Something We've Lost

Although it was a cool fifty-five degrees in Baltimore, beads of sweat were beginning to trickle down Aspen's forehead. They caught momentarily in her blonde eyebrows, and she quickly wiped the salty water droplets away with the back of her hand before they could drop into her eyes and cause them to prickle in the most uncomfortable fashion.

Running was something that Aspen had always considered calming. It allowed her to focus on things that required much concentration, such as her breathing and how many more miles she had to go, instead of the problems that were plaguing her mind. The best part, however, was that Jack had always hated running and constantly declined her invitations to accompany her, so it was not something that she associated with him.

Although her running partner was someone that was very directly related to Jack. "Give me a second, Doodle," Aspen lightly scolded the black and white Border Collie as she slowed her pace.

The dog responded to the pressure she placed on the leash and began excitedly turning in small circles. Aspen rolled her eyes affectionately and supported the blue leash between the wall of a nearby building and her knee so that she could gather the fallen tendrils of her blonde hair into a ponytail. She was just tightening the black hair tie when Doodle gave a loud bark and jumped into a run, dragging the leash away from Aspen's light grip.

The motion resulted in a painful burn on her knee from the fabric of the leash, and Aspen glared after the receding figure of her dog. "You've got to be kidding me," she grumbled as she began to jog after him.

She loved Doodle dearly, but she did think that he started acting a bit outlandish once Jack left. He was a perfectly well-behaved puppy before she became a single parent. Her theory was that he was affected the same way as children whose parents divorced, but anyone she mentioned this to shot the idea down with a roll of their eyes.

"Doodle!" she called as she watched him slow and trot around the corner. "I swear I'm not feeding you tonight if you don't stop!"

When she rounded the corner, she was pleased to find that Doodle had indeed halted. However, she was absolutely horrified when she saw who was holding the end of his cobalt colored leash.

As soon as she realized who her dog had run to, Aspen had immediately backtracked around the corner, pressing herself against a building and taking a deep breath. His tall, thin figure looked exactly like she remembered it. From the back his dark hair looked a little more spiky in some spots, and as far as she could tell, the blonde streak was gone. His tone sounded happy as he spoke to Doodle, something he had always done that Aspen had found amusing.

"Aspen!" a voice squealed excitedly.

May rounded the corner and smiled enormously. "Oh my gosh, how weird is that? I've seen you so much in the past week," she chuckled as she pulled Aspen in for a hug.

Jack slowly walked towards them, Doodle obediently keeping pace with him. Aspen narrowed her eyes at the dog. This was all his fault.

The sight of him was enough to turn her mouth to sawdust, but as soon as their eyes met, Aspen felt her hands begin to shake. She pressed them into the pockets of her running shorts so that he wouldn't notice. "It is pretty weird," she agreed with May, forcing a smile.

An uncomfortable silence fell over them that was broken when Jack held out Doodle's leash. "He looks great," he commented.

"Yeah, he's wonderful," Aspen agreed as she pushed her wrist into the loop in the leash. "Thanks for... you know, stopping him. I've gotta get home though. Lots of stuff to do," she explained, irritated with herself for not being able to come up with a more detailed excuse.

She hadn't taken two steps away when May called out, "Aspen, wait!" Cringing, Aspen slowly turned around, an extremely forced smile pasted on her face. "Jack flaked on this big family dinner last night, so my mom's making another one tonight," the brunette explained, "Why don't you stop by? My family loves you!"

The injustice of the situation made Aspen want to drop to the floor and engage in the largest tantrum of her adult life. Instead, she turned her eyes to Jack. "Uh, I don't know if that's really a good idea," she countered hesitantly.

"Jack doesn't mind," May instantly interjected. "Right?"

The expression on his face was one of extreme confliction. He missed Aspen acutely, but that didn't mean he had forgotten their breakup. The deciding factor, however, occurred when May nudged him with her elbow. The gesture probably appeared innocent, but May had unnaturally pointy elbows that she knew how to utilize.

"Yeah, I don't care," Jack shrugged. "I have some stuff of yours that I never got around to giving back anyway."

Aspen resisted the urge to cringe. "Okay then," she agreed. "I'll stop by later. What time?"

"We're eating in like, half an hour," May answered. "Jack and I were just out to get some Tylenol for his hangover." She said all of this with a huge smile, which almost made Aspen laugh.

"Uh, okay," she nodded, "I'll just go take Doodle home and change before I stop over."

"Wonderful!" May grinned, clapping her hands together. She nudged Jack back towards the way that they had come, tossing Aspen a quick wave as they departed.

