It's a Girl!
One
I woke up to sunlight streaming through my window. The beams bitch-slapped my eyes and my head throbbed. Blindly I crawled out of bed and popped an aspirin. In my aching head, I replayed last night's party. Damn, that was fun. Now, how I can keep partying like this is beyond me.
I walked over and poured myself a glass of milk and a bit of soup that my neighbors had made me. I had yet to eat that, so I decided to just gulp it down. It was fucking terrible and I spit it out. Fuck you, Mrs. Louis. That woman can't cook to save her damn life. After choking down the milk, I walked over and flopped down on the couch. My plan of the day was to do absolutely nothing. After all, I wasn't in any shape to go do something productive. I had been doing that for the last decade or so.
The phone rang and I lazily picked it up.
"Dude, what's up?" It was Nikki.
"Nothing, I've got the worst fucking hangover ever." I complained, sounding a lot like Vince. Nikki laughed.
"Whatcha doing today?"
"Absolutely nothing that involves moving. I'm fucking tired!" I replied, turning the TV on.
"Oh, damn. I was thinking of coming over and working on some new shit that I wrote." Nikki said enthusiastically.
"Dude, that would be cool, but I don't know if I'm up for it." I yawned.
"Oh, okay. Well, does tomorrow sound good?" He asked, sounding a bit disappointed.
"Sure, we'll do it tomorrow, dude. I promise." I flipped the TV off, since the news didn't sound interesting.
"Alright, awesome. See you tomorrow, T-bone."
"You got it." I hung up and walked over to the bathroom. I was planning to do something devious... I was going to take a fucking bubble bath. I turned on the water and waited for it to fill up as I stripped out of the alcohol-scented clothes from last night.
The bubbles frothed up over the sides. It was a beautiful bath, dude. Now all I had to do was get into it. I slipped my right foot in and got lost in the soapy wonderland. I splashed around for a while, feeling like any minute my mother would come in and start yelling at me in Greek to clean up the mess I had made with all the foam everywhere. But no, I was all grown up and I could do anything I wanted.
My relaxation was interrupted by the sound of my doorbell. Reluctantly I got out and put some bubbles over my dick. If that's not polite, I don't know what polite is. I wandered out to my front door, leaving a trail of watery footprints behind me. I pulled the door open to some girl holding a suitcase. She looked around fourteen or fifteen, and she was staring at me in astonishment.
"Hey." I waved.
"Hi." She responded.
"Um, who exactly are you?" I asked, observing her. She stepped in and dropped all her shit onto the tile floor, avoiding the puddles I had made.
"I think we need to have a long talk about something," She said, smiling. "Nice place." She nodded approvingly after scanning the front room.
"I don't really have the time to have a long talk." I picked up her suitcase and relocated it back onto the porch.
"But it's important! I'll make it as short as I can, okay? Then you can get back to what you were doing and I'll start getting settled."
"Hold on one minute, missy. What do you mean 'get settled?'"
"Sit yourself down." She said, pulling her bag back inside. I sat down, obeying her orders.
"I have to live with you a couple months because my mom kicked me out."
"You can't just knock on a stranger's door and expect to live with them! People get killed that way. But you are lucky, because I'm not a murderer, and I'm nice. So nice that I will even find you a place to live."
"Yes, I'm very lucky. Because it just so happened that this is the right house." She smiled, wiggling around excitedly.
"So what your saying is you want to live here with someone you don't even know? That's pretty fucked up."
"I do too know you. It's just we never met before," She glanced around. "Where's my room at?"
"How can you know me and not have met me?"
She turned and sighed. "This is the hard part."
"Talk." I demanded.
"Well, you're kind of..."
"Yes?"
She bit her lip, thinking of how to break the horrifying news to me. "Um, I'm your daughter."
At that moment, all the happiness drained out of my body and I nearly suffered a fatal heart-attack. She stepped forward.
"You and my mom were married or something back in 1987. You two did it backstage at a concert in '93, um, '94," She stared up at me. "And I popped out nine months later. Surprise!"
