About a Girl

“I’m not in love, this is not my heart.” – The Academy Is…

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“Bill – please. Stop it,” I say, annoyed beyond all belief at this point.

“Just talk to me, Rae. All I know is-”

“William!” I interrupt. “That’s the thing! You don’t. You have any idea what happened.”

“I won’t know if you don’t tell me, Rae,” he points out quietly. “Did he do something to you?” he asks, in that same soft tone. I roll my eyes.

“No,” I answer honestly in exasperation.

This whole thing’s blown out of proportion, and it’s ridiculous.

“Then what-”

“Why does everyone feel like they have a right to know?” I demand. “He turned into an asshole, that’s what happened. It’s my business, and I don’t want to talk about it.”

“You’ll talk to Michael,” he states evenly, waiting to see my reaction.

I exhale under my breath.

“That’s because he’s the only one that doesn’t ask about it.”

“Because he doesn’t know,” he retorts. “Why do you think he- never mind,” he quickly adds. “Nothing. Fine. Don’t tell me.”

“Michael what?” I ask slowly.

“I didn’t say anything,” he lies unconvincingly.

“What did you tell him?” I ask, feeling a vague stroke of panic in my nerves. “What have you all been telling him about me?” I demand.

“Nothing. I swear, Rae.”

“You must have told him something,” I continue, even though I’m tired of this topic. “Tell me.”

“Okay,” he sighs. “I’m just worried about you, Rae.”

“I’m fine,” is what I say.

‘Don’t bother,’ is what I mean.

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Michael

I hear voices in the living room and head that way instead of trying to get back to sleep.

I don’t know where William is; it’s strange.

Before Rae moved in, he’d always been around, or we’d have people over.

Now, especially in the past week or two, he seems to only be around when Rae isn’t.

I hadn’t noticed it at first, but it seems like everyone is extra careful around Rae – or maybe just avoiding her altogether.

I pause in the doorway.

She glances over at me from her spot on the sofa, where she’s watching television.

“I couldn’t sleep,” she offers. “Sorry if I woke you.”

“I was having trouble, too,” I admit, sitting next to her on the couch. “Bill hasn’t come back?”

“Nope,” she says, her tone nonchalant, but I hear the icy undertones.

“What are we watching?”

“Something stupid, I’m sure,” she shrugs. She’s quiet for a few minutes before she speaks again. “Can I ask you something?”

“Sure. What about?” I ask. She doesn’t say anything again for a few seconds.

“I guess it’s not really a question,” she revises, glancing sideways at me. I wait for her to finish. “I know William asked you to keep an eye on me,” she remarks. I swallow nervously.

I want to deny it, but her piercing green eyes challenge me fiercely, so I just say what I’m thinking.

“That’s not the only reason,” I state. “I like spending time with you.”

“So you’re not just babysitting me?” she asks, her eyes still stubborn.

“No. Of course not.”

She doesn’t look entirely convinced.

“What has he told you about me?”

“Nothing. Well…just…he says you haven’t been yourself since you’ve been back. Nothing else, Rae. I promise,” I swear.

“Okay,” is all she says, her eyes soft again.

Trusting me, but I don’t know exactly why.

I blindly watch the screen in front of me as a terrible movie plays. I don’t notice she’s fallen asleep until her head droops onto my shoulder.

“Rae?” I ask quietly, to suggest we go back to our rooms.

She doesn’t respond, only shifts closer to me, her fingers intertwining with mine as she whispers a name that isn’t mine, and I find myself wishing it was.

My heart beats faster, which makes me feel idiotic.

Her soft breathing goes steady, signaling that she’s fast asleep.

And me, I arrange her carefully on the couch with a blanket and pillow, turn off the television and lights, and go back to my room.

And my penultimate thought before falling asleep is that I know I’m falling for her.

My last one is I know I’ll probably never do anything about it because I’m too goddamn passive.