Scream Me a Dream

Sunday October 17, 2010
12:35 pm

“You’re sure you’re fine?”

“I’m fine, Soya.” Aida muttered.

“Aida, you don’t have to go to dance practice today.” Soya reminded for the fifth time that afternoon.

“I want to.” Aida murmured. “We’ve been in the apartment since Friday, and you said you had errands to run.”

Soya nodded. “Um, I’ll come pick you up.”

“I can call Nathan.” Aida said quietly. “I’ll see you back at the apartment.”

“Aida.”

“Bye.” Aida said before grabbing her dance bag and leaving the car. Soya sighed, watching Aida go into the studio and making sure she was all the way into the building before pulling away from the curb.

Much like Aida she had needed to get out of the apartment, she’d just assumed Aida would be with her. So when Aida had come out of the guest room in her ballet outfit ready for her day classes it had taken Soya by surprise. Her little sister had been insistent though, and because they’d both been sitting around the apartment in their pajamas, Soya had thought getting out was a good idea.

Now that she was actually out of the apartment, there was only one place she wanted to go and she wasn’t sure she was even welcome. Knowing she at least wanted to apologize, even if it was from his doorstep, she headed towards Ville’s tower.

Half an hour later she found herself standing in front of the tower, chewing on her lip before gathering the courage to knock on his door. A few seconds went by, before the door swung open.

“Linde I’ve told you-” Ville trailed off as he turned and looked at her. “Hey.”

“Hey.” She said quietly, pulling the sleeves of her sweater over her hands in nervousness. “I...uh...I know you asked for a few days.”

“No, Soya, I…”

“I just came to apologize.” Soya said biting her lip.

“Soya, you don’t have to apologize.” Ville sighed, leaning against his door way.

“Yes, I do.” Soya nodded. “The way I acted that night…”

“Soya, your father passed away, I get it.” Ville said softly. “I understand.”

“No.” she said with a shake of her head. “You really don’t, but I want to give you the space you asked for, I just couldn’t stand sitting in the apartment without having apologized to you for the things I said that night.”

“Soya, come inside.” Ville said moving away from the door; Soya bit her lip before nodding and walking in, standing hesitantly by the door as he closed it. “Would you like some tea?”

“I don’t plan on staying long.”

“I’ll make tea.” Ville said, walking towards the kitchen.

Soya chewed on her lip as she looked around his tower, noticing the guitar laying on the couch and the notebook sitting on the table.

“I interrupted your work, I’m sorry.” She said as she slowly made her way to the kitchen.

“Stop apologizing. It’s fine Soya.” Ville said softly, looking at her as she walked in before grabbing two mugs from his cabinets. “You wanted to talk?”

Soya nodded slowly. “I wasn’t sure if I was even welcome.”

Ville shrugged. “We both said things we didn’t mean Soya.”

“That’s just it; we both meant what we said.” Soya said with a frown, watching him pour the water over the tea bags, before he offered her one of the mugs. “Thank you.”

“I know that what I said that night…”

“Oh, please, don’t apologize Ville.” She said, quickly cutting him off when she heard the regretful tone in his voice. “I wouldn’t even accept your apology.”

“Really?” he asked, raising an eyebrow amused.

Soya cupped the mug in her hands and shrugged. “I don’t deserve an apology Ville.”

Ville gave a slight nod, before looking her over, she was wearing an oversized gray and black striped sweater that fell mid-thigh, and a pair of jeans that were a bit looser than what she usually wore along with a pair of blue Uggs. “You look tired.”

Soya gave a quite laugh. “I’ve barely slept. Truthfully, I didn’t want to want to change out of my pajamas but Aida insisted she go to her dance class today.”

“How’s Aida doing?”

Soya shrugged. “She’s quiet for the most part, but I think she’s doing fine.”

“How are you doing?”

“Ville, that night-”

“You don’t have to explain Soya, really.”

“I do.” Soya nodded, shifting on her feet, holding the mug tightly, before setting it behind her on the counter. “I’m sure you’ve heard what they’ve been saying on the news?” At Ville’s slow nod she continued. “He passed about an hour after we reached the hospital; I rode in the ambulance with him.” She shook her head.

“My mother and I had a nasty argument when the doctors told us that he would be in the hospital morgue until we decided on the burial. Apparently, she was very offended at the thought that we would bury him; he hadn’t been dead ten minutes and here we were arguing in the middle of the hospital hallway.”

