What You Do to Me

I watched in amusement as Nick Santino struggled to lift up the amp onto the stage, his skinny arms no match for the heavy piece of equipment. A Rocket to the Moon would be performing first that night at the Chameleon Club, a dingy joint in the middle of Amish Country, Pennsylvania. Andrew, Justin and Eric Halvorsen, helped him and their crew to get the stage together before the doors opened at seven. I took a sip of my rum and Coke as I sat at the bar at the far end of the venue. I liked being here around the comings and goings as bands prepared for their set – it was so much better than sitting on the quiet bus.

Quinn was behind me, flirting obnoxiously with Bryce Collins, Anarbor’s tall, blonde and college educated merch girl. I adored Bryce, mostly because she shot down every advance Quinn had in his arsenal. Unlike Sierra (who had gotten over her and Quinn’s Warped Tour fling by hooking up with whoever she happened upon), Bryce wasn’t exactly going to just jump into bed without the possibility of an actual relationship. She wanted something more, something deeper than just a fuck-buddy, and I completely respected her for it. Not to mention she was astoundingly clever and a great person to talk to. Since Maggie was back home starting out her career as a columnist for Philly Mag (I’ll admit I offered some exclusive pictures to get her an interview), it was nice to have another girl on tour.

Eric and Holden had gone off in search of food, and from the texts I was receiving it seemed like that had found a burrito place. I was warned not to come, however, as it seemed that the restaurant was also popular with local teens, many of whom who were attending the concert that night. Holden had been congratulated multiple times on his engagement and Eric was asked to sign a girl’s bra. If I showed up, they were sure all hell would break loose.

I kept my hand on my drink, my eyes on the stage, and my ears on Quinn, taking in all the sensations around me. We were three weeks into tour and I loved every singe minute of it. I guess it never really hit me just how amazing touring was unless I wasn’t doing it anymore. Warped Tour had been a different experience, since I was still suffering from PASD – Post Alex Stress Disorder – but now I was over it and could enjoy my time worry free.

In fact, Alex rarely ever crossed my mind, the only times I thought of him was when he was brought to my attention by Travis’ texts updating me on how the Glamour Kills Tour was progressing. They had only had two shows so far, both in California, but Travis had nothing but great things to say about the tour and other bands. Our tours were never going to cross, although Travis promised to try and visit when he could, and I was going to come out to New York for one of his last shows before the Christmas break. Despite any nerves I still had about facing Alex, I was very excited to see Travis. I genuinely missed him and always looked forward to his texts and calls. He even sent me roses randomly after one show. He was, in short, a wonderful boyfriend.

Our last night together in Florida had been...mind blowing, to say the least. We had had a wild time on the beach behind his uncle’s cottage, having sex three times before climbing back into the Jeep and going home. We slept together again once more when we got back to the house and were sure Nana was asleep.

While I had been incredibly aroused, I had also been incredibly nervous – nervous that I wouldn’t find Travis adequate, that I would have to fake it, that I wouldn’t have to fake it but that I would scream out Alex’s name instead.

Luckily, none of those things happened. Travis was fantastic – gentle when he needed to be, urgent and desirous when I wanted it most. He completely satisfied me. When he finally rolled over and fell asleep, however, I stayed awake, eyes wide and guilt filling my gut. One thing I had been worried about came true. It was the only thing I thought about as I fell asleep that night. Travis was great in bed, but he didn’t take my breath away with one look; he didn’t leave me aching for more; he didn’t light every cell of my being on fire. Like I said, he left me satisfied, but part of me couldn’t help but remember a time when the love making was above and beyond anything I could even comprehend, so good it left me speechless and dizzy. In short, Travis wasn’t Alex.

I hated that I still compared them. It wasn’t fair to Travis, who didn’t even know that the boy who broke my heart all those months ago was one of his best friends (something I was going to have to remedy sooner rather than later). I was determined to put it behind me, though. I had no intention whatsoever of leaving Travis. Sure, I knew that the relationship was heavily one sided, and during that passionate night together I panicked (more than once), thinking he might profess his love to me (something I couldn’t reciprocate). I also knew that the doubts that had continued to nag me these past three months would most likely continue, but I wasn’t going to give up. I could learn to love him, I knew it. And I hate to say it this way, but Travis was good enough for me. I didn’t need anything more than what he gave.

I took a swig of my drink as A Rocket to the Moon started their sound check. The bartender put another drink in front of me. Smiling, I clinked glasses with Slade, who had slid onto the next bar stool over.