Fuck yeah, surprise was right.
I walked over and poured myself a glass of milk and a bit of soup that my neighbors had made me. I had yet to eat that, so I decided to just gulp it down. It was fucking terrible and I spit it out. Fuck you, Mrs. Louis. That woman can't cook to save her damn life. After choking down the milk, I walked over and flopped down on the couch. My plan of the day was to do absolutely nothing. After all, I wasn't in any shape to go do something productive. I had been doing that for the last decade or so.
The phone rang and I lazily picked it up.
"Dude, what's up?" It was Nikki.
"Nothing, I've got the worst fucking hangover ever." I complained, sounding a lot like Vince. Nikki laughed.
"Whatcha doing today?"
"Absolutely nothing that involves moving. I'm fucking tired!" I replied, turning the TV on.
"Oh, damn. I was thinking of coming over and working on some new shit that I wrote." Nikki said enthusiastically.
"Dude, that would be cool, but I don't know if I'm up for it." I yawned.
"Oh, okay. Well, does tomorrow sound good?" He asked, sounding a bit disappointed.
"Sure, we'll do it tomorrow, dude. I promise." I flipped the TV off, since the news didn't sound interesting.
"Alright, awesome. See you tomorrow, T-bone."
"You got it." I hung up and walked over to the bathroom. I was planning to do something devious... I was going to take a fucking bubble bath. I turned on the water and waited for it to fill up as I stripped out of the alcohol-scented clothes from last night.
The bubbles frothed up over the sides. It was a beautiful bath, dude. Now all I had to do was get into it. I slipped my right foot in and got lost in the soapy wonderland. I splashed around for a while, feeling like any minute my mother would come in and start yelling at me in Greek to clean up the mess I had made with all the foam everywhere. But no, I was all grown up and I could do anything I wanted.
My relaxation was interrupted by the sound of my doorbell. Reluctantly I got out and put some bubbles over my dick. If that's not polite, I don't know what polite is. I wandered out to my front door, leaving a trail of watery footprints behind me. I pulled the door open to some girl holding a suitcase. She looked around fourteen or fifteen, and she was staring at me in astonishment.
"Hey." I waved.
"Hi." She responded.
"Um, who exactly are you?" I asked, observing her. She stepped in and dropped all her shit onto the tile floor, avoiding the puddles I had made.
"I think we need to have a long talk about something," She said, smiling. "Nice place." She nodded approvingly after scanning the front room.
"I don't really have the time to have a long talk." I picked up her suitcase and relocated it back onto the porch.
"But it's important! I'll make it as short as I can, okay? Then you can get back to what you were doing and I'll start getting settled."
"Hold on one minute, missy. What do you mean 'get settled?'"
"Sit yourself down." She said, pulling her bag back inside. I sat down, obeying her orders.
"I have to live with you a couple months because my mom kicked me out."
"You can't just knock on a stranger's door and expect to live with them! People get killed that way. But you are lucky, because I'm not a murderer, and I'm nice. So nice that I will even find you a place to live."
"Yes, I'm very lucky. Because it just so happened that this is the right house." She smiled, wiggling around excitedly.
"So what your saying is you want to live here with someone you don't even know? That's pretty fucked up."
"I do too know you. It's just we never met before," She glanced around. "Where's my room at?"
"How can you know me and not have met me?"
She turned and sighed. "This is the hard part."
"Talk." I demanded.
"Well, you're kind of..."
"Yes?"
She bit her lip, thinking of how to break the horrifying news to me. "Um, I'm your daughter."
At that moment, all the happiness drained out of my body and I nearly suffered a fatal heart-attack. She stepped forward.
"You and my mom were married or something back in 1987. You two did it backstage at a concert in '93, um, '94," She stared up at me. "And I popped out nine months later. Surprise!"
Fuck yeah, surprise was right.
♠ ♠ ♠
Probably the first and only chapter...I'm really not sure about it.
If people like it, I'll continue it.
Comments help me decide these things.