Scream Me a Dream

Wednesday December 29, 2010

Ville slammed the door shut behind him, only to stand in front of his door breathing out slowly as he tried to get his anger under control. He needed to walk; he thought as he left the front of his tower and started walking down the street. He stuffed his hands in his pockets as he realized he’d left his gloves and beanie on the couch in his studio and since he refused to go back he continued to walk.

His mind was chaotic and the walk wasn’t helping him clear it much. Every time he got a hold of a phrase or reason he was upset a new one came and took its place. He was upset over lunch, over what Soya’s mother said, but had he been left alone he knew he would have gotten past it. He was angry over the argument he had with Soya, mostly because it was one of the worst they’d ever had. Usually their arguments were more like heated debates that ended within twenty minutes of them starting. He knew this one was different; it wasn’t something that was going to solve itself while they brushed their teeth before bed and that irritated him too.

Rubbing his face tiredly, he found himself circling back to his neighborhood and back in front of his tower, noticing Soya’s car still parked out front causing him to sigh. He knew he’d been harsh when he’d told her to leave, he knew it was something that would lay on him to apologize for, but at that moment he really didn’t feel like dealing with any of it.

Walking past the tower, he pulled his phone out of his pocket and dialed a cab, telling the voice on the other end where he was, before hanging up. He was stuffing the phone in his pocket when he felt it vibrate, pulling it out again, he saw Soya’s name. Chewing the inside of his cheek, he did the one thing he’d never done to her and ignored the call before turning his phone off all together.

As he waited, he contemplated where he wanted to go. He didn’t want to go to any of his friend’s houses, he knew that if he went to any of them, they’d question the fight and as he didn’t want to talk about it, his friends were out. If he still drank, he’d have headed straight to a bar, but alas he’d been sober nearly five years so that was out of the question as well.

He blinked when he saw the cab pull up on front of him. He ducked into the car, closing the door behind him and when the driver asked him where to, Ville gave the man the first address that came to mind, the bands rehearsal space.

Twenty minutes later the cab was parking in front of the building where he and his friends got together to practice. Paying the cab driver and saying his thanks he got out and walked into the building. He made it to their space without anyone stopping him and found the large room empty; meaning Linde and the rest of the guys hadn’t started rehearsing for Daniel Lioneye yet.

Falling onto the couch, he covered his eyes with his arms as he thought. He needed a way to sort out what was going through his mind; really he only knew one way to do that. Sitting up from the couch, he looked around the room until he spotted one of his guitars.

“Paper.” He muttered, looking around the room. “Need paper.” He got up and searched the shelves around the room until he found an older notebook, throwing it on the couch he grabbed the guitar along with a pen he’d found and fell back onto the couch cradling the guitar in his arms. Amazingly enough he felt his anger slowly ebb with every strum of the guitar and every word he wrote.

Thursday December 30, 2010

“Valo? Valo, wake up.”

Ville blinked, his eyes adjusting only to come in contact with the blue of Linde’s, causing him to blink again.

“Did you sleep here last night?” Linde asked as Ville sat up and rubbed his eyes with the palms of his hands.

“Yeah,” Ville said his voice still rough with sleep.

“Does Soya know you’re here?”

Ville shook his head, running a hand through his hair. “No, we got into a fight yesterday and I came here. What time is it?”

Linde chuckled, “Nearly noon, and it must have been a hell of a fight if she kicked you out of your own tower.”

Ville hmm’d in agreement as he stood up not wanting to correct Linde in his assumption.

“You should head home Ville, Soya’s probably worried sick since you didn’t go home last night.”

Ville nodded slipping on his coat, that was if Soya was still at the tower and hadn’t left like he’d told her too. He inwardly winced, yes he’d been unnecessarily harsh the previous night and he only hoped Soya’s newfound stubbornness had kept her at the tower. He grabbed his notebook, rolling it up and sticking it in his pocket before starting out.

“Thanks for waking me up Linde.”

Linde frowned at him, “It everything okay Ville?”

Ville shrugged. “It will be, I should get home though.”

Linde laughed. “Apologize for whatever it is you did, Ville, as you well know couches aren’t the best to sleep on multiple nights in a row.”

Ville gave a weary laugh as he remembered a bad break up in which his ex had actually taken his bed leaving him to sleep on his couch until he’d gotten a new one. “Yeah,” he nodded. “I’ll go home, thanks again Linde.” He felt Linde watching him as he left and couldn’t help but feel that in the five minutes they’d talked, Linde now knew everything.

Leaving the building, he watched as a cab pulled up, the door opening and Mige getting out with a grin on his face.

“Hey.” Mige greeted. “Work late?” he teased.

“Yeah.” Ville nodded. “Heading home now, have a good rehearsal.” Ville said patting his friends back as Mige paid his fare. He got into the cab, gave Mige a small salute before telling the driver his address.

Ville leaned his head back on the seat turning to look out the window, watching as Helsinki passed him by. He remembered Soya’s wide eyed amazement when she’d first come back and couldn’t help but smile. His smile slipped from his lips however when they reached his tower and Soya’s car wasn’t parked out front.

“Wait here.” Ville said, getting out of the cab. He would check the tower first, he thought, turning back and making sure the cab was still waiting. If she wasn’t there then it meant she’d actually left and the only place she could have gone was her flat.

He walked to the door, digging his keys out of his pocket. He absently heard something fall from his pocket and onto the ground, shrugging it off he reminded himself to pick whatever it was up and unlocked the door.

It wasn’t until he took a step forward and heard a loud ‘crunch’ that he looked down and moved his foot finding his smashed cell phone on the ground lying lifelessly on the ground.

“Vittu.” Ville cursed loudly, picking the cell phone up and walking through the door, a bit more frustrated than he had been when he’d woken up.

“Soya?” he called, but was only met by silence, which was odd seeing as even if Soya had only left for a few minutes, the dog would still be yipping. “Austen?” He called again; looking towards the fireplace to see Austen’s doghouse was open but no white ball of fur came to greet him as she usually did.

