Something We've Lost

When Aspen walked back into the Barakat dining room she discovered that the only seat available was beside Jack, much to her chagrin. The table was already bustling with conversation, and she took her seat quietly in hopes that the attention would stay on a subject other than Jack or herself.

It didn't work. Almost as soon as Aspen tucked her chair in, Joyce turned to her. "How have you been doing, Aspen darling?" she asked. Bassam handed his wife his plate, and she began filling it with food, though her attention was still concentrated on Aspen.

"Uh, I've been well," Aspen responded with a smile. Her hands began sweating, and she suddenly found herself missing the days when Jack would hold her hand under the table during dinner with his family.

"How do you like New Haven? And your classes at Yale?" Joyce pressed. She took her son's plate next and started placing enormous amounts of food on it. "He's so thin," she explained to Aspen in a stage whisper, "especially now that he doesn't have you to make sure he's getting his veggies."

Aspen smiled, and anyone who knew her would be able to deduce that it was not an entirely happy smile. It made her feel slightly guilty that Joyce thought that she had been so good for Jack; she hadn't, and rarely had she ever nagged him about what he was eating. "Yale's great," Aspen answered with a pressed smile. "I love New Haven. It's a really nice place to live."

"Got yourself a boyfriend?" Joyce asked with a sly smile.

"No," Aspen responded with a chuckle. She noticed that Jack looked somewhat pleased by this news—it was a gloating sort of pleased that made Aspen want to punch him in the skinny arm—and she continued on, "I mean, I've dated. Tons of guys. It's just hard to find someone with the same work ethic as myself and compatible with my future plans."

She adopted a pensive expression as she picked up her glass of wine and noted, "That's always been so difficult to find."

"Maybe it's because the only person compatible with these 'future plans' has got to be a one-track zombie with no social life or plans of his own that dare contradict yours," Jack quipped. "No wonder you haven't found anyone yet, Asp."

"You're right," she agreed in a sardonic voice. "I've always gone for pestering, angst ridden guys who think they can mess around and act like they're fifteen for the rest of their life." She watched as Jack's knuckles turned white from the extreme grip he had on his fork and felt a sense of accomplishment dispersing through her.

"Guess those are the only guys who can deal with how egotistical you are," Jack responded as he stabbed at the ham on his plate.

Joyce chuckled as she settled herself back into her seat, having served everyone around the table. "Oh, you kids," she commented dismissively. "It's so nice to have everyone back. This reminds me of the day that you guys graduated. Grandpa Barakat was here, and we all went to dinner at that French restaurant. Do you remember that, Jack? Aspen?"

They both nodded, and while Aspen couldn't be sure, she wondered if Jack was thinking about that day as well. It had started off wonderfully, graduation had occurred without any major mishaps, they'd willingly endured dinner with both of their families before heading off to the first of many graduation parties together.

However, it was also the day that Aspen and Jack had ended their four year relationship.

Aspen made herself busy with the food on her plate. "These potatoes are amazing, Joyce," she complimented in an attempt to change the subject.

"Oh, thank you, darling," smiled Mrs. Barakat. "It's a recipe that my mother-in-law taught me. Although I'm sure she does them much better." Her laughter filled the dining room, and everyone aside from Jack and Aspen joined in.

"Perhaps she'll make them while we're in Lebanon," Joyce added.

It was easy enough to tell that Joyce wished for Aspen to inquire about their latest venture to Lebanon, so she did. "The family's going for a visit?" Aspen questioned politely.

"Oh yes," Joyce nodded, "It's Bassam's father's one hundredth birthday. In fact, Aspen..."

Jack's fork hit his plate with a considerable amount of force. "Mom," he said sternly.

"Jack, do not take that tone with your mother," his father interjected.

"Well, I was talking with Berenice, and we remembered how much Jack's grandparents love you, and we were wondering if perhaps you'd like to accompany us to Lebanon for the celebration," Joyce explained.

Aspen nearly choked on the food that she had been in the process of swallowing. "That's... quite an invitation," she noted after clearing her throat with a large gulp of wine. "But I can't accept it, I'm sorry. Airfare is just not really feasible right now. You know how expensive college is."

"You wouldn't even have to worry about a ticket!" May countered, "I was dating this guy that I was planning on bringing, but he was a jerk, and we broke up so now we have an extra seat on the plane."

