About a Girl

“ I know you know it's all your fault and I should let this go, but I need to hear you say it love. It's principle, it’s principle. It's not that hard to say you're wrong, admit it, oh, go on, go on.” – New Years Day

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Rae

I feel a bit guilty back being in L.A. right now, even though it’s only for a few days to be on a radio show that will hopefully get us some attention before we leave for Warped Tour.

I’d assumed I’d have most of May to spend with Michael, but it looks like our time together will be cut short yet again.

I’m sitting at Seb’s kitchen table with my three bandmates, trying to get them to understand why I’m about to do this.

“Want me to come sit two tables away and look intimidating?” Jude asks, flexing his biceps.

I roll my eyes.

“I think I can handle it on my own, Jude.”

He looks pretty disappointed at my response.

“You sure about this, Rae?” Seb asks hesitantly, to which I nod. Suzie is oddly silent.

“I should go. I’ll be late,” I announce. They don’t say anything, and I head out the door.

I hear someone following me, and when I turn around, Suzie’s there.

“You don’t have to do this, Rae,” she says, crossing her arms in a way that showcases her complete disapproval.

“Yes, I do,” I argue unreasonably. She rolls her eyes at me.

“This is stupid. Why can’t you just let it go?”

And I don’t know why it bothers me so much that I can’t.

“Suze…I just have to, okay? It will take fifteen minutes. I’ll be back as soon as I’m done. Alright?” I say, slightly annoyed. I’m trying to get this over with before I start second guessing myself.

The nerves don’t settle themselves into my stomach until I arrive.

I walk past the counter without buying anything; I’m not staying for more than five minutes.

I see him sitting where I already knew he would be; at one of our favorite tables.

It’s strange to be here now, considering I haven’t been here since before the break up.

He just stares silently at me while I approach and then sit across from him.

“So…what do you want?” he asks, a cocky smirk that implies he thinks I want him back.

“Nothing,” I reply. “I don’t want anything from you.” His grin falters for a second, but he quickly regains his composure.

“You obviously want something,” he prods. “Otherwise you wouldn’t be here.”

I just shake my head at him.

I’ve had plenty of time to figure out his manipulation strategies by now.

“You said the note wasn’t good enough,” I state, waiting for his reaction, but he gives me none.

It’s so like him, and I suddenly wish I’d listened to Suzie.

He sips his cup of coffee like he has all day to discuss us.

But I’m just dying to leave so I can go home to Chicago as the same person I used to be.

“You don’t get it,” I state, but he still doesn’t say anything. “We’re done, we’ve been done for months. I never wanted you back for a second. But-this is what you wanted, isn’t it?” I ask, finally understanding.

“Rae-”

I shake my head and stand up.

“I don’t know why you showed up to the record release party, but don’t do it again,” I interrupt him venomously. “Don’t try calling me.”

I turn to leave without looking back at his table, and I get it now.

The reason he wouldn’t stop calling, texting, emailing when I left, how he showed up to the record party – everything makes sense now.

But from now on, I’m done with his mind games.

I have Michael now, I don’t need this unnecessary drama that I thought was over months ago.

I’ll never get an admittance of everything Luke did to me, even less any type of apology, so making sure he doesn’t try to contact me ever again is the least I can hope for.

I head back to Seb’s place afterwards. I need to make sure I have all my things packed for my flight later.

“How did it go?” Seb asks as soon as I walk in the door.

“Ugh…” is all I say. I don’t want to think about Luke ever again, least of all right now. “Luke just better leave me alone now. I’m ready to go home and see Michael.”

“I told you not to go,” Suzie points out.

“I know,” I reply.

But as shitty as I feel from seeing him, I’m relieved I’ll never have to deal with him again, and glad I’ve finally dealt with the situation rather than running away.