Putting his broken cell phone on the kitchen counter, he jogged up the stairs and looked into the bedroom, as far as he could tell it was the same disaster of a room that he’d left the day before. Looking in the studio he found everything the same as well, he went in and grabbed his beanie and gloves from the couch before giving one last peek into the bathroom, which again was the same. He jogged back down the stairs and out of the tower.

“Of all the fucking times to listen to me.” Ville muttered, locking the house and walking back out to the waiting cab, pulling on his gloves and beanie.

“Minne?” the driver asked. (Where to?)

Ville gave him the directions to the flat and leaned back as they took off. The twenty minutes flew by as the cab driver parked in front of the flat, only for Ville’s stomach to drop when he saw her car wasn’t parked there either.

“Fuck.”

“Odota täällä.” The cab driver asked. (Wait here?)

“Ole hyvä.” Ville said getting out of cab and jogging across the street. (Please)

He pushed open the door to the apartment building and went up the three flights of stairs before reaching Soya’s door. He gave a knock on the door, having a feeling that if she were in there she wouldn’t appreciate the use of his key since he’d kicked her out of his…he winced…their tower.

He didn’t hear anyone come to the door, but he didn’t hear Austin’s yipping either. Reaching into his pocket, he took out his keys and unlocked her flat door before going inside. Everything was exactly as he had left it when he, Kat and Bam had left after Kat had finished with his tattoo. The bottles of water and cans of soda still littered the coffee table where they had sat and talked, the dining room still had the paper towels and pillow on the table along with the small table Kat had used as a small work area.

The kitchen still had that empty bags of Chinese food that Soya had left on the counter, and the bedroom was still littered with the remnants of Soya’s clothing on the bed and floor that she hadn’t brought with her to the tower.

“Where in the world are you?” he wondered, running a hand through his hair. He wondered if she’d gone to her friend’s house and knew of only one she trusted enough to talk to about anything, and that friend was currently staying with her boyfriend and daughter in Helsinki. Going to the kitchen, he grabbed the phone and found Jyrki’s cell phone number that he had programmed in. It rang twice before he picked up.

“Hei?”

“Hei, Jyrki.”

“Ville! How are you?” Jyrki asked, with a happy voice.

“Hey, is Soya there?” Ville asked, there was a pause on the phone before Jyrki answered.

“Should she be?”

“No…” Ville sighed, leaning up against the counter and rubbing a hand in front of his face. “No, I just…”

“Everything all right?”

Ville shook his head. “Not really, I didn’t sleep at home last night and when I got back, she wasn’t there and she’s not at the flat either and it’s nearly two now.”

“I’ll ask Rose,” Jyrki said, Ville could hear Jyrki’s voice as he shouted for Rosalind, then heard Rosalind’s voice come near the speaker. “Hey, have you heard from Soya?”

“Not since after Christmas, why what’s up?”

“Ville’s just worried; he can’t seem to find her.”

“He can’t find her! They’re practically joined at the hip! Did the man try calling her?” Rosalind asked.

“Did you try calling?” Jyrki voiced.

“My cell phone….no, I haven’t.”

“He hasn’t.”

“All right, I’ll call.” Rosalind sighed.

“She’s calling Ville.”

“Yes, I heard.” Ville sighed, hating the play by play. “I think it would be much easier if you just put me on speaker Jyrki.”

“Sorry.” Jyrki muttered. “There, you’re on speaker.”

“Hey Ville, her phone is going straight to voicemail.” Rosalind said closer to the speaker, meaning she’d moved closer to Jyrki and the phone. “I’m sure she’s just running errands and her phone died. She was telling me the other day how you guys are trying to tie up loose ends before you leave in a couple days.”

“Yeah.” Ville nodded slowly. “It’s just she has the dog too.”

“She might have gone to Sipoo to visit Aida, Ville.” Rosalind chuckled.

“I’m sure there’s nothing to worry about Ville, she’s a big girl, I’m sure she can take care of herself.” Jyrki assured.

“I know that.” Ville snapped then winced. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to snap. I know she’s a big girl, I just…she usually leaves notes or something to let me know. She doesn’t just up and leave.”

“If you’re really that worried about her, you could probably track her car.” Rosalind said.

“What do you mean?” Ville asked.

“I mean, those rental cars have those GPS things on them so that the rental agency can track the car in case something happens to it. If you’re really worried about her, you could probably ask for it to be tracked.”

Ville winced. “Don’t you think that’s a bit extreme?”

“Hey, you’re the one in a near panic, when she could just be with Elli or Inka, or with her sister, or at her studio. Did you try any of those places?”

Ville blinked. “No.”

Rosalind sighed. “Look, try those places, if those turn up empty, go home. I’ll call the place she rented the car from and give you a call back if I get anything all right?”

“Yeah, that’s fine; uh…call me at my house phone.” Ville said. “My cell’s broken.”

“All right, give me about half an hour. If you hear from her before then, just give Jyrki a call.”

“Fine.” Ville hung up after haying his goodbyes. He did as Rosalind told him and called both Elli and Inka, though they both said they hadn’t heard from Soya since they’d all gotten together a few days before Christmas.

He’d asked Elli, who also worked at the studio, if she’d seen Soya at all, but Elli had told him that Soya had already set up her studio so she didn’t have to go in anymore. As far as the staff was concerned they answered to Elli herself or another senior dance teacher that Soya had appointed in charge. Their directions were that if there were any problems to e-mail Soya and she’d work on it remotely.

He didn’t call Sipoo, he’d been tempted to but he hadn’t wanted to worry Niina or Aida with the fact that no one had heard from Soya in more than a couple days and he hadn’t heard from her since he’d left the tower the day before. Instead he left the flat and started to lock up, before heading down the stairs.

Getting in the cab and directing the driver back to his tower, he sighed. He was sure she was just running errands and had taken the dog with her to get Austen out of the house. He was worrying unnecessarily because he felt guilty over their argument that was all.

Paying his fare once the cab reached his home, he trudged up the walk and unlocked his door. Kicking the snow off his shoes before walking inside, he shed his coat, gloves and beanie.

He headed up the stairs, walking back into the bedroom and sat at the edge of the bed, taking a look around again. This time he saw the small subtleties he missed the first time around. The drawers where Soya put her underwear were slightly open, when she usually kept them closed all the way. Some of the clothes on the floor had been pushed away, making a path from the bed to the closet.