“How are you doing, Burke?” he asked, sweeping his dark brown hair from his eyes. I liked Slade. He was an incredibly chill guy who obviously loved his music and knew not to take life too seriously. He was like Travis, but a lot less hyper, which was a nice change. “Stoked for the show?”

“Of course. Nice shirt, by the way,” I added, pulling his “I Love Boobies” tee slightly.

“What can I say,” he shrugged, smirking and sending me a wink. “Your boy Quinn over here really doesn’t know how to take a hint, does he?”

We both looked back over our shoulders at Quinn, who was now trying to convince Tyler (Eric’s younger brother and our new merch guy) to be his wingman as he tried a new tactic in seducing Bryce.

Tyler, seventeen and newly graduated from high school, looked up at the loud Irishman with wide, nervous eyes. The poor kid was really not cut out for life on tour - too quiet and shy. He was almost exactly like his older brother, just much more naïve as well. The only reason we had agreed to take him on was after Eric begged us. We all knew that he wanted to get his brother out the poisonous atmosphere in that New Jersey shack they had been forced to call a home. Now that Tyler had graduated, Eric had taken him under his wing and wasn’t planning on letting the kid flounder. I like Tyler, too. He had a good head on his shoulders, despite his shitty childhood, and obviously idolized his brother and Holden. Quinn, he was just afraid of, mostly because Eric warned him not to do anything the Irishman ever asked. It was good advice.

“Leave the kid alone, Quinn,” I ordered. The drummer looked over at me, innocent smile spreading across his face. He had made it is goal in life to intimidate Tyler Corsini, seeing as no one else ever took him seriously.

“What? I’m not doing anything.”

“Bryce isn’t interested, man,” Slade chuckled, taking a sip of his beer. “She thinks you’re too loud.”

At this Quinn frowned and furrowed his brows. “You don’t think I’m too loud, do ya, lad?” he barked at Tyler, who had gone back to meticulously folding the band shirts. The teen looked up at him for a moment, before slowly shaking his head.

“See!”

“Holden and Eric have burritos on the bus,” I said quickly, trying to distract him. It worked.

“Ooh, burritos!” And with that Quinn walked out of the venue to the rider, smiling happily.
Tyler shot me a thankful look and I smiled kindly at him.

“Thank God he’s gone,” Bryce said, coming back to the bar from wherever she had disappeared to. “I couldn’t only stay hidden in the bathroom for so long. He really doesn’t give up, does he?” she asked, tucking a long strand of blonde hair behind her ear.

“He’s not used to hearing ‘no’,” I replied, offering her the last of my drink. She downed it quickly and therapeutically.

“Damn.”

Eric emerged then from the side stage door, paper bag in his hand. He dropped off a wrap in front of his brother, before bringing my dinner over to me. He smiled in greeting to Slade and then to Bryce, who I noticed with interest had began fussing her loose strands of hair, tucking them behind her bobby pins frantically.

“Wheat wrap, chicken, black beans, salsa, lettuce, sour cream, no tomatoes,” Eric recited, dropping the burrito in front of me.

“Have I ever mentioned that I love you?” I asked, opening it excitedly.

“Usually once a day,” he replied in amusement. “Sorry, did you guys want anything?” he asked my companions. “I can go grab some more if you want.”

“I’m good,” Slade said easily. “No point in running back there. I think we have dinner stuff on the rider anyway.”

“A single container of leftover General Tso’s Chicken and fruit roll ups do not count as dinner food,” Bryce scolded. “What do you want, Slade? I’ll run over and get some. I’m sure Adam, Greg, and Mark will want some too.”

“I’m good with whatever. Thanks, Mom.”

Bryce rolled her eyes. “I’ll help you carry,” Eric offered gently. “If you want.”

“Sure,” Bryce beamed, and Slade and I watched in interest as the two of them headed back off toward the door, jumping apart skittishly as they accidently brushed arms.

“Well, Quinn might just have a conniption,” Slade finally said, glancing back at me with a pleased look. I grinned and clinked glasses with him again.

ARTTM finished their sound check, and as the clock ticked toward 7:00pm, we headed back to Green Room to relax before the crowds came in. Tyler, Bryce, and Rocket’s merch guy Jonny would be left to face the masses themselves. I collapsed onto the couch next to squirrely Nick Santino, planning to rest up and relax before the show. Oliver, however, had other plans.

“Jency, I need to talk to you,” he said, peering into the Green Room. I groaned audibly as the other laughed and teased. It was like being called to the principal’s office or have a parent calling you over for a spanking. Talking with a manager was never preferable to hanging around with band guys.

