The Library In the Back Room

Alexander:
My name is Alexander Black. Anyone who I call a friend calls me Lex, but I don’t call a lot of people friends. The year is 2010, and the month May. The day is the day after graduation, at least for Billy, Galen, and I. This story starts on that day, but the events that followed are too great and too many to for me alone to recount, so I can’t promise that I know exactly how everything happened, but like I was saying, it started the day after graduation…

Lex was sleeping. I was sitting in the passenger seat next to Galen as Lex’s snoring shamed the engine of Dee’s old car. Dee sat behind me, and Chris sat between him and Lex. I stared out of the window, not exactly focusing on the any of the trees or broken down houses passing us by. The radio was silent, and so were we. We had been driving for over a day now, and everyone was getting restless. We had all left our old lives behind, or at least hoped too. Personally, I wasn’t running away from anything.

William:
I came from a household that ate, breathed, and produced money. My mother was the granddaughter of a famous Hollywood producer and film director. Dad was a businessman, but no one every really knew what his business was. I was their only child, but that wasn’t always the case. Before you jump to conclusions, I’m not the cause of my little brother’s death, but his death is the cause of who I am today. Hoping to drown their pain, and the suffering they believed I was going through, they swallowed me with love, and in the Rollins household, love is money. My childhood was one gift after another, and after a while, the gifts blocked out my parents altogether. They worked to make me happy, but like any rich kid cliché, it only made things worse. I didn’t act out in school; I didn’t do drugs or drink; I didn’t get some blonde pregnant; I didn’t land in jail. My childhood, which could be describe as a dark moment followed by a thirteen-year Christmas, was nothing more than a waiting game. In short, I left because I’ve done my waiting. I don’t crave the outside world. I don’t crave freedom. I’ve just done my share of waiting.

Galen:
Any one of us could have told you that Billy was a silent person. I kind of hoped he would start some kind of conversation while Lex slept and Chris and Dee occupied themselves with the scenery outside. I don’t blame him though. He was in a cramped car full of people he didn’t know, except Dee. It was Dee who invited him in the first place. Sure, I knew Billy; he and I lived in the same neighborhood after all, but he was on the really rich side. I was just on the rich side. As far as all of our friendships go, he and I were all we had in a way. Dee was friends with Lex and Chris, but the Black brothers were from a poorer neighborhood than we were, so Billy and I didn’t know them too well. Dee lived across the street from them, but he and his father worked at the Rollin household, so I spoke with Dee and Billy from time to time. It’s just like Dee to bring us all together…

I would have switched the radio on, but Billy looked like it would distract him, and I didn’t want to disturb Lex. I sighed as I passed yet another aging house.
“Are we almost there?” I asked. Chris was about to answer when Lex cut him off.
“Don’t ask him, he doesn’t know,” Lex said, his eyes still closed. Chris looked at him.
“I know how to get to Grandma’s house,” he said. Lex snorted.
“We’re not going to Grandma Cane’s house,” he said. He sat up and yawned. “We’re going to the Black Family Estate.” Chris frowned. I kept glancing at them both as I drove. Lex lit a cigarette. Billy rolled his window down. “Hm, take the next left,” he said. I waited for the next left turn, which turned out to be the driveway of his grandparents’ home.

The house looked the same as it did five years ago. Thanks to having just one child, which would be my piece of shit father, the house was left to Chris and I. I remember Chris squealing like a little girl when he found out, but I could care less. I didn’t need handouts from anybody. I doubted the house was supposed to be for me too, but I convinced myself Grandma convinced Grandpa otherwise. I took a puff of my cigarette and sighed. Chris ran past me and nearly broke the front door open trying to get inside. I shook my head. I had such a childish little brother. If it were my choice, I would have left him behind, but it wasn’t my choice. Out of the bunch, I was really only close friends with Dee, but Billy had somehow found himself as my right hand man. He and I didn’t get along, but he was a good listener. He walked up next to me as I stood there, puffing away.
“What do you think?” I asked him, “Is this good enough for you rich kids?” He snorted and glanced at Galen behind him.
“It’ll do,” he said quietly. He continued for the house with his luggage. I sighed again and flicked the cigarette.

The house was old. The door creaked as Lex closed it back, and I could hear Dee sneezing upstairs as if he were as sick as a dog. Galen didn’t even bother checking out the rest of the house. He made himself comfortable in a living room chair and just sat there. I began to walk around slowly. Pictures of the Black brothers were hung everywhere at eye-level. Even though Chris looked almost exactly like his older brother, you could tell Lex when you saw him. A picture of him on his first date showed him offering his cigarette to his girlfriend, Rosa. A photo of him and his first car showed him sitting on the hood, flipping off the photographer. A picture of him and his father showed Lex with a black eye. I stopped and stared at it. I’d never met the father of the Black brothers. Dee apparently knew him at one point, and said that Lex was definitely his son, whatever that meant. I’m definitely my father’s son, but I act nothing like him. I shrugged.