Standing he looked at the closet and found one of her small suitcases missing from where they kept them on one of the closet shelves, and some of the hangers empty of Soya’s clothes. She’d packed, he thought, looking around again. She hadn’t packed everything, as her jewelry was still sitting on the dresser, the book she was in the middle of was still on the nightstand, and her most prized possessions, her shoes, were still sitting on the floor of their closet, but she had definitely packed.

Running a tired hand through his hair he tugged the ends, before turning towards the door when he heard the phone ring. Leaving the bedroom he rushed down the stairs and settled on the counter dragging the phone closer to him as he picked it up.

“Hei?” He asked, frowning when he saw a piece of paper with his name inside of a heart underneath the phone.

“Hey! So I got a hold of the car rental place.” Rosalind said causing Ville to forget about the piece of paper as he focused on what Rosalind was telling him.

“And?”

“Well first, you’re so lucky that Soya is my best friend and that I am one of the only people that has access to her personal information, such as her social security numbers and pretty much know all the answers to her security questions. I swear that girl is so predictable. Everyone chooses where they were born and favorite band as their security questions. Helsinki and HIM, in case you were wondering.”

“What did you find out Rose?” Ville asked, fingering the piece of paper.

“She turned her car in yesterday.”

“What do you mean she turned it in?”

“I mean she handed in the keys and left the car, the guy says she took a cab, that had already been called, from the car rental place.”

“Did she…did she have any luggage?”

“Why would she have luggage?” Rosalind asked.

“Did she?”

“I don’t know! I didn’t ask! Jyrki, you talk to him, he’s being an ass.”

Ville rolled his eyes as Rosalind passed the phone to Jyrki. “Is everything all right Ville?”

“Everything’s fine.”

“You asked if Soya took luggage with her….why would she have luggage?”

“Don’t worry about it.” Ville muttered, opening the folded piece of paper and reading the sentence that was written inside. “Tell Rosalind everything’s fine, she’s right.” Ville said his shoulders sagging as he reread the note. “She’s just tying up loose ends; I found a note underneath the phone.”

“All right, we’re all still on for tomorrow right?”

“Yeah.” Ville muttered, hanging up the phone and setting it down in its cradle, only to frown at the counter when he saw something glint in the corner of his eye. He moved around the counter, his hand still holding onto the note, until he found what was glinting. He picked it up, his heart in his throat and his stomach churning. In his hand was Soya’s engagement ring and a note that read:

‘Everyone thought it would be me to break your heart, who knew it’d be the other way around’

Friday December 31, 2010

“Ville!”

Ville blinked slowly, only to blink again when he found Linde standing in the middle of his home studio.

“How the fuck did you get in?”

“I have a key.” Linde reminded. “You ready?”

Ville stared at him. “For what?”

“It’s New Years Eve…”

Ville shrugged. “So?”

“Ville, we all talked about this months ago, we’re all going to Torni to watch the fireworks, we rented out the observation deck. Soya planned it, remember.”

“That isn’t until this evening.” Ville said, looking back at his notebook.

Linde stared at his friend, before crouching down in front of the coffee table and closing the notebook. “Ville, what time do you think it is?”

“It’s nearing one isn’t it?”

“More like nine.” Linde said, only to frown at his friend. “Weren’t you wearing that yesterday?”

“Look, I’m not going out tonight, Soya isn’t even here.” Ville muttered, leaving out the part where he was pretty sure Soya wasn’t even in Helsinki anymore.

“Yeah, I noticed, and I’m sure she’ll meet up with us. She’s just as excited about the fireworks as we are, so go change and come on. We’re going to be late.”

Ville stared at Linde before sighing and getting up. He knew better then to argue, he knew his friends wouldn’t leave him alone until they got what they wanted, and he wouldn’t get what he wanted until he did what he was told. It was a vicious cycle.

Changing into a long sleeve shirt and a cleaner pair of jeans, he grabbed his wallet from the counter and left his room, going down the stairs. Linde was already waiting for him with his coat, gloves, scarf and beanie. Putting on the clothing, he followed his friend out, locking the tower and getting into the backseat of the cab.

“Hey Ville.” Toni smiled.

“Hey.” Ville muttered.

“Are you going to be like this all night?” Linde asked with a frown. “Are you and Soya still fighting? I told you, it’s easier just to apologize for the shit you’ve done…”

“Linde, let it go.” Ville said quietly. “We’re fine.”

Linde looked over at his fiancé, who shrugged, as they both looked at Ville who was looking out the window. The ride was silent except for the whispers coming from the couple, even when they left the cab and went into the hotel, heading to the elevators that would lead them to the observation deck at the top of the building; Linde noticed that Ville fell behind.

“Do you think they’re still fighting?” Toni whispered.

Linde shrugged. “I don’t know I’ve never really seen them fight, so I have no idea what happened.”

Toni looked behind her shoulder to see Ville still following them, but seemed to be lost in his own head, which wasn’t odd for the singer, what was odd was that his other half wasn’t with him.

“I haven’t seen or heard from Soya in a while, I tried calling earlier to see what the plan for tonight was, but she didn’t pick up.”

“I’m sure she’s just at her flat.” Linde shrugged. “She’ll show up in a bit. She hasn’t seen the fireworks in Helsinki in nearly 14 years, there’s no way she’d miss this.”

Toni nodded, taking one last look at Ville before they reached the elevators. The minute they’d reached the observation deck they were greeted by the warm cheers of their friends that had already gathered. Linde turned to Ville, only to find he’d already separated from the group and was leaning against the railing looking over to the town square.

“What’s up with him?” Rosalind asked coming up to hug him.

“Uh, not sure.” Linde shrugged. “He’s been like that since we went to pick him up.”

Rosalind turned to her boyfriend with a smile. “Why don’t you go keep him company Jyrki?”

“Are you sure?”

“As long as you’re by my side at midnight, I’m fine. I’m sure Soya will show up any minute and bring him out of this funk.”

Jyrki nodded, kissing his girlfriend’s cheek, before walking over to Ville. “Hey, Happy New Years.”

