Give up Forever to Touch You

Waiting for the coffee machine to finish its job Jimmy leant against the kitchen counter, staring off into space as he thought about what the day would hold.
He’d had very little sleep the night before, his brain unwilling to give him the peace he needed to relax. He’d been tempted throughout the night to give up on sleep and raid Brian’s liquor cabinet instead. Anything to take his mind off Rhian being in that hospital all alone. Anything to keep his mind away from the thoughts of something going wrong with the procedure.

“You know that beeping sound usually means that it’s ready.” Andie’s voice drew him from his dark thoughts. She smiled softly as she crossed the room and took three mugs out from the cupboard next to him.
They remained silent as she poured out three steaming hot mugs of black coffee and passed him his.

“She’s going to be okay Jim.” She said quietly as she lifted her red mug to her lips, gently blowing over the dark liquid to cool it a little. He remained silent as he too held his mug up to his lips, giving a small nod as he took a cautious sip.

“I’ll be happy when she’s had the procedure done and I get told I can bring her home.” he said keeping his eyes on the coffee.

Andie nodded with a small smile, knowing that it would be pointless to keep on telling him that Rhian would be fine. Deep down he knew it, but that didn’t stop him from worrying and thinking the worse. The best thing she could do now was be there for him.

“Do you fancy anything to eat?” she asked placing her mug down on the counter. Glancing at him she saw him shake his head so she proceeded to make breakfast for her, Brian and Abi.

“I just want to get to the hospital.” He said in a quiet whisper.

“You should still try and eat something dude.” Brian replied as he walked into the kitchen.
Jimmy shook his head again, “I feel sick to my stomach, doubt it would stay down too long even if I did eat anything.”

“Okay, in that case when Rhi gets discharged later you can come back here and we’ll all have take out, you’ll be starving once you know she’s fine.” Brian replied taking a piece of the toast Andie had just buttered.

Without a word Jimmy nodded, a small shadow of a smile appearing on his lips as he took another sip of the coffee.

“Are you sure you don’t want me to come with you?” Brian asked as they walked across the driveway to the car.

“Yeah, we’ll be fine and the sooner you go and see Michelle the better.” Andie replied.

“Okay, but call me as soon as you have news okay?” he said taking a gentle hold of her hand, pulling her closer to him, pressing his thin lips to hers.

“Of course, talk to you later.” She replied quietly before they went to separate cars.
Brian got into his black Mercedes and watched as Andie backed out of the driveway in the escalade, Jimmy in the passenger seat next to her, Abi secured in her car seat in the rear. As she drove off down the street he returned the small wave she had given before following suit, heading off in the opposite direction, towards his former home.

There was a part of him that was hoping to find an empty house when he got to Michelle’s. This was not going to be the kind of conversation that she would welcome whether something was going on or not and he had a gut feeling that this wasn’t going to go well.

There were two cars on the driveway when he pulled up outside the house less than five minutes later. He killed the engine and removed the keys from the ignition but he didn’t get out of the car.
How the fuck was he supposed to handle this? What exactly was he meant to say? “Oh hi Michelle, me and Andie have been talking and we think you may be neglecting the kids.”
Yeah okay. That was going to get him a punch in the face, if he was lucky.
But what if something was happening? What if they were being neglected? Something wasn’t right. Hadn’t been for a month or so, and it was his responsibility, as their father, to find out what exactly was happening in this house.

Taking a deep breath he stepped out of the car and walked slowly towards the front door. At least it was a school day and Connor and Ella wouldn’t be here to hear what would soon be an argument between their parents.

He knocked the door and waited. There was no answer. He knocked the door again and listened carefully. The TV was on. Or it may have been the radio. And then he could hear footsteps on the stairs. A minute later the door opened and Brian had to look twice at the person standing on the other side, thinking for a brief moment that he had knocked on the wrong door. The woman stood before him was vaguely familiar; baring a small resemblance to the woman he had once been married to. The height was the same, as was the eye colour. The hair was similar although not as well kept as it had once been. This woman was thinner and not in a healthy way, he bones almost visible through her skin in some places. What had once been a tanned complexion was now gaunt and a grey; dark circles shadowing her eyes.

“Brian? What are you doing here?” Michelle asked, her tone flustered as her hand reaching up and raking through her tangled hair.

“I wanted to talk to you about the kids.” He replied staring at her. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine. What about the kids?” she said abruptly.

“It’s not something I want to discuss on the doorstep; may I come in?” Brian asked taking a half step forward.

“Um, yeah, I guess.” She replied taking a small step back to allow him past. “So what’s this about?”

Brian remained silent as she closed the door and followed him through into the living room, going over what he wanted to ask her as he made his way over to the sofa. The fact that he had to remove several items of clothes as well as a magazine and a candy bar wrapper from the cushions to make room for him to sit down did nothing for his confidence. Michelle had always been a clean person, especially since becoming a mother.

He sat down and took a deep breath, waiting for her to sit down opposite him before he started talking. “There’s no easy way to say what I have to say, but I have to talk to you about these concerns.”

“Concerns?” Michelle asked nervously.

Brian nodded. “We’ve had them for a month or so now, Andie and I. We were hoping it was nothing at first, but everything’s built up and it’s not painting a good picture.”

“I don’t get what you’re on about Bri?” Michelle said, her voice quiet.

He lifted his head, his eyes finding hers for the first time since he’d sat down. “We’re worried about you and the kids. They are always hungry, almost starving whenever they come over; their clothes are grubby and worn and they can’t wait to get out of them and they have also told us that they can’t watch TV as it’s broken.”

“Are you trying to say that you think I’m neglecting my children?!” Michelle yelled at him standing abruptly from her seat. “How dare you!”

“No!” Brian said as he dragged his hand over his face in exasperation. “No, I’m really trying not to say that! But Michelle, you’ve really got to understand where these concerns are coming from. If it was the other way around wouldn’t you be concerned about them?” he let out a sigh. “I’m just looking out for my kids.”

“You’ve got a fucking nerve!” Michelle’s words were flustered as she pointed her finger at her ex-husband. “You have them on the weekends! Just two days a week! It’s me that’s got to deal with them the rest of the time, and that’s on top of working my ass off, doing all the house work, the cooking, the grocery shopping. So I got a little behind with the housework, forgot to pay the cable bill? I’ve got to do all this parenting stuff as a single working mom! Sorry I’m not perfect like little miss Andie!” she said snidely.

Brian let out a shaky breath, mentally counting to ten as he tried to keep his cool. He didn’t want to argue with her, didn’t want to have this discussion turning into a fight over parenting skills.

“Look, I’m sorry and I understand that being a single parent must be difficult, especially with the hours you put in at the office, but you’ve got to understand why I’m concerned. It’s nothing against you personally.”

“Well you’ve got a funny way of showing it.” she snapped in reply as Brian pulled his ringing cell phone out of his pocket.

“It’s Ella’s school.” He muttered as he hit “Accept.” “Hello.”

“Hello, is this Mr. Haner?” the woman on the other end asked.

“It is yes, is everything okay?”

“No, I’m sorry Mr Haner, but Ella has been taken ill and we are currently waiting on an ambulance to take her into hospital.” The woman explained.

“Hospital? Shit, what’s wrong with her?” Brian’s panicked voice asked.

“She‘s having a seizure. The paramedics are assessing her now; I’m going with her to the hospital. Shall I meet you there?” she explained calmly.

“Of course, yes, I’m on my way.” He hung up and turned to Michelle. “Ella’s on her way to the hospital, having a seizure. I’m heading to the hospital, coming with me?”

“Of course.” She replied following him out of the door.