Scream Me a Dream

Friday October 15, 2010
3:45 am

“Would you have told me?” Soya asked quietly as she stared out the window of the town car, watching Helsinki fly by.

“Told you what?”

Soya turned slowly and looked at her mother. “Anything.” Soya said in disbelief. “Would you have told me anything about my father had I not come home? Had I not figured it out or seen it for myself?” Soya continued to stare at her mother, shaking her head in shocked amazement as her mother turned away and stayed silent. “I can’t believe you.”

“Get out of the car Soya.” Elizabeth said tersely as the car came to a stop in front of Soya’s building.

“My pleasure.” Soya muttered, gathering her things, before scoffing and tossing the black little ring box into her mother’s lap. “Keep it.”

Soya got out of the car, ignoring the falling drizzles of the first snow fall of winter and walking into her building without any parting words to Nathan who looked at her sadly. She started up the steps of the building towards her floor, only to find herself stopping half way and sitting on the steps feeling her breathing labor as she felt the tears start to build up.

Leaning her elbows on her knees, she pressed her palms to her eyes trying to keep the tears in, she’d been so good throughout the night not to break, and she’d be damned if she broke in a stairwell two floors below her apartment.

“God.” She groaned, kicking off her heels and throwing them down the flight of stairs in frustration as she buried her hands in her hair, trying to take deep breaths and focus on that instead of what had happened in the last six hours.

Grabbing the banister and pulling herself up, she started up the steps slowly. Finally reaching her floor only to deflate when she realized that her clutch was sitting on the steps of the stairwell and her keys were in her purse.

Sighing she leaned her forehead against the wood, her hand reaching for the knob, only to stumble in when it turned underneath her fingers and she landed on a hard chest.

“Soya! Christ, where the fuck have you been?”

Soya looked up and saw Ville’s worried gaze looking back at her. “Oh.” She squeaked.

“Soya?” Ville asked.

“You’re all here.” She whispered, straightening and looking behind Ville with wide eyes when she saw all her friends standing in her living room, watching her.

“You told us to be here,” Ville reminded her, causing her to look back up at him. “You were supposed to be back at ten Soya. Where have you been?”

“You guys need to leave.” She said with a frown, pulling away from Ville. “I just…you need to leave.”

“Monada?” Rosalind asked. “Are you okay?”

“You all just…” She started walking towards the hallway, ignoring her friends. “Please, just leave.”

“Hey, hey.” Jyrki said, stopping her on her way into the hall. “Talk to us.”

“No, no.” she said trying to side step away from him. “I need you all to…just please, leave me alone.”

“Soya, you’re barefoot, you don’t have Ville’s jacket or your wrap on and your purse isn’t with you. What the hell happened?” Linde questioned, walking over to stand behind his friend. “Ville said you went to go see your father after dinner.”

Soya shook her head. “Everyone needs to leave, now.”

“Soya.” Ville said his voice low as he touched his girlfriend’s hand, only for her to pull it away. “Hey…”

“No.” she said shaking her head. “No, just please, just…leave.” She pushed past Jyrki and slammed the door to her bathroom, leaving everyone staring at it in shock.

“Should we leave?” Burton asked softly.

Linde stared at the door, before nodding slowly. “I think that would probably be best.”

“Like hell I’m leaving.” Ville argued looking at his blonde friend.

“Ville,” Linde sighed. “She’s obviously upset about something; do you really want to push it tonight?”

“You know how she gets.” Mige continued. “She’ll deal with it on her own, and then she’ll go to you to talk it out.”

“This is obviously different.” Ville pointed out.

“Ville.” Rosalind said softly, causing Ville to turn to her. “I think you should leave her be for tonight. We’ll all come back in the morning.”

“You all think this?” Ville asked, looking around at his friends.

Jussi shrugged, “You really think she’s going to talk to you like this? She could barely look at any of us.”

“Ville, we’ll come back.” Jyrki assured.

