Love Among the Pizza Boxes

Driving.
In my boxers.
I flick on the fuzzy radio.
It’s on a classical station.
I head bang to the piano music as I’m driving down the road.
Then I get to a stoplight.
A woman in the car next to me scowls.
Her window is rolled down.
So I roll down both my windows and crank the classical stuff.
I give her a ‘rock on’ sign and I wink.
I’m in an unusually good mood today.
The woman scrunches up half her face. But then she looks away and I can hear her giggling to the other woman in the car with her.
I laugh.
Then I look out the drivers’ window.
There’s a guy in the passengers’ seat of the car next to me.
His window is rolled down, too.
He smiles a suggestive smile and his eyebrows fly up for a second.
Oh my God.
The light’s green.
I speed away.
That’s just wrong.
Just…. Just no.
That’s not right.
I was just hit on by a man.
Maybe it’s because I’m wearing nothing but boxers.
I shrug to myself.
And I change the station on the radio.
Because I’m done with classical music.
It’s the hip hop station.
There’s a very loud bass in this song.
I’ll pretend to be gangster.
So I turn the radio up even louder and the Pizza Hut car bounces down the road.
I just missed my turn.
Oh well.
I’ll just find Wakka in my boxers.
…
So I find Wakka. He’s at the basketball court, like I expected.
I turn the radio down and lean over so I can yell out the passengers’ window.
“Wakka!”
But I already had his attention because I had pulled up with the radio blaring.
He walks over with his basketball at his hip. He’s laughing and his head is thrown back and he’s holding his belly.
“What are you doing, man?”
I shrug and pat the passengers’ seat.
Because I don’t feel like waiting.
We’ll just hang out at my house until it’s time to go meet Shayla and Zermine at Chili’s.
“Get in,” I say.
Wakka furrows his brow, but gets in.
“What’s this all about, man?”
“I want you to meet someone later on today,” I tell him.
Aw, God.
Zermine.
What a crazy little person.
What? Little?
She’s not little.
I hope Wakka likes her.
Otherwise he’s going to hate me.
And hate isn’t a good thing.
Because he’s the only friend left I can almost stand to be around.
Wakka seems really interested now. “Really now? Who is this someone?”
“She’s an older woman.” That’s all I say.
Because I know he’ll be sold on that.
Because he loves the cougar concept.
“Alright,” Wakka says loudly and victoriously.
He’s so predictable.
We drive off.
“Hey, Riku?”
I glance over at Wakka for a second. “Yeah?”
“…Why’re you not wearing any clothes, man?”
I was wondering when he would notice.
“I just came from my girlfriend’s house.”
That sounds bad.
I didn’t mean it like that.
Oops.
“Nice, dude!” Wakka holds his hand up, intending me to high-five him.
I shake my head and park the car.
So we walk past the doorman with not so much as an eyebrow raise and we get to my front door.
Oh, crap.
Virginity.
I have to feed her.
But I told Wakka I have a Rottweiler. Not a Chihuahua.
“Uh – stay here for a second.” So I go in and I lock the door behind me.
Don’t want to take any chances.
I open the bedroom door and Ginny attacks my feet.
I pick her up. “Hi,” I say as I carry her back into her room.
Ginny licks my earlobe.
So I grab the dog food from the dresser and I pour some on the floor.
Because she never uses her dog bowl anyways.
Then I quickly leave her room and shut the door behind me.
And I go to the front door and open that.
Wakka’s standing at my door, giving me a look that says, ‘what the hell, man?’.
“Sorry about that. Come on in.”