Galen:
I did go to high school with Lex and Billy. We all knew each other through Dee, so we hung out every once and a while. Back then, I hung out with Lex more than Billy did, so I was there during Lex’s first date, which was a double-date with Betty and I. I don’t know what happened to Rosa, but God knows she was a wild child; she was the only person who made Lex seem tame.

I pounded Dee on the back as he coughed like a smoker.
“Are you okay?” I asked with a smile. Dee smiled and nodded, but didn’t say anything. Chris kicked one of the mattresses in the room.
“This will be your bed, Alex,” he said. I raised an eyebrow.
“I decided where I sleep,” I said. I examined the bed. “This is where I sleep,” I said. Dee laughed.
“What an independent decision,” he said. I flipped him off and started going through the drawers for sheets. The dresser was riddled with ladybugs. I took a sheet out and shook it out.
“Chris and I will make up the beds. Dee, you can lead the cleaning crew, but if you want your usual pay, you’ll have to go to your usual payer.” I said. Dee rolled his eyes. Chris gave me a look.
“Why did you have to say all that?” He asked me. I looked from Dee to Chris.
“Dee works at rich boy’s house; it’s not like I was insulting him.” I said. Dee shrugged and left the room.

William:
Dee’s father was the head butler at my house. It was because if this that Dee and I ever met. He was older than I was, but he was still an excellent friend to have. Granted, he was my only friend. Galen lived nearby, but his social attitude didn’t mix well with me. I didn’t even try to be friends with him to be honest. I’m not looking for friendship. When Dee was at my house, he invited Galen over often, and I welcomed him in as well. Besides them, the only other person I knew was Mia, at the time.

Alexander:
I do remember my first double-date. It was a year after I lost my virginity, surprisingly to the same girl, Rosa. It wasn’t my first date though. It was the first date anybody knew about. I’m not going to sugarcoat out shitty relationship. I had a job and she was a whore for drugs. Match made…

Galen was already asleep when Dee came downstairs. I glanced at him as he walked into the dining room where I was.
“I’m leading the clean-up crew,” he said. I nodded and put my bag down.
“I’ll help; Galen is currently knocked out,” I said. I followed Dee around the house as we searched for cleaning supplies. I could hear Lex and Chris roughhousing upstairs. Dee checked a cabinet beneath the kitchen sink.
“So I’m dying of cancer,” he said. I nearly tripped over a chair walking towards some cabinets across the room.
“What?” I said. Dee stood and brushed himself off. He gave me a look and nodded. I swallowed, unable to think of something to say. Dee sighed. “I just wanted to tell someone,” he said. I just stared at him. “You can’t tell anyone else though,” he said, “I don’t want to spoil anyone’s Summer.” I nodded. He was wise to just tell me. He knew I wouldn’t tell anyone else. He could trust me.

Galen:
Dee was married when I met him. Virginia and Dee didn’t get married because they had a child on the way; they were truly in love at eighteen. I only met her a few times, but she was the perfect match for Dee. She was just as understanding and cool as he was. They never argued or worried about anything. They just seemed like they had a really good handle on life. I kind of wish Betty and I were that way…

It was dark when I woke up again. The living room was now an arena of darkness. I say arena because I knew my luggage was probably all over the place, which meant I was probably going to trip over something and break my neck. I stood up, and my first step followed my fears. I fell and hit the wooden floor with a loud thud. I heard a door someplace behind me open.
“You okay Galen?” Billy asked. I carefully rose off of the floor.
“Yep,” I lied. I limped towards the light. Billy shook his head.
“That’s what happens when you sleep in a place that isn’t your bed,” he started, “You get hurt.” I smiled and walked passed him into the bathroom. As I closed the door, I heard him go back to the room he was sleeping in.

I tried to block out the bedroom light while Galen searched his bag for his pajamas. It wasn’t too difficult. I began nodding off almost immediately. Just before I was off, Galen tossed his bag off of his bed.
“Where the Hell did I put those things?” He asked no one. I silently swore.
“I’m trying to sleep Galen,” I said. Galen was silent for a moment.
“And I’m trying to find my pajamas, so I can go to sleep too,” he responded. I sighed. “They were featured in GQ, y’know,” he said. I sighed again. “I ordered them off of the website the day I saw them. Do you read that magazine?” He asked. I suddenly felt a deep hatred for Galen. I’ve never hated anyone in my life. Galen had the honors of being the first.

Alexander:
I’m used to losing people. As far as I’m concerned, I took my father leaving better than Chris did. He convinced himself that Dad would one day come back, or that it wasn’t my fault he left, even though it was my fault. I don’t have any excuses for my behavior. I consider myself like Billy: I hate the world, and I live not looking for anything from anyone. I don’t know why Billy is that way; he’s rich, he has both of his parents, and he has people who care about him. Not including myself.

