Give up Forever to Touch You

Brian had been sat in the small studio in his basement for over two hours. At first he had retreated there to try and take his mind off Andie and Abigail but he soon found himself dialling Andie’s number in the hope that this time may just be the time she answers. With no answer he had then found himself staring at the photo of Abi on his phone. She would be a week old now and neither Rhian nor Brian had heard anything more from her since that photo had been sent.

Over the past week, Brian had found himself withdrawing more often to the solace and solitude of his studio, always finding himself staring at the picture of his baby daughter. Not a moment of the day went by where he didn’t think about her and Andie. He had come to terms with the fact that he loved her, but that she didn’t feel the same way.

The sound of his phone ringing brought his attention back to reality, a number he was happy to see flashing across his screen.

“Anything to report?” he asked before the person on the other end could say anything.

“Sorry Brian, I really wish I had something positive to tell you, but I keep hitting brick walls.” The guy replied.

“Shit!” Brian muttered dragging his hand over his tired face.

“And I hate to tell you this, but we can’t be sure if she’s even still in Orange County, let alone anywhere else in Cali. And if she’s left the state then it may take months to track them down!”

“She’s not gone far. I know she hasn’t. Just keep looking for them. Please.” He replied quietly.

“Yeah of course. I’ll call you if I find anything.” The guy replied before Brian hung up on him.
Brian dropped his phone to his desk, his head to his hands. For the last four days he’d wait patiently for the phone call off the Private Investigator he’d hired to try and find Andie and Abigail. So far each phone call had brought nothing but Brian wasn’t ready to lose faith just yet. There was something telling him that she was still in California and he would find her.
It wasn’t until he heard his name being whispered softly that he realised that Michelle was in the room.

“Babe are you okay?” he lifted his head to find her stood next to him.

“Hmm? Yeah I’m fine.” He replied unconvincingly.

“Babe, I know you better than that. You can’t lie to me.” she replied softly. Brian looked up at her a small hint of a smile at the irony in her words.

“You’re spending a lot of time down here on your own recently.” She continued her eyes catching sight of his cell on the desk.

Brian held his breath as he watched her lean down to pick it up to study it, her eyebrows knitting together as she looked at the picture of Abigail.

“Why do you have this as your background image?” she asked quietly holding it up to show him. Brian hesitated for a moment before he answered, thinking carefully about the words he was about to use.

“I just…I guess I fancied a change.” He said quietly knowing that his answer wasn’t convincing enough.

Michelle stared at him with furrowed brows before lowering her gaze again to the screen where she started pressing buttons. “Are you trying to find her Bri? You keep ringing her.”

“What I do with my phone and who I call is my fucking business!” he yelled suddenly, reaching up to snatch the device out of her hands.

“What are you getting all defensive for?” she yelled back.

“Nothing! You know I don’t like people going through my phone.” He retorted.

“Yeah, and now I know the fuck why!” she yelled back. She was silent for a moment, her expression fierce as realisation fell across her face.

"Oh my God, it's all starting to make sense. Everything. Why haven't I noticed before? I feel so stupid.'' Michelle rambled. Brian let out a long sigh, knowing that she'd finally realised what had been going on and he wouldn't be able to deny it. "She's yours isn't she?''

Slowly Brian nodded and before he could blink her palm had connected with his cheek, the sound echoing through the room.

"How long? Was it a one off? No of course it wasn't so how long?''

"Chell I'm sorry...'' He stuttered.

"How long Brian? How long were you screwing our nanny?'' she yelled.

"Not long after Connors birthday.'' he admitted quietly.

"Connors birthday? A year ago! Wait just two months after she started working for us?'' Brian nodded silently, not knowing what words he could say to make this less painful.

"I'm sor-" his attempt at an apology was abruptly stopped as Michelle's palm once again left a sting on his cheek.

"Don't you dare give me that! I don't believe for one second that you're sorry about any of this. The only thing you're sorry about is getting found out.'' she yelled.

"I didn't want to hurt you Mich, nor the kids. But you were spending so-"

"Oooh, no! Don't you dare try and make this out to be my fault. All I've done is try to better my career. And not once have I even thought about sleeping with someone else while you were off being a rock star on all those tours. No I managed to control my sexual urges, only have sex with the man I'd married. The man I loved.'' she retorted angrily.

"I should have known, you were almost as excited as Connor about her coming to work with us, so what was she, someone to fulfil a fantasy of yours? Fuck the sexy nanny while your wife's at work?'' she continued.

"No it's wasn't like that. You were spending more and more time at the office and Andie was good company. At first she was there to fill the void you were leaving, but the more time we spent together the more I was falling for her.''

"Falling for her?'' Michelle snapped, her eyes widening.

"I've fallen for her Michelle, I'm sorry, I really am. I've tried not to love her, but I do, and being apart from her and Abi is slowly tearing my heart into pieces. I've tried so hard to push her out of my head and heart but I've failed. We'd both agreed that I needed to stay with my family. Neither of us could hurt Connor and Ella.''

"How very thoughtful of you both. Well guess what, you are going to hurt them Brian. And I'm going to hurt them when I tell them that their daddy won't be living with us anymore.'' Michelle yelled.

"Please no, don't separate me from my children. Don’t do this...'' he pleaded.

"It’s too late Brian, you should have thought about this before you started fucking the nanny. Before you fell in love with another woman.'' she spat before turning and leaving.

With a defeated, resigned sigh Brian stood from his seat and followed her slowly back up into the living room and found her talking to someone on the phone.

“Okay, I’m sorry about this Mom, but I’ll be over in about an hour to pick them up.” she said calmly as she watched him with a heartbroken gaze.

“I’m going to go take a shower and then I’m going to pick the kids up. I want you gone by the time I get back.” She said coldly.

“Michelle, please, I begging you don’t do this. You can’t –“ Brian pleaded, following her up the stairs.

“I want you out of this house Brian.” she replied.

“I won’t let you take my kids away from me Michelle. I may have fucked up our marriage but I am still their father, I have rights.” He called after her.

“I know you have rights Brian. And I’ve not said that you won’t see them again. I couldn’t do that to them, but I don’t want you in this house.” She replied as she walked into the bathroom of the master bedroom.

Brian sighed again as he stood in the middle of his bedroom listening to the sound of the shower. This had been what he had wanted to avoid. From the very beginning he’d been fully aware of the consequences of his affair with Andrea, yet he had always felt she was worth the risk.

As he began to pack his belongings into a large suitcase he thought about the past year and quickly realised that he didn’t regret anything. He knew that if he was given the chance to go back in time and not start the affair he wouldn’t change anything. Andie had made him feel happier over the past year as he only felt more and more distanced from Michelle.

There were two things he’d like to change, the first being the heartbreak his actions were about to bring his two eldest children. The second was to have Andie and Abigail close by, to be able to see them everyday. He just hoped that Connor and Ella would be able to forgive him and that Andie would decide to contact either him or Rhian soon.

Michelle emerged from the bathroom and didn’t hang around long before going to pick up the children. Brian quickly finished packing as much as he could, removing his house keys before he left.

Five minutes later he found himself stood on the doorstep of the only place he could think of going.

“Michelle knows” he said simply as Jimmy opened his front door. “She’s kicked me out.”

“Guess you’ll be after a place to stay then.” He replied stepping away from the door to allow his best friend to enter the house with his suitcases.