Aspen stood rooted to the concrete sidewalk for a few seconds as she realized that she had agreed to spending a whole evening with her ex-boyfriend and his family. "You are a moron," she told herself as she pulled Doodle's leash lightly and started back to her apartment.

Dinner with the Barakats was something that Aspen had done many times. Sometimes it felt like most of her high school life had been spent at the Barakats' home. And yet Aspen couldn't stop cracking her knuckles, a bad habit that she reserved only for the moments when she felt most anxious, as she hurriedly took a shower and fed Doodle.

"Do I look okay?" she asked the dog as she dawdled near the door of her apartment. "Is it too much? Not enough?"

Doodle tilted his head to the side before he lowered his muzzle into his metal food bowl and began happily chomping on his kibble. Aspen sighed. "I'm losing it if I'm talking to a dog," she mumbled as she collected her car keys and unhappily made her way out the door.

The drive to the Barakats' house was around fifteen minutes, which didn't allow for Aspen to arrive on the better side of late. She was glad that it was not longer though, for when she arrived she had already considered returning home and calling May to retract her acceptance of the dinner invitation. She wasn't sure whether she could do it.

However, any thoughts of an escape disappeared when the front door of the Barakat house opened. Aspen had been sitting in her car, trying to stop the nervous sweating of her palms, and contemplating leaving once again when Joyce Barakat appeared on the front porch. "Aspen!" she exclaimed happily. "Come in, dear! We were just about to sit down."

Though she repressed a groan, Aspen had to force a smile onto her face and was sure that she didn't do it very well when Joyce's expression faltered slightly. Nevertheless, Jack's mom pulled her into a hug. "I've missed you, sweetheart! Bassam and I both have. We always did love you," she noted with a friendly smile.

"I've missed you guys too," Aspen replied, her throat feeling thick. She wrapped her arms more tightly around Jack's mom, feeling overcome with a strong sense of nostalgia.

"Come in, come in," Joyce ushered as she almost pulled Aspen over the threshold. The door closed with a smart little click, and Aspen realized that there was no going back. She was past the point of no return.

When May had said that they were having dinner with the family, Aspen had expected Jack's parents, the boy that she had been avoiding for years, his brother Joe, and May. However, she also found that one of Jack's aunts and uncles and a couple of cousins by the looks of it had arrived for the meal. "Oh wow," she said, wiping her hands on her jeans, "May wasn't kidding when she said family."

"Oh, it's just Bassam's sister," Joyce said, waving a hand airily. "Actually, I believe you might've met them in Lebanon that one summer that Jack brought you along." Joyce smiled at the reference of a better time, a time that was now lost to the past. The memory made Aspen fight off the urge to cringe.

She kept Aspen's arm as she led her into the dining room and re-introduced the blonde girl to her husband's sister and brother-in-law. "Oh, Aspen!" Berenice smiled, "How wonderful to see you! We ask about you every time we see our nephew." She punctuated her sentence with a conspirator's wink, and Aspen felt her cheeks begin to ache from all of the forced smiling she had been doing.

"It's nice to see you again," she replied. She couldn't think of anything else to say, and she felt like she was being deprived of air, so she politely pulled her arm from Joyce's and asked that she be excused.

Her feet easily remembered the way to the bathroom on the first floor of the house, and Aspen was looking forward to a few moments of solitude as she turned the corner that would deposit her by the door. She had to stop herself quickly when she saw Jack leaning against a wall, holding his phone to his ear.

"I had a great time with you too," Jack murmured into the phone. Without seeing his face Aspen could tell that he was smiling. His voice changed when he smiled. She backed up a few steps, not wanting to listen in on the conversation but feeling as though it was necessary.

"I'm about to have dinner with my family and... an old friend," Jack explained to whoever was on the phone. "But yeah, getting a drink later sounds cool. Talk to you later, babe."

When he turned around, Aspen hadn't had time to jump out of sight, and Jack found her nervously cracking her knuckles. He frowned at her. "Enjoy that?"

Aspen sighed. "I didn't mean to," she countered, "It just..." Her shoulders fell in a defeated shrug. "I need to use the restroom," she murmured as she stared down at her cobalt blue flats. When they were freshman Jack had a phase where he wore nothing except for obnoxiously bright socks. Aspen had stolen a cobalt blue pair from him once because it was her absolute favorite color.

He swept past her. "Dinner's probably done," he called over his shoulder.

She didn't bother replying. Instead, she stepped into the bathroom and locked the door before she took a seat on the counter. This evening was going to be much more difficult than she had initially anticipated.