Scream Me a Dream

Sunday November 14, 2010
9:30pm

“I really don’t want you to go.” Ville said, lying on the couch watching Soya move around the living room.

“It’s not like you can’t come stay at the flat during the week Ville.” Soya pointed out, folding another blanket that Aida had left out.

The girls hadn’t left until seven that evening, having spent the day running in and out of the tower, forcing Ville to hide out in his studio for most of the day. He only came out when he heard quite in his tower coming downstairs for food or water, only to hide back upstairs leaving Soya to deal with the six screaming girls. She had a feeling that when they did have kids, Ville wouldn’t be very present when it came to slumber parties. Apparently one or two kids he was fine with, six little girls had him running for cover, something that had Soya very amused.

Though the rest of the girls had left, Olivia was still playing with Aida upstairs, which is why Soya was up cleaning up the mess in the living room while Ville played with his guitar.

“Because that worked so well for us last week.” Ville said, wincing when he hit a sour note on his guitar. He moved his fingers up and turned the tuning peg, plucking the string until it sounded right.

Soya picked up a pillow looking at it, before throwing it at Ville, hitting him in the face. “Stop playing with that guitar and help me pick up.”

Ville moved the pillow from his face with a grin, placing it behind his head, “Thank you, the arm rest was killing my neck.”

“Ville!”

“See, even though you won’t admit it, you hate the idea of going back to your flat.”

“What gave you that idea?” Soya asked, pushing a strand of hair behind her ear as she folded another blanket.

“You’re irritable; you wouldn’t have thrown a pillow at me if you were staying and in turn you wouldn’t be so irritable.” Ville shrugged, strumming the guitar again, causing Soya to glare at him.

“I wouldn’t have thrown a pillow at you if you would help me pick up.”

“The girls made the mess; the girls should pick it up.” Ville said logically, looking over at Soya.

“You really think Aida is going to pick this up?”

Ville shrugged. “If she doesn’t, it will stay there until she does. She was the one that pulled out all that blankets; she pulled out all her toys and games, and grabbed all the movies. She was the one that wanted to have her friends over. I’m still trying to figure out why you’re the one picking it up.”

Soya sighed; the blanket dropping from her fingers, before sitting next to Ville, letting him put his feet on her lap. “You’re right.”

“Of course I am.” Ville said, laying the guitar down next to him on the floor. “Now, back to our original discussion, are you sure you have to leave tonight?”

Soya nodded as she ran her fingers underneath the legs of his jeans. “I don’t have Aida’s uniform here, I took them back to the flat.”

“You can take her in the morning to get dressed.” Ville argued.

“Fine, you wake her up at six in the morning see how well that goes for you.” Soya nodded.

Ville groaned, feeling like a child who was getting his favorite toy taken away. He really didn’t want Soya to leave back to for her flat. While they hadn’t slept all that comfortably on the couch the night before, it had definitely been better then when he slept alone on his bed.

“It’s only a few days.” Soya said, knowing that Ville preferred being in his own home, even though she knew he would probably follow her back to her flat that night.

Ville groaned again, only for a knock on the door to echo around the room, he was about to get up, when Soya beat him to it, going to the door.

“Hey Linde.”

“Hey,” Linde greeted walking in, kissing Soya’s cheek and nodding his head at Ville. “Sorry I got here so late, is Olivia ready?”

“She’s upstairs, I’ll go grab her.” Ville said, picking up his guitar and setting it on the couch before going up the stairs to grab the two girls, one of them to go home and the other to pick up the mess she and her friends had made.

“Hey I actually wanted to talk to you.” Soya said, looking up the stairs making sure Ville was out of earshot before turning back to Linde.

“Did you?” Linde asked with a raised eyebrow.

“Yes, how much do you want for that guitar that Ville wants so much?” Soya asked grinning at her friend.

Linde laughed, crossing his arms over his chest, “As I’ve told your boyfriend that guitar isn’t for sale.”

“Linde!” Soya groaned.