William:
The Black brothers couldn’t be more opposite. I didn’t know either of them as well as Dee or Galen did, but from what little I did know about Chris, and my many encounters with Lex, I could tell they had dramatically different ways of going about things. Where Lex had a generally dislike for everyone, Chris seemed to except anyone and everyone. You could tell who Dee had influenced the most. We all looked up to Dee in one way or another, but Lex and I were the two who seemed to be going our own way…

Galen:
In some ways, Dee was a better big brother than Lex was. I mean, I don’t mean to diminish Lex in anyway, but even Chris seemed to look up to Dee more than he did his own brother. Lex just didn’t seem to have a single bone in his body that cared, even if it was his brother. I know there is a situation with the Black brothers and their father, and it makes me wonder if any of that has shaped Lex in anyway. As much as he seems to not care, he doesn’t realize he keeps a pretty tight hold on Chris. I’m sure that’s why he snuck out.

The first thing I noticed when I woke up the next morning was that Chris was gone. I looked around the dim room for a couple of minutes before I fully woke up. He was probably downstairs or out in the car or something. I didn’t care, to be honest. I pulled the covers off of me and wasted no time getting to the stairs next to our room. Galen stood at the bottom.
“Morning Lex,” he started, “How’d you sle-”
“Where’s Chris?” I asked groggily. He shrugged.
“I don’t know, I haven’t seen him all morning,” Galen said. I rolled my eyes. Galen gave me a look. “Holy shit,” he said sarcastically, “Is Lex showing signs of concern?” I shot him a look.
“Holy shit, is Galen showing signs of higher thinking?” I shot back. I slowly made my way down the stairs, the wood creaking as I passed Galen. He said nothing, nor did Dee as I entered the kitchen. Maybe I was overreacting. Chris is eighteen. I needed to stop being so…clingy.

William:
I could hear Chris early in the morning, sneaking out of the house and taking Dee’s car someplace. I wasn’t exactly concerned. Looking back, I wish I had been…

Alexander:
They found my brother shot dead in Dee’s car, the word “homo” sprayed in red paint on the car’s windshield. After the cops came and took hold of the situation, Dee pulled me aside and broke it too me. Chris had been sneaking out for at least a year, seeing some dude named Jason. I was mad, but only because Chris had hidden this from me. I thought I was his brother…

Lex just sat in a chair in the kitchen. He didn’t look at any of us. Billy was just as quiet, as usual. He stood at the sink, slowly sipping away at some water. Dee sat next to Lex. We weren’t sure how exactly to react. Sure, a friend of ours had been murdered the night before, but Lex was the issue. He was Lex, you weren’t sure if he needed a shoulder or a cigarette. Lex suddenly stood up.
“I need to go for a walk,” he said flatly. We just watched as he stepped out. I looked from Lex to Dee.
“What do we do know?” I asked. Billy spoke before he did.
“Nothing. This is Lex we’re talking about,” he said. Dee nodded in agreement.
“Lex just needs time. Billy’s right, he has a thick hide, he just needs time to swallow this,” he said. I said nothing to that. As tough as Lex is, I didn’t believe in sitting back and doing nothing. We were his friends and all. As I walked into the living room, there was a knock on the front door. I wasted no time answering. Who I thought was Lex turned out to be Mia, a friend of Billy’s.

William:
Mia lived right next door to me. She was the only other person I knew, besides Dee, at the time. She somehow seemed to fully understand me, and who I was. She didn’t have an issue with how quiet I was, or how distant I was. She was probably just being nice. She was really more Dee’s friend than mine.

“Hey Dee!” Mia said as she threw he arms around him. Dee smiled and hugged her back. I could see them from the kitchen where I was. I wondered what she’s doing here. Mia saw me over Dee’s shoulder. “Hello Billy,” she said. I gave a half smile and miniature wave. She left the living room, ignoring Galen altogether, and joined me in the kitchen. “How’re you?” She asked. I shrugged.
“Fine.” I said flatly. I turned my back to put my cup in the sink. When I turned back around, she was a few inches closer. “How are you?” I asked. She gave me a wide smile.
“I’m great,” she said. Dee walked in behind her.
“Billy, you remember Mia, right?” He asked. Of course I did.
“You live next door to me, right?” I asked. She nodded, still smiling. Dee looked from her to me.
“Uh, I invited her,” he said. I looked at him.
“Why?” I asked. Dee shrugged.
“Why not? It was before what happened to Chris, so I didn’t expect her to come at such a sad time,” he said. I nodded.
“How long are you staying?” I asked. Mia took a seat at the table.
“Just two days,” she said. I nodded and looked off. I didn’t have anything else to say. Dee rocked on his heels.
“So,” he started, “Tell me you know how to cook, or at least saw a pizza place on the way here, ‘cause we don’t know what we’re doing in this kitchen,” Dee joked. I gave him a look. Mia giggled.
“I did see a pizza place, but it’s about an hour from here,” she said.
“Psh,” Dee said, “That’s not too far. Let’s go Galen!” He called. I looked at him.
“We don’t all have to go, it could just be you and I,” I said. Dee shook his head.
“No. I only trust Galen behind the wheel, and I definitely want to go. You two can stay here though,” he said, one of his smiles wide across his face. I grimaced.
“Okay,” I said flatly. Mia looked from Dee to me.
“I’m sure we can find something to do,” she said.

