Give up Forever to Touch You

“Surely the time is up now.” Jimmy said as he paced around the bathroom. “It’s been a lifetime.”

Glancing down at the countdown timer on her phone Rhian shook her head, “forty more seconds.” Jimmy cursed and began another lap of the room, counting quietly in his head while Rhian kept an eye on the clock.

When there was a small beep to signal that those forty seconds were up she took a deep breath and pushed herself up from the tiled floor, “Ok, here it goes.” In an instant Jimmy was by her side, his hand finding hers as she reached for the home pregnancy test that sat on the counter in front of them.

“Negative.” They both whispered quietly at the same time.

“But it’s still early right?” Jimmy began hopefully as she placed the stick into the small trash can beneath the sink. “You said yourself it’s probably too early to take a test, you’re only a day late.”

She forced a small smile onto her lips wanting nothing more than to give Jimmy what they both so desperately wanted, “yeah, maybe we should do another test tomorrow.”

With a small smile of his own, Jimmy leaned down and pressed his lips softly against hers for a brief moment. “Breakfast?”

“Breakfast.” She replied with a truer smile on her face. He kept hold of her hand as he led her out of the bathroom and down the stairs to the kitchen, sitting her at the breakfast bar while he set about making coffee and waffles.

“Babe…” he began as he mixed the batter, his voice serious and uncertain.

“What’s wrong?” Rhian replied, lifting her eyes to look at him as he concentrated deeply on what was in the bowl.

“Nothing, it’s just that…” he put the bowl down and looked over at her. “What if I can’t get you pregnant at all?”

The sadness and worry in his voice was heartbreaking. Rhian stood from the stool and walked over to him. “Jim, don’t think like that…”

“But it’s a possibility Rhi, it’s been six months and nothing’s happening for us.” He said.

“It takes time…”

“Not for Johnny and Lacey and Andie got pregnant without even trying, it’s not fair.” He replied sharply.

“I know it’s not babe.” She said wrapping her arms around his waist, resting her head on his chest. “But we’ll get there soon enough.”

“Will you still love me if I can’t be the father to your children?” he said quietly as he too wrapped his arm around her, pulling his closer.

She lifted her head, finding his saddened blue eyes. “Will you still love me if I can’t be the mother to your children?”

“Of course I will!” he said, his eyes widening.

“Exactly! There’s more than one way to have a baby these days Jimmy, and as long as we’re together that’s all that matters, whether we have a baby naturally, through IVF, surrogacy, donor eggs or sperm or even adoption, we’ll still love each other and the baby.” She told him with a smile. He smiled back, placing a kiss on her lips. “It doesn’t take anything special to father a baby Jim, but it take a whole lot of courage and love to be a dad to someone, and you are going to be a fantastic daddy someday soon.”

“And you are going to be the best mommy any kid could wish for.” He said with a smile, kissing her lips once more.

“That’s if I don’t die of starvation.” She joked, sliding out of his grasp and grabbing the bowl of batter back off the counter and passing it to him.

As he began to mix the batter once again Rhian made her way back to her seat, groaning as she felt a dull ache hit her lower abdomen. “Looks like we’re gonna have to keep that other test for next month.”

“Huh? What do you mean?” Jimmy questioned as he turned on the waffle iron.

“I think period pains are kicking in.” she groaned taking a sip of her coffee.

“Well fuck.” He pouted. “Although this does mean more practicing next month”

Rhian chuckled briefly before rubbing her stomach where the pain seemed to be intensifying. “There any Advil in the cupboard?”

“That bad huh?” Jimmy said as he turned to check the cupboard. “Sorry babe, none here, you want me to run out to get some?”

“No need, I think there’s some in the bathroom.” Before she could slip off the stool Jimmy was making his way towards the stairs, taking them two steps at a time. She shook her head at him, the smile on her lips vanishing quickly as she felt the sharp pain in her abdomen, the colour drain quickly from her cheeks, and a hot flush sweep over her.