Soya rolled her eyes. “When I went back to the apartment, I was upset. Not just with my mother, but with the whole situation, I was so…just inside myself when I walked through that door Ville.”

“I know.” He nodded.

“When you come outside on the balcony and started asking me what had happened, I thought you meant what had happened to cause him to die.”

Ville frowned. “No, I just...you thought I knew.”

“I was sure you knew.” Soya murmured. “I thought you wanted me to talk out his death, I thought you were pushing to get me to talk it out. It wasn’t until you left that I realized I’d never told you that he had died. That still doesn’t excuse the things I said.”

“You were upset Soya.”

“So?” Soya asked crossing her arms over her stomach. “That doesn’t give me the right to speak to you as I did, that doesn’t give me the right to make you feel like an object rather than as my partner. I used you that night, and I am so sorry for that Ville.”

Ville sighed and leaned back against the counter, thinking out his words before speaking. “You didn’t use me Soya, I knew the minute I got into that tub that what we were doing was to help you forget whatever had happened that night, and I didn’t care.”

“It’s still not right.” Soya said shaking her head looking down at the ground. “I shouldn’t have done that. I shouldn’t have taken the situation to my advantage that way.”

“Hey.” Ville crossed over to her, lifting her chin so she was looking at her. “I don’t regret what we did Soya.”

“But you said you did.”

“I was pissed; I said a lot of things that night I didn’t mean. Do you regret what we did?”

“Of course not! Not what we did, I regret the situation in which we did it in.”

Ville stoked her cheek with his thumb, smiling softly at her. “Sex isn’t always romantic Soya, sometimes it’s not even done for the passion and it’s not equal. Thursday night, you wanted to take and I was willing to give, I knew the situation we were getting into even if you didn’t.”

“I said things I didn’t mean, Ville; I said awful things to you.”

“Hey, I was right there with you.”

“But you meant what you said.” Soya said looking up at him.

“Soya.”

“They were things I needed to hear.” Soya answered quickly. “Things I definitely needed to hear. I do keep myself guarded, Ville, I forget that you do want to hear every single detail. I forget how tiring my family drama is, I forget that everything that affects me, affects you. I’m trying to open up more Ville, I am. I don’t mean to push you away or keep you out.”

Soya bit her lip before carefully raising her hand to lay it on his cheek. “You said, before you left the hotel Thursday night, that you wanted to see the bad. Ville, I want to show you the bad now.”

Ville chuckled, leaning his forehead against her. “I’m so glad.”

She wrapped her arms around his waist, resting her head against the hard planes of his chest. “I’m sorry for the things I said Ville, especially that thing about the fingers and none of your business.”

Ville winced. “Let’s just forget you even said that.”

“I don’t want to forget it though.” She said pulling back to look at him. “I don’t want to just brush this under the rug and force us to forget it ever happened.”

“We won’t.” Ville assured. “But I also don’t want us to bring it up every time we argue, Emotions ran high that night Soya, we were both hurt, we’re both sorry for what was said.”

Soya bit her lip, giving a slow nod. “I know.”

“What I said after I left…I did mean.” He said carefully. “It is tiring to try so hard to get you to talk and it gets to a point where I’m not sure why I bother. It is tiring trying to prove to you how much your mother is wrong in what she says, but in the last two days I’ve realized that I do it because I do care for you Soya, very deeply.”

Soya noted the words, and how he hadn’t used the word ‘love’ like he had two days ago.

“What I said up on the balcony…” Ville winced. “I was angry Soya, admittedly it was stupid but I was trying to hurt you like you were hurting me. I don’t mean half of what I say when I’m mad.” Ville admitted.

“That still doesn’t change the fact that you were right.” Soya said. “I was acting like my mother, I was keeping things from you and just acting horrible all around.”

“Soya.”

“I’m sorry.”

Ville chuckled, bringing her in his arms again. “I believe you said that already. Come on.” He said grabbing both their tea mugs and gesturing Soya out of the kitchen. He motioned her to sit on the couch as he sat the mugs on the table, closing his notebook and moving it and the guitar out of the way before taking a seat himself.

“Have you been working a lot?

“Just scribbling.” Ville admitted. “Nothing special. Have you seen Aida a lot since Friday?”

“Ah, she’s actually staying with me.” Soya said as she slipped off her Uggs, placing her feet on the couch and bringing them close to her body as she leaned her back against the arm rest.

“Really?”

“My mother decided she wanted to mourn in peace and Aida was better off somewhere where she was wanted. I didn’t argue too much, Aida’s better off with me at the flat than at the house in Sipoo alone with my mother.”

