About a Girl

“We cast our make-pretends.” – The Main Drag

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I feel my right leg go out from under me and my left one follows suit before I realize what’s happening.

Shit-

Is my only thought a second before I feel the back of my head collide with the ice.

I hear Mike’s wheezing laughter from a few feet away and I groan.

Her head appears above mine, her gloved hand covering her mouth to conceal a grin.

I’m frozen for a few seconds, just staring at her, her hat crookedly sitting on her head, and her cheeks rosy and nose pink from the cold as she tries not to laugh at me like my bandmates are doing.

“You okay?” she asks, a giggle escaping her lips. I sit up, brushing ice from myself.

“Fine,” I insist, sighing at myself and accepting her hand to help steady myself.

“Here,” she says, linking her arm with mine, even though I’ve regained my balance for the most part.

We skate around the almost-deserted rink at our own pace while Sisky, Butcher, Mike, and Rae’s bandmates race past us in their own competitions. William watches on in amusement from nearby, off the ice, where he’s writing in his lyric book on a quiet bench.

“Is it hard being over here?” she abruptly asks, throwing me off guard. “I mean, do you miss it much?”

“Miss…home?” I ask, glancing sideways at her. She nods.

“Yeah. I don’t know. Is it weird, being away so long? Don’t you miss your family? Friends? Girlfriend?”

“I guess I’m used to it,” I shrug in response. “It’s just like when you and your band or the guys go on tour. Only, mine’s a longer plane ride and I can’t always go when I want to.” She nods. “I talk to my family a lot, I have friends here…my last girlfriend broke up with me when I decided to tour with Butch Walker over a year ago.” I shrug again.

“Oh. My e-” she starts, then stops unexpectedly.

“Your what?” I ask, frowning in confusion.

“Nothing. I just meant I understand,” she revises. “You’re right.” There’s a semi-awkward pause where I know that’s not what she was going to say, and I know she knows I know-

“You know, I still haven’t seen you play yet,” she remarks, changing the subject before I can finish dissecting her words. “I mean, at least not in a show with the guys.”

“I’m sure you will soon. When is your next one?”

“Next week, actually. It’s at Metro.” She smiles. “We get lucky with booking here, most of the time, with the smaller venues at least. Suzie leaves good impressions.” She shakes her head and rolls her eyes slightly at herself.

“You sure you had nothing to do with it?” I attempt to flirt innocently, surely doing a horrendous job at it, too.

“You’re adorable,” she laughs.

“You think so?” I grin despite myself. She blushes.

“Not in the way you think I mean it,” she revises.

“How did you think I thought you mean it?” I ask, pushing it with a teasing grin.

“Flattering, I meant to say. You’re flattering,” she corrects herself. “But you shouldn’t flatter yourself, you know,” she grumbles good-naturedly, still flashing me a grin.

“If I don’t do it, who will?” I joke, and she rolls her eyes and gives me a playful shove.

I slip, but she’s there by my side to keep me in balance, and I can catch myself.

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Rae

“I thought we were having practice here,” I point out, as Jude tosses his phone aside after ordering the pizza.

“Whatever. I haven’t eaten since lunch,” he argues. “I’m hungry. You’re just upset that you’re not at the bar with Michael.”

“What are you talking about?” I roll my eyes in annoyance. Suzie laughs.

“Give the guy some space, would you?”

“I’m just showing him around.”

“Bull,” Suzie rolls her eyes an interrupts just as Jude’s surely about to make a sex joke. “Any of the guys can show him around. You’re just using him as a distraction, you know. He’s your rebound.”

“I’m not,” I argue. “He’s not. We’re not even dating. He doesn’t even like me like-”

“Right,” Jude snorts sarcastically.

“You don’t have to be dating to be a rebound,” Suzie interrupts. “He’s your emotional rebound.”

“What are you talking about?” I repeat, crossing my arms.

She rolls her eyes.

“You’re the queen of denial, you know that, Rae?” she replies, and I feel my cheeks burning, even though I don’t really know what she means by it. I scowl and cross my arms wordlessly, still flushing.

“This conversation is boring. I’m gonna go pick up the pizza,” Jude says, standing up.

“I’ll come,” Suzie follows him.

I turn to Seb, who’s been oddly silent throughout the discussion.

“What?” I ask flatly.

“They’re just looking out for you,” he defends our two bandmates.

“Well, they should really hold back on their sensitivity,” I reply sarcastically.

“You’re different when you’re with him, is what they mean,” Seb informs me, squinting as if in deep thought and ignoring my previous comment.

“What are you talking about?” I ask in exasperation, too tired to be frustrated or embarrassed anymore.

“You’re normal, is all,” he states simply. “You’re bitchy to everyone else. We want you back to normal, Rae.”

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Michael

“I know, I know, it’s a bad cliché-”

I watch as she commands the stage with her presence, going to sing next to Seb while he frantically strums his guitar, or walking over to sing into Suzie’s mic.

It’s…infatuating.

She’s wearing black jeans and a fitted long-sleeve, plain gray shirt, and even though I’ve seen her with less on back at the apartment multiple times, I’m attracted on a whole other level.

“Who we are…is not who we, is not who we really are.”

I don’t care what she says; they’re all amazingly talented whether they admit it or not.

The venue is impressively crowded; it’s almost twice the size of the last one I’d seen them at.

She sings her lyrics, and I know they’re hers because I’d glimpsed the notebooks she has scattered all over her room, just like William does. I find myself wishing I could be as honest as the two of them.

“We don’t know who, we don’t know who we are…”

I guess it’s not completely true, since she’s only honest on stage, really.

She’s a liar.

She doesn’t lie purposely, or often, only when she wants to protect herself.

But I shouldn’t talk.

I’m a liar too.

But we’re only dishonest with ourselves.