Love Among the Pizza Boxes

I poke at the noodles on my plate.
I eat one.
I stab another. Eat that one, too.
Well then….
“So, uh… Yeah…”
“Well you don’t have to make everything so awkward. We’ll make conversation. It doesn’t really have to be anything meaningful. It’s dinner talk. So. We’re gonna talk. I’ll start. What is your opinion of Cher?”
“Cher……. Kinda sounds like a man.”
Oops. I hope I didn’t offend her with that.
“As much as I love Cher, I shall admit, she does have a manly voice. But that’s okay. All that matters is the message here. Do you believe in life after love, Riku?”
“That depends. What kind of love are we talking about?”
“... Hmmm… Well not Grandma love.- Or friend love. Like, more of the ‘I’m in love with you’ love.” She blinks a few times them nods her head in confirmation as she says, “Yeah.”
“Like the, ‘oh my god I can’t live without you’ kind of love, or the ‘I love you’ kind of love?”
“Well isn’t that the point of this conversation? Is there such a thing as the ‘Oh my God, I can’t live without you’ love?”
“In the secluded town of Forks there is.”
….
‘Kay.
Twilight reference.
You’re cool.
Very cool.
“So you’re a sensitive vampire lover?” She pauses, “I’m more one for werewolves. They’re warm.” She grins.
I laugh. “I’m a new breed of vampire. The cool kind. We’re warmer than werewolves.”
….
‘Kay.
Uh, Riku?
Yes, Constance?
You’re an imbecile.
“What’s your temperature, 105.5?”
Sounds like a radio station.
“106, actually.”
“You’re pretty hot then.”
Hmmm.
Hot as in temperature?
Nope.
Not the way I took it.
Now my temperature really is 106.
That’s an exaggeration but still.
I look down at my pasta and stab a few noodles onto my fork.
“Thanks. I try.”
“Oh! Well. Sure. Anytime… Yeah… I don’t think I meant it like that but, okay. Whatever stops the tears, dearest.”
Dearest…..
Dearest?
“Whatever stops the tears?” I kinda laugh again. “Oh, thanks. So you don’t think I’m hot?”
Way to be, Riku. Way to be.
Way to put her on the spot like that. That’s just wonderful.
Riku?
Yes, Constance?
You’re an imbecile.
“No. I think you’re hot. Why else would I be going out with you? Personality? Phhhst. That’s overrated.”
“Oh. I see how it is.” I wag my fork at her before eating the noodles on it.
Don’t know what that was all about.
But okay.
That’s cool.
“You paintin’ a picture with that there fork?”
“Yes. It’s my own take on Da Vinci’s Mona Lisa.”
Okay.
That’s not weird at all.
You’ve been reading the Da Vinci Code too much.
“The invisible Mona Lisa…”
“Pretty clever, eh?”
“Oh yeah. I’d like to see your view on the ceiling of the Vatican.”
The what now?
Crap.
Now I can’t reply logically.
Because I have no clue what that is.
Is it that one Catholic church ceiling thingy?
I’m just going to change the subject now…..
To what shall I change to subject?
I look around the room for inspiration.
Awww, geez.
She’s looking at me.
She’s looking at me with those eyes.
Stupid eyes.
Why must you be so hypnotizing?
Shut up, Constance!
So this whole time, I’ve been sitting here, staring back at her, looking like an imbecile as I do so because I don’t have a single clue what to say. And that noodle is still hanging on for dear life at the end of the third prong on my fork.
The noodle falls.
It committed suicide.
“Oops,” I mumble, and stab it with my fork again. I don’t look up again. I just look down at my plate and stab noodles.
I hear Shayla’s chair scoot back across the floor. “Excuse me.” She takes her plate to the sink from what I can hear.
Shitake mushrooms.
That was awkward.
And then I remember something: didn’t she say this date was gonna take place in her basement?
I shrug mentally and stand up. I take my plate over to the sink, too.
Clear my throat awkwardly. Stand there awkwardly while she rinses off her plate awkwardly and we don’t say a thing to break the awkward silence and it’s just awkward.
She motions to the plate that’s hanging awkwardly from my hands and tries on a smile that looks… Awkward.
Say something, Riku, say something!
What do I say?
So I hand her the plate.
“Now what?”
Well there’s no need to sound so rude, Riku.
Shut your face hole, Constance.
“Well,” Shayla began as she started to rinse off my dish. “We can go play downstairs now…”
I clear my throat again.
Okay….
Shut up, Gary.
I haven’t introduced you to Gary. Never shall I EVER introduce you to Gary.
Anyways.
“Uh…”
“Oh. OH. Let me rephrase that. I have a Playstation downstairs and that still does not sound right- Would you like to play a video game with me, Riku the pizza boy?” She says, all flustered.
I laugh.
“Videogames are cool,” I say.
I say that a lot.
That things are ‘cool’.
I’m gonna try a different word now.
“Videogames are awesome.”
Awesome.
“Cool- Awesome. I mean- sweet.”
Now she’s blushing for reasons unknown to me.
“Alright. Follow me.”- If you want to live.
“Okay doke-y.”
Riku?
Yup?
You sound like a dork.
I know I do, Gary.
Shut up, Gary.
Shut up, Constance.
So I do as I’m told and I follow Shayla into her basement.