“Still a couple of hours left.” Ville muttered.

“True. You all right?”

“I’m really getting tired of that question.” Ville said turning to Jyrki.

“I’m sure.” Jyrki nodded, grinning at his friend. “We haven’t seen you this unhappy since before Soya came into the picture, everything okay?”

Ville nodded. “Yeah, everything’s fine.”

Jyrki nodded. “I can tell you want to be alone, so I’ll leave you to it.”

“Thanks.”

Jyrki snorted and patted his friends back. “God, I hope Soya shows up soon, I forgot how much of a miserable bastard you are.”

Ville nodded, but didn’t give a laugh, causing Jyrki to frown but walk away from his friend and back to Rosalind’s side.

“What’s up?”

“He wants to be alone, so I’ll leave him be but I’ll keep my eye on him.”

Rosalind shrugged. “His prerogative if he wants to be miserable…should I call Soya see if she can hurry her ass up?”

Jyrki shook his head slowly. “No, it’s fine, she’ll show up.”

Rosalind nodded and turned back to the conversation she was having with Vedrana, Jyrki still frowning over at Ville. He replayed the conversation he had had with Ville over the phone the day before and couldn’t help but the nagging feeling in his gut that something had happened and Soya wasn’t coming.

Jyrki had been sitting around the table with his friends for a good twenty minutes; when he looked up from his conversation and looked over to where Ville had taken to sitting making sure his friend was still okay, only to find him gone.

“Hey, did you see where Ville went?” He asked, turning to Gas who was sitting beside him.

“He muttered something about using the restroom that was about fifteen minutes ago though” Gas said. “Hey, have you seen Soya?”

Jyrki shook his head and looked around the deck, not finding Ville’s tall form. “Rose, I’ll be right back.”

“Where are you going?” Rosalind asked.

“Just downstairs really quick, I’ll be back before midnight, sydämeni,” he kissed her forehead before pushing away from the table and making his way out of the deck. He checked the restroom on the floor they were on, only to find it empty. Deciding to check downstairs to see if the staff had seen him, he took the elevator down.

Sure enough, one of the girls had eagerly remembered Ville and told Jyrki that he’d gone towards the bar, but she hadn’t seen him walk out as of yet. She was hoping to catch him for an autograph on his way back to the elevators, though she did take the opportunity to ask Jyrki to sign her pad before she let him go to the bar.

Scanning the dark room, he frowned over what he thought was Ville. Walking over to the dark table in the corner, he found he was right, as he took in Ville’s slouched form and the full glass of beer in front of him.

“Planning on drinking that?” Jyrki asked, sliding into the chair in front of Ville.

“Thinking pretty damn hard about it.” Ville muttered.

“I don’t think Soya would be very happy with that.”

Ville shrugged. “Not up to her.”

Jyrki pushed the glass of beer to the side, causing Ville to look up at him. “Ville, what’s going on?”

Ville sighed, leaning back against his chair as he rubbed his face. “I think Soya left me.”

Jyrki blinked and leaned back in his own chair in shock. He’d been expecting ‘Soya and I fought’ as he’d gotten that much from the tidbit Linde had given him, he’d been expecting ‘I’m sleeping on the couch.’ Or even ‘Soya’s back at her flat’ not ‘I think she left me.’

“Why…I mean…she left you?”

Ville nodded. “One of her suitcases is gone, some of her clothes too, she’s taken her dog.” Ville leaned his elbows on the table. “I think I fucked up.”

“What the fuck happened Ville?”

“We fought, we met her mother for lunch and I don’t know. The woman said some pretty shitty things, but I was expecting it, didn’t get me any less pissed though, so we left.”

“All right.” Jyrki said slowly, trying to keep up with Ville’s fragmented story.

“I needed to calm down, I was pissed but Soya kept pushing and pushing and we fought. She said some shit and I told her to leave.”

“What?”

“I told her that I was going for a walk and when I came back I didn’t want her there but I mean, the woman is stubborn as fuck Jyrki and I didn’t think she’d actually leave! When I circled back to the tower her fucking car was still in the driveway. I didn’t feel like dealing with another fight so I called a cab and went out to the rehearsal space. When I came back home yesterday she wasn’t there.”

“That’s when you went to her flat, wasn’t it?”

“Everything was the same as how I had left it when Kat and Bam were here, I mean, nothing had been touched. So I thought, all right, when Soya wants to talk about our relationship and it’s not with me, who does she talk to?”

“And that’s when you called us.” Jyrki put together.

“No one’s seen her since Christmas Jyrki, so even if she has left Helsinki no one would know. The only people that she would tell that she was leaving would be Rosalind and obviously she hasn’t even told her.”

“What about Niina have you called her? Or talked to Aida?” Jyrki asked, knowing that even if she’d left Helsinki or Finland in general she’d be sure to tell her sister.

Ville shook his head. “I don’t want to worry them if they haven’t talked to her.”

“Have you called her?”

Ville shook his head, “I’m sure she’s left me Jyrki, and if she’s left me why the hell would she want to talk to me?”

“Ville you don’t know she’s left you. You’re taking all these things that you’ve found and you’re starting to panic. So she took a bit of clothes with her, that doesn’t mean she’s left.”

Ville shook his head. “She’s turned her car in, we weren’t going to do that until the night before we left for New York, we had everything planned Jyrki. Soya is fucking anal when she travels, she plans everything from the day before she leaves to when she arrives to where she’s going.”

“Ville-” Jyrki started, only for Ville to cut him off again.

“Her passport is gone too, we keep ours together now, when I went to go check, hers was gone.” Ville shook his head. “24 fucking hours without her and I’m a fucking mess.”

“Ville you have to calm down, you can’t panic about this. I’m positive she’s fine. Here I’ll call her, all right?”

Ville nodded watching as Jyrki dialed Soya’s number, but knew what was going to happen, as he had heard it had happened to all their friends that had tried to call her that day to see where she was. Sure enough the call went straight to her voicemail, which caused his gut to tighten.

“Ville it doesn’t mean anything.” Jyrki said quickly hanging the phone up. “Her phone could have died; she could have turned it off, she could still be in town and just thinking. Ville I seriously doubt she’s left you, you have to believe that. You can’t throw nearly five years of sobriety away for something you’re not even sure over.”

