In the Month of May

"You were my first kiss, and the first person who dropped me into the dirt while you walked away. You never looked back, it was something that you said you never do. It still hurt.

I probably shouldn't have expected more from you, it was stupid, pointless. I was stupid and you were pointless to me. We were stupid to think that we could prove everyone wrong. We did for a while though, before we were knocked to pieces by the storm. We were knocked to pieces, scared and broken and bruised. We were broken apart by cold winded hands.

I should have never expected more from you than what you gave anyone else, but I had hope, I had faith in you, and it tore me apart, limb by limb. You tore apart my heart, and the hope tore apart my soul, and the storm tore apart my body.

I was nothing but a person broken into a million little pieces."

It seems normal enough, two people, waiting for something that may never come. We wait patiently, nonetheless, two people with nothing to do but wait.
I glance over at you, leaning against the wall. It's amazing to think that we're the only two people in this normally crowded to death subway station. I shuffle my feet, slide down the wall onto the floor, curling my knees into my chest. I keep my eyes locked on you, hidden behind my knees and hair. You stand with a foot pressed against the wall, hands in pockets, completely oblivious to me and the lack of noise inside of these hollow halls.

I guess the silence isn't that unusual, seeing as it is three in the morning, on a Monday night. I guess normal people would be in bed, asleep or waiting for such a thing to come over them. I guess we aren't the two most normal people in the world.
But I guess that isn't a bad thing either.

I sit and watch you and you stand, either uncaring or unknowing. We wait, and that seems to be the only thing we have in common.

The subway train finally comes in front of us, shaking the ceilings and staircases of the station. I stand and step forward, feeling the breeze of speeding metal push me back. You stand beside me, smiling only enough so that I can barely see it, before moving into the open doors.

In my mind, I will you to come sit next to me, to share this cold seat and talk about anything and everything.
It's amazing what people will tell a stranger, if allowed, and I have so many things rattling my mind and pummeling my chest that I will you with every ounce of strength I have to come sit next to me.

I open my eyes when I hear weight fall into the seat next to me. I look up and you smile at me, more this time, and my eyes take it in, smiling themselves. I say hi, you say hello, and then you ask if I was willing to listen to someone needing to pour his heart out to someone who will only understand and pass no judgements.
I smile and nod, say yes. As your eyes darken, and your lips start forming words, I listen and keep my eyes focused on the floor, your fidgeting hands resting between your knees.
I listen and feel my heart swell for you, a stranger found in the middle of the morning.

We stay together in the subway car until both of us have already missed our stops. You missed yours, immersed in watching your heart fall onto the floor. I missed mine immersed in watching my heart fall into your hands.

We exit the subway station at our right stops, standing awkwardly beneath glowing streetlights. The emptiness of city streets suffocates me as you smile and thank me for listening.

I look away and tell you that it was my pleasure, and that I hope it helped you.
"It definately did. All I needed was someone to talk to, but you gave me so much more."
I tilt my head to the side, questioning, all the while wishing that the simple gesture would lead to something so much more as it usually does.

"I'll see you again, I promise." I can't help but think that the promise won't be kept, but smile anyway. You hesitate walking away for about the tenth time, before handing me a slip of paper.
"If you ever need anything, don't hesitate." You pause. "Like I've done about a hundred times." We both smile. "I really don't want to leave you, I have this feeling you'll disappear and I'll never know what might happen if I do this."

A million questions and worries start running around my mind as you take my hands in yours.
We lean into each other, two strangers made closer by spilling our hearts onto a subway train's floor.

I close my eyes beneath lonely streetlights as I revel in giving away my first kiss to a stranger.