Galen:
It was a secret only to Billy that Mia liked him. She always had. She was friends with Dee so she could be closer to Billy, and Dee made himself some kind of Cupid or something. He did his best to nudge Billy in Mia’s direction. I couldn’t blame him, Mia was a nice girl, and it was just like Dee to help out his friends.

William:
I had a feeling something was up between Dee and Mia from the get go, and I tried to fight it. I wasn’t looking for love. It was useless for the most part. Most emotional pursuits were…

I stood across the room, watching Mia look around the place the same way I did when I got there. She had her backpack on, slick and black, which matched her dark brown, leather jacket. I found it hard to stop eyeing her. I wasn’t staring; at least, I didn’t think I was. I just had never noticed how attractive she was. She saw me in the mirror.
“This is a nice backpack, isn’t it?” She said smiling. I nodded, but didn’t say anything. He took her backpack off and tossed it on the bed. “How long are you planning on staying?” She asked. I shrugged.
“Until my vacation is over,” I said. She sat on the bed. My bed.
“Where do you sleep?” She asked. I pointed at the bed she was sitting on.
“Oh!” She said. She nearly jumped off of the bed. “I’m sorry,” she said. I shrugged again.
“It’s not my bed personally,” I said. I looked at my watch. I was ready for Dee to come back.

Alexander:
My emotions mean shit…

I must have been walking for hours. I eventually found this shelter way down the road, a wooden sign that read “Lovely Ladies Home”. I snorted and walked up the front steps. I thought it was a hang out spot for hookers or something. I was right. As I knocked on the door, a woman old enough to be my grandma poked her head out of the window.
“This is a safe house for women of the night,” she said. I snorted again.
“I just need to use you phone,” I lied. I kind of hoped one of these “lovely ladies” would still on the dark side. The old lady opened the door.
“Come right in,” she said. I walked past her.
“Where’s your phone?” I asked. She pointed to a room on the other side of the house. I nodded and made my way for the room. I walked through the living room as I did so, and noticed the “lovely ladies” were barely older than I was. One of them spoke to me.
“Lex!” Rosa said. I nearly tripped when I recognized her. I couldn’t believe she was here.

Galen:
I was, in a way, a bit jealous about how Dee was trying to make a relationship between Billy and Mia while Betty and I were currently having issues. I had made a mistake you’d expect out of Lex, and I had told Dee about it. He said the issue wasn’t between Betty and I, the issue was with me alone. I now what he meant now…

Dee and I pulled into the parking lot of the pizza place. It was an hour away from the house, but Dee believed the pizza was ‘worth the gain’. I didn’t understand what he meant by that. I locked the door as he made his way around the hood of the car.
“What kind of pizza do you want anyway?” He asked. I licked my lips.
“Uh, I think pineapple and pepperoni,” I said. Dee gave me a look.
“Pineapple and…pepperoni?” He asked. I returned his look.
“Yes?” I said. Dee smiled, but said nothing. As we walked inside, I recognized Betty’s sister in an instant.
“Deborah?” I asked. Deborah turned around to see who I was. She wasted no time crossing the room and giving me a suffocating hug.
“Galen!” She cried. I returned the strength of her hug.
“It’s been a while, how’re you?” I asked.
“I’m great,” she said, “How’re you?”
“I’m okay,” I said, “I’m staying at a friend’s house an hour away on vacation.” Deborah smiled and nodded.
“That’s great,” she said. We both realized Dee hadn’t said a word. Deborah gave Dee and look. He smiled.
“Oh, is that Betty?” He asked. I looked around and noticed Betty sitting in a booth to out right. She waved at me when she saw me. I waved back and let Dee and Deborah to talk to her.
“Hey Betty,” I half-whispered. She gave me a weak smile.
“Hey Galen,” she said softly. I smiled and placed a hand on hers.
“How’re you?” I asked. She gazed into my eyes; almost that she was trying to tell me without saying.
“I’m fine Galen,” she said. She squeezed my hand.
“How are you?”
“I’m okay,” I said. A silence fell between us. I had just seen her a few days ago. Nothing had changed. I hoped she wouldn’t bring it up.
“Galen,” she started…

Alexander:
Our relationship is exactly what you’d expect from two people who hardly gave a damn about each other. How I met Rosa isn’t important, but since the age of fifteen, we had been feeding the others addictions. Before the safe house, the last time I saw Rosa was from behind, making her wages…

Rosa and I snuck upstairs and found an empty room to be alone in. I wasted no time. While she crossed the room to close the window, I took off my jacket and shoes. The room was full of bunk beds, so I chose the closest one and made myself comfortable on the bottom bunk. Rosa came back and took a seat next to me.
“How have you been Lex?” She asked in some sickeningly sweet voice. I snorted.
“I’ve been stressed,” I started, “And I’m in need of a distraction.” I leaned in to kiss her neck, but she pushed me off.
“Not now Lex,” she said. I just looked at her, confused. She smiled again. “I haven’t seen you in a couple months, how was graduation?” She asked, again in her new, sweet tone. I took a deep breath.
“Fuck graduation,” I spat, “Last time I checked, you and I weren’t on a “howa doin’” basis.” Rosa frowned and looked away.
“I…don’t want that anymore,” she said. I sat up, still giving her the crazy look on my face. The whore couldn’t even bring herself to look at me. I laughed and shook my head.
“Isn’t this a bitch?” I said.

