What You Do to Me

Between my conflicted mind and the sweltering Florida heat (for some reason the Clarks didn’t find it necessary to turn on the air conditioning in the dead of summer), I barely got any sleep that night. I couldn’t stop thinking about the kiss, and I also couldn’t open the windows for fear of bugs. It was a sticky (quite literally, as I was beginning to sweat) situation. Even stripped down to my underwear, with the blankets strewn across the floor and the fan on full blast, I still felt over heated and my sleep was nonexistent. So when Travis burst in on me the next morning, I was in a worse mood than I was before I went to bed. I need my sleep.

“Wake up!” He cried, clearly hyped up on espresso and life in general, banging my door open with way too much gusto for the morning. “Oh, shit, sorry,” he grimaced, looking away when he realized I was lying there in nothing but a bra and black panties. I didn’t even care I was so exhausted.

“Go away, Travis,” I grumbled, rolling over and hugging the pillow to my face.

“Nope,” he said, stubbornly. I heard him rummaging around in my suitcase before feeling clothes land on my bare legs. “Get up, get dressed, and we’ll go grab breakfast. I have a surprise for you.”

Knowing Travis like I did, I was fully aware he would not leave me alone until I got out of bed. “I’m still pissed off at you,” I mumbled groggily, pulling the tank top over my head, before realizing I had it on inside out.

“I know,” he replied quietly, staring at me with wide eyes as I pulled the shirt back off.

I shot him a glare and he looked away, heat rising in his cheeks. I pulled my clothes on and yanked my hair back into a ponytail, not really caring what I looked like. Without a word to Travis, I headed downstairs, where Julie was making pancakes for the rest of the family, already seated at the kitchen table.

“Morning, dear,” she greeted, and I smiled as genuinely as I could after the night I had had.
Could I tell her that her son was completely oblivious to the fact that I had ABSOLUTELY NO INTEREST in him? Probably not the best conversation to have over coffee and in front of the eight year old. “Grab a seat and grab some pancakes, they are going fast.”

“Nope,” Travis interjected, coming up behind me and going to kiss his mother on the cheek. “We’re going out for breakfast.”

“Oh, but I made chocolate chip ones just for you, sweetheart,” Julie frowned, looking down at her frying pan. “I know that they are your favorite.”

“Thanks, Mom,” he smiled. “But I have some big plans for Jency today.”

“You know, Travis,” I said, pulling out and chair and sitting down next to Amanda. “I’m actually really in the mood for pancakes. Bring ‘em on, Julie.”

“No,” Travis repeated, this time more forcefully, so much so that his mother shot him a questioning look. “We are going out.”

I stared defiantly into his blue eyes, but I was never really one for confrontation and gave in quickly. “Fine,” I submitted, standing up roughly.

“Fantastic,” he grinned, kissing his mother on the cheek again. “I’ll meet you at the Jeep in five minutes.” I looked past him to Julie, who looked thoroughly confused, and at Amanda who just shrugged. Travis left the room then, which was quickly followed by a soft, short laugh from his brother.

“Do you know what he’s up to?” I asked, but Garrett shook his head.

“Not a clue, but I do know my brother, and that kid has it bad.”

“He really likes you,” Dana concurred, taking a bite of her breakfast. I did my best not to grimace. This was quickly turning into an awkward situation.

Travis’s idea of going out to breakfast was swinging through and grabbing the early bird special at Chipotle, before jumping back on the road and heading further away from Bradenton. I didn’t question him however, in fact I spent most of the ride sitting silently and staring out the window. Travis, as per usual, chatted animatedly for close to an hour, about this and that and everything under the sun. Finally, my frustration got the better of me, and I interrupted him mid-sentence.

“You know I’m not ready for a relationship, right?” I snapped, and he glanced over at me. “Not with you, not with anyone. I thought you knew that, and yet you keep trying things, you keep pushing your limits and one of these days I’m not going to be able to just ignore it and move on.”

“I know,” he admitted, softly. “And I’m sorry. It’s just, I really like – ”

“No, don’t say it,” I replied, putting a hand up. “Please, don’t say it. I can’t....I can’t handle this right now.”

