What You Do to Me

After Holden’s proposal, the rest of the afternoon was a blur...there really is no other way to describe it. Somehow, we made it off the stage among hugs and congratulatory kisses, Maggie and Holden not letting go of each other the entire time. Eric and Quinn took over merch and signing duties, leaving the newly engaged duo to have the bus to themselves.

Usually, we would be giving them a hard time, but today, the bus was all theirs. I headed off in a amazed daze to We The Kings’ bus, where two hours later I was still laying on the couch staring at the ceiling, wondering exactly how this entire thing came to be. It just completely
astounded me.

“I...I just can’t believe it.” I muttered for the thousandth time. Travis looked at me in amusement from across the aisle. “I mean...how?”

“How what?”

I opened my mouth a few times, like a fish gulping for air, as I tried to put into words what exactly I was confused about.

“I don’t know,” I admitted finally. “I guess, I guess it just amazes me that two people can love each other that much, you know? Like, he asked her to marry him on stage in front of all those people. And she said yes!”

“Were you expecting anything different?”

“Well, no. I knew she would always say yes, that was never a question. I don’t know, it’s just a huge gesture. She meant that much to him, the Holden was willing to prance out there in front over everyone and present her with a ring, despite the fact that he was absolutely terrified she would say no. I mean, who does that?”

“People who are crazy in love,” he replied and I could hear the smile in his voice. “But I don’t think he was necessarily prancing...that might have been a bit much.”

“You know what I mean,” I smirked.

I looked over at Travis. He was sitting there, watching me, elbows resting on his knees and red hair falling gently over his face.

“You look like your mind has been blown,” he commented.

“It has,” I agreed. “I just...I can’t believe it.” It was repeating myself but there was no other real way to describe it. “They are going to get married and promise to love each other for all of time. How the fuck does that happen?”

“Come on Jen,” Travis chuckled. “People get engaged all the time.”

“Well, I know that...but how do you know it will work out?” I sat up and turned myself to face him. “How do you know that will be the right person, the right time? How do you know that person is the one, how do you know it is true love?”

“You are asking me way too many difficult questions there, kid. See,” he said, holding up his left hand and pointing at his ring finger. “No ring there, so I have no experience in the marriage department. I guess you just know, and then you ask the person pray to God it works out.”

“But what if it doesn’t?” I pressed, searching for some kind of answer. “I mean, I want it to, don’t get me wrong. The last thing I would ever want is Maggie and Holden to break up, but what if they do? What then?”

“Then, you shrug your shoulders and move on. There really aren’t many other options are there.” Travis watched me as I bit my lip and looked down at my fingers, picking anxiously as my nail beds. “Why are you so hung up on this?” He finally asked.

“I don’t know,” I sighed. “I don’t exactly have really good example of a relationship working out, do I? My mom split when I was eight, my dad shot himself when I was sixteen, my first boyfriend only dated me for the fame and the first person I was in love with left me with no explanation. I guess I’m just looked for an explanation is all. I mean, you may think you have found something but in the end...it just all goes to shit.” Travis smiled sadly at me and I sighed. “I guess it’s just hard for me to fathom, you know. That someone can love someone that much and display it in such a way. It’s unbelievable really.”

“But you’re happy for them, right?”

“Of course!” I replied, shocked he would even suggest that I was at all disappointed with what had happened. “I mean, Maggie is really the closest thing I have to sister anyway, so a ring on her finger isn’t going to change our relationship at all. I just...am blown away by the whole idea, is all.”

I tried my best to explain to Travis how I was feeling, what I was thinking. It wasn’t that I didn’t believe in love, I knew it existed – I had after all been swept up in it for two months – but I guess I just didn’t believe it could be maintained. Nothing lasts forever, anyways, right?
Travis didn’t respond right away to my musings, instead looking pensively at the tattoos that stretched across his right arm. “Well, if my opinion means anything, the bigger the gesture, the bigger the love and the more likely everything will be okay.”

I rolled my eyes but smiled, thanking him for at least humoring me. I was psycho about some things, I knew, but Travis was wonderful enough to put with me.