“It’s a guitar that was used by Andy fucking McCoy Soya!” Linde said looking at her in disbelief. “And you think I of all people am going to sell it!”

Soya sighed. “It’s the only blasted thing he wants for his birthday Mikko! And you’re the only one with an Andy McCoy guitar that I know of!”

“It’s not for sale.” Linde grinned. “But…”

“I don’t think I’m going to like this ‘but’.” Soya said slowly.

Linde sighed, hearing the voices of Ville and two young girls, “We’ll have lunch tomorrow, and we’ll talk.”

“You mean prices?” Soya asked hopefully.

Linde scoffed. “In your dreams!”

“Isi!”

“There’s my pikkityttö!”(little girl)Linde laughed, picking her up when she launched herself at him. “Did you have fun with your setä Ville and your täti Soya?” He asked, kissing her cheek and shouldering the overnight bag that Ville handed him.

“I did!” Olivia said, kissing his cheek.

“And you said thank you to them for letting you stay here?”

“I did.” Olivia nodded, turning to Ville and Soya. “Right?”

“She did.” Soya laughed.

“All right then, off we go, this one has school in the morning. Soya I’ll call you tomorrow, tell you where to meet me.”

“All right.” Soya nodded, Ville saying bye to Linde and Olivia, before Soya closed the door.

“All right, you.” Ville said crossing his arms over his chest to look at Aida. “You made the mess, you pick it up.”

Aida groaned. “But I wasn’t the only one that made the mess.”

“Then you should have had your friends help you when they were here.” Ville explained. “But you’re the only one here now and it’s your mess.”

“Soya?” Aida asked looking at her big sister.

“Ville’s house, Ville’s rules.” Soya said putting her hands up. “Ville was nice enough to let you have your friends over in the first place.”

Aida sighed and glared at the ground. “Fine.”

“And you need to hurry, we have to go back to the flat, it’s past your bedtime.” Soya pointed out as she went to the kitchen hearing Aida’s quiet whine, before sticking her hands in the sudsy water of the sink to wash the dishes.

“Are you sure you can’t stay?” Ville asked, crossing his arms over his chest.

“Ville.” Soya sighed, looking over at him. “We both agreed…”

“You agreed.” Ville argued. “You decided that going to your flat during the week was best.”

“It is best for Aida.” Soya said looking over her shoulder at Ville. “I’d rather give her some semblance of normalcy instead of having her go back and forth from my flat to your tower every week. At least at the flat she has her own bed and room to go to.”

“So we move some shit around in the other bedroom and set up a room for her there.”

Soya sighed, pulling her hands out of the water and drying them, before she leaned against the counter to look at Ville. “I don’t like this arrangement anymore then you do Ville, trust me, I hate sleeping away from you, but right now I think this is going to help Aida. Ever since our father died, she’s been in and out of houses.”

Ville sighed, leaning his head back against the cabinets. “What if you move in?”

Soya stared at him. “Move in?”

Ville nodded, “That way we won’t have to sleep apart from each other and Aida still has that routine, we won’t be shuffling her back and forth even on the weekends.”

Soya sighed. “Ville.”

“I can move things from the studio Soya.” Ville said staring at her, hoping she’d say yes. “I have space up in the attic, and I wouldn’t mind working up there once I cleared it out.”

“I just…”

“And aren’t you going to move in here anyway, after we get married?”

“I…” Soya blinked, having never thought about their living arrangements once they were married.

“Or...” Ville frowned at her. “Did you want me to move to New York?”

“I…I never thought about it.” She admitted. “I mean…I’m based in New York, that’s where the company is.”

“But only for the next two years.” Ville pointed out. “Come 2013, you don’t have to be with the company anymore.”

Soya ran a hand through her hair. “True, but-”

“I know you can join it again Soya.” Ville cut off, knowing where her thoughts were headed, technically when her two year contract was up, nothing was stopping her from renewing it. “I know you don’t have to retire, but it still bares the question of do you plan on moving here or did you expect me to move there?”

“Do you not want to live in New York?” Soya asked weakly already knowing the answer.