“I kept staring at the beer,” Ville muttered. “And all I kept thinking while I was staring at it was that Soya would be so disappointed if she came back and found me back where I was five years ago. I’ve been through break-up’s before Jyrki, but this one hurts the most.”

Jyrki shook his head. “Ville you haven’t broken up. She hasn’t left you, but if you keep up with this fucking attitude she sure as hell will. You can’t just give up at the first sign of trouble. She’ll show up and you guys will talk all right?”

Ville sighed and rubbed his face, before running his hand through his hair. “I fucking hate this.”

“I know, come on, let’s go back upstairs.”

Ville nodded, pushing himself off the chair and following Jyrki out of the bar.

“Ah, fair warning the receptionist is going to stop you to ask for your autograph, be nice and don’t snap at her, not her fault you’re having relationship woes.”

Ville gave a snort as they walked towards the elevators; sure enough one of the receptionists stopped him and asked him for his autograph. He forced what he thought was a polite smile, though he felt like it came out more of a grimace as he signed his name next to Jyrki’s before excusing himself and following Jyrki the rest of the way to the elevators.

“See, not that hard.” Jyrki teased, patting Ville’s arm.

“I really don’t feel like partaking in the group.” Ville said as they got onto the elevator. “I don’t want to hear them questioning where Soya is.”

Jyrki nodded. “All right.”

“Just…if they ask, just say she’s with her sister.”

“Sure.” Jyrki nodded as the elevators opened to their floor. They walked through the door together, Jyrki watched as Ville went back over to the railing, falling into the chair he’d placed there, staring out over the edge watching the gathering mass of people on the ground who were eagerly awaiting the fireworks.

Jyrki looked back at the group of friends, before looking at his watch. They had a good hour before the clock struck midnight, which meant Rosalind didn’t expect him for another forty five minutes. Grabbing a chair, he drug it over next to Ville and sat down causing Ville to turn to him.

“If you’re going to be miserable there’s no sense in letting you do it alone.” Jyrki told him.

“Rosalind’s going to bitch.”

Jyrki shrugged. “As long as I’m there to kiss her at midnight, she’ll be fine.”

Ville nodded slowly. “You know I had a plan for New Years.”

“Yeah?” Jyrki asked looking over at his friend.

“I got a room for us.”

“That’s romantic Ville, but I’m really not into you that way.” Ville cracked a smile causing Jyrki to laugh. “Glad to see you smiling again Ville.”

Ville shook his head, the smile slipping from his face again. “I got a room for Soya and me. She complains when I do shit like that, but I can tell she likes it. I don’t get romantic to often with her, so when I do, I know she loves it.”

“I bet you were going to go all out.” Jyrki said, looking over at Ville, who nodded in agreement.

“It’s stupid you know.”

“What is?”

“The fight we had, it was about money.”

Jyrki raised an eyebrow. “Really?”

“It was so stupid,” Ville repeated looking away from the crowd below and over at Jyrki. “We usually tease each other about it; I mean between my career and Soya’s, from what I’ve saved and from what she’s saved, we’re pretty well off. I mean enough so that we don’t have to worry about things, so money has never been an issue, other then combining our bank accounts it’s not something we’ve ever talked about seriously. We know how much we’re worth financially and even then we could give a shit.”

“So what happened?”

“Her fucking mother happened.” Ville shook his head looking back over the crowd. “That woman has a fucking talent for getting into people’s heads; it bothers me that I let her get to me, even though I’ve told Soya a million times not to listen to her. It bothers me that the insecure part of me, the part that I thought I’d gotten rid of years ago, actually had the fucking guts to tell me that woman may be right and I fucking hate that Soya caught onto that.”

“She’s your other half Ville, she’s meant to sense things like that.”

“I love her to death, you know.” Ville said with a bitter laugh. “Fucking love her, but sometime I hate that I’ve helped her grow so much. I hate that I think how our conversation would have gone differently had Soya just let me speak for her at that lunch table, how our argument wouldn’t have even happened had she been the old Soya, she would have just let me be and I wouldn’t have yelled.”

“But would you have respected her? I mean, yeah, you would still love her Ville, but would you really respect that person over the person she’s turned out to be?”

Ville sighed. “No, not to say I didn’t respect the old her, but…no, I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if I walked all over her. I love that she stands up for herself, can’t believe she actually threw something at me and shoved at me.”

Jyrki raised an eyebrow. “Some fight you guys had.”

Ville shook his head and stood up. “I know she’s left me Jyrki, I really fucked up.”

Jyrki shook his head. “You’re assuming again Ville.”

“No, I say it because I know.” Ville said with a nod of quiet acceptance as he stuffed his hands in his pockets. “I’m going to head out, I’ll see you later Jyrki.”

“Ville stay, I’ll drive you back home after the fireworks.”

Ville looked over at the couples that made up his friends before shaking his head. “No, I think I’m going to go home. I’ll be fine.” Ville held out his hand, Jyrki frowning and reaching up to shake it, only to come away with something in his hand. He looked down at his hand to see a piece of paper with something inside of it, when he looked back up Ville was already walking out the door.

Looking back down at the paper, he unfolded it, only to sigh when Soya’s engagement ring tumbled out and the words on the paper popped out at him.

“Fuck.” He muttered, standing up and stuffing the ring and paper in his pocket just as Rosalind skipped over to him.

“Hey you,” she frowned at the empty chair. “Where did Ville go?”

“Uh…he went to meet up with Soya.” Jyrki lied. “She called and said she was heading back home.”

“Where was she? I miss her.” Rosalind pouted.

“I guess she decided to spend time with her sister.”

Rosalind nodded. “Well, I’m glad Ville and Soya will still get to spend a bit of New Year’s Eve together.”

Jyrki nodded, letting Rosalind take him by the hand and drag him back towards their friends.

Ville leaned back in the chair outside of the balcony of the room he’d gotten for himself and Soya. He watched the horizon where he knew the fireworks were going to go off and smiled wearily when he heard the crowd below start to count down. At the sound of one, he heard the cheers and watched the fireworks that both he and Soya had missed out on for years.