“You’ll be at our set in time for the last song, right?” he double-checked after a moment, looking up at me.

“Of course, I’m so pumped. The kids are going to love it.” I beamed at him and he smiled back, except this time it didn’t reach his eyes. Right away, I knew something was up. He was just to easy to read. “Trav,” I started, furrowing my brows in concern. “It something wrong?”

“Nope, nothing,” he replied quickly, standing up. I watched as he grabbed a water bottle from the fridge and headed for the bus door. “I’ll see you in a bit, Jen.” And with that he was gone.
I sat there on the couch, completely bewildered. One moment, we were having a relatively deep conversation and Travis was all cute and happy, and the next he was peacing out like I had threatened to cut his hair. That kid was so weird.

But then again, maybe I had completely freaked him out with all this talk of love...

Love. What a word. When you don’t have it, you want it. When you have it, it’s all consuming or never enough. Love can kill you. Love can save you. It shows up when you least expect it, when you least want it. Love can be all you live for or something that eludes you all your life. Love can be as big as the universe or as small as a peck on the cheek.
Fucking love.

I sat there, pondering life, love and loss for what seemed like hours, but the buzzing of my phone in my pocket knocked me out of my reverie.

T-Fair: Jen, I don’t want to be pushy or anything, but get your ass to main stage NOW.

“Godammit,” I hissed, jumping up from my seat and bolting out of the bus. Travis certainly was rubbing off on me – I was losing focus on everything.

I made it to the main stage just as We The Kings were finishing up ‘Secret Valentine’ and transitioning into ‘Check Yes Juliet’. They had altered the set a bit to make room for ‘We’ll Be A Dream’ right at the very end, so I had made it just in time.

“Jen,” T-Fair greeted me with a slight frown, scolding me silently for my lateness and took me by the arm. “You’re coming on from the left side of the stage. I’m assuming you know your clue, right?”

“Of course.”

“Fantastic.”

T-Fair bustled off, clearly busy with managerial duties, so I hung out behind the scenes, staying just out of sight from the fans but still able to watch the boys. I had watched them numerous times from backstage, and they never failed to impress. Travis, with his boundless energy definitely led the quartet, but Hunter, Danny and Drew kept right up with him. They clearly loved what they were doing, and the crowd ate that up. The fans sang every word to ‘Check Yes Juliet’ along with Travis, and I found myself beaming as I watched him.

As the song came to an end, and cheers erupted from all quarters. It was clear that no one wanted them to leave the stage, so Travis was happy to oblige them.

“So, since it is the last day of Warped Tour, we decided to give you guys a little bit of a treat. We are currently working on a new album (cheers all around) and have recently finished a song, so if it’s okay with you guys (more cheers) we’d like to play it for you.”

The red head glanced back at me and gave me an encouraging smile. My heart rate increased. This was it. Tonight we would share with the world our song, the song that had brought us together, the song that had almost single handedly changed my life. Without this song, I probably would never had been able to move on from Alex, and for that, I owed Travis everything.

As We The Kings started into the song, I felt my hands shaking slightly. Never before had I been nervous to perform, but now, I wanted to be the best I could be for Travis. He had faith in me, believed in me, cared about me, and I wanted to give him all I could.

He stepped up to the mic and I let his calming voice wash over me and suddenly I knew that everything in my world would be okay, but only if Travis was a part of it.

Do you remember the nights
we stayed up just laughing,
smiling for hours at anything?
Remember the nights we
Drove around crazy...in love.
When the lights go out
We’ll be safe and sound.
We’ll take control of the world
Like it’s all we have to hold onto
And we’ll be a dream...

The bridge came in and for a second I thought Travis would introduce me, but he merely stepped back and looked over at me expectantly. I gripped the microphone T-Fair and handed me and took a deep breath. This was it.

Do you remember the nights
we made our way dreaming
hoping of being something big?
We were so young then,
We were so crazy in love...

When I had come out onto the stage, the screams grew, which only raised my level of confidence. As we broke into the chorus, Travis’s voice and mine blended together more beautifully than ever before – it was almost as if this was meant to be.

When the lights go out,
we’ll be safe and sound.
We’ll take control of the world
Like it’s all we have to hold onto
And we’ll be a dream.