William:
After years of receiving gifts as a form of love, I grew up holding strong to the belief that emotions were nothing but material things. Was someone mad at you? Buy them something. Was someone getting married? Buy them something. Was someone telling you that they genuinely harbored feelings for you? I didn’t know the gift giving procedure for that at the time. I don’t know it now to be honest…

Galen and Dee had been gone for about an hour-and-a-half. It took an hour to get there, so I assumed they’d be back in three hours or so. I wasn’t so worried about them getting back as I was keeping Mia entertained. Even though we weren’t saying much, she seemed to be enjoying herself. We sat side-by-side on Lex’s bed upstairs.
“So, Chris died?” She asked. I nodded without saying anything. Mia looked at me. “How’re you taking it?” She asked me. I shrugged.
“Fine, I guess,” I said flatly. She kept her eyes on me.
“I mean, I know…about your brother Joseph. I just thought Chris dying would…awaken those feelings.” She said. I focused on something on the floor.
“I don’t remember how I felt when Joseph died,” I started, “All I know is that my parents took it pretty hard, and that they tried to make me feel better with gifts and the like.” I was a bit surprised after I said that. I had never told anyone that much about myself before, and I could tell Mia was shocked as well. We were silent again. Suddenly, Mia took my hand.
“You don’t need material things to show how you feel,” she said. I almost snorted. That would be the first thing I found funny.
“Actions speak louder than words,” I said. I looked at her. Mia chewed her lip, searching her mind for a response. I waited.
“The pen is mightier than the sword,” she said. I narrowed my eyes. Mia laughed. “Let’s see you counter that.” I thought it over.
“Hm…I’m drawing blanks,” I joked. I must have been smiling, because Mia suddenly had this look on her face. I could only take it on for a moment, because I suddenly realized how beautiful Mia’s eyes were. Her mouth opened slightly, and I could see her white teeth, hiding just behind her lips. Her light-brown lipstick perfectly matched her skin tone. She leaned forward…

Galen:
I’ll admit it. Betty was pregnant with my child. At the time, I refused to accept it. I’m convinced now that Dee had planned our meet from the beginning. He must have invited Mia over so they could work on their relationship while Betty and I worked on ours. God only knew what he had planned for Lex…

“Galen!” She said. I didn’t look at her. I tried to focus on a car outside.
“I don’t want to talk about it right now,” I said. Betty sighed loudly.
“When do you want to talk about this?” She asked, irritated. I shook my head.
“I don’t know!” I said. I tried not to raise my voice. She sighed again.
“We need to talk about this Galen, I don’t think either of us can care for a child right now,” she said. I snorted.
“Do you want to get an abortion?” I asked her. She frowned.
“That is what I want to talk to you about,” she started, “I know we are both Christians, but we seriously need to consid-”
“You’re not getting an abortion,” I spat. I was starting to lose my temper. I wasn’t angry with her, I was angry with myself. I was a football star in college. I was the president of ten different clubs. I received a master’s in law in four years, and had a position waiting for me at Betty’s father’s law firm; starting salary over one-hundred thousand. Yet here I was, barely twenty-two with a child on the way. I was too young for a child. I was, in some ways, still a child myself. Betty took my hand. I looked into her eyes.
“I know what you’re trying to hold on to Galen,” she said softly, “But you need to grow up and face reality.”

I was standing a few feet from Rosa, tying the laces of my shoes. I could feel her eyes digging into the back of my head, as if trying to determine the mess she was looking at. I grabbed my jacket and pulled it on.
“Nice seeing you again,” I spat. As I turned away from her, she grabbed my hand.
“Lex,” she said. I could hear the tears building through her voice. I turned around, but I didn’t look at her.
“What?” I asked. She stood up, placing her hands on my cheeks. I pulled her away. “What?” I asked again, harsher. She took a deep breath.
“Please, just stay for the night,” she said. I gave her a look.
“Bitch please,” I said. I started for the door. She held tightly to my hand.
“Lex,” she said. I turned around again, but I didn’t see Rosa. I saw my mother.
“Please,” she said. I stared at her. I could feel my father, almost as if his heart was beating in mine. I snapped back and pulled my hand from Rosa’s.
“Okay,” I said, “Okay, I’ll stay.”

I turned away from Mia, her lips meeting my neck. She pulled back immediately.
“Billy…I’m sorry,” she said. I swallowed, but not out of nervousness.
“It’s okay,” I said. I stood from the bed. I assumed she felt uncomfortable. A part of me wondered what it felt like. I took her hand. “Let’s go far a walk,” I said. I took her hand and walked her down the stairs. We took the backdoor outside, and walked down the concrete stairs from the wooden porch. I started for the trail leading into the forest, but Mia stopped and pulled me to the wooden bench beneath a tree. She smiled at me.
“Talk to me William,” she said, “I want to know you.” I just stared at her. What could she possibly want to know? I took a deep breath.
“What do you want to know?” I asked. Mia shrugged. I thought it over.
“I majored in insurance,” I said. Mia nodded.
“What do you want to do with that?” She asked.
“Get a job,” I said flatly. Mia gave me a look and smiled.
“What are going to do?” She asked.
“Construct a resume and send it to various companies,” I said, “That’s how some people get jobs.” Mia shook her head.
“You’re odd Billy,” she said. I nodded.