Nevertheless, I followed Oliver back stage, away from the other bands and almost within view of the crowd that had already formed on the other side of the wall. I turned my back to them, not wanting them to see my face as scream as they so often did, instead facing the back door which was propped open, letting fresh air flow into the venue.

“What’s up?” I asked.

Oliver looked down at his ever present clipboard and ran a hand through his thin hair. He had been with me since I first started touring and had been a loyal friend and employee through all the little episodes in my life. True, he was a bit old and not exactly in tune with the type of music that we now played, but he was a fast learner and got shit done. Plus, he was one of the few people able to keep Quinn in line, so, naturally, he stayed.

“I’ve gotten a few requests for radio interviews and acoustic performances I want you to okay. Also, Alternative Press is running a article on the ‘Women of Warped’ or something like that they need you to fill out a questionnaire for.”

“Sure,” I agree, taking the questionnaire. It had the common questions (Worst thing about touring with all boys? Best Warped memory? Hotter on a guy: tattoos or piercings? Etc, etc) and would provide some entertainment on the ride to the next city. The radio interview requests looked standard as well, and I okay’d them all.

“I have one other thing,” Oliver said, putting the papers back into a folder. As I waited for him to finish fumbling, a movement behind him caught my eye. A brunette head was peering into the venue from the back door, eye scanning the area frantically.

Maggie?

“...tour in the summer...” Oliver was talking and I tried to regain focus. But then Maggie’s eyes met mine and hers widened in alarm. She quickly put a finger to her lips, signaling silence. Then, with a frantic movement, she waved me over.

“...Bamboozle Roadshow...”

“Sounds great, Ol,” I said, patting him on the back and ducking away. “I’ll be on the rider,” I called over my shoulder, before turning outside.

“Mags!” I exclaimed, grabbing onto her. “What are you doing here? I thought you couldn’t come because you had a meeting or something tonight with your editor?”

“I did, but I cancelled it. Emergency,” she explained, still looking around skittishly. “Can we talk on the bus?”

We went onto the rider and I shut the door behind us. “We’re on second tonight,” I informed her. “So we only have forty five minutes. Does Holden know you’re here?”

“No,” she pouted, plopping down onto the bus couch. “And I am desperate to see him but I can’t right now.”

“Maggie, are you okay?” I asked cautiously, wondering why she was so frantic.

“I...I don’t know.”

“Okay, that really isn’t making me feel better. Why are you here? What’s the emergency?”

“I needed to talk to someone,” she replied, glancing up at me from under her eyelashes. “Please don’t judge me, Jen. It was an accident.”

“What was an accident?”

She bit her lip and wrung her hands together. “Jency...I’m pregnant.”

"You’re what?!"

“Oh!” she cried, hiding her head in her knees. “I was afraid you'd react like this!”

“Oh my God! Maggie!” I stood there in complete shock as a smile spread across my face. “That’s fantastic!” My smile dropped, however, when she started to cry.

“This is terrible, what am I going to do?”

“You weren’t trying?” I asked, bewildered.

“No! Not at all! I’m on birth control! I guess I’m just that fucking .01% that they warn about. Oh my God...what am I going to do?”

“Have you told Holden?”

“No, that’s why I’m here. I had to tell him in person. I just went to the doctor today because I had this sinking feeling in my stomach since I’m five weeks late. I haven’t even told my parents about this.”

“How do you think they will react?” I asked, sitting next to her.

“They’ll probably flip out. Getting knocked up before getting married wasn’t exactly the way they planned my life to go.”

“But you’re engaged,” I offered. “And you were engaged before you got pregnant, so that’s good.”

Maggie continued to stair at the carpet, biting her nails. “Do you think Holden will be mad?” She whispered.

“Mad?” I asked, completely confused. “If I learned about this correctly, I think he’s half to blame.”

“But we’re both so young, and he’s a rock star. We haven’t even discussed when we want to have kids, but I’m sure it’s not just after his first album is out and when he’s touring the world!”

“Maggie, calm down,” I said, taking her hands in mine. “Holden is going to be over the moon. Look at me. How do you feel about this?”

She turned toward me, slow tears rolling down her smooth face. “I’ve never been happier in my life.”

“Maggie,” I beamed at her. “You’re going to be a mom! And I’m going to be an aunt!” She finally smiled and pulled me into a tight hug.

“I still can’t believe it,” she sighed, still holding on to me. “I’m going to have a baby. Holden and I are going to be parents.”

“Can you imagine?” I asked, leaning back. “Holden changing diapers, him getting spit up on? He’s going to have that kid on such a schedule, it will be insane. And you’ll never be allowed to have Quinn over to the house again. Holden will probably be afraid he’ll give the baby Guinness.”

