Enthused

It was starting to kill me to answer all the questions about Tom. I just kept blaming myself more and more. I remembered the night of Scott's birthday. He blamed himself for me fainting and hitting my head. Well, it didn't kill me. It didn't even come close to killing me. And I really didn't feel any pain. Even if Tom did survive, he could be in a coma forever. He could stay in a coma for years. Long enough for me to go insane. I just wanted to talk to him. They say sometimes they can hear you when they are in a coma. They say to talk to them, it might help. But, even if they could hear you, Tom would just get so frustrated not being able to respond. I knew him well enough to know that.

"Dahl, are you gonna move back in?" Mark asked barging into my room. It was about 11 o'clock now.

"No. Probably not," I told him.

"Why?" He asked looking annoyed.

"I don't know. I don't want to," I admitted.

"Fuck. Now I'm gonna be like an only child. Anne is going to college soon," Mark complained.

"Sorry," I muttered.

"I don't get why you don't want to move back in. It's closer to the school. Wait! Are you going to the same school?!" Mark asked.

"I don't really want to be the girlfriend of the guy who died. Too much attention. I don't feel like answering even more questions about it," I said.

"So you're just gonna transfer schools... Leave your friends?"

"I still hang out with you guys."

"That's not the point! Anyway, Tom could be out of the coma by then. And he isn't gonna die. He can't die. Blink just started..." Mark said then looked down, "We can't replace Tom."

"Hopefully you won't have to," I said.

Mark just looked distressed and left. A couple minutes later Travis walked in.

"Hey," I said wondering why he came in. It was a little unusual.

"Hey Dahl. I know how you feel right now," Travis said as he sat down on my bed next to me.

"You do?" I asked.

"Yep. My mom died pretty recently," Travis said.

"Oh Travis! What happened?" I asked.

"Cancer... She told me to keep playing drums, cause I was really good at it. She bought me my first drum set when I was four. I was a complete mama's boy," Travis confessed.

"I'm so sorry Travis," I said. I felt really bad.

"I do know how you feel. You felt like you didn't do everything you could to keep them alive. You think of all the reasons why it could be your fault. You think of all the things you want to tell them, but you can't," Travis whimpered.

"It's just like that," I said.

"But, Tom could live. Maybe you just gotta pray," He said, "I feel like I didn't pray enough for my mom."

"No, you really shouldn't feel like that. I mean, at least the cancer didn't give you a chance to let your mom survive...." I said.

"Dahl... it wouldn't of mattered. Jen would of killed him eventually. But, Tom is alive. He could make it." Travis encouraged me.

"Do you think he could hear me even if he is in a coma?" I asked. I wanted to hear Travis's input. He always made me feel better.

"He could. I believe that he could. Especially your voice," Travis said. That made me smile.

"It would probably frustrate him so much not being able to respond," I half laughed. So did Travis.

"Well, maybe he would try so hard to respond, that he would come out of his coma," Travis said.

"Yeah, good point. I just wish I could get in there again...." I said.

"How did you get in the last time?" Travis asked suddenly confused.

"I told them I was his sister..." I said.

"Oh Dahl," Travis said and laughed. I smiled. Jill walked in.

"Hey, I've been looking everywhere for you!" Jill said and hugged Travis. This made me really miss Tom.

"I was just talking to Dahl about my mom," Travis said.

"Aw, baby, you're so sweet," Jill said and kissed Travis. My heart started to ache.

"Yeah. Do you know if people who are in a coma could hear you?" Travis asked her.

"Actually, my aunt was in a coma. She said she could hear us. She repeated some of the things that we said. Sometimes they can't hear you. I think it depends on the person or something. That's what I believe," Jill said.

"Ya see Dahl. He would definitely be able to hear you," Travis said and smiled.

"Now I just have to get in again," I said. Fuck, I didn't want to hear Jill's suggestion.

"Just run past the front desk," Jill suggested. I knew it would be something like that.

"No," Travis said, "Just talk to his mom about letting you see him or something. I mean, you could also just wait a little bit until they let other people besides immediate family in."

"His mom probably knows I was already there," I said.

"Why?" Jill asked.

"I left a note under his pillow. Just in case he woke up and I wasn't there. I wanted him to know I came right away," I said.

"Tell him that when you go," Jill said.

"If I go," I said.

"Just sneak in the window," Jill made another suggestion.

"No, I will probably do what Travis suggested," I said.

"Fine," Jill said.

"I'm just nervous about all the questions people are going to ask me when I get back to school," I said... mostly to Travis because I didn't want Jill to tell me to punch them or something.

"If you don't want to talk about it, you don't have to," Travis said, "Just say to ask Mark or something."

"Fuck, we should go," Jill said looking at the clock, "Come one Trav. We'll see you tomorrow Dahl!"

Travis made me feel a lot better. He knew what I was going through. It was nice for someone to finally understand. He also gave me really good advice. Seeing Jill and him together made me really miss Tom though. It was worse to know that he wasn't even conscious.