Betty held my hand tightly. I looked around the pizza place. Dee and Deborah were deep in conversation across the room. Dee hadn’t even ordered the pizza yet. I sighed and looked at Betty. She looked into my eyes.
“Some things just happen, Galen,” she said, “You can’t ignore them so you can keep your rosy perception of things.” I sighed again. I was only half listening. She continued. “So you wanted to be a father at thirty, but guess what, I’m pregnant now. We need to deal with this now.” She said. I looked out the window. I noticed someone pointing at the sky, holding his hat as he did so. The sky was dark; I assumed a storm was coming. Dee needed to hurry up and order the pizza if he wanted to beat it, even though I highly doubted we’d be able to beat it now. I looked back over at him. Whatever he and Deborah were talking about, they certainly were passionate about it. Deborah had such an agitated look on her face. Not really agitated, more like upset. She was almost teary. I tried to read their lips. I snorted when I realized it wasn’t working. What the Hell was I thinking? I had seen this show once, where a spy was trying to read the lips of two people he thought were doing something illegal with his client. He was careful not to get caught, so he spoke to a nearby model while he did it. It was funny, because he was paying no attention to what she was saying. “Galen?” Betty said.
“What?” I asked.

Alexander:
Running into Rosa at the safe house…the things we discussed that night…the person she was able to reach when no one else could…I needed it…I needed her…

It was raining like the world was ending outside, and the fucking lights had gone out about an hour ago. I lit a cigarette and took a puff. I offered it to Rosa. She hesitated, but eventually took it. She seemed relieved as the cigarette met her lips. I snorted.
“You okay?” I asked, trying not to laugh. Rosa flipped me off. I took off my jacket and tossed it to the nearest bed. We sat on the floor, just beneath the window sill. The window was open, and we could hear the storm like the God damn sky was falling. She looked at me.
“So how’s Chrissy?” She asked. She took another puff and gave it back to me. I took one.
“He died,” I said frankly. Rosa gave me a look.
“Shit,” she said, stretching out the vowel in disbelief. I sighed and took another puff.
“He was shot to death for being gay,” I said. Rosa shook her head.
“Did you know beforehand?” She asked. I shook my head and handed her the cigarette. She took a puff.
“He told me,” she said. I looked at her.
“What the fuck was he doing telling you?” I asked. Rosa sighed.
“He didn’t think you’d understand,” she said, “You had such a tight hold on him Lex; he felt like you were suffocating him.” I sighed. I wanted to hit him, but he was dead. I was his God damn brother, of course I would have understood.
“I,” I started. I wasn’t sure what exactly I wanted to say, I just wanted to say something. Rosa looked at me. My mouth hung open, trying to complete the sentence. I felt something in my chest; a tearing feeling, like something was trying to stop me but encourage me at the same time. I felt Rosa’s hand slide across my cheek.
“It’s okay,” she said. I realized I was crying, and it suddenly brought on more tears. I began to breathe heavily. Rosa pulled me close. “It’s okay,” she whispered, “It’s okay.”

William:
I honestly didn’t develop any emotions until I was twenty-two. Chris’ death re-awakened what I should have felt when Joseph died. There were no gifts now. There were no suffocating parents now. There was just me and the grey square that was my heart. And Mia.

We were on the front porch now. The rain came from nowhere, and the front yard was now soggy from over-saturation. Mia rocked in the rocking chair. I looked at my watch. I was still waiting for Dee and Galen, but I doubted they would drive in this weather. I looked at Mia.
“What did you major in?” I asked. I was trying to start conversation. Mia looked at me.
“Um, psychology,” she said. I nodded and looked back at the front yard. She continued to watch me. “I’m actually trying to use it to decode you know,” she said. I looked at her.
“I don’t need decoding,” I said flatly. She smiled.
“I disagree,” she said, “You’re a classic case.” I continued to look at her. Her black hair blew across her face.
“What do you mean?” I asked. She smiled.
“You’re brother died, a moment that turned you into what you are today: a quiet, emotionally closed person. Now that someone else’s little brother has died, one would expect you to relive the death of you brother, resorting to the mental state you were in then.” She said. I gave her a look.
“Okay,” I said flatly. She just looked at me, as though she were waiting for me to react. I did nothing. She smiled again.
“You never fail to amaze,” she said. She sighed. “How old were you when your brother died?” She asked. I thought it over. It seemed so long ago; the memory was so foggy, as if there was nothing before that.
“I was five-years old,” I said.
“What kind of person were you then?” Mia asked.
“A young person,” I said. Mia snorted.
“As it relates to your personality,” she said. I thought it over again.
“I don’t remember,” I said, “I was just five.” Mia shook her head.
“That’s not good enough,” she started, “How did Joseph die?” she asked. Again, I had to think it over. I almost couldn’t remember. I tried to picture his body the way I found it, thinking it would bring back the memory. I closed my eyes…