Maggie giggled and wiped the last few tears from her eyes.

“I have to tell him. Should it be before or after your show?”

“After,” I answered. “Definitely. He won’t perform if you tell him before. He’ll only want to sit here rubbing your belly.”

“I can’t believe this,” she whispered, looking down at her stomach. “There is a baby in there.”

“You know this means you can’t drink anymore, right? And I had such big plans for New Years.”

“Balls,” she grumbled, but almost immediately went back to cooing at her belly.

“Listen, I have to go for our set, but stay here and I’ll send Holden back alone so you can have a few minutes.” I hugged her again. “You’re going to be a fantastic mom. And I have dibs on all babysitting duties. Unless the kid is a terror, then I want nothing to do with it.”

She smirked at me and I left the bus. The night was getting more interesting by the hour.
After our set had ended, I had Slade rally Eric and Quinn to help them set up and told Holden that I needed him on the bus.

“What’s wrong?” he asked immediately.

“Nothing’s wrong, stop being such a Negative Nancy.” I led him onto the bus, where he stopped in surprise when he saw Maggie lying on the couch messing around with Eric’s Rubik’s Cube nervously.

“Babe? What are you doing here?” he asked, pulling her off the couch into a hug.

“Holden, I have something to tell you,” she said cautiously and I gave her a supportive smile.

“I’ll just leave you two alone, then.” I left the bus and immediately pulled out my phone. I wanted to call Nana first, but I knew that that news was for my brother to share, so instead I speed dialed my boyfriend.

“Trav?” I asked when the phone clicked on.

“Hey, baby? What’s up?” he yelled. I could hear the rowdiness in the background and knew he was out at some party. “Can you hear me?”

“Kind of. Listen, I have some awesome news, do you have a sec?”

“Yeah! Oh wait, baby, I have to pee. I want to talk to you, but I have to pee. I’m going to put you down. Oh, no, wait. Here, talk to Jack.”

I barely had time to giggle at his drunkenness before the phone was handed off to Mr. Barakat, who made Chewbacca noises in greeting.

“When are you coming to visit?!” he whined and I smiled despite myself.

“Beginning of December, Jack.”

“But that’s so far awayyyy!

“Yeah, well, deal with it,” I laughed. “And get my boyfriend back, I need to talk to him.”

“Okie dokie, bye Jency!”

“Bye Jack.”

I waited patiently for Travis to return and heard rustling on the other end of the line.

”Hello?”

I frowned. “You’re not Travis,” I accused in annoyance.

“Uh, no,” Alex chuckled awkwardly. “No, I’m not. But um, if you hold on one second I can find him for you.”

“I asked Jack to do that.”

“Yeah, he just handed the phone to me, sorry.” He didn’t sound like he had been drinking at all, whereas Travis and Jack both sounded a little bit more than intoxicated. Alex did sound depressed, however. His voice wasn’t as bouncy and energetic as I had always remembered. Instead, it sounded hollow and uncertain.

I sat there silently, not planning on having a conversation with him, but clearly he had a different plan.

“So...how have you been?” he asked.

“Fine,” I replied shortly. No small talk here.

“That’s good. From what I hear it sounds like your tour is going well.”

“Yep.”

“Yeah. So...yeah. And you’re coming to visit?”

“Yeah.”

“Okay. Cool. Well, it was good talking to you, Jency.” And then he was gone.

“Jen!” Travis yelled into the phone. “Jen! Are you still there??”

“Yeah, Trav, I’m here,” I laughed. “I have some exciting news for you. Can you handle or are you too drunk? It can wait til tomorrow.”

“No, tell me now!” he pleaded.

“Maggie is pregnant!” I exclaimed, beaming. I heard a loud gasp on the other end and Travis sounded like he was hyperventilating.

“Ohmigod Ohmigod! Are you serious? I’M GOING TO BE A FATHER!”

I nearly double over in laughter and tried to speak even though I could barely breathe. “Trav, you’re not going to be a father. You’re going to be an uncle...well, actually just the boyfriend of the aunt.”

“This is so exciting!”

“I know,” I chuckled. “Listen, I’m going to let you go. Go drink some more and have fun ok, and maybe kick Alex Gaskarth in the balls if you feel like. He told me he wanted you to.”

“Okay!”

“Bye Travis.”

“Bysies!”

Giggling, I hung up the phone. I headed back to the bus, wondering if it was okay for me to reappear and see how Holden had taken the news. I walked up the steps and peered cautiously into the main lounge. There was no one there, but within a few seconds I heard muffled groans and moans coming from the back. I smirked. Apparently, he had taken the news rather well.