Love Among the Pizza Boxes

Well. I couldn’t find my neighbor’s chainsaw.
...And he wouldn’t let me borrow it anyways.
Because Zermine told him I was going to saw off her head because apparently I couldn’t accept her as my illegitimate child.
So now my neighbor thinks I’m a homicidal racist with a thing for really tall black guys.
Anyways. I opted for smacking her with a wooden spoon from the kitchen until Zermine made a comment about it being kinky.
Then I stopped.
And now we’re sitting on my couch, holding a one-sided staring contest. By one-sided I mean Zermine pretending she has laser vision and maybe, just maybe, it’ll get me to buy her lunch.
I’m flipping through a home décor magazine and Zermine is slowly inching towards me.
I’m on page 88 when her nose bonks into my temple. “Please.”
“No,” I say nonchalantly and turn the page.
“Please.”
I hum a single, brief note and leaf through a few more pages.
Zermine lets out an exasperated sigh and flings herself over the side of the couch, her gigantic brown feet swinging dangerously close to my face.
I flinch away from the deadly long toenails and look at her flailing legs.
“What are you doing?”
“I’m BORED, Shay! Feed me!”
I roll my eyes and slap the magazine down on the couch.
“What makes you think you can get free food out of me when it’s been just hours after you so kindly whacked my skull with a bat?”
“…I thought a concussion would do you good?”
“Fine.”
“Fine what?”
Zermine drops off the couch the rest of the way and hops to her feet with a groan from the floorboards.
I look at the floor for a second and then up at Zermine’s hopeful face.
“Get in the car,” I tell her and wave my hand in the direction of the front door.
“Go team!” she does an awkward Amazon-woman herkie and flies out the door, leaving it hanging open.
“Way to hold out, Shay,” I mumble under my breath and grab the car keys.

I discovered the wonders of parallel parking again today.
Zermine and I pulled up in front of The Bean in my Barbie car, me with a raging headache and Zermine with a sore throat.
You wanna know why?
Well.
SOMEONE likes to sing campfire songs ALL THE WAY to downtown.
I’m not having a good day.
I’m really not.
“Hey, Shay? Oh! That rhymed!”
“…Yes?...Zermine?”
“I gotta split. I remembered I had to do something.”
And then she leaves.
Gets out of the car.
Walks down the street.
Takes a left.
Gone.
I got a headache for that.
…Yeah.
Shay Shay’s not havin’ a good day.
I take a deep breath and get out of the car, don’t slam the door, walk into The Bean.
The warm scent of ground coffee and steamed milk slams into my nostrils a bit like horseradish but much more pleasant.
“Hey, Miss Thang,” Lorraine calls from her post behind the counter.
“Hey, Big Mama,” I call back and then turn my head to a few more familiar faces.
“Why, hello, miss Shayla.”
“Why, hello, mister Benjamin,” I say and ease into a chair at their table.
“Hello, Shayla.” Fabio waves meekly.
“Hey, Foz.” I wave back and suddenly I am very glad I was not accompanied by my Amazonian friend.
“What can I get for you today, La La?” Lorraine pipes in from the counter.
I turn around in my chair and think for a little while. “Um. Huh. Surprise me,” I say and smile with my teeth.
The French drag queen nods, turns in her sparkly white flapper dress, and begins to hum some jazzy coffee-making tunes.
I turn back around and sink into the wooden chair. “So… Benny, Fozzy, how’s life treating ya?”
Benny scoots to the edge of his chair, folding his hands under his chin. “Well, of course. Quite well I should think. Right, Fabio?” He turns to his companion.
“Oh yes, Benny.” Fabio nods solemnly.
I nod and smile at the two.
“And what about you, miss?”
“Good… Considering my best friend-I think- snuck into my house and hit me in the head with a baseball bat.” And I miss Riku. I miss him a lot, actually.
My face flames up briefly.
Fabio’s mouth forms into a little ‘o’ of surprise and Benjamin clucks his tongue. “Such a tragedy. I once knew a woman who went to the beach every day to try and conjure her lover from the sea brine.”
Interesting how he believes this is related to baseball bats.
I raise my eyebrows.
Fabio shakes his head and whispers something in Bejamin’s ear.
“Oh. Oh, yes…” He nods quickly and clears his throat. “Lorraine?”
Lorraine turns her head back to him. “Yeah, baby?”
“Is Nami here today?”
“Uh… Yeah. Her shift starts in…” She pauses to look at her imaginary watch. “A few hours.”
“Oh fiddlesticks. We were hoping to-“
And with that, the door opens and a small blonde girl in a bright white dress walks in. “Nami? Baby, watchu doin’ here? Your shift doesn’t start for hours.”
A soft little smile graces her face. “Lorraine, do you know if Lawrence is here today?” she asks quietly and kind of looks at her feet and then back up.
“’Fraid not, baby cakes. He won’t be back for a few days.”
“Oh. Thank you,” she says and looks at the ground again, her hair covering the pink beginning to form in her cheeks.
“Naminé!” Benjamin yelps from his chair. “Sit, sit, sit! I insist.”
She smiles again and sits down in the chair between me and Fabio.
“Nami, meet Shayla. Shayla, meet Naminé.”