Ville shook his head. “Fine, get me out of here before I break the fucking door.” He muttered, following his friends out of the apartment, Linde locking the door once everyone was out.

“She probably just had an argument with her mother.” Linde said quietly as he and Ville walked down the steps behind their friends. “You know that right?”

“She’s never like that after an argument with her mother though.” Ville said back. “She’s quiet, reserved, yes, but she’s seeks comfort, she doesn’t walk away from it.”

“Maybe this one was different.” Linde shrugged.

“Whose purse is this?”

Ville and Linde looked down to see Jussi holding up a purse while Mige picked up Soya’s wrap from the stairs.

“I found her shoes.” Rosalind said picking up the heels at the bottom of the landing.

Ville shook his head. “Fuck it.”

“Ville.” Linde called as Ville turned back towards the apartment.

“I’m not letting this go Linde.” Ville sighed, leaning against the wall of the staircase. “But I won’t push either I just…I need to be there.”

Linde stared at Ville before nodding. “Go on then; I know there’s no stopping you at this point.”

“Might as well take her things up with you.” Rosalind said, taking the clutch and wrap from Jussi and Mige, handing them to Ville along with Soya’s heels.

“We’ll be back in the morning.” Jyrki said.

“Jyrki, you don’t have-” Ville started, not wanting his friend to spend his birthday worrying about Soya.

“I want to.” Jyrki assured cutting Ville off. “She’s my friend too, just as she worries about me, I worry about her, we’ll be back.”

Ville nodded silently, turning around and climbing up the steps to Soya’s apartment, taking his keys out of his pocket and unlocking the door. Silence greeted him as he closed the door behind him and set Soya’s things on the couch. Running his hand over his face, he went towards her room, knowing she locked the bathroom door coming in through the hall, but not her bedroom.

Opening the bathroom door quietly, he peeked in, only to lean against the door jamb with a sigh when he caught sight of Soya sitting in the bathtub, which was slowly filling up. Her knees were brought up to her bare chest, her cheek resting on her knees, her eyes turned toward the wall. Her dress was lying in a puddle on the ground, with the lacy white boy shorts she had been wearing underneath and two nude colored patches.

“Should have known you’d come back.”

Ville looked away from her clothing, back over at his nude girlfriend, her grey eyes staring at him. “I was going to come back in the morning, but we found your things in the stairwell, it didn’t sit right with me.” He answered with a shrug.

“If you came back to get me to talk, I’m not going to.”

Ville walked further into the bathroom, crouching down next to the tub and running his hand over her hair. “I know you’re not going to talk, I just didn’t want you to be alone.”

She turned her head away from him to stare at the wall again. “Can you do me a favor then?”

“Of course.”

“Can you…can you get rid of the dress?”

Ville frowned, looking down at the dress that lay on the ground, then back at Soya. “Get rid of it?”

“Put it in a bag and throw it away.” She muttered, before straightening slightly and taking off her ring and handing it to him. “Here”

“Soya.” Ville sighed, watching as she unclasped the necklace around her neck.

“This too.” She whispered, holding the necklace he’d given her earlier out to him.

“So-”

“Please.”

Ville took the necklace from her fingers, hiding the hurt he felt before gathering up her dress from the floor, along with the underwear. “What are these?” he asked, fingering the two sticky patches that lay on the floor.

“Couldn’t wear a bra with my dress.” Soya muttered.

Ville raised an eyebrow. “All right?”

Soya sighed. “They go on my breasts to keep my nipples covered; just throw them away.”

Ville stared at the back of her head for a minute before blowing out a breath, telling himself to have patience and not shake any information out of her. He picked everything off the floor before leaving the bathroom and heading towards the kitchen. There, he grabbed a plastic bag and stuffed the dress inside, along with the boy shorts and ring. He hesitated on the necklace, staring at the teardrop diamond that hung from the chain, before he stuffed it in his pocket, pushing away the hurt, like he had done in the bathroom, into the corner of his mind.