He couldn’t help but wonder where she was, if she was in New York, would she be watching the fireworks with Josef, would she miss the fact that she wasn’t in Helsinki or with him?

Shaking his head, he took a drag of his water before standing up and moving inside.

“Happy New Years Soya.” He muttered before falling onto the bed and falling asleep to the sound of the fireworks outside his window.

Wednesday January 5, 2011

Ville looked up from his guitar and notebook with a frown and over to the door that was being banged on. Running a hand through his tangled hair, he frowned over at the clock near the TV and saw that it was nearing five in the afternoon. Last time he’d actually looked at the clock it’d been half past one, he train of thought was lost when he heard the banging on his door again.

Getting up with a sigh, he set his guitar on the couch and went over to his door, opening a crack to see who it was, only to open it wider when he saw Linde and Mige on the other side.

“Good, you guys are here, I was going to call you later and see if you could come over.” Ville said letting them in. “Mige, go grab one of the bass’s from upstairs.”

“We’re not here for that Ville.” Mige said with a weary smile. “Linde told me that you and Soya had a fight awhile ago.”

Ville blinked. “So?”

“So, you let me believe that it was some small spat Ville.” Linde said motioning Ville back into his living room. “Sit, we want to talk to you.”

Ville sat, picking his guitar up and setting it so it was standing against the couch. “What did you want to talk to me about?”

“How long has Soya been fucking gone?” Mige asked.

Ville shrugged, looking at the spot above his friend’s head. “Week now.”

“And since that week how many people have you told that she broke up with you?” Linde asked.

Ville frowned, this time looking at Linde. “I never used the word ‘break up’ and I’ve only told two people.”

“Who were?” Mige prompted.

“Jyrki and Bam.”

“Why in the world would you tell Bam you guys broke up?” Linde sighed sitting on the edge of the coffee table in front of Ville.

“Bam asked how Soya and I were, I told him she left me and that was it, I never used the term broke up.”

“And you told him she left you, because you found this on your kitchen counter?” Mige asked digging through his pocket and producing Soya’s ring.

“Where did you get that?” Ville asked sitting straighter in his seat.

“We got it back from Jyrki, since it didn’t fucking belong to him.” Mige said laying the ring on the coffee table.

“Yeah, it belongs to me and I gave it to Jyrki.”

“No.” Linde said forcefully glaring at his friend. “It fucking belongs to Soya.”

“She left it here!”

“Ville, please explain to me why you think Soya left you.” Linde said. “Please, just take me through your fucking logic as to why the woman who practically lives for you just up and left you.”

“Because I told her to leave!”

“And you think because you told her to leave in a fit of anger she would?” Mige asked with a frown.

“She did, didn’t she?” Ville asked waving his hands around his tower. “She hasn’t fucking come home in a week, she hasn’t fucking called.”

“Because your cell phone is broken and you haven’t gotten a new one, you asshole!” Linde yelled standing up and glaring at his friend. “She called me in tears, Ville, tears! Wondering why the fuck her dick of a fiancé hasn’t called her back.”

Ville blinked. “Wait…what?”

“She’s been calling your cell phone.” Mige said quietly.

“She could have called the house phone.” Ville whispered. “I’ve been…”

Linde cut him off by snorting and moving over to his kitchen counter. “Soya knows you a lot better than you think Ville, she knows that when you start working…” Linde reached over and grabbed this disconnected phone cord. “You unplug. She thought the best way to reach you was your cell.”

“But…”

“Get you head out of your fucking ass and out of the fucking notebook, rejoin the real world and check your fucking messages.” Linde said, throwing a phone over to Ville. “Seppo got you a new phone, make sure to call him and let him know you’re alive, he’s worried as well.” Linde muttered before leaving the tower with a slam of a door.

“You know,” Mige said with a sigh. “For arguing so strongly to Linde that you and Soya were ready to get married, actions like this are just weakening your case. If this is how you’re going to deal with your fucking problems Ville, maybe you guys aren’t ready to get married.” Mige shrugged.

“Did you talk to her?” Ville whispered before Mige left.

“She’s fucking destroyed Ville. We ended up having to talk to Josef because she ended up having a panic attack.”

Ville scrubbed a hand over his face. “I didn’t…”

“You didn’t do a lot of things Ville.” Mige said. “You should start with checking your messages.” With that said Mige left the tower leaving Ville alone with his thoughts and new phone.

Ville scrubbed a tired hand over his face and up through his hair, before looking at the iPhone that was sitting near his leg. A definite change from the little pink Motorola flip phone he’d broken, picking it up, he turned it on and watched as it loaded.

Leaning against the couch, he watched as the phone beeped repeatedly as it let him know that he had new messages of both the voicemail and text variety. Once the phone stopped beeping he looked down at the count and winced.

15 Voicemails
23 Missed Calls
47 Text Messages

He opened his missed call list and found the while ten of them were from Soya, he also had a good amount from Seppo, some people from the record company and some other friends that he’d promised to contact after New Years.

“Shit.” He muttered, looking at his texts, and found the same thing, only a couple were from Soya as they both preferred talking on the phone with each other rather than conversing via text. But he did have a good amount from Seppo, most of them consisting of the ‘are you alive?’ variety, along with the ‘we need to talk’ kind of text messages.

Rubbing his forehead he decided he would get business out of the way and then he would listen to his voicemails. So he called Seppo back and had a long conversation with his manager that lasted longer than Ville thought it would. After talking to the man for a good hour and a half, he made his way down the list of missed calls. He talked to the people from the record company for another hour before he was able to get off the phone and was reminded as to why he’d put off getting a new phone.

By the time he’d gotten back to most of everyone on his missed call list, he went through the text messages, a few were from Bam, another bunch were from his band mates who had probably forgotten he’d broken his phone, while the rest of the batch were from friends asking him how he was and how his holidays had been. He responded to some, didn’t bother with others.

Only two of the text messages belonged to Soya. One of them read. ‘Here’ while the other read ‘Miss you’ which made his heart clench at just how royally he’d fucked up. He stared at the voicemail icon on the phone, his finger hovering over it before shaking his head and setting the phone on the table. He reached over and grabbed the engagement ring before lying back on the couch, bringing the ring up to look at it.