"I couldn't impose like that," Aspen continued.

"It's not imposition at all," Jack's aunt quickly cut in. "My parents have always spoken highly of you."

Suddenly it felt like the previously spacious dining room had begun closing in; they had her backed against a wall. She looked to Jack for some kind of way out, but he didn't meet her gaze. He looked quite pissed but was neglecting to offer Aspen any kind of assistance.

"Don't look at it as you coming with Jack," Joe said. "Look at it as you coming as a friend of the family."

"Yeah!" May agreed, "Jack's not the only Barakat that loves you."

"Loved." Jack stood up and stomped towards the exit of the dining room.

Bassam heaved a sigh. "Jack, you're not done eating," he informed his son.

"May I please be excused?" Jack demanded through gritted teeth. "My girlfriend's waiting for me to meet her so we can go get drinks."

A silence fell over the room. It was broken when Joyce began bustling around the table, collecting dishes. "Of course, dear," she replied, "Have a pleasant time with your friend."

"Let me help you, Joyce," Aspen murmured. She grabbed the stack of dishes from Jack's mom and hurried past Jack into the kitchen. She could feel his eyes on her back as she made herself busy scraping food off the plates and into the garbage can but was relieved when instead of approaching her, he merely changed directions and climbed the stairs to his room.

May joined her a minute later. "Don't let him get you down, Asp," she ordered cheerfully as she pulled some Tupperware containers out of one of the cupboards. "We're all thrilled that you're coming, and my grandparents are going to be too."

She forced a smile. "Thanks, May," she said as she placed the dishes into the kitchen sink. "Can you handle this for a second? I'm gonna go talk to him."

"Of course," May smiled. "Good luck!"

Although Aspen simply cast May an affectionate eye roll, she secretly was thankful for the luck. At dinner Jack had been openly despairing about her; she was slightly afraid of what he would say when the two of them were alone. She paused outside of Jack's room and took a deep breath before she raised her hand to knock.

As soon as Aspen's hand approached the wooden door, however, it swung open, and she was once again standing face to face with her ex-boyfriend. "What is with you sneaking around in the shadows?" Jack demanded as he crossed his arms.

Aspen nervously wrung her hands. "I was just about to knock," she explained, "I just wanted to talk to you about... well, dinner."

"There's nothing to talk about, Aspen," Jack countered harshly.

Before she had even entered the Barakats' home, Aspen had resolved that she was not going to mention the night that she and Jack had broken up or anything that was remotely involved with that night. But when she saw him there with his face set in a deep scowl that was so uncharacteristic of himself, she just wanted to make it better.

"Jack, I know I never got to tell you, but about, you know, that night—"

"It's over," he interrupted. "I don't want to talk about it. If my family has worked so hard to make sure that you're in Lebanon, then fine, great, wonderful. I don't care. This doesn't change anything between us." He swept past her without another word and as he descended the stairs, he called back, "Your shit's in the box by my desk. We're leaving Saturday night at eleven."

By the time Aspen could force herself to mutter, "Thanks," the front door had already slammed. She pushed Jack's bedroom door back open and walked into the room nervously.

Nothing had changed since high school. The walls were still painted blue and had numerous, random posters hanging on them—including the poster of the bikini clad blonde that Alex had bought Jack for some holiday and Aspen had always detested. Piles of clothes were laying everywhere, making navigation not the easiest task. His desk was overrun by music magazines and notebooks which Aspen knew were filled with music.

The box that held all of her stuff wasn't special. It was brown and cardboard and labeled with a simple "A". It made Aspen wonder if he had thrown all remnants of her into it right after their split and been unable to right her full name. That’s the way things had been for her; it had been months before she could speak Jack's name without tears flooding her eyes.

Everyone had always told Aspen that he was a mistake. Her friends, preppy and mainstream and judgmental, had never understood what she had seen in him. Her father was a hard, almost ruthless businessman who had always told her that Jack didn't have enough determination to match her own. Joe and May had even joked about how strangely matched their brother was with Aspen.

The blonde picked up her box and pulled a picture frame out of it. She was wearing a silver dress, and Jack was in a suit. She didn't even have to check the date to know that it was their senior prom. They had been so amazingly happy.

It had taken her some time to realize, but the mistake wasn't in dating Jack Barakat. The mistake was in letting Jack Barakat go.