Sequel: One-Hundred Days ›
In the Month of May
Day One: Letter
Dear Heart,
I know it's hard for you, after all, it's hard for me as well, but trust me, and that other organ that shares this body with you, it is for the best. I felt you hammer against those ribs you see as a cage when he walked away. We didn't even know it would be the last time, did we?
It was though, and dear heart, I am greatly sorry for putting you through such a thing as love, or at least what we thought it would be. You kept a strong beat through all of it, and I thank you, for it was more than I could do for myself.
You always shake my frame with how frantically you beat. I can feel those ribs cracking whenever you get scared and nervous, desperate to break free of muscle and sinew. At times, I can imagine picture perfectly you bursting out of the middle of my chest in a glorious explosion of red. I can see you falling into my open hands, caught off guard but with enough of an instinct to reach out for you. I pray of you heart, stay inside for just a few more years, and then you can be free of your duties to keep blood pumping through my weak veins.
I wish I could hold your hand, if you had one that is, and it seemed as if you manifested yourself into him. I held his hand, and I was holding yours. My dearest heart, I wish I could comfort you, for you are more than just an organ, you are everything. I promise I will let you be free, but I cannot promise in which amount of time this will occur. For my sake, and yours, please take the next years, whether they be long or short, with strength for me. You have never failed me before, my dearest heart, and I expect nothing less, for you seem unbreakable, even in the most destructive of situations.
That moment years ago, in the stranger state with those strangers of family members. Oh, I hope you do remember that, heart. I hope you do remember everything of that moment, for the mind you seem to stray so far from remembers everything so clearly. I remember those faces and stark white sheets. I remember the grief emanating from every corner of those homes and hospitals, how there was no where to hide except for in the darkest of all dark corners.
Most of all, though, I remember you pounding into the outermost barriers of my lungs. I remember all of the pain you felt, my dear, I could feel you breaking into a million little pieces with every look our father gave us with those crystal clear tears in even more crystalline blue eyes. I remember running to the stars, asking for help, asking for you to be fixed, and they responded with 'what has been broken?' I answered you, my dear friend, and they asked how badly you were broken. And then with shaded eyes they told me that you were broken beyond repair, into a million little pieces.
You still sit in all of your pieces against my lungs and stomach, rattling in the effect of a heartbeat. You rattle with all of the effort of a whole heart, but how rare are those to find these days? With time, you gravitated to your original frame, kept clean and pristine for the time that you wished to return. You rose up and your million little pieces took their respective places in that gaping hole left between my heaving lungs. You rose up and pulled yourself together once again, defying the stars, of all things, those lying ever-seeing stars that said you were incapable of being fixed. My dearest heart, you are the bravest thing inside of me.
And now you are thinking, as I can feel with each off-beat stutter, why? Why, again, would you put my fragile form through this thing we call love just to have them leave again? My dearest heart, my greatest apologies are in order. Your constant companion, my mind, left me and let me fall, letting you get shattered in the process. I apologize with every bit of marrow in these brittle bones you beat against. I had fallen, without thinking of you and all that you have done for me.
But was it not worthwhile, dear heart? Was it not worth both of our falls, our crashes and burns? Why, love brings about us such an inner glow, and you were nearly completely fixed until he walked away that one last time. My dearest heart, you were so gloriously beautiful with the basking, radiating light of love.
My dearest heart, I pray that you forgive me, for you were so beautiful and whole and pure for the first time since I can remember, I let myself fall for your sake. And I blocked out all warnings your friendly mind gave me, as I was so captivated by your ever-glowing beauty.
My dearest heart, please forgive me. It seems he has gotten the best of both of us.
I know it's hard for you, after all, it's hard for me as well, but trust me, and that other organ that shares this body with you, it is for the best. I felt you hammer against those ribs you see as a cage when he walked away. We didn't even know it would be the last time, did we?
It was though, and dear heart, I am greatly sorry for putting you through such a thing as love, or at least what we thought it would be. You kept a strong beat through all of it, and I thank you, for it was more than I could do for myself.
You always shake my frame with how frantically you beat. I can feel those ribs cracking whenever you get scared and nervous, desperate to break free of muscle and sinew. At times, I can imagine picture perfectly you bursting out of the middle of my chest in a glorious explosion of red. I can see you falling into my open hands, caught off guard but with enough of an instinct to reach out for you. I pray of you heart, stay inside for just a few more years, and then you can be free of your duties to keep blood pumping through my weak veins.
I wish I could hold your hand, if you had one that is, and it seemed as if you manifested yourself into him. I held his hand, and I was holding yours. My dearest heart, I wish I could comfort you, for you are more than just an organ, you are everything. I promise I will let you be free, but I cannot promise in which amount of time this will occur. For my sake, and yours, please take the next years, whether they be long or short, with strength for me. You have never failed me before, my dearest heart, and I expect nothing less, for you seem unbreakable, even in the most destructive of situations.
That moment years ago, in the stranger state with those strangers of family members. Oh, I hope you do remember that, heart. I hope you do remember everything of that moment, for the mind you seem to stray so far from remembers everything so clearly. I remember those faces and stark white sheets. I remember the grief emanating from every corner of those homes and hospitals, how there was no where to hide except for in the darkest of all dark corners.
Most of all, though, I remember you pounding into the outermost barriers of my lungs. I remember all of the pain you felt, my dear, I could feel you breaking into a million little pieces with every look our father gave us with those crystal clear tears in even more crystalline blue eyes. I remember running to the stars, asking for help, asking for you to be fixed, and they responded with 'what has been broken?' I answered you, my dear friend, and they asked how badly you were broken. And then with shaded eyes they told me that you were broken beyond repair, into a million little pieces.
You still sit in all of your pieces against my lungs and stomach, rattling in the effect of a heartbeat. You rattle with all of the effort of a whole heart, but how rare are those to find these days? With time, you gravitated to your original frame, kept clean and pristine for the time that you wished to return. You rose up and your million little pieces took their respective places in that gaping hole left between my heaving lungs. You rose up and pulled yourself together once again, defying the stars, of all things, those lying ever-seeing stars that said you were incapable of being fixed. My dearest heart, you are the bravest thing inside of me.
And now you are thinking, as I can feel with each off-beat stutter, why? Why, again, would you put my fragile form through this thing we call love just to have them leave again? My dearest heart, my greatest apologies are in order. Your constant companion, my mind, left me and let me fall, letting you get shattered in the process. I apologize with every bit of marrow in these brittle bones you beat against. I had fallen, without thinking of you and all that you have done for me.
But was it not worthwhile, dear heart? Was it not worth both of our falls, our crashes and burns? Why, love brings about us such an inner glow, and you were nearly completely fixed until he walked away that one last time. My dearest heart, you were so gloriously beautiful with the basking, radiating light of love.
My dearest heart, I pray that you forgive me, for you were so beautiful and whole and pure for the first time since I can remember, I let myself fall for your sake. And I blocked out all warnings your friendly mind gave me, as I was so captivated by your ever-glowing beauty.
My dearest heart, please forgive me. It seems he has gotten the best of both of us.