He wasn’t ready to hear her voice, he missed the sound of it, he wouldn’t deny that. He missed the soft lilting of it, the huskiness of her voice when she first woke up, the near sultriness of it when she was tired and falling asleep.

He missed her in their bed, her fingers running up and down his chest as she whispered to him, their odd version of pillow talk as they spilled little secrets about themselves that they hadn’t told anyone. He missed holding her at his side as they fell asleep, only to find her half on top of him when he woke up.

He missed how they would eat at the kitchen counter or at the table together, talking about their separate days. He missed how she would try to peek into his notebooks to see what he was writing or how she would show him the new sketches or dances she’d been working on.

But most of all he missed that she was the one person in the world that needed him as much as he needed her and he’d let that person down. He couldn’t handle hearing her voice, apologetic or accusing he wasn’t sure and he didn’t want to know, but he knew whatever it was, he wasn’t ready to hear it.

So instead he put the ring back on the table, slipped onto the floor and opened his notebook, grabbing the guitar that sat next to him and settling on his lap. He would retreat into his world of music and hopefully would find the courage to listen to her voice.

Friday January 7, 2011

He found himself staring at his ceiling, his arms crossed behind his head as he tried to find sleep. It was the first night he’d actually slept in his bed, or at least tried to, as he’d been finding sleep in his home studio or downstairs in his living room. He found that sleeping on the bed, while much more comfortable physically, was uncomfortable mentally.

The pillows still smelled of her shampoo, the sheets still smelled of her soap and it depressed him. So he stared up at the ceiling, hoping to find peace so he could sleep. After half an hour of still staring, he started to get out of bed, only to stop when his phone started buzzing on the nightstand.

Who the hell would call him at two in the morning? Grabbing his phone, he froze when he saw Soya’s name on the caller ID. His finger hovered on the answer button, only for the phone to stop ringing. He stared at his phone as her name disappeared and went back to being locked, but beeped nearly a minute later showing him an added message to his voicemail.

Swallowing harshly, he did the thing he’d been putting off since he’d gotten his new phone and dialed his voicemail. Putting in his password he put the phone up to his ear and listened as the recording told him that he had 16 new messages and prompted him to the first. He smiled weakly when he heard Soya’s rushed voice.

Damn, I must have just missed you, listen, I got I call from Josef, I have to go back to New York early, it’s a long story which I’ll tell you once you call me back. I know you’re still mad, and you have every right to be, but I would really like it if you came to New York. I know it’s earlier than anticipated but I would really like you over there. Anyway, I have to go, my flight is being called, I’ll call you when I land. Ville…I love you, just…know that all right? Bye.

He pressed his fingers against his eyes as he heard the second message

Hey, I’m home with Josef, I sent you a message when I landed to let you know I got here all right…which now that I think about you’ve probably gotten. Just to update you, I never got my dance rehearsal schedule and apparently it was sent out the day after Christmas, we had a mandatory meeting the 28th and when I never showed Josef called to ask where I was. I’m going on Monday to figure out what’s going on since Rebecca and Ben are both out of town for New Years. I guess I could have just told you all this when you called me back…

He heard her quiet sigh and the static of silence before she started talking again.

I hate being here without you, I hope you choose to come and meet me. I’ve only been here a few hours and I already miss you. I get it if you’re still angry; I just wish we could talk about it instead of me talking to your damn phone. I just…I love you Ville. Call me back…oh! And I have Austen with me!

He heard the beep of the end of the message before another came on and Soya’s quiet sigh was heard over the sound of loud talking before it quieted down and only Soya’s voice was heard.

I’m assuming you’re screening your phone calls and I’m the one your avoiding, which I guess given the circumstances I can understand. I um…Josef dragged me out to this New Years Eve party with some of the other dancers and I thought now would be a good time to talk to you…or your voicemail I guess. I…um…I had a lot of time to think on the plane, about us, about the fight, abut that idiotic conversation we had with my mother and I just…god Ville I’m so sorry.

He heard her voice crack and felt his own heart clench painfully as he heard her sharp intake of breath, trying to get a hold of herself before she continued talking

I’m not taking all the blame, I can’t…no, I won’t. We both know that we had an equal share in our argument, so I’ll apologize wholeheartedly for my half. I’m sorry I dragged you to that lunch with my mother, I’m sorry I didn’t drop the subject when we got home, I’m sorry that I pushed you into fighting. I’m sorry that I was looking for a fight myself. I’m sorry, Ville, that I said what I said to you, about you believing what my mother said deep down. I’m just…so sorry.

I’m not going to say it’s because my mother got into my head, because it wasn’t. I hated that you wouldn’t talk to me. That all of sudden our roles were reversed and you were the one keeping your anger and emotions held in. I hated not knowing where your anger was stemming from, and I hate that you left the tower not knowing what I told my mother.

You said I didn’t defend you, I did. I told my mother that money wasn’t even on the list of reasons we love each other let alone any of the reasons we’re getting married. I told her that I don’t care about what career you have, I would love you no matter what job you had, even if you were still working at your fathers shop. I love you because of the person you are inside and not because of what you choose to do for a living. I-

Ville frowned when the message cut off only for his phone to lead him to the next, only to give a quiet laugh when he heard her cursing.

Damn voicemail cut me off. Anyway, I was saying that I don’t want you to think that I let my mother get away with what she said but I also don’t want you thinking that I believed any of it. I could care less if we were filthy rich or struggling to make ends meet, I could care less how much you make or the amount I have in my accounts. Ville, I love you because of who you’ve helped me become, because for the first time in my life I’ve found where I belong.

Being here in New York…I realized I didn’t miss it, I missed Josef, but I didn’t miss this city at all. I find myself missing you, missing our friends, missing waking up to you in the mornings and falling asleep with you at night and I miss our tower, because it’s still our tower Ville, I could care less if you asked me to leave. I had no intention of leaving that day, I was going to wait you out.

He heard her give a laugh, before she continued.

