A Load of Random Crap with Green Day
Flaming Shit!
Billie dashed away from his doorstep and dove into the bushes across the street. He peered through the leaves at his own door. On the doorstep was a bag of flaming shit. Billie knew Tre was the only on at home, and since Tre was the ultimate prankster of the group, Billie was psyched to be able to get him back for once.
The door opened, and Tre appeared. He looked down at the fire on his welcome mat with amusement, then yelled, "C'mon, you'll have to do better than this!"
Billie froze. If he didn't move, Tre might never realize he was the one to pull the prank.
"Billie! I know it's you! Get out of the bushes!"
Well, crap. He stood up slowly, crossing his arms over his chest defensively. "How did you know?" he yelled across the street. He was unwilling to get within flinging distance of Tre or the flaming bag.
Tre never did give straight answers. "Because I am the master," he replied. " Flaming shit? That's pathetic."
Tre put out the bag of shit with the garden hose.
Billie walked back across the street as soon as the bag was thrown away. "If you're such a master, why don't you show me a good prank?" Billie challenged him.
"You mean teach you?" Tre corrected him smugly. "Maybe I will, as long as you promise to use the talents I teach you not for good, but for evil!"
Billie agreed. "But who will we pull it on?" he asked.
Tre smiled evilly. "Who do you think?"
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Mike. Mike was their target. Late that night, Tre and Billie met in secret in the attic to plan their prank.
"Since you're a beginner, we'll start with something simple. Brilliant, but simple. But still brilliant," Tre began. He pulled a baby carrier from behind his back.
"What's that?" Billie asked curiously. What sort of prank could be pulled with a baby carrier?
"You'll see," Tre replied. "But first, I want you to create a realistic baby mannequin from this paper bag."
"Oh, this is really simple," Billie muttered sarcastically.
"It is to the master," Tre replied dramatically. "Now hurry up."
Billie set to work on making a realistic baby while Tre gave pointers and watched. After a good hour they had a decent mannequin made from a paper bag and a tennis ball wrapped in a sock.
"Of all the simple things I have ever done, this is the least simple," Billie said. Tre had him draw a face on the sock with Magic Marker.
"Now what?" Billie asked.
"Now we fill it," he answered.
"Fill it?" Billie repeated in confusion.
"Since you're such a fan of the flaming shit trick, we're going to biring it to the next level," Tre explained. "C'mon."
Billie and Tre took a short drive to their friends house. The friends were away for the night, but they had a dog that used the backyard as a toilet. Tre let Billie do the dirty deed, and when they drove away, the paper bag that was the baby mannequin was heavier.
The light was still on inside Billie and Tre's house when they got back. If Mike realized they were gone, he didn't show it.
Tre handed the baby carrier to Billie. "Billie," he said, "today is the day you become a man."
Billie accepted the baby carrier with reverence. He then ran across the street, lit the baby with his lighter and rang the doorbell. He ran across the street and dove into the bushes next to Tre. Again, he waited for hilariousness to occur.
Mike opened the door and shrieked. Hilariousness did occur. He reached for the carrier and, tucking it into his chest, did the famous stop-drop-and roll. With a bag of shit shaped like a baby. He rolled across the lawn for a moment, yelling for someone to call an ambulance. When stop-drop-and roll didn't work, he tried to grab the baby and hugged it to him, trying to smother the fire.
From across the street, Tre and Billie heard Mike yell again. With disgust. Billie and Tre broke into uncontrollable laughter as they watched Mike drop the baby mannequin and roll on the lawn again, for different reasons. When he stopped, he bellowed at the top of his lungs. "Tre!"
Tre and Billie looked at each other, then burst out of the bushes and made a mad dash down the street with Mike not far behind them.
The door opened, and Tre appeared. He looked down at the fire on his welcome mat with amusement, then yelled, "C'mon, you'll have to do better than this!"
Billie froze. If he didn't move, Tre might never realize he was the one to pull the prank.
"Billie! I know it's you! Get out of the bushes!"
Well, crap. He stood up slowly, crossing his arms over his chest defensively. "How did you know?" he yelled across the street. He was unwilling to get within flinging distance of Tre or the flaming bag.
Tre never did give straight answers. "Because I am the master," he replied. " Flaming shit? That's pathetic."
Tre put out the bag of shit with the garden hose.
Billie walked back across the street as soon as the bag was thrown away. "If you're such a master, why don't you show me a good prank?" Billie challenged him.
"You mean teach you?" Tre corrected him smugly. "Maybe I will, as long as you promise to use the talents I teach you not for good, but for evil!"
Billie agreed. "But who will we pull it on?" he asked.
Tre smiled evilly. "Who do you think?"
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Mike. Mike was their target. Late that night, Tre and Billie met in secret in the attic to plan their prank.
"Since you're a beginner, we'll start with something simple. Brilliant, but simple. But still brilliant," Tre began. He pulled a baby carrier from behind his back.
"What's that?" Billie asked curiously. What sort of prank could be pulled with a baby carrier?
"You'll see," Tre replied. "But first, I want you to create a realistic baby mannequin from this paper bag."
"Oh, this is really simple," Billie muttered sarcastically.
"It is to the master," Tre replied dramatically. "Now hurry up."
Billie set to work on making a realistic baby while Tre gave pointers and watched. After a good hour they had a decent mannequin made from a paper bag and a tennis ball wrapped in a sock.
"Of all the simple things I have ever done, this is the least simple," Billie said. Tre had him draw a face on the sock with Magic Marker.
"Now what?" Billie asked.
"Now we fill it," he answered.
"Fill it?" Billie repeated in confusion.
"Since you're such a fan of the flaming shit trick, we're going to biring it to the next level," Tre explained. "C'mon."
Billie and Tre took a short drive to their friends house. The friends were away for the night, but they had a dog that used the backyard as a toilet. Tre let Billie do the dirty deed, and when they drove away, the paper bag that was the baby mannequin was heavier.
The light was still on inside Billie and Tre's house when they got back. If Mike realized they were gone, he didn't show it.
Tre handed the baby carrier to Billie. "Billie," he said, "today is the day you become a man."
Billie accepted the baby carrier with reverence. He then ran across the street, lit the baby with his lighter and rang the doorbell. He ran across the street and dove into the bushes next to Tre. Again, he waited for hilariousness to occur.
Mike opened the door and shrieked. Hilariousness did occur. He reached for the carrier and, tucking it into his chest, did the famous stop-drop-and roll. With a bag of shit shaped like a baby. He rolled across the lawn for a moment, yelling for someone to call an ambulance. When stop-drop-and roll didn't work, he tried to grab the baby and hugged it to him, trying to smother the fire.
From across the street, Tre and Billie heard Mike yell again. With disgust. Billie and Tre broke into uncontrollable laughter as they watched Mike drop the baby mannequin and roll on the lawn again, for different reasons. When he stopped, he bellowed at the top of his lungs. "Tre!"
Tre and Billie looked at each other, then burst out of the bushes and made a mad dash down the street with Mike not far behind them.