William:
I was always a quiet person. Even when Joseph was alive, he was the twin who did most of the talking. I was older than him by nine minutes. I was his older brother. Today, I barely remember how exactly Joseph died, but then, just as Mia asked me, as I closed my eyes to see it one last time, I remembered it clearer than anytime before or after. I could see Joseph’s dark brown eyes. I could see his jet black, curly hair, wet from the rain water. I could feel his windmill in my hand as I took it from his; cold and lifeless…

Galen:
I have always aimed to live the American dream. I was a popular kid in high school, I did perfectly in college, and I had a high paying job waiting for me. I was dating a gorgeous blonde who was in a family nearly as well off as mine was. I don’t talk much about my personally life, probably because my father was coward of a man, who constantly surrendered to the drunkard of a mom I had. My dad made a lot of money, enough to where my mother didn’t have to work, so she turned to a life of burning of penny he had. She died before she could, but not before I had decided that I would make sure my life was perfect. Betty knew this. She knew I had a habit of ignoring the imperfections of my life. Sometimes ignoring the bad makes it hard to keep the good…

Betty looked as though she was about to leave. She was starting to tear up
“Galen, do you want this to end?” She asked. I looked at her.
“Of course not,” I said. I sighed. “I just don’t know what to do. How can I support my bride to be if I make stupid mistakes like this? How can I keep going when I know I can’t do this like a man should?” I asked. Betty just looked at me.
“Being a man means being mature enough to know when you can’t do it alone,” she said. I shook my head.
“A man should always have a handle on his family,” I said. Betty snorted.
“Not anymore. That’s something we both can do,” she said with a smile. I smiled at her.

My eyes opened up slowly. Rosa was out cold in my lap, snoring softly. I ran my fingers through her hair. I had seen her front to back, completely naked at times, and from more angles than I could remember, but I had never seen her the way I did at that moment. She moaned and slightly shifted her position. Now she was looking up at me. She opened her. I smiled.
“Good morning,” I whispered. Rosa smiled.
“Good morning,” she whispered back. I continued running my fingers through her hair. She closed her eyes and went back to sleep. I wasn’t tired anymore, so I stayed awake until the sun rose. I thought about Chris for the most part. I thought about my parents. I thought about my friends, and what the Hell they were up to. I felt alone when Chris died. He was the last person who still believed in me. He was the last person to call me ‘Alex’, a nickname only he and mom ever used. Thinking about it, I held on to Chris so tightly because he was the last person I had. He was the last person I was close to. He was the last person I loved. I drank myself into oblivion more times than I could remember. I smoked and shot whatever I could get my hands on, all to bring my father back. We never understood why he left. I had convinced myself it was me, the wild child he couldn’t tame, but Chris was the voice; the light in the darkness; the whispers that convinced me otherwise. One night, as I stumbled up the stairs, leaning on my brother’s shoulder like a drunken bastard, I asked him why he was still here; why he hadn’t left me when everyone else had. He just looked into my eyes and smiled.
“I love you Alex,” I said aloud. Rosa opened her eyes. I looked down at her. She saw it in my eyes, what I was thinking. I wasn’t alone anymore.

I heard Mia as she walked down the stairs. In the corner of my eye, I could see her sky blue pajamas. She took a seat at the kitchen table.
“Good morning,” she said. I turned from the stove and looked at her.
“Good morning,” I said, smiling. Mia gave a half-frown.
“I’m going back today,” she said sadly. I furrowed my brow.
“Why? I thought you were staying until tomorrow,” I said. Mia looked away from me.
“Dee asked me to leave,” she said. I gave her a look.
“What?” I said. Mia nodded and looked back at me.
“You know he’s dying right?” She said. I nodded, not sure what one had to do with the other. She read my mind. “He wanted to spend his last week with you guys,” she said. I suddenly felt very heavy. I stumbled to the nearest chair and sat in it. Mia kept her eyes on me. I swallowed.
“How long has he had cancer?” I asked. Mia took my hand.
“Six months,” she said. I could hear the tears coming. She sniffled. I squeezed her hand. She continued. “He went to the hospital about a week ago, they said he had about two weeks then.” She said. I took a deep breath and sighed.
“He planned on dying here,” I said. Mia nodded. She stood from her chair and sat in my lap. I hugged her.

The storm was terrible. What was worse, we still hadn’t ordered out pizzas. The owner of the pizza place, along with a few customers, was stuck inside of the restaurant all night long. The sun was up when I awoke. Betty was still asleep, a peaceful look on her face as she leaned on my shoulder. Dee was in the booth next to us, sleeping sitting up. Deborah had laid her head on the table. I looked out of the window. I could see more water than road, and wondered if Lex and Billy were okay. Billy was still in that huge house by himself, even though Mia was there. God only knows where Lex was. I looked at Betty. She stirred, clutching my arm tightly as she readjusted her position. I kissed her forehead. I saw the owner doing something in the back. I thought it was kind of him to let us stay here instead of driving in the terrible rain. As sunlight poured into the place, I closed my eyes and leaned against the window. I figured we’d leave a little bit later, once everyone had woken up. I felt lips against my cheek. I opened my eyes and found Betty smiling at me. I put my arm around her and we went back to sleep.