“Not permanently.” Ville said slowly, looking at her. “I don’t mind staying there a few months at a time, like when we go in January, but…my work is here, my band is here.”

“And my work is there.”

“For the next two years.” Ville pointed out again. “What happens after that?”

“I would assume you’d go on tour.”

“So…for the first two years, if not more, of our marriage you expect us to live apart?”

“We both knew getting into this that there would be long stretches of time where we wouldn’t see each other Ville. We both tour.”

“I know.”

“I can’t just uproot everything right now, especially right now.”

Ville shook his head. “I’m not asking you to uproot everything to Helsinki right this minute, Soya, I’m asking you to move in with me until we leave in January.”

Soya rubbed her face tiredly and shook her head. “I don’t know Ville.”

“Is this because of Aida or is this because of you?”

“I don’t know.” She said pulling at the roots of her hair in frustration.

Ville sighed. “We need to talk about this.”

“I know.” Soya whispered, the kitchen filled with an awkward silence as they both shifted their eyes from each other to items around the kitchen, before settling on each other once again.

“At least stay tonight Soya.” Ville said quietly, meeting her eyes once again. “I’ll even wake up early with you to get Aida changed and to school.”

Soya bit her lip as she thought it over, ready to respond when Aida walked into the kitchen, arms over her chest, put out that she had to clean the living room by herself.

“It’s all clean.” She muttered.

“All the pieces of your games are picked up?” Ville asked with an inward wince, he’d stepped on one of her game pieces earlier and still had the imprint of Mickey Mouse’s head on the heel of his foot.

“Yes.” She muttered.

“Blankets are folded neatly?” Soya asked.

“Yes.” She muttered again.

“Then go upstairs and get ready for bed.” Soya said, looking up at Ville, who was looking back at her.

“We’re staying here tonight?” Aida asked.

“Yes, we are, but we’ll need to get up early to stop by the flat to grab your uniform, so I need you in bed now.”

Aida nodded, turning from the kitchen and up the stairs to get ready for bed.

“Soya.” Ville started.

Soya shook her head. “I don’t want to talk about this now.” She told him turning back to the sink.

Ville ran a hand through his hair as he stared at her back. “It’s something we need to talk about Soya, it’s a pretty big thing we need to talk about. Otherwise we’re going to be at the same impasse that Rosalind and Jyrki are at, both of us in different countries and neither one of us willing to budge.”

“I just...I need to think.” Soya said, looking over her shoulder at him. “And I can’t think with you around right now.”

Ville nodded slowly. “All right, I’ll be up in the studio.”

Soya sighed, “Ville I didn’t mean it as harsh as it sounded.”

“No, I get it.” Ville said quickly, hiding the hurt he felt at not only her comment but the fact that she had to think about moving in with him, even if it was temporary. “I’ll be upstairs if you need me, I’ll make sure Aida’s in bed.”

Soya nodded, watching his turn and leave, before turning back to the sink and giving an aggravated groan. What was wrong with her? She thought, snatching the dish soap from the side of counter and squirting some onto the sponge.

She loved Helsinki, she thought, as she scrubbed the plates clean of the remnants of that night’s dinner, while in New York, she’d constantly been homesick and Josef would do everything in his power to help with it. From making her playlists of her favorite Finnish bands, to taking her to her favorite New York spots, and even pulling her into her dance studio and dancing with her to take her mind off of the void she’d always felt by being in New York.

But now, being in Helsinki, she’d realized that it wasn’t Finland itself she’d missed, it wasn’t Finland she’d wished for when she tried to distract herself from those bouts of homesickness. It was Ville she’d missed, it was Linde and Mige she’d wanted back in her life. It was the comforts of Helsinki, the only home she’d known for sixteen years that she’d yearned for. It was the little sister she’d rarely get to see, and it was the lives of her friends that’s she’d missed out on.

For once in her life she wanted to be selfish and do something for herself, make a home for herself and Ville, make a home for herself where she didn’t rely on others to make her happy. She wanted to be somewhere that she felt was home, and as corny as it sounded, anywhere Ville was, was in fact home.