I was picking out lingerie when I got the phone call, hoping to seduce the anger out of you. God it was so stupid. I miss you Ville, and I’m sorry if you’re still angry. Just know that I love you and I miss you and I hope to hear your voice soon.

He was about to hang up the phone, only to stop when the next message came on.

I’m a bit tipsy, I won’t lie. Josef made me drink since I wouldn’t tell him where you were or why you weren’t calling or why my phone wasn’t attached to my ear like it was when you were on tour. I told him everything and I miss you Ville. So much. I…god so much shit happened today and all I kept thinking throughout the day was that I needed to call you.

I needed you to tell me that everything was going to be okay. I needed you here and you weren’t. I can’t even talk to you because you’re still not picking up your god damn phone and I just…god, I’m sorry Ville. I’m so sorry. I can’t stand you being angry at me anymore, I can’t…god and then Bam and I just ...I need you so much right now. I need you tell me what to do because I have no idea anymore, I don’t know where to go from here and right now you’re the one I want to talk to. Josef doesn’t get it…I just…please Ville call me back. Please.

Not being able to hear anymore, he hung up his phone and set it carefully back on the nightstand before burying his face in his hands and letting his shoulders shake as he cried. He’d fucked up; he should have listened to the messages days ago. Hell, he should have forgone the messages and just called her back.

“I should have just called.” He muttered to himself. He’d been regretting their damn fight since he’d figured out she’d left, and had been sorry for a lot of their fight when he’d woken up the morning after.

He should have just called, talked to her and flown out to New York to be with her, but instead he’d avoided the issues that were obviously there and now he couldn’t even bare to hear her apologetic voice when it was so fucking obvious that she had nothing to be sorry for.

Signing he stood up, wiping his cheeks and went back downstairs. He couldn’t stay in bed; he couldn’t stay in their bed. So he sat out on the couch and stared out one of the windows trying to figure out what the hell to do, because at this point, he was at a fucking loss.

Saturday January 15, 2011

“Why do I have to go again?” Ville groaned as he pulled a dress coat on over his button down shirt and ran a hand through his still shower wet hair.

“Because we haven’t seen you in nearly a week in a half, you need to get out of this fucking tower and because my fiancé is excited to have a dinner party.” Linde answered. “And because I’m still pissed at you for making Soya cry and this is your way to make it up to me.”

Ville winced; he still hadn’t called Soya back. He’d been meaning too, he dialed her number every day, but found his finger hovering over the call button. He still hadn’t come up with a satisfactory apology and because of that he kept putting it off, even though in the back of his head he knew that putting off calling her only made the situation worse.

“You really need to call her back.” Linde muttered.

“Trust me, I’m working on it.” Ville muttered back following Linde out of the bedroom, making sure he had his wallet and keys before they walked out of the tower. Ville locked up before ducking into the cab after Linde. “You know, you didn’t have to come and pick me up, I would have made it out there on my own.”

“About three hours to late and probably reeking of cigarette smoke from the past week. I thought you’d quit smoking.”

“I didn’t really quit.” Ville admitted. “More like I had better things to do with my hands then hold a cigarette in them.”

Linde frowned and looked at Ville. “What?”

“Soya, she was in my hands.” Ville said with a weary smile.

“Oh, right.” Linde chuckled. “So you picked it back up?”

“Not as much.” Ville admitted. “I’m still working on the same pack I bought a week ago.”

“Impressive.” Linde said with a nod as the cab took them out of Helsinki and into the outskirts of the city, further into the country where he and Toni lived.

Ville nodded; really he only smoked right before he went to bed, as that was when his anxiety tended to show up. He wouldn’t even make it through a full cigarette before he would put it out and lay in bed, lying on Soya’s side, before falling asleep.

“Seppo said you’ve been working on new stuff.”

“Just stuff here and there, nothing to concrete.” Ville shrugged. “I’m trying not to push you guys with new martial when you’re all getting ready to tour in the next couple of weeks. So I’ve just been messing around really.”

“You have a block don’t you?” Linde asked, looking over at Ville with a raised eyebrow.

“No, trust me; I’m a never-ending fountain of fucking lyrics and music at the moment.” Ville admitted. “Heartache tends to do that to a man.”

“Oh, I know.” Linde chuckled. “Let’s see if we can cure you of that.”

“Good luck.” Ville muttered, as the cab parked in front of the gate that surrounded Linde’s home. They got out, Linde paying the fare, as they walked through the gate and up to the door. Ville looked at the cars that were parked and frowned over a brand new looking car that he hadn’t seen before; it was a deep blue four door Audi Q5. “Whose car is that?”

“Just a friends of Toni’s, why?”

Ville shrugged as he followed Linde through the door. “Soya use to drive an Audi.”

Linde snorted. “Ville, at this point anything and everything is going to remind you of Soya and how much you fucked up.”

“Thanks Linde.”

“Anytime.”

Ville shook his head as he followed Linde through the house and into the living room, finding the rest of the guys sitting watching TV.

“Where are the other halves?” Ville asked sitting next to Mige on the couch.

“Kitchen.” Mige answered. “They’re talking while they fix dinner.”

Ville nodded, as he looked at the TV where the guys were watching a recap of the hockey game that had aired earlier that day. He listened while they talked putting in his own opinion when he felt like he had something worth saying.

“Hey, Linde anything to drink?” Ville asked a good twenty minutes later.

“In the kitchen.” Linde said gesturing towards the doorway that would lead to the dining room and kitchen. Ville nodded getting up off the couch and moving towards the door only for Vedrana, Toni and Natali to exit just as he was about to go in.

“Hey Ville!” Toni greeted, kissing his cheek.

“Hey,” Ville said nodding at the woman. “Linde said you had a friend over?”

“Ah! I do.” Toni laughed. “She’s still in the kitchen if you want to say ‘hi’ to her, she’s a sweetheart.”

“Uh…sure.” Ville said slowly, watching and the woman laughed as they walked into the living room. Pushing the door open, he bumped into someone coming out, causing them to back up, their short hair flying in front of their face at they stumbled. “God, sorry.” Ville said as the person righted themselves, pushing the bangs of her hair back and looking up at him with wide eyes.

“Hi.” She whispered.

Ville blinked as he stared at her in disbelief. “Hi.”