting me talk to you, and telling me this, when you never even told anyone else about it."

"Well, I know I can trust you."

He smiled. "We should probably be getting back to the hotel..."

We began walking back, and soon enough we were at the door to the hotel room. He turned the knob as we talked and then opened the door stepping through, as i did after him.

"AUGH! MY POOR EYES!" He fake shouted, as we came face to face with Meghan and Jack making out on the couch. Holy cow, it looked as though they were eating each other's faces!

They broke apart, then he began singing, "Meghan and Jack, sittin in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G!" And I joined in as Meghan blushed a tomato red, and Jack was grinning like crazy.