Then she thought about her life in New York, the wonderful friends she’d made there, the home she had made with Josef, the professional career she had and would probably continue to have if she decided to renew her contract at the end of her two years. The dance studio and the students she was currently neglecting to be in Finland.

She shook her head, but she wasn’t neglecting them. She called every week, to make sure the studio was running smoothly. Brooke, her assistant in New York, called whenever there was a problem, and e-mailed her at the end of every closing to update Soya on everything, as well as sent everything that needed a signature. The studio had run smoothly without her presence before, and for longer stretches of time, as she had set it up that way.

She thought of Josef, and knew that if she told him she was thinking of moving to Helsinki on a more permanent basis, he would pack and send every single item in her room complaining the entire time he did so, but knowing that her best friend would be happy because she would be happy.

She knew Ben, her boss, wouldn’t care if she moved to Helsinki, not all of his dancers were based in New York, only going back to the city when they were in rehearsals and then when touring. Their breaks were spent at their own homes with their families. Really she and Josef were some of the handful of dancers in the company actually living in the city and that was only because they both had things they did outside the company that kept them tied to New York. Really the only person who would be irate about the move would be Rebecca, her co-boss, and Soya had never really cared what the woman had thought before, so why start now?

So if everything was pointing her in the direction of making the move, why the hell was she so scared? What was keeping her from making a decision? Ville himself had said he wasn’t asking her to uproot right that moment, he was only asking her to move in for the next two in a half months until they left for New York in January when her season began.

Everything was moving so fast, Soya thought, rinsing the dishes. Ville wanted to get married in seven months, when they hadn’t even been engaged a month. She was returning to New York in two months, to start dance rehearsals and a tour that could very well last a year, and even though Ville was returning with her, she knew that was only until the rest of the band returned to Helsinki, which meant Ville would return as well.

She felt like she was at war with herself, the question of moving in with Ville shouldn’t have been a hard one to answer. But the question had brought up so many more, where would they live once they were married? Would she be happy with living in Helsinki until her seasons started up again? What would happen when Ville started touring? Did that mean she would stay in New York with Josef or alone in his tower in Helsinki? Did she really want to renew her contract when her two years were up? Hell, did she even want to dance at all come January?

And the questions kept coming as she dried the dishes and put them in their proper place in the cabinets around the kitchen. Did she want to start a family in two years? Did Ville? What would happen to Aida come January? If her mother didn’t show up did she want to take the steps to enroll Aida in a school in New York? Would Ville be happy in New York?

“Hey, I just came to tell…Soya?”

She looked up and found Ville looking at her concerned. “I…”

“Oh, kultaseni,” he cooed, walking forward and cradling her face in his hands. “I asked you to move in with me for two months Soya; I didn’t ask you to move the earth. It’s no reason to cry.”

“I don’t even know why I’m crying.” She admitted as he wiped her cheeks with the pads of his thumbs.

“Stop thinking so damn hard Soya.”

“All these questions keep popping up and I have no answers for them Ville, none. This shouldn’t be so damn hard.”

“And it’s not.” Ville said, brushing his lips lightly against her wet ones. “It’s not, Soya, I just don’t want to sleep in separate beds anymore. I hate that you’re all the way across town and I can’t wrap my arms around you at night. I hate reaching for that empty space in the bed and not finding you there. I seriously don’t know how I’ve slept without you all these years.”

“I just…”

“All those questions you keep asking yourself Soya, we can answer together. You act as if you’re in this alone, as if I’m not asking myself the same questions. You know what I was thinking while I was upstairs getting Aida ready for bed?”

“No.” she whispered.

“How the hell are we going to cope when your mother comes back and takes that little girl back to Sipoo with her?”

Soya whimpered, having had that questions pop into her head as well, leaning forward to rest her forehead against Ville. “I feel like everything is just moving so fast Ville.”

“With us?” he asked.