Silence fell over the Jeep then, both of us lost in our own little worlds, trying to figure things out for ourselves. It wasn’t until I had an incredibly strong sense of déjà vu that I finally spoke up.

“Travis,” I asked, suddenly feeling terror rise through me. “Where are we?” I glanced around frantically, images flooding my brain and bringing back memories that were locked away in the recesses of my mind. I had been here before.

“We’re...we’re in Bonita Springs,” Travis said hesitantly.

“No,” I replied immediately. “No, turn around and take me back to you house. No, better yet? Take me back to Orlando. I don’t want to be here anymore.”

“I can’t do that Jen,” he replied, pulling off the side of the road on a fairly desolate street. The tan grass and trees towered around us, with a few mail boxes scattered here and there, showing where houses were located within the brush. “You need this.”

“No, I don’t. I don’t need this at all.”

“You said yesterday that would wished you had all these family moments, so here is your chance! You can get back in touch with your grandparents!”

“You don’t fucking get it,” I scoffed bitterly. “You just don’t get it. Things aren’t always happy and perfect and capable of being fixed, okay? Some things are just always fucked up – my family life just happens to be one of those things.”

“Don’t be like that. Don’t be a scared little girl and act like the victim,” he shot back. “Take your life into your own hands and change it for the better!” I looked at him, shocked he was actually yelling at me. Suddenly, disappointing Travis felt like I was disappointing the world.
“Do something proactive! Have you ever even thought about getting back in touch with them?”

“They might not even be alive, still,” I argued feebly.

“They are,” he replied, sitting back in his seat, brows furrowed in frustration. “I looked them up last night when you went to bed.”

“Why should I even try?” I asked, quietly, suddenly feeling like the world was closing in around me. “They cut off contact with me when my mother left. They’ve never tried to see me in over ten years.”

“Jency,” Travis turned to me once again and took my hand in his. I didn’t pull it away. “They are your family. I don’t know why they did what they did, only they can answer that. Your grandmother and grandfather love you though, I have no doubt about that, even if they don’t realize it themselves. I won’t force you to do this,” he admitted, “but I will do everything I can to convince you that it’s the right thing to do.”

I stared at the dashboard, trying to wrap my head around what was happening. Was I really just down the street from their house? Was I really going to see two people that had abandoned me as a child? Was I able to handle this?

Travis took my silence as affirmation that he could continue driving, and no matter how much I wanted to tell him to turn around, I couldn’t make my mouth move. The drive down to the end of the road seemed to take forever, and when we pulled up outside the house I could hardly believe me eyes. Maybe I was remembering it wrong, but I had always thought it was a beautifully constructed, with a perfectly manicured lawn and the smell of fresh strawberries coming from inside. The house we pulled up to, however, had chipped paint, over grown bushes, and looked almost abandoned.

“Are you sure this is it?” I asked, part of me hoping Travis had been wrong, that my grandparents had moved.

“Yep,” he replied, putting the car in park and opening the door. Feeling numb all over, I somehow managed to follow him up the front walk and to the door. “Come on, Jen. You know you want to do this,” he encouraged, as my hand hesitated above the doorbell. I didn’t want to, actually, but I wanted to prove to Travis, and to myself, that I wasn’t a victim. I hated that word. Gathering my confidence, I pressed the bell and waited with bated breathe.

There was no answer a few long moments, and for one split second, the sinking feeling of disappointment came over me. Then, the door swung open.

I stared at the short woman in front of me, with short, curly gray hair, silver glasses, and oxygen tube settled around her nose. I sucked in a breath as she looked up at us, confusion smattered across her brown eyes.

“Nana?” I whispered, unable to even blink. She of course looked older, but still so much like I remembered.

She stared up at me, eyes wide and expressionless, so for a moment, I thought she had forgotten me. But I should have known better.

“Jency,” she croaked, a single tear rolling down her cheek. “Jency, my sweet girl!”

Next thing I knew, I was in my grandmother’s arms, the two of us laughing and crying together, all the terror of earlier gone in a flash. I never wanted to let go of her, I never wanted to lose her again.