“Oh fuck.” She muttered one hand clutching her side as the other gripped the counter top firmly, scared that if she let go she would fall to the floor.

“Got some, there’s only two left though so I’ll pop…babe?” at the sight of Rhian doubled over in pain Jimmy rushed to her side, taking hold of her to steady her as she seemed to sway on the stool.

“I don’t feel so great.” She muttered, trying to take deep breaths to ease the pain.

“You don’t look so great neither. What’s happening?” Jimmy replied.

“Really bad period pains.” She muttered quietly.

“You sure that’s all it is? I’ve never seen you have them this bad before.” his voice full of worry and concern. Rhian shook her head, too overcome from pain to form words. “Do you think it could be something else?”

She shrugged, “Whatever it is, it hurts really bad.”

“Right, I’m taking you to the hospital to get checked out, come on.” He said helping her off the stool, keeping her firmly within his hold as he walked her out of the house.

“Jim, I can feel something between my legs.” Rhian whispered as he started the car. “I think I’m bleeding.”

“Fuck! Okay, everything’s going to be okay, I’m gonna get you to the hospital now.” Jimmy replied taking hold of her hand briefly before driving off in the direction of the hospital.

Countless traffic violations later, Jimmy pulled into one of the emergency parking bays outside of the hospital got out of the car and helped Rhian out, picking her up and carrying her into the ER. He called for assistance, getting the attention of two nurses and a doctor.

“She’s in pain and bleeding.” Jimmy yelled at them as they showed him which bed to lay her on.

“Where is she bleeding?” one of the nurses asked.

“Between the legs.” Jimmy replied quietly as they began to examine her.

“Okay, is there any chance she could be pregnant?” she asked.

“Um, yes, I suppose she could be, we’ve been trying, she was a day late but we took a test this morning and it was negative.” Jimmy said not taking his eyes off Rhian.

“Okay, well then we’ll have to do some tests, but there is a chance that she’s having a miscarriage.” Her voice was soft and compassionate as Jimmy’s eyes shot to hers.

“No!” he whispered shaking his head, his eyes falling back to Rhian who was looking more relaxed after being given something for the pain. “Oh god no.”

“I’m sorry, but that looks to be the most likely cause at the moment, we’ll know more once we’ve run some tests.” The nurse told him, gently placing a hand on his arm.

She showed him to a waiting area and told him that she would be back as soon as there was some news. He sat unaware that there were tears rolling down his cheeks, hoping to anyone who may listen that she would be okay.

After what felt like an eternity of just sitting staring into nothingness he was finally drawn from his thoughts by the same nurse who had brought him to the waiting area.

“How is she? Can I see her?” he asked as soon as he realised who she was.

“She’s fine and yes if you want to follow me I’ll take you to her.” she replied, Jimmy springing to his feet ready to follow her into a burning building if it took him to Rhian.

“So, was it a, a mis-“ he began, stopping, unable to finish the word.

“Listen, the doctor is on his way to speak to Rhian now; I think it’s best that she explains everything.” she said as they approached a small side room.

Jimmy felt his stomach churn as he stepped up to the door, seeing the woman he loved looking so drawn and pale in the bed on the other side.

“I’ll leave you to it, the doctor will be here in a second.” The nurse said with a reassuring smile. Jimmy nodded without taking his eyes off Rhian and reached forward to open the door.

At the sound of the door opening Rhian turned her head relief washing over her when she saw Jimmy. she wasn’t entirely sure of how long ago they’d been separated but it had seemed like forever. All she had wanted the entire time she was having tests done was to have Jimmy by her side.

“Hey.” she said quietly with a faint smile.

“Hey.” he replied just as quietly returning a small smile. “How are you feeling now?”

“I’m not in any pain thanks to the painkillers they’ve injected into me.” she told him.

