Army Love

It was soon to be the end of summer. My heart didn't want the time to leave...it wouldn't be long before it all ended, the long morning lay in's, the lovely nights spent under the stars with Him. It would all end when that Monday morning came around soon enough.
Nathan was laying peacefully asleep next to me. The sun only brushing against his cheek, not enough to wake him up, but just to enlight his face, bringing a small smile to my lips. He was my everything, so much my everything I loved him so much I wanted to spend my whole life with him.

Every small second, just being in his arms, seeing him smiling at me to show how happy he was to be with me too.
I had a secret for him, I was going to tell him yesterday, but before I'd followed him to bed, I'd found the letter that made my head spin and I just wanted to wrap my arms around him and keep him here with me. He had to go back to the army.

A rough yet silent tear fell down my cheek as I watched him turn and shuffle closer to me. His hand somehow resting on my stomach which got me smiling yet wanting to cry once more. He didn't know...he didn't know that little gesture was touching not just my soul, but his unborn baby.

He'd told me that one day he was going to make me the happiest girl in the world. We were going to have a huge house, a huge family which we soon agreed to just 2 little terrors of our own, seeing as the ammount he wanted, would have been impossible to keep up with. He made me the happiest woman alive and yet I missed him already for the day he left me again for months on end. What if he didn't come back for his babies birth?? Or for when I need him the most??
All of these images and thoughts kept running through my head, and I wish they would just stop.

"Katlyn?? Your crying baby..." his voice brought on a smile of it's own, I looked into his deep brown eyes and wished I could tell him right there and then, he was going to be a dad. He was going to have to make sure he came back, for it wouldn't just be me he'd be coming back too anymore.

"Oh no I'm not, I was just watching you sleep" I smiled at him, before pressing my lips gently against his. His hand moving from my stomach to wrap around me, his body pressing gently against mine. This was what I wanted for an ever after, where he stayed here and never left my side....

His fingers tickled my side and it soon all turned bad. A tickle fight!. This was one fight neither of us would win, mainly because if he tickled to much, I'd be jumping all over the place.
About half an hour of poking and tickling each other soon ended with me rushing to the loo. Nathan was worrying at the closed door as I held my stomach content in with much force. Stupidmorning sickness.

"Baby...are you ok??" he whispered after a light knock on the door. I tried to open my mouth to answer, but instead my stomach had other ideas and I was soon burying my face in the loo. Hoping it would just end soon enough so he'd stop worrying.

I heard another light knock when I rose to my feet. I looked into the mirror above the sink and wished I hadn't. The bags under my eyes, the sudden whiteness of my face. Baby you need to stop making me feel ill please??

"I'll be ok in a bit baby" I called to him, making sure he wouldn't worry as I slowly put on a little blusher to try and make my face look a little better. I heard his worried mummers before he wondered off into the house. I really didn't want to worry him so much...it hurt to see him worrying about me.

It took a bit to make my face ok enough I was happy with. The blusher was almost out and by the end of it all, I'd gained a lot of my natural colour back. Go figure hey??. I put everything back to normal, cleaning the loo for any evidence and leaving without a second look. Nathan's arms were soon wrapped around me and I was held against him softly,

"Baby you worried me...your sure your ok??" he asked softly. I nodded and held him closer. This guy was my world. I looked up to him and smiled, seeing his eyes looking into mine, before he pressed his lips softly against mine.

We decided on watching a film for the day. Just to spend such a lovely day inside, in bed, with a huge bowl of popcorn. Which would most likely end up everywhere but in our mouths. He rushed off into the kitchen to cook the popcorn, while I began searching for a film to watch. Picking one I knew was sad but also happy, I placed it into the player and waiting for the main title screen to show up. This gave me thinking time.

I looked down at my belly. A small but noticeable bump to me showed and I pressed my handlightly against it. I could hear him bashing and crashing in the kitchen, which let me know I had a few more minutes before I had to act like nothing was happening. The bump felt different, hard slightly but soft at the same time. Just the thought of having another person living inside me just felt amazing.

