Love Among the Pizza Boxes

The morning was uneventful.
I got up on time, took a shower, made French toast for a change of pace.
Went to work in my Malibu Barbie car.
All is well.
Work passed without any hitches.
Harry and Ethel are going on vacation starting Friday.
Harry and Ethel own the observatory and there are no managers there. Just them and us- the people who do random jobs.
So we’re going to be in a state of anarchy while they’re in Aruba.
Oh well.
Work’s over.
I’m home.
And now I’m fiddling with my phone.
Pre-date-asking anxiety.
It’s so stupid. Health insurance doesn’t cover this.
I dial up Pizza Hut.
…Well- Not Pizza Hut.
I call Riku.
I wonder if he’s off work.
Well.
We’ll find out if he has work or whatever.
I should’ve thought of that because I called-
Ring.
Ring.
Ring.
Ring.
Ring.
“Hello?”
He doesn’t check caller ID.
“Hey, kid.”
Kid?
“Oh! Hi, Shayla.” His voice is echoing.
Echo, echo.
“You got the time to talk- If not- I promise I’ll be quick.”
…
Sounds like I’m offering him phone sex.
Shayla, no.
No.
Tempting- but no.
“Uh, I’ve got a little bit of time. It’ll just be a really long bathroom break.”
I chortle. “Alright. Well. I was just wondering if you’d like to go dancing with me on Wednesday night.”
…
I was just wondering if you’d like to go to the dance with me…
Really?! Oh I love you so!
Hush, child.
“Uh. Dancing.” He expels a thoughtful breath. “Sure. I’d love to.”
Well now.
I’m squealing internally.
He said love!
…
No.
No.
That won’t do.
Chill your chizz.
“Great. Well. I’ll let you get back to the work grind.”
I chuckle at that.
Shut your face, girl!
I said ‘grind’.
He chuckles, too. “Well alrighty then. I’ll talk to you later, then.”
But he doesn’t say ‘bye’. Or hang up the phone.
A toilet flushes in the background.
I giggle. “Okay.”
And then there are some more things I could say that I won’t say.
Like, ‘It’s good to hear your voice’ or something along those lines.
My grandma on my dad’s side says that all the time.
She isn’t in a nursing home.
“So, uh…”
We suck at goodbyes.
“Bye?”
Question?
“Uh – yeah… Bye.”
And then I bite my tongue.
Not metaphorically- I actually chomp down on it because I have gum in my mouth.
“Ow. Bye.”
Nice, dude.
“Ow?”
“I bit my tongue and now I’m bleeding…” I stick out my tongue and peer down at it.
“Oh. That doesn’t sound like fun.”
“Not really.”
I thought we were gonna say ‘goodbye’.
“But I really should let you go so no one thinks you’re…”
Never mind.
“So no one thinks I’m…?”
Crap.
“Well. Either having gentleman’s time or taking a crap.”
Well.
There you go.
Happy?
HAPPY?
“Oh.” He sounds both embarrassed and amused. “Well. Don’t want anyone thinking that. I should go now…”
“Yeah. Me too. Bye.”
BLUSSSSSSSSH!
I can’t bear this conversation anymore so I hang up.
And then I drop my head down into my lap and groan.
I sit back up, pop my gum.
Well.
That’s just great.
I talked about him masturbating and then pinching one off.
That’s great.
That’s just fantastic.
You suck.
You suck monkey balls.
…
Ew.
I don’t want to do that.