-*-*-

I wasn’t even aware of Travis sitting on the couch next to me. My entire body was focused on Nana, who was sitting across from me with more love and happiness in her eyes than I had ever thought possible.

“I’ve always dreamt this day would come,” she beamed, pushing my tea cup closer to me.
After a good ten minutes of laughing and hugging, Nana had invited us in and presented us with tea and cookies. Almost immediately, she and I launched into a discussion about the last ten years of our lives (although I did most of the talking, and she just stared at me with a proud gleam in her eyes). I chattered on and on, about my career, the band, Holden, Maggie, life in Los Angeles and the tour we were currently on, while Nana listened intently.
When she did add to the conversation, it was with the sad news that my PopPop had passed away a year earlier of cancer. While that was a massive blow to my happiness, the simple fact that I had found one of them was more than enough to keep me smiling like a fool.
Travis sat quietly next to me, smiling back at me whenever I looked over at him, just checking to make sure that this was all really happening.

“I’ve always believed I would see you again,” Nana continued. “I just didn’t think it would be when you are a huge rock star. I’ve followed you in magazines, you know? One of my girl friends at church watches out on the internet and let’s me know when there is any new news on you. You’ve grown up to be such a beautiful woman, Jency.”

She squeezed my hand, but I felt my small falter a bit. This was my chance, my chance to get some answers.

“Nana,” I said, softly, slowly pulling my hand away. “I have to ask you something, about when my mom left.”

Her smile faded, and I saw her eyes cloud over with tears. “Your father never told you, did he?”

I was taken aback, but shook my head hesitantly. “Told me what?”

“When your mother left, she left all of us, dear. Your PopPop and I heard from her once or twice to let us know she was okay, but after a few months we lost all contact. We were crushed, naturally, as was your father. But Sean was stubborn, always was, and he soon wanted nothing to do with your mother or anything associated with her. And that included me.”

“What are you saying?” I asked, although it made complete sense – I just didn’t want to believe it. “That my dad kept you from me?”

Nana nodded and wiped a tear from her cheek.

I shook my head, not wanting to believe this. This was something that happened in a movie, or a bad soap opera – not in real life. And to think I believe my family couldn’t get anymore fucked up.

“I don’t want to talk about that, though,” Nana continued, leaning forward and taking my hand again. “You’re here now. We have each other.”

I looked up at her and knew she was right. I had to stop living in the past and move forward. I had a grandmother again, even if it took me a lot longer to find her. It just meant we would have to spend a lot of time together to make up for what we had lost.

“How is your brother?” she asked, pouring herself more tea. “If I remember correctly, he was always such a ball of energy.”

“Holden is good. He’s calmed down a lot though, definitely the serious and responsible one out of the two of us.” I gave a small smile. “Sometimes I think he is trying to take over the parental role.”

“He must be what, twenty five now?”

“Turning twenty six next month.”

“Oh my goodness, twenty six? That would make you...”

“Twenty one,” I grinned.

“My goodness, I was married at your age, you know. And your PopPop was Holden’s age. Does that boy have anyone special in his life? I remember that he was quite the ladies man, even in elementary school.” She chuckled at the memories.

“He might have been the ladies man then,” I replied, “but he’s a one-woman man now. He’s been dating this girl, Maggie for years, and to be honest, I think he might be ready to marry her.”

This statement, of course, got quite the reaction form my grandmother and she quickly demanded all the details. Time flew by, and it was only when we heard a loud crack of thunder that we were jolted back to the real world.

“I better go make sure the car windows are up,” Travis said, standing and heading outside.

“Well, what about you?” Nana asked, with a wink.

“What do you mean?” I asked, but realized when she gave a pointed look where Travis had left. “Oh? Oh! No, no, Travis and I are just friends,” I stated. “We’re actually in a bit of a fight, at the moment too, so, really, nothing is going on there.”

“Well, he must be some friend if he is willing to drag you down here to meet your long lost grandmother.”

“He is...some friend,” I agreed, as it suddenly dawned on me just what Travis had done.