Soon enough the door crashed open, and Nathan burst in with a dismal tray with the biggest bowl we had of popcorn. The top over flowing, it looked so funny at his reaction, the look on his face of just tiredness...it couldn't have taken him that long to find the bowl, or the popcorn bags. He was my Nathan.

I shuffle up the bed and rested my back against the head board. Nathan stood at the door panting, before walking over and leaving the popcorn at the bottom of the bed, before walking around and sitting next to me. He looked into my eyes and I actually think my heart skipped a beat...

"Baby, I love you" he whispered softly, my lips curving into a huge smile before kissing his for the reply. My mind flashing an image of the future. Of us sitting here peacefully, ready to watch a film before a loud stomping rang through my head to have the image door swing open, and a small little girl run at us, screaming at the top of her lungs 'Mummy! Daddy!'

"I love you too" I whispered as our lips left each others. Both our heads turning to the screen yet the popcorn being left at the end of the bed. I huddled against his side before pressing play. Both of our eyes were then glued onto the screen as the figures moved across it. It was a sad film.

It came nearer the end. My eyes welling at knowing what happened, but the fact I somehow thought my life was like this film somehow. The guy, Louis was leaving for the army, Sue the lady was pregnant but hadn't told him just yet that he was an exspected father. Just like Nathan...oh Nathan...

"I wonder what the guy is thinking right now...he doesn't know he's exspecting to be a dad, if that ever happened, you'd tell me right??" he looked down at me as I had looked up at him. A light blush rushed over my cheeks as I was in the spot light...of course I'd tell him, but is that him admitting to me he's having to go back??...

"Of course I would silly" I chuckled it out. This was an awkward subject...I looked to the screen again and it was showing the couple holding onto each other...Louis' hand slightly touching Sue's belly as he left her side and went off to war. The ending came sooner then I thought, and when Sue recieved the message that Louis' had died in action, my eyes filled with tears as my mind flew into her position.

'I opened the letter gently, my mind making me shake as the letters became noticeable on the paper. My eyes pricked with tears and I thought I could feel my belly move slightly as the words carved themselves into my mind...forever and ever more...

Nathan Manner was killed in battle. Defending his country with honor that will never be forgotten.
We send this to you as you are his next of kin on our registers. If the reader is not Katlyn Price then would you please care to deliver this message to her.

I let the tears fall down my cheeks, not even trying to hold them steady. I could feel my heart break into so many pieces, not even a whisper of a movement would come...I was glued infront of the front door, the letter in hand and my life falling apart...he was gone, Nathan was gone forever...'

My eyes flashed open, Nathan jumped and caught me from falling off the bed. My breathing ragged, with my eyes rushing to look into his. He was still here...my Nathan hadn't gone off to war again, he hadn't died...he wasn't going to leave me to pick up pieces alone...

"Baby...you fell asleep, your ok..." he whispered, knowing that loud voices never do help someone when they just wake up, or the main reason was he was sitting right next to me and it could have been deafening knowing him. I reached up and touched his face, his cheek warm but my fingers freezing...

I moved them across his cheek, against his lips where he pressed them lightly to my finger tips. His chin was fine, his neck looked perfect as ever. His eyes looked into mine and I'm sure was met with the scared feeling I had boiling inside me...he couldn't go...I wouldn't let him.

"Your ok baby..." he whispered. I held onto him closely and settled down. It looked like it had turned to night and the film had been turned off and neatly put away. His body was so warm against mine, which felt like a freezing block of ice against his...what was wrong with me?? It was just a dream...

I rested my head against his shoulder, while laying my hand ontop of his heart. The beating made my head soften from the thumping that had been rushing through my head, and soon enough I found myself asleep in seconds.
--
The morning came and Nathan had been staying in the bedroom all morning. My gut knowing what he was doing...packing to go. But I didn't dare say a word, just acted like it was a daily routine for him to stay in that room all morning...with me outside in the kitchen. There was alot of crashing and banging at one point, followed by alot of swearing at himself to then have him poke his head out the door to check if the cost was clear.

