Love Among the Pizza Boxes

I woke up in the morning to my alarm. It’s a stupid little beep-beep-beep-BEEP-BEEP! It’s harassing my ears. It wants my head to hurt. I swear it does. It’s out to get me.
So is my bed when I stub my toe on it as I get out of it.
This sucks.
Today really sucks.
Today is going to be the worst day ever and- holy crap my head hurts and everything’s spinny so I’m gonna sit down again.
That’s when I notice what I’m wearing.
It’s my work blazer and a pair of underwear. That’s it.
Oh- And a ring pop on the ring finger on my left hand.
The memories are flooding back now.
Zermine and I got married.
I was the groom.
The blender was the priest.
As I recall Zermine was a very emotional bride.
It really was a great service.
Zermine had my potted orchid in her hands as a bouquet.
Hector the stuffed iguana was the flower girl/ ring bearer.
I made him walk down the aisle.
We played ‘The Lion Sleeps Tonight’ as Zermine walked down the aisle.
Well. It could’ve been worse I guess.
The blender was very articulate.
“Vrrrn vrnnnn vrrrrnnnnnn”
That’s blender for ‘You may now kiss the bride’-
Oh my god, I kissed a girl...!
Awesome.
Just- awesome.
I didn’t kiss Riku but I did kiss Zermine.
Great.
I look at the clock.
8:30
Oh no.
I jump up.
My head rolls.
I fall back on my bed, my nose narrowly missing the headboard.
I then sit up again.
I need to take a shower and go to work.
So I get up more slowly this time and crack my back.
And then I head into my bathroom.
Before taking a shower I grab the aspirin bottle.
It’s baby aspirin. People are supposed to take one or two a day to promote heart health.
I don’t have any regular aspirin.
So I grab a few or ten tablets and shove them all in my mouth.
“Make it go away…” I groan and lean against the sink, or at least try to.
I miss the sink by a few inches and fall down.
Good thing my head didn’t hit the sink.
That would’ve been nasty.
I get back up and rub my butt.
Then I turn on the shower and go get a towel from the linen closet.
The aspirin kicks in while I’m in the shower.
I start thinking about the word ‘shower’. I spell it out in my head.
Oh my gosh- you can spell ‘whores’ with the letters in ‘shower’.
I giggle.
It makes my head hurt so I shut up and feel sorry for myself.
After toweling off I look at the time- 9:15.
Work in ten.
Well.
Awesome.
I run out of the bathroom, bang my leg on the coffee table, scream a few choice words, race to my bedroom and change.
It took five minutes.
I’m skipping breakfast today.
Why oh why did I take the earlier shift?
So I grab a brush and run out of the house.
On the way to the observatory I brush my hair in the rear-view mirror and put on some mascara to perhaps make my eyes look less bloodshot.
…Didn’t really help.
Oh well.
I got to the observatory with seconds to spare and clocked in.