When the song came to an end, we were all grinning wildly. I didn’t even really hear the cheer of the crowd, I was just so caught up in the moment.

“Ladies and gents, the beautiful and talented Miss Jency Burke!” Travis cried, pulling me into a one-armed hug. I smiled up at him and gave a wave to the crowd, before turning and heading toward the back of the stage, completely beyond satisfied with our performance.

“Wait, Jency, come back here,” Travis called, waving me back. I shot him a look, but walked back over never the less. What the hell was he up to?

“So,” he said, addressing the crowd once again. “I’m sure most of your guys heard about Jency’s big brother Holden getting engaged earlier right?” Cheers and whistles. I clapped along with them, beaming once again as the memory came back into my mind. “Well, I’ve been lucky enough to get to know The Rollercoaster Life these past few months,” he continued, wiping the sweat from his forehead. “And I’ve been incredibly lucky to be able to spend tons of time with Jency here, seeing as we wrote that song you just heard together and during the process became really great friends.”

I smiled at him, but was still utterly confused as to what he was doing.

“Now, Holden’s big proposal this afternoon got me thinking a bit. I know a lot of you read the message boards and there a lot of rumors flying around and shit, but I’ve decided that I’m going to set the record straight once and for all.”

What???

“Jen,” he said softly, turning to me. “You mean the absolute world to me and I know we haven’t known each other an incredibly long time but...”

Holy. Shit.

I watched in complete and utter shock as Travis went down on one knee in front of me, my blood turning ice cold as is coursed through my veins. Even the crowd was practically silent.

“Jency Burke,” Travis said, grinning up at me. “Will you do me the amazing honor of being my girlfriend?”

Suddenly, I could breath again and I let our a relieved burst of laughter. Had I really thought he was about to propose? Travis was crazy but he wasn’t a mental patient. I brought my hand to my forehead in disbelief as the spectators erupted into ‘aws’ and cheers.

“Are you serious?” I laughed, still reeling.

“Completely,” he replied. “I want to make this shit Facebook Official and everything.”

I laughed again, now suddenly aware of the thousands of eyes that were on us. Blood rushed to my cheeks and I held my face in my hands, peering at Travis over my fingers. I couldn't say no to him, not after everything he had done for me. I couldn't disappoint him like that, I couldn't let him down.

I gave a miniscule nod, trying to stop the tears that were threatening to fall. I didn’t know why I was crying. Maybe it was because I just never expected something like this, maybe cause I was so happy, maybe because this was all I ever wanted, maybe because this wasn’t what I wanted at all.

“Was that a yes?” Travis asked, eyebrows raised.

I nodded again and his smile grew. “She said yes!” he yelled into the microphone, and cheers erupted from around the stage. Travis stood and pulled me into his chest, where I buried my head in embarrassment.

“The bigger the gesture the more the love,” he whispered in my ear, repeating his words from earlier. I couldn’t stop my tears at this point and merely nodded into his chest. We left the stage then, getting high fives and thumbs-up from various members of crew and other bands. My face was flushed, I knew that, but Travis never once let go of my hand and I refused to leave his side. The whole day had just been so overwhelming, I felt physically and emotionally drained.

“I’m sorry if I embarrassed you,” he said, as we walked back to the bus. “But I just wanted you to know that I care about you and I’m serious about this. I want this to work.”

“We’re leaving each other,” I mumbled, doubts suddenly filling my mind.

“We can make this work, Jency,” he repeated. “We’ll both be in Florida for a few weeks, and then we can visit each other on tour. It will be okay.”

I leaned into his side, needing that feeling of comfort he offered. Nothing was impossible to Travis, and I wished in that moment that I could look at the world the same way. Because as we walked back to the bus, no matter how happy I was that I had someone who cared about me, who wanted to be with me and make me happy, I couldn’t shake the feeling that this wouldn’t work out, that we would each just be hurt in the end.

But when Travis leaned down to kiss me then, all those thoughts were shoved to the deep recessed of my mind. I wasn’t going to think about that. I merely tilted my head up to his, welcoming his touch, his embrace.