He went back into the living room, emptied out Soya’s clutch onto the couch, before putting the clutch and wrap, along with the heels into the bag. He tied the bag, but instead of going back to the kitchen to throw it away as Soya asked, he went back to the bedroom, kneeling down in front of his duffle and stuffing the bag deep inside it, underneath his clothes.

He couldn’t help the sigh that escaped his lips as he rubbed his face tiredly running his hand through his hair. He ached to help Soya; he finally understood what both Josef and Soya had meant when they had told him she retreated inside herself. He wanted to pull her out, wanted her to open up and just tell him what the fuck was wrong. It killed him to know that there was nothing he could do or say to help her until she was good and ready.

Shaking his head, he stood back up and went back to the bathroom, turning off the water to the tub, causing Soya to look at him.

“It’s going to overflow.” He muttered sitting on the floor with his back against the tub. They sat silently, the only sound filling the bathroom was the water as it moved back and forth in the tub.

“I’m sorry.” Soya whispered, her fingers combing through his hair causing him to turn. He saw her resting her chin on the tub watching him.

“It’s fine.”

“It’s not.” She muttered with a slight shake of her head. “You’re so good to me Ville.”

Ville just leaned his head back against the lip of the tub and watched her, not sure what to say to the statement.

“Sometimes I don’t know whether I deserve you or not.” She said quietly.

Ville frowned at her. “Why?

Soya sniffed, her bare shoulders coming up from out of the water to shrug. “You’re so…open.” She said quietly. “I don’t know how you bare with me.”

“A lot of patience Soya.” Ville answered, turning away from her to stare at the ceiling. “Everyone’s worried about you.”

“They shouldn’t be.”

Ville thought back to what Jyrki had said in the hall and repeated it to Soya. “They worry for you, as you worry for them.”

Soya stayed silent, her fingers moving around in the water, Ville turned to look at her, only to see tears slipping from her eyes.

“Oh Soya.” He whispered, turning to cup her cheek, wiping the tears away with his thumb.

She pulled away slightly, letting his hand drop into the water, wiping her own cheeks. “I don’t want to cry; I’ve been so good about not crying.”

“Sometimes it’s good to cry.”

“I don’t want to.” Soya said, adamantly shaking her head. “It’s not worth it to cry right now.”

“Soya.”

“No.” she said with a shake of her head, looking back at him. “No.”

Ville nodded slowly, watching her carefully. “All right then.”

Soya blew out a slow breath as she ran a hand through her hair, before frowning at him. “Why are you sitting on the floor?”

Ville blinked at her. “Because it’s better than standing.” He said slowly.

“No, I mean, why aren’t you in here with me?”

Ville shook his head. “Not tonight Soya.”

“Ville.”

Ville closed his eyes trying hard to resist the soft tone of her voice, that pleading tone. “Don’t tempt me.”

He felt her move closer, her lips brushing lightly against the side of his neck, before nipping his earlobe, “What if I want to tempt you?”

Ville groaned. Part of him, the little angel on his shoulder, told him to not turn around, to keep his eyes closed and head forward, but the other part of him, the devil on his shoulder, the man in him wanted, no, needed to turn around.

Sure enough the devil that sat grinning on his shoulder won, as he turned his head grasping at Soya’s cheeks and capturing her lips with his, causing a gasp to escape her lips. Her hands grasped at his shirt pulling it up as he knelt in front of the tub.

“Fucking bastard.” Ville muttered as he pulled away from Soya to pull his shirt off.

“What?” Soya asked wide eyed, watching as he stood, unsnapping his jeans and sliding them off.

“Nothing.” Ville muttered, not sure himself whether he was talking to himself or the damn shoulder devil. He got into the tub behind Soya, his legs on either side of her as she turned, kneeling in front of him.

