It's a Girl!

The phone rang and I picked it up. "Hello?"

"It's Vince the amazing. What are you doing tonight?"

"Going to town with Roxanne, why?"

"Damn. Cause I was wondering if you would like me to take her off your hands for a while. See, Lia's out of town and..."

"Vince, dude, no. That's just like, not appropriate." I said, trying not to blow up at him.

"Well, fine then. I thought you could use a night off, but nooo."

"It's not that. It's the fact that we need some father-daughter bonding shit."

"Why can't I bond with her, too?"

"Because you're Vince. And she's a girl. If I ever need to go somewhere, I'm having Nikki take care of her."

Roxanne squealed. I glanced at her. "Sorry, I like Nikki. He's a nice dude." She shrugged. I nodded then got back to Vince.

"You do know that Nikki is..." He began.

"A nice and trustworthy dude. And you are the exact opposite." I cut him off. "Listen, come on over. We'll meet you here."

Roxanne gasped and started making little squeaking noises. "No!" She whispered, shaking her head. "What the hell are you thinking? No!"

I winked at her. "Bye, Vince." I hung up.

"Why did you do that? Are you out of your mind?" She yelled.

"Here's the plan. We're going out to the car right now. And we're leaving without him." I smiled. She stared up at me, completely perplexed.

"Alright..." I grabbed her hand and dragged her out to the car. We got in and backed out of the driveway. Without thinking, I sped around in random directions, wondering where we would end up. She poked her head out the window and asked for directions from random people walking around on the street.

Then I saw something. A car wash. I tapped her shoulder.

"Have you ever been through a car wash?"

"Yeah. Mom goes through one about three times a day." She replied, fidgeting with the seat-belt.

"Ever been through one with the windows down?"

She clapped her hands. "That sounds cool, but Mom would hate that."

"You're with me right now. And that's what we're doing."

Her eyes lit up. "Really?"

"Yeah!" I drove toward it and rolled all the windows down. After paying for the "ultimate wash" one, we drove in and waited. Right as she was going to ask why it wasn't working, water cascaded through the windows and soaked us in a matter of seconds. I gave her a high-five and in came the soap, pelting us with rainbow droplets.

We went through the whole cycle and soon it was all over. We drove out looking like hurricane victims. Her dark hair was plastered to her face since the dryer-thing was a piece of shit. I was just as wet, if not more.

"That was awesome!" She exclaimed. "But... the seats are all ruined..."

"Who cares? Let's go again!" I drove back and paid for another round. We did that three more times before Roxanne informed me that she was hungry. A McDonalds was right across the street, so we parked the car and walked over, dripping soapy water all over the place.

The workers stared at us. "What happened to you guys?" Asked one of them, a fat girl who looked around eighteen.

"Nothing. Get me two fucking cheeseburgers right now." I said obnoxiously. Roxanne hid behind me, trying not to laugh.

"Um... fries with that?"

"Yeah." I tossed her a twenty. "Have a great day." I walked out the door and Roxanne followed me.

"What about the food?" She asked. "That's what we went in there for."

"Oh, yeah." We walked back inside, retrieved the food, then went to go eat it in the park. We earned a few more double-takes and side-glances and people asking why we were leaving puddles behind us, but we ignored them.

Over the course of that hour, I realized that the billion-page packet Heather had written didn't even begin to describe Roxanne. I had read it cover to cover and Heather made her seem like a little demon who liked to break things and cause trouble, but I learned that she was just lonely and bored because Heather couldn't be with her a lot.

Roxanne wasn't only allergic to honey, but also to grass. She didn't just like dinosaur-shaped chicken nuggets, but also the star-shaped kind. She didn't only watch fat people obstacle courses, but the infomercial channel. That kid was making me laugh so hard that I was choking on pieces of lettuce.

"Well, let's go." I picked her up after I had spit my soda across the park. I carried her all the way down to the streets of LA where it seemed the whole entire town was out partying. Random people were blowing bubbles and there was a street performer around every corner. It was the busiest I had ever seen the Strip since 1983, and that's saying something.

"What's that?" She pointed to a crumbling house behind the famous Whiskey-A-Go-Go. I recognized it at once.

"I'll show you." I smiled, taking her hand. Somewhere behind me, a camera clicked. I turned and noticed a flock of skinny reporters holding cameras and microphones. "Fuck-- run!" I yelled at her. She nodded and took off down the sidewalk, not thinking about where she was even going. In a matter of seconds, she had disappeared into the crowds and I was alone in a sea of nosy bastards.