“Good.” He said leaning down to kiss her forehead as he sat down on the edge of the bed, taking hold of her hand. “The nurse said, she said that well, you may have had a, a mis-“

“A miscarriage? Yeah I was thinking the same.” She said solemnly.

“But I can assure you it wasn’t.” the doctor said as she appeared in the door way. “Although I thought the same when you first came in.”

“So what was it then?” Jimmy asked squeezing Rhian’s hand gently.

“It was a cyst bursting.” She said simply.

“A cyst?” Rhian asked confused.

“Yeah, from what we can tell from the scan and the tests that we’ve done, you had an ovarian cyst, caused by endometriosis, and it burst, causing the pain and the blood loss.” She explained.

“Endo what?” Jimmy asked looking between Rhian and the doctor.

“Endometriosis. It’s a condition that affects a lot of women Rhian’s age. It’s where the endometrial tissue grows outside of the uterus, in this case it seems to have been growing on your ovaries. Tell me, what’s your menstrual cycle like; painful, heavy periods?”

Rhian nodded, “Yeah, always have been which is why I started taking the birth control pill when I was sixteen.”

“And have you recently come off the pill?” the doctor asked.

“Yeah, about six, seven months ago, we wanted to start a family.” She explained.

The doctor nodded with understanding, “Thought as much, being on the pill has probably kept the endo at bay and by coming off it, over the past six months it has been given the chance to thrive again and has built up rapidly, producing a cyst until it got big enough to burst.”

“Oh my god.” Rhian muttered. “so could that be the reason why we haven’t been able to conceive yet?”

“Most likely yes. Unfortunately it does cause fertility problems in a lot of young women.” The doctor told them.

“So we won’t be able to have children naturally?” Jimmy asked.

“That’s not necessarily true. There is still a chance that you’ll be able to conceive naturally although it will be more of a challenge. Unfortunately we are yet to have a cure for endometriosis although we have got ways of keeping it under control, but only one of those treatments is suitable for women who are trying to conceive and that is managing it through laser treatment.”

“Laser treatment?” Rhian said her eyes widening at the thought.

“I know it sounds kinda scary but it’s a keyhole procedure where we laser away any endometriosis. Simple and routine. Do you have any more questions?” Jimmy and Rhian looked at each other and then back at the doctor.

“What happens next? When can I take her home?” Jimmy asked.

“That depends on you. What I would like to do is to keep you in and do the laser treatment in the morning and then you can go home tomorrow night?” she said with a smile.

“As early as the morning?” Rhian replied.

“If that’s okay with you, the sooner we get this done the sooner you two can get back to trying for a baby.” She smiled. Again Jimmy and Rhian looked at each other and nodded. “Okay then, I’ll leave the two of you in peace and I’ll be back later with consent forms and go over the procedure with you.”

With another nod and a thank you from the two of them, the doctor left, closing the door behind her.

“That was a lot to take in.” Rhian said turning to look at Jimmy.

“I know, how are you taking it?” he replied.

She shook her head, “I don’t know, I’m shocked, scared, frightened. I’ve always taken stuff like this for granted, always thought that when I wanted to start a family it’d be easy.”

“We’ll get there babe, this is just a small blip, you heard the doc we can still have babies, it’ll just take a little longer that’s all.” He said pulling himself closer to her, “and just think of all the fun we can have trying.”

Rhian let out a small giggle as she wrapped her arm around Jimmy’s slim torso. “Always a sliver lining with you isn’t there?”

“There’s always one somewhere.” He said kissing her temple.

“Did you call the others, let them know we were here?” she said after a long moment of silence.

“Shit, no.” he said glancing at his watch, “And you’re meant to be meeting Andie in an hour.”

“You better call them and let them know.” she replied as Jimmy lifted his hips off the bed and reached his hand into his ass pocket to retrieve his phone. Staying on the bed next to her he dialled Andie’s number. It only rang twice before she answered.

“Hey, um, don’t panic, it’s nothing serious, or at least life threatening, but we’re in the hospital…”