The red head reentered the house, dripping wet from the sudden Florida storm.

“It is raining cats and dogs out there,” he laughed, pulling his sopping hair back into a ponytail and pulling a beanie over it. Nana and I both looked up at him as he entered, and he gave me his trademark lopsided smile. He looked back in forth between us, awkwardly standing there. “Did I miss something?”

“I’m going to go get dinner started,” Nana said, standing up. “You two just have to try my teriyaki chicken recipe, it’s to die for.”

She tottered off into the kitchen, leaving Travis and I in the living room, alone.

“Trav, you can go home if you want. You don’t have to stay. I know you wanted to spend time with your family.”

“And you leave you here?” he asked, sitting back down next to me. “How would you get back to Orlando?”

“I could rent a car or something. It’s not a big deal.”

Travis rolled his eyes at me. “I’m staying. Besides, I don’t want to miss Nana’s teriyaki chicken. I hear it’s to die for.”

“If you think you’re leaving, think again, Mr. Clark,” Nana called from the kitchen. “I’m not allowing you to drive out in the storm. It’s not safe.”

“She’s spoken,” Travis announced,” standing up and holding a hand out to me. “Come on, go in there and learn how to cook something. I’ll set the dinner table.”

Before I knew it, it was after 11:00pm and we were still sitting at the dinner table, drinking wine and laughing at the hilarious stories Travis was regaling us with. Nana was right about her chicken, and a food coma was coming upon me quickly. I tried to stifle my yawn after we had finished out ice cream sundaes (grandparents are awesome), but was unsuccessful, and the ever observant Nana noticed immediately.

“Oh dear, you two must be exhausted. I’ll set up the pull out bed for you to sleep on.”

“Oh, Nana, we can just head back to Travis’s. Really, we don’t want to cause any inconvenience.”

“Jency,” Nana scolded, standing up and walking behind Travis’s chair. “You don’t want this young man driving back in this storm do you?”

Travis shot me a puppy dog face, causing me to snort in laughter. “No, of course not.”

“Good, then it’s settled. Come along Mr. Clark and use those strong arms of yours to help me pull out the couch.”

As Travis and Nana set up the couch-bed, I cleared the table and did the dishes. Just as I was finishing drying the plates, Nana entered the kitchen and came over to give me a kiss.

“Good night sweet heart, I’ll see you in the morning.”

“Night Nana,” I replied, relishing the way those words felt on my lips. I never actually believed I would say that again.

I went into the bathroom and changed into a nightgown my grandmother lent me, then out into the living room a few moments later to see Travis laying a blanket on the floor next to the couch bed, and rolling up his sweatshirt into a makeshift pillow. He shot me a sheepish smile before pulling his shirt over his head, revealing his toned, tattooed torso. I averted my eyes and climbed into the bed, pulling the scratchy blanket over my bare legs.

“Want me to grab the light?” Travis asked, as he pulled his jeans off, leaving only his boxer briefs on. My eyes flickered over him and before nodding softly. As he made his way over, I spoke up without thinking.

“Travis...”

He looked over at me, with a raised eyebrow. “Yeah?”

I paused for a moment, wondering just what the hell I was doing. He had, after all, done so much for me, so much more than I ever expected him to, so much more than anyone else had done for me. At this moment in time, he was my favorite person in the world, and that person shouldn’t have to sleep on the floor.

I gave a pointed look at the open space in the bed next to me and shot him a smile, which he returned immediately. Flipping off the light, he crawled in next to me, our bare legs accidentally grazing each other as he got in. I laid down and rolled over to face him and Travis did the same.

“Just to let you know,” I whispered, “’thank you’ doesn’t even begin to describe how grateful I am. I owe you a lot, Travis.”

“You don’t owe me anything, Jen. I just want you to be happy.”

My heart swelled with feeling then, and I reached over and pulled him into a one armed hug.
“Well, thank you. For everything.”

“Anything for you,” he breathed in my ear, and I shivered slightly. I pulled away then and rolled over on my stomach to fall asleep, not really minding at all that Travis’s arm was still lightly draped over my back.