It usually was in his eyes, but I had hidden behind another door too see him check around. I wish he would just tell me he had to go...so I wouldn't have to act like I already knew. Why were guys so awkward all the time??

I'd cleaned the kitchen, and was now relaxing infront of a Tv Soap. My eyes filling up as the characters where running away from the world, and I couldn't help but cry. I didn't realize Nathan had walked in and sat next to me, his arm was around me and his warmth made my whole body shiver with happiness.

"Baby...I have something to tell you" he whispered. His voice sounding edgy, and his grip on my tightened. I looked up into his eyes and felt a new spring of tears about to fall...he was going to finally tell me he had to leave...he was leaving today and I couldn't take this anymore...

"What is it baby??" I mumbled out a response, knowing that if I didn't reply he'd guess something was wrong. He let out a long sigh and watched me sit up fully, looking at him straight on as I heard my world crashing in my head,

"I have to go back...they called for me to go back, and I wish I didn't have to...because I'm not going to see you for over 5 months...but I need you to know that I will come back, because not only am I missing you already when your sitting right infront of me, but that I don't think I could ever live without you" he spoke out freely, a tear ready to fall from his eye. My tears couldn't hold on any longer, and as they rushed down my cheeks, I knew I had to tell him my secret from him too...

"Baby...there's something I need you to know too..." I whispered. The tears muting my voice yet turning it into chugs of words that couldn't easily escape. His eyes brightened slightly with confusion and I dreamed I'd wake up tomorrow morning next to those amazing eyes.

"What is it??..." he soon asked. My voice had melted into nothing and I couldn't even open my lips. I willed myself to carry on, but I could feel my mind breaking, my heart aching just to hold him by me and to never let him go.

"Your...you have to come back, because you won't be just coming back to me..." was all I could speak. My voice cracked and as a new flode of tears fell, his eyes looked even more confused then they had before. Why didn't guys ever get what you were trying to tell them the first time??

"What...what do you mean??" he asked scared almost. His voice not helping him as he moved his hands to his lap, his fingers turning around each others like every other time he's nervous. I held onto his hands and looked right into his eyes,

"Baby, your going to be a dad..." it was out and I couldn't take away the red hot feeling of my face blushing. He knew...and now I had no idea what he was going to do. It took a few seconds before his face lit up. His fingers linked with mine and a smile spread across his lips, his eyes took a bright shine as I watched his face light up.

"Seriously??!" he screeched. Soon he was standing and pulling me to my feet. His arms around my waist as I was held against him. I took in the scent of him and smiled to myself. He was just so amazing.

After a few hours of him touching my stomache, us sitting around the sofa and thinking of names. The clock struck midday and thats when my life broke once more. It was time for him to leave me...leave us, and all I could do was hope he'd come back.
The front door felt alien as we stood there, holding onto each other in a need to never be seperated, yet it had to happen...the car drove into our drive and honked the horn for him. My Nathan, my baby's dad...they were taking him away from us.

"Baby, I love you so so much, and I love you too baby junior" he kissed my lips, then bent down onto his knees and kissed my clothes belly. I bet whoever was in the car thought he was mad, but it made everything seem fluffier at this moment.

"I love you..." I spoke out, before my eyes filled once more with tears. They fell down my cheeks and I had to constantly rub them away so I could see clearly. He held me too him again and I let the tears fall...let every breath I took, take a little part of him. These 5 months were going to be forever long.

"I'll come back to you and junior. Maybe if it's a boy, we could call him Junior..." he whispered against my ear. My heart had started beating faster and faster, the realization of him leaving, not seeing him for 5 months and having to go through this whole pregnancy alone...just started taking it's toll,

"I love you soo much..." I whispered to him. Before his body let go of mine and started walking away. Tears fell from my eyes but this was how he did this. He'd listen to me, then walk away so then it didn't hurt so much...but yet, it was hurting more now.

I watched him get into the car. His eyes locked on mine as it reversed out the drive way. The driver stopped a few seconds onto the road so we could mouth to each other our I love you's...and then he was gone. 5 months of having to wait to see him again, but I wished it would go already so he'd be in my arms once more.