“Soya.” He whispered as their lips attached again, his hands grasping at her waist pulling her closer so their bare chests pushed together. He felt her hands roam his chest, never staying still as they ran slowly up and down, dipping lower with each turn down.

“You were amazing tonight, you know that?” Soya murmured against his neck as she moved her lips down.

“Was I?” he asked, his own hand roaming up and down her ribs, his palms brushing the sides of her breasts.

“So wonderful.” She said, her lips skimming slowly down his chest, her thumbs skimming the Heartagram that lay on his pelvic bone, causing a rush of air to escape his lips when her fingers dipped underneath the hem of his boxers that he’d kept on.

His hand quickly trapped hers before she went even lower, both their breathing ragged as she looked up at him in surprise.

“Ville?”

“You’re not all right.” He whispered, closing his eyes and leaning his forehead against hers.

“I’m fine.”

“No.”

“Yes.” She assured, leaning forward to kiss him. “I promised I would reward you tenfold, I never break a promise.”

“Soya.” Ville groaned, when she tugged on his bottom lip.

“Why argue?” She teased.

“I’m going to fucking regret this.” He muttered, opening his eyes to search out her grey ones. “So fucking much.” He slowly let go of her hands, allowing her to slide his boxers down his legs, before she dropped them onto the bathroom floor with a plop.

He felt her fingers trek lower, his head leaning back against the bathtub allowing her the freedom to roam as he tried to calm his breathing. Months of pent up sexual frustration were threatening to bubble over and unleash themselves on Soya. He wanted to grip, pull, tug at her. Every dream, vision, daydream he’d had in the two months they’d been dating, he wanted to make a reality.

The saner part of him, the part that was holding him still in the tub as Soya’s fingers tiptoed across his thighs, told him to stop her, that she most definitely wasn’t in the right state of mind for what they were about to do. That they would both regret their actions when all was said and done.

The other part of him, the part that was nearly bruising in his grip on Soya’s hips to keep her still, told him to break that three inch space they were keep between their lower bodies. To push her back and take the lead, make her forget and pull her out of whatever cavern in her mind she was currently hiding in.

“Vittu!”(Fuck) he cursed when he felt Soya’s fingers brush against him.

“Anteeksi! Anteeksi!”(Sorry! Sorry!) She quickly apologized, moving her hand away.

“Ei, ei, olet hieno.”(No, no, you’re fine) he said quickly, gripping her hand before it went too far. He blew out a slow breath, before looking at her, their eyes locking. “You said you wanted to learn.” He watched Soya slowly nod her eyes never breaking contact with his. “Then learn.” He said, slowly releasing the grip he had on her wrist.

He watched Soya carefully, saw the nervousness and hesitation in her eyes and shook his head. “If you don’t want…” He broke off his sentence with a groan as Soya reached for him again, causing his head to hit the back of the tub.

“Sorry.” She whispered leaning forward to brush their lips together.

“Fine.” He muttered, moving his hands off of Soya to clench the tub as her hand light brushed him back and forth, teasing him. “Shit, Soya, you need…”

“What?” she asked quietly.

“You’re killing me here sweetheart.” He said between clenched teeth.

“Mitä tarvitset?” (What do you need?) she asked and he knew from the tone of her voice that while she was inexperienced she knew exactly what she had been doing.

“Just…” He moved his hand to hers guiding her hand and wrapping her fingers around his erection. He let her hand go and placed it back on the lip of tub, blowing out slow breathes as he felt her hand go up and down slowly.

He knew he wasn’t going to last long, knew it from the moment he’d taken off his shirt and gotten in the tub with Soya that lasting wasn’t an option, but the slow build up was torture. Ever so slowly, he could feel himself start to reach that peak.

Soya leaned into him, her chest pressing against his, her free hand coming up around his neck, slowly stroking the back of his neck.

“What is it you told me after our date?” she whispered in his ear, her voice low causing the peak to rise just a bit more. “Anna itsesi mennä, rakkaus, mina olen täällä.”(Let yourself go, love, I’m right here.)