Galen:
After a few hours, Dee and I said our goodbyes, and I promised Betty that we would talk more about our child when I returned to the city. Before I left, Deborah filled me in on Dee’s condition. I had a feeling something was wrong. He was doing so much for Billy, Lex, and I. This was probably the last thing he wanted to do before he died. Help his friends. When we got back, I gave Mia her car keys back, and said her goodbyes to Billy, Dee, and I. As I watched her leave, Dee’s broken car caught my eye. I hadn’t thought much about Chris until then. I tried to put it in the back of my mind; keeping my view of the world as clean as possible. Chris was gone. I had to except that. Sooner or later, Dee would be too. I turned around and found him clutching his head. Billy came outside and helped me bring him back inside...

Billy:
Galen and I carried him upstairs. There was a hospital about twenty minutes way, but Dee insisted on staying at the house. He wanted Lex to come back before he died. Galen and I tired our phones trying to get in touch with him, but the bastard wouldn’t answer his phone. Dee laughed as Galen and I swore as we left message after message on Lex’s phone. We both had changed it seemed. Galen never swore; it didn’t fit into his “clean image”…

“You’re…swearing?” I asked Galen, surprised. Galen shrugged and gave me a look.
“So are you. I’ve never seen you so emotional,” he said. Dee just shook his head.
“It’s nice to know I haven’t lost my abilities to help my friends,” he said in a hushed voice. We looked at him.

Alexander:
Rosa and I agreed to start our relationship over. We were different people looking for something different out of ourselves and out of each other. The headmaster lady of the safe house found out that I had stayed overnight, and even though Rosa and I promised nothing happened, she accused Rosa of falling off of the horse and kicked her out. She came back to the house with me, and I told her I would take her back to the city when the week was over. As we approached the front of the house, I could see Billy through the window upstairs. When he saw me, he left the room. He actually looked pissed…

“You think he’s angry?” Rosa asked me. I snorted.
“This is Billy; he doesn’t do emotions,” I said. I apparently was talking about a different Billy. He came storming out of the front of the house.
“Where the Hell have you been?” He shouted at me. I cocked my head.
“Excuse me?” I said. Billy was moving quickly. I got in a stance. Before I knew it, I was on the ground…

Alexander:
The bastard…hit me…

William:
I don’t know what came over me. It must have been the whole Dee situation. Here Dee was dying, and where was Lex? Off with his booty call. If you’re wondering, Mia taught me that phrase. Don’t ask…

Galen Thompson:
Rosa, Billy, Lex, and I were the last ones who saw Dee alive. Demetrius King was our best friend. In the end, he did what he did best: help his friends push beyond their issues. I heard what had transpired with both Lex and Billy. It didn’t surprise me. That was Dee. You may be reading this and think that this is a terrible story because both Chris and Dee died in the same week, but their deaths, in a way, help the people they left behind. Dee knew I refused to except reality when things didn’t go my way, and Chris’ death, coupled with Dee inviting Betty to the pizza shop and the storm that kept us there, help me to accept life and its imperfections. Screw the American dream. I had a new dream now.

William Rollins:
We called 911 for Dee after he died. Rosa had elected to go downstairs and wait for them while the three of us sat and stared at what had once been our best friend. I had known Dee for four years before the day he died. I used to consider him my only friend, but now I knew there were other people out there, besides the hired help at my parents’ house, who genuinely cared for me. When I was five-years old, my brother, Joseph Rollins, died due to complications with his frail heart. That day it rained, and even though I can barely remember much of the event, I remember pulling the toy windmill from his hand. I never cried about him. I never spoke about him either. Mia thinks it’s because I had the whole thing repressed, but I know what it was. A part of me never believed he was dead, and to this day, I still feel him with me. I don’t speak to him when I visit his grave, because I was always the silent twin, but he knows that I miss him. I know Joseph is probably thanking Dee as we speak.

Alexander Black:
I won’t bend your ear off or make this sappy like Galen and Billy did. Dee’s the reason I am who I am today. I’m not going to say I changed into a saint over night. What I did was grow up. My immaturity was the reason my family distanced themselves from me. All of them, except Chris. He was the only person who ever believed in the wild child. I needed to lose the last thing I cared about. It’s a fucked up thing to say, but it’s true. I stumbled through life thinking I’d never lose Chris, but I did, and nothing I do will bring him back. Rosa and Dee helped me realize that I needed to face what I had lost, and not just Chris, but my father as well. Unlike Billy and Galen, Dee did nothing on this trip to help me do that, but he did everything he could before now. I think he died knowing that he had succeeded in the end.

Christopher Black
1992 – 2010

Demetrius King
1986 – 2010