“True.” Ville nodded. “And she’s doing good?”

Soya shrugged. “As good as can be, given the situation. She’s quiet, a bit reserved.”

“Takes after you.”

“God I hope not.” Soya groaned.

Ville watched her carefully, causing her to look away from the sleeves of her sweater that covered her hands up at him. “At the risk of getting you angry, what happened that night?”

Soya released a slow breath. She’d told Ville she wanted to show him the bad. Well, this was the bad, she thought before starting to speak. “You know my father wanted to talk to me after everything was done.”

Ville nodded. “Yes.”

“Well, uh, he wanted to give me a ring, my grandmother’s engagement ring to be exact.”

“An en…”

Soya smiled lightly. “He said that he saw us getting serious and actually wanted to give it to you, but felt that if we didn’t get married that it was wrong that the ring was with you and not with me. I’ve been receiving bits and pieces of my grandmother’s jewelry since I moved to the states; mostly her rings as she left them to me when she passed away. My mother saw that my father was giving me the ring and got offended.”

“Why?” Ville asked with a frown. “If your grandmother gave you that ring, why would she be upset?”

“Because apparently, my grandmother gave her that ring when my parents got engaged.” Soya shook her head. “She was making such a big deal about this ring that I just gave it back.”

“Soya it was yours.”

Soya shrugged. “Why bother with one little ring? I have most of my grandmother’s jewelry and, while having my grandmother’s engagement ring would have been nice, it obviously meant something to my mother so I just gave it back, told her she could keep it and started out of the door.” Soya shook her head. “He called me back and when I turned he was on the ground.”

“I heard it was a heart attack.” Ville said quietly.

Soya nodded. “Apparently he and my mother had been fighting the entire week; I heard that from Nathan by the way. So by the time Thursday rolled around his blood pressure was through the roof. That night, the more I argued about the ring, the more his blood pressure rose and it just…” Soya sighed. “It caused the heart attack.”

“Don’t tell me you blame yourself Soya.” Ville said staring at his girlfriend in disbelief. “This wasn’t your fault.”

“I know.” Soya said slowly. “I know. I don’t blame myself.”

“You sure?”

Soya nodded. “I am. I know it wasn’t my fault, I know that it was a myriad of things that caused his heart attack, the big one being his health. You can’t blame me for feeling like the straw that broke the camel’s back though.”

“I can’t.” Ville agreed. “If that’s how you feel, but I can tell you that you weren’t the reason his heart failed him, Soya. His health was a big issue and a big factor in what caused his heart attack, it wasn’t the arguing.”

Soya nodded. “I know.”

“Come here.” Ville said opening his arms and gesturing her. Soya put her tea down and crawled over to him, hugging his waist. His arm wrapped around her shoulder while his free hand played with her fingers. “Soya?”

“Hmm?” she asked, feeling her eyes close as she felt Ville breathe against her.

“That night, before I got into the cab, I said something.”

Soya opened her eyes and blinked, before leaning up to look at him. “You said a lot of things.” She said quietly, though she knew exactly what part of the conversation he was referring to.

Ville gave a weary grin. “I said three pretty important and significant words.”

“Mmm, I think you yelled them.” Soya teased lightly.

“Soya, I want you to know that I do mean it.” Ville said carefully. “I don’t want you to think I just yelled them out to put a stop to our conversation or because I had nothing to say, I do mean them.”

Soya frowned, “If you mean them, then why aren’t you saying them?”

“I would rather say them again when it’s more appropriate than in anger Soya, I’d rather…”

Soya laughed quietly, tightening her grip on his hand, “I think I know what you mean, Ville; you don’t have to explain it.”

“But I do feel it Soya, I don’t want you to doubt that.” Vile said, kissing the top of her head.

Soya looked at him and smiled. “Ville.”

“Hmm?”

“I do too.”

Ville smiled, leaning down to kiss her softly, “That is the single most amazing thing I’ve heard ever.” He admitted, before moving off the couch. “Come on, I can tell you haven’t slept, we’ll go and take a nap.”

Soya shook her head. “I have to go pick up Aida.”

“When?”

Soya took her phone out of her pocket and looked at the time. “In about an hour, she was going to call Nathan, but I’d rather go do it.”

“I’ll wake you; we’ll set the alarm.”

Soya nodded slowly, stuffing the phone back in her pocket before taking Ville’s hand and following him up the stairs to his bedroom.