It's a Girl!

"Alright," Vince squeaked, completely out of breath. "I need a break." His voice cracked and he picked up Mick's water bottle.

"Bad idea! Bad bad bad idea!" Nikki took it out of his hands. Mick sighed.

"I don't do the vodka thing anymore." He said flatly.

I giggled and pushed him into a wall. Nikki ran up and held his head down as I dug through his pockets.

"You guys are bastards." Vince's voice cracked a bit more and he gulped some of my water instead of Mick's. Nikki and I flashed Terror-Twin smiles before letting Mick go. I looked over to the corner where I had left Roxanne an hour ago.

She was still sitting there, staring at the lights. Nikki walked over.

"You okay?"

"Uh-huh." She said, not taking her eyes off the light bulbs.

"Do you need to use the bathroom or something?"

"Yeah. Where is it?"

"I'll show you. Come on." She got up and walked out the door, keeping her gaze on the ceiling until she had left with Nikki.

"I'm coming, too!" Vince screeched.

"Could you just, you know, stop talking?" I turned to him. "Everything you say makes me want to hit you very hard with my drumstick."

Vince stomped his foot and I could feel the studio shake violently. Alright, that's a bit of an exaggeration, but you know how it is. Mick walked over and tapped my back.

"So, aren't you going to explain about the little visitor you dragged in today?"

I sighed. "Apparently Heather and I had a kid and I didn't know about her. So Heather goes off to film a movie in Europe and decides to drop the kid on my doorstep with no warning. So here I am, taking care of her while Heather's out partying with David Hasslehoff in Germany."

"How long is she staying with you?" Mick asked.

"Six months." I replied.

"Hm, she seems like a nice kid."

"I know. But think about it... If any reporters find out, I'm fucking dead."

Right then, Nikki walked in. "What did I miss?"

"We're just debating on what to do with her." I replied hastily.

He frowned. "I don't fucking get it. Just keep her and take care of her for these few months. It's the least you can do."

I sighed. "I just can't, okay? I'm not the father type! I would be doing her a favor by sending her back to Heather."

Nikki stepped forward, with his "I'm-going-to-punch-you-in-the-nose-and-I-don't-care-who-sees" look on. "Tommy, I know how it feels like to be fatherless."

I groaned. "Nikki, don't you dare use that on me."

"What? Look how I turned out. All because my fucking dad wanted nothing to do with me. That little girl doesn't deserve to suffer like that!"

"Shut the fuck up! I'm tired of that stupid little sob-story, Nikki!" I yelled. "Let me know when you grow the fuck up."

"Excuse me? Tommy Lee telling someone to grow up?" He raised his voice too.

Vince tried to step in. "You guys, can we just get back to recording..."

"Shut the hell up!" Nikki turned to him. Vince backed off and stood next to Mick, who stared at the ceiling, pretending nothing was happening. Nikki and I got back to screaming at each other.

Roxanne walked back in and looked around. "What's happening?"

Nikki looked over at her. "It's nothing, we're just... disagreeing." He growled. She tiptoed over as if there were landmines set up. Vince got back to staring at her, and Nikki ruffled her hair playfully.

"So, you guys want to go to the bar after this?" I sighed. "I could use a drink."

Everyone agreed and we just bagged the whole recording thing. I just couldn't focus anymore. So as I was driving home with Vince, I thought of something. Roxanne would have to come with us. And that just could not happen.

Nikki was sitting on the porch, since he had left a pair of his pants at my house earlier. We got out of the car and Vince drove away. I walked up to Nikki.

"So, are we going to the bar or what?" I asked. He smiled, a sign of forgiveness.

"One problem. Roxie doesn't look right."

"Could you stop calling her that? It sounds like she's your lover or something." I laughed.

Nikki patted my shoulder. "Let's go inside." We all crammed through the door and examined the girl.

"Should we leave her here?" I questioned.

"Nah, I want her to come with us." Nikki put his arm around her.

"I want to go, too." She said meekly.

"Alright, first of all, she can't be wearing this. She needs to look a lot older if we don't want her to get kicked out."

"True. But do we have anything here?"

"Of course you do. You have more female clothes than the fucking mall does."

"Also true. Let's go."

I led them to my giant closet. After a bunch of digging, we found my stash. I had saved at least one article of clothing from each girl since 1984. And that adds up to quite a bit. Nikki pulled out some miniskirt and low-cut top.

"Dude! Vince is gonna be there!" I grabbed his arm.

"Yeah, I know, but I think Roxie knows how to defend herself, don't you?"

She giggled and nodded in agreement. "But I don't think I want to wear that... it's rather-- um-- whorish."

"Exactly." I snapped my fingers. "You have to look older or you'll be sitting on the curb outside."

She picked up the clothes and walked into the corner. "No peeking." She got changed in a few seconds. We began to inspect her, straightening everything out.

"Alright, perfect. Let's go." We got into Nikki's car and drove down to the Whiskey-A-Go-Go... good times, dude.

Vince was sitting on a bench, waiting for us. Mick was already inside, since he thought it was cold. We all filed out of the car and Nikki pulled Roxanne over to the door. Vince's eyes boggled.

"Hey, come sit on my lap and we'll talk about the first thing that pops up." He said, examining her chest. Nikki sighed angrily.

"Vince, don't you even try."

Vince laughed and we followed him inside. We walked over to the bar and the trouble began. We began to re-visit the old days and ordered bottles of Jack. But nothing for the little lady, since we had kind of forgotten about her. Nikki and I started having contests on who could slap Mick the hardest, and Vince was hitting on any chick he could find, Roxanne being the constant favorite.

"Hey, hey-- my dick just died. Can I bury it in your mouth?" He slurred, putting his arm around her shoulder. She looked around.

"Um, no thanks." She said softly, not sure what to do.

After a few hours, I felt someone tap my shoulder.

"What do you want?" I snapped, looking back at Roxanne.

"I'm thirsty." She scratched her head.

"Drink this." Nikki handed her his half-empty bottle of whiskey. She nodded and walked off to the bathroom with it, fearing that Vince might use some more dumb pick-up lines. I turned back to Nikki and we continued talking about absolutely nothing. This went on until three in the morning, when we finally got tired of sitting and running our mouths. Nikki and I were just about to head out the door when Nikki thought of something.

"I left my wallet up at the bar." We walked back, got it, and then went out to the parking lot. Vince was passed out on the sidewalk, and Mick had left long ago. Nikki started the car and got in and we began the drive home. When we were halfway there, Nikki slammed on the breaks.

"What is it, man?"

"I need to buy milk!" We turned around, went to the grocery store, then continued on our way. "I keep feeling like we're forgetting something." Nikki said.

"Me too." I replied.

Nikki stopped the car again. "We fucking forgot your daughter!"