Love Among the Pizza Boxes

Angst. In the shower.
I’m hitting my head against the wall of the shower.
I stop because it hurts.
Inside my head, there’s a cheesy theme song playing for a cheesy talk show.
It’s called “Let’s make Riku feel like crap about himself.”
This talk show is scheduled to run every time I’m in the shower.
Constance, the talk show host. She’s a purple blob of mush in a red talk show host dress.
“Hello, and welcome to ‘Let’s make Riku feel like crap about himself!’” she says.
The audience cheers happily.
Let’s go with relationship history first.
First I liked Kairi. Went out with Selphie to make her jealous. Didn’t work. Kept on dating Selphie cause I felt bad for her.
Selphie was okay at first. Just a little clingy. Not clingy to me, but to Tidus. Which kinda sucked. The favor I was talking about earlier?
Yeah. She asked me to take something from her. If you catch my drift.
We were sixteen.
No way in hell was I going to do that at age sixteen.
So I broke up with her.
Later on that year, as I went dateless to Junior Prom, Selphie and Tidus were doing that favor she had asked me. In the janitor’s closet. Of the gym.
Then I got very close to Sora and Kairi again.
We hung out with each other like we used to, sitting on the paopu tree and looking out at the horizon. I miss those days.
I miss ‘em a lot.
The days when Sora and I would always race, and Kairi would judge, and I would always win. I was always making those bets with Sora and he would always have to pay up. I took half his allowance one time.
The water in my shower is getting very cold.
The water heater in my apartment sucks.
So I turn the water off and get out and wrap my towel around my waist and stare at myself in the mirror again.
Okay. Pep talk time.
Shayla. She’s adorable. She’s sweet, and fun to be around, and has pretty eyes – especially in the moonlight, and her hands are soft and small, and she does this weird trick with her eyes when she stares at me like she’s looking into my soul, my very core. Like she’s looking for my innermost secrets, and when she looks at me like that, I really do want to tell her all of them. It’s a strange feeling, really.
See Riku? There you go. You found a really beautiful girl who’s got a great personality and isn’t Kairi.
Good job, Bucko.