“Just in general.” She admitted, wrapping her arms around his waist and pulling him closer to her, “I never question my happiness with you,” she whispered against his chest. “I know I’m happiest when I’m with you, I don’t want you to think that I question our relationship, because I don’t.”

“I never thought you did.” Ville whispered, resting his cheek on the top of her head holding her jus as tightly as she held him.

“But I feel like everything is coming up so soon, so fast and I have no way to stop it or slow it down. Nothing is getting resolved or answered and that frustrates me.”

He rubbed her back soothingly trying to figure out what he could do to lessen her load. “Soya…”

“I don’t know why I’m so scared to say ‘yes’ Ville.” She whispered cutting him off. “Logically I know that not only is it much more convenient for me to stay here for the rest of the time I’m here, but that it would make me so happy to be here with you. I wasn’t scared to say ‘yes’ when you asked me to marry you. I know that I’m ready to settle and just…stop dancing.” She said pulling away bringing her hands up to scrub her face before running them through her hair and tugging lightly at the roots.

“I don’t know why I’m hesitating, why I keep over thinking this. Why it scares me so damn much.”

“Because it’s more real.” Ville whispered.

“What?” Soya asked, looking up at him.

Ville sighed. “This entire time we’ve been…playing house, in a way, Soya. We’ve been making these plans and we haven’t been answering the big questions that come with those plans. Hell I don’t think we’ve even asked ourselves those questions.” Ville sighed, rubbing the back of his neck. “We’re starting to plan our wedding Soya, I want you to move in with me, it makes all of this, all of the plans we’ve talked about making that much more real. And with the realism comes those big questions we’ve been avoiding.”

Soya bit her lip. “So where do we go from here?”

He cupped her cheek, leaning down to kiss her lightly. “Why don’t you want to move in?”

“I do.” She said pulling away from him. “I do want to move in,”

“Then why don’t you?” Ville asked. “Are you afraid you won’t be happy here?”

“God no!” Soya said staring at him wide eyed, before shaking her head as she came to a realization. “I think that may be the problem.” She said slowly.

Ville blinked at her. “The problem is that you’ll be happy moving in with me?”

Soya laughed bitterly at herself, not believing what she’d been doing to herself, “You know the saying ‘if it seems too good to be true, it probably is.’?”

“Sure.” Ville said slowly.

“Ville that expression sums up my life.” She groaned. “With every good thing that came into my life, my mother was always there to bring the bad.”

Ville stared at her. “Are you telling me that you’re expecting something bad to happen?”

“I think I’m waiting for the proverbial shoe to drop.”

“No shoe is dropping Soya.” Ville chuckled. “I promise you, nothing bad is going to happen. We’ve had this conversation before Soya; we both deserve to be happy, after all the shit we’ve been through, we deserve to be happy. Stop thinking that your mom is going to be looking over your shoulder condemning you, belittling you, you’ve stood up to her before, you can and will do it again. You’re not that sixteen year old girl anymore Soya, you’re a twenty eight year old women, engaged to be married to a very sexy rockstar, that can make her own damn decisions.”

“But…”

“No ‘buts’, Soya I asked you to move in with me because for the next two months I don’t want to go back and forth between my home and your flat. I still don’t understand why you got the blasted place in the first place since you spend most of your time here anyway. I asked you to move in with me because come March we’re going to be nearly 5000 miles apart and I’d rather spend as much time with you now before we have to go our separate ways. I asked you to move in with me, because I love you and I want to share my home with my future wife.”

“Ville.”

“All those questions that are running through your head, we’ll push them back and answer them later Soya. There’s no rush to answer them right this minute and plan out the rest of our lives. Right now the question that I need you to answer is if you’ll move in with me until we leave in January?”

Without hesitation and with the calm that Ville had created for her she nodded. “All right, I’ll move in with you.”

Ville smiled, pulling her into her arms and kissing the top of her head, noticing the time on the stove before closing his eyes. At 11:58pm on November 14, 2010 Soya had agreed to move into his tower for at least two months, and that was perfect to him.