The sound of her voice mixed in with the slight tightening of her hand, caused him to fall off that peak with a groan, his arms letting go of the tub to tighten around Soya, pressing her much more firmly against him as he came.

“Vil-”

Ville cut her off with a bruising kiss as he lifted himself from the tub, taking Soya with him, her legs wrapping around him tightly. He stepped out of the bath carefully, only to get tangled in his jeans and go tumbling towards the sink. His hand hit the mirror to keep steady, Soya’s groan causing him to pull away from her.

“You okay?” he asked gruffly, making sure she didn’t hit her head on the mirror.

“Fine,” she nodded, cupping his cheeks, focusing him on her. “Think you can get us to the bedroom without killing us?”

“Positive.” Ville said, picking her up again and moving them towards the bedroom, their lips connecting again, moving against each other as Ville laid her down on the bed, hovering over her as he moved his lips off hers and started a trek down her neck. “I’m not going to fuck this up with sex Soya.” He said against her collarbone, looking up at her slightly and seeing her hesitant nod. “But I still want you.” He assured, skimming his lips down to her breasts.

He felt the vibration in her chest as she moaned, her legs opening to let him fall in between. He traced her thigh with his hand as his lips headed a bit more south, pulling her leg up to wrap around his waist as his hand cupped her mound, his lips moving back up her body to kiss her.

He leaned his forehead against hers, feeling the slight puffs of air hit his face as her breathing turned erratic. His finger slipped down, parting her nether lips, cursing when he felt just how ready she was for him. She whimpered, her hands coming to grip at his waist as he slowly ran a finger back and forth.

“Ville.” She moaned, her hips lifting off the mattress.

“What is it you asked me in the tub?” He teased lightly, moving slightly to her side to nip at her ear. “Mitä tarvitset?” (What do you need?)

She gripped him harder; Ville groaning at the feel of her nails biting into his skin as she lifted her hips moving his finger lower. Taking the hint, he slipped his finger inside of her, causing Soya to give a mixture of a gasp and a moan, lifting off the mattress, gripping him tighter. Ville knelt on the bed, wrapping his free arm around her waist, Soya’s arms tightened around him, her forehead resting against his chest breathing against him, as he worked his finger slowly in and out of her.

He could feel her tightening around him, knowing she was close to her own peak, he ran his fingers up and down her spine slowly, while his thumb started to slowly work the swollen nub. He heard her breathing hitch, emitting a soft moan as her hips moved slowly in rhythm with his fingers, working them slightly faster.

He watched her as she threw her head back her hair falling across his arm, as she tensed in orgasm, her breathing beautifully ragged as he laid her back on the bed, allowing her to relax against the mattress as he lay on top of her. His head just underneath her breasts as her fingers combed through his hair, he felt his eyes close at the relaxing motion, before feeling himself fall asleep.

Soya stayed awake, slowly stroking Ville’s hair, feeling his breathing even against her stomach where he lay. Using her free hand, she rubbed her face as the events of the night came flooding back, causing an emotional overload.

She needed to get out of the room, she thought as she carefully moved out from under Ville, sitting on the edge of the bed and looking over her shoulder at him spread out on her bed. Getting up, she picked up Ville’s dress shirt that he’d left on the floor, having realized he’d changed when he’d gotten in as he’d been wearing a t-shirt and jeans in the bathroom.

Opening her drawers, she pulled out a pair of underwear, slipping them on quietly before leaving the bedroom. She went towards her dining room, opening the French doors and walking outside, letting the cold crisp Finnish air hit her as she sat on the cold floor.

For the first time that night, she allowed every emotion that she’d been trying to keep buried come out. The anger, the guilt, the disbelief, the sadness, the confusion, and every emotion she felt only caused one thing. So as she sat on the cold concrete balcony floor, she cried.