I'm a Stripper At An All Boys Boarding School? How Do I Keep This A Secret?

My body reacted before my mind could.

In less then a second, my skin was covered with a layer of cold sweat. My heart was pounding out of my chest, so loud I was sure he could hear it off the walls. My stomach, which had filled with butterflies, lurched up into my throat. All because of the dark, silhouette figure making its way past the bar and up to the stage.

Robbie met him halfway to me, but they spoke too far away for me to hear. What was he doing here? Part of me expected him to turn around and leave, the other part expecting him to beg me for his forgiveness.

But the time apart from him was building up my self control. I shook those thoughts out of my mind, forcing myself to think logically. I would not get back together with him. He deserves someone just like him, someone he could bring home to his Dad. I imagined a petite blond girl with big bouncy curls and a bubbly smile, coming from a rich family and fitting right into Rayden's arms. They would get married and have tiny blond kids with curly locks, so someone would be able to inherit Rayden's fortune.

Rayden and Robbie must have come to a conclusion, because Rayden continued his walk to the stage. As he came closer I noticed some slight differences in his appearance: his face had a slight shadow from not shaving and his hair was a little longer. It took me a second to notice his eye was bordered in a light yellow color, and I wondered who had punched him. He stopped a few feet from the edge of the stage, where I sat. I glanced at Tanner next to me.

"Darcy." Rayden breathed my name and it came out like a sigh of relief. He smiled a little, before taking in my appearance. I tried to think of what I had looked like this morning, and remembered I wasn't exactly in my best condition. I was wearing gray sweatpants that were too big for me but very comfortable for rehearsal. On my top I wore only a black sports bra, and my hair was thrown into a bun at the top of my head. I wore very little makeup. As Rayden looked at me, I began to feel self conscious.

"Can I help you with something?" I worked on speaking with detachment and no emotion. I still had no idea what Rayden's purpose was, but I decided I needed to sound determined. The events of two weeks ago flashed by on the back of my eyelids: doors slamming, tears, screaming, drugs have fallen, Rayden's cursing and I'm on the floor-all in the contents of one blink. I took a deep breath.

"I was hoping I could speak with you." I slid off the stage and turned to face Tanner. He handed me a T-shirt from my bag, and I slipped it on over my sports bra. I followed, leading Rayden behind the stage into the back where the girls get ready. We sat down in a dressing room and I wondered if we would end up screaming like last time. I closed the door just in case.

Rayden and I sat in silence for a minute. It was weird seeing him after so long-I thought of the first days after out fight where I had spent the day in bed, mostly sleeping and occasionally crying, replaying the whole thing over again. It took about three days before I started working full time again, and since then I had attempted to rid myself of all boarding school memories, especially that last one. Seeing him again was bringing everything back.

"Is there something you wanted to say. . ?" I started with after two minutes of silence. I was beginning to worry he would just get up and leave. Perhaps he had nothing to say, or he had changed his mind once he saw me in a strip club again.

"I have some of your things in Taylor's car. You left a lot of clothes and we thought you might like them back." I wondered if he thought I was so poor I would need them. I hadn't had any intention of retrieving the clothes, but I suppose it was convenient to have them. I almost smiled at Taylor's name. While removing Rayden from my memory, I had managed to remove my friends too.

"Thank you." I said. We sat in silence for a few more seconds. "Is there anything else?"

Rayden took a deep breath and sighed. "I was hoping we could talk."

"Rayden, I-"

"Fine." Rayden interrupted. "I'll talk and you listen. I came here to apologize. Everything about that night, I handled everything wrong. And ever since then, I haven't been able to stop thinking about it. And I keep thinking of how to fix things, but there is no way, no way at all to fix it.

But you need to come back to school, Darcy. That I know. I know we haven't really spoken about your job, and I have no right telling you to leave this place, but if you graduate from a private school, you will get the scholarship you need to get into a good college. You can do whatever you want to, Darcy."

After he was finished, he wrung his hands together and watched the floor.

"I never intended to work in this career field for a very long time." I said quietly.

"And now? How long do you plan on continuing?" He asked. His eyes remained on the ground.

"At this point, there isn't really an option for me to stop." He let out a long sigh.

"But you do have a choice, Darcy. You can go to school, and get an education, and you can go to college far away and never have to come back to any of this."

For a minute, I stared at him.

"That's the thing though, Rayden. I can't. I have responsibilities. I have the responsibility of taking care of my father. I have the responsibility of paying my fathers bills! I can't just leave him here and take off, Rayden!" The anger in my voice bubbled forward.

"You shouldn't have to do that Darcy!" He stood up form his chair, his hands raised by his head. "You shouldn't have to take care of your father! He should be taking care of you!"

"Yeah well some peoples lives don't work like that, Rayden. I don't have piles of money sitting around to pay for a great education! We knew that our lives were different, Rayden, and this is why things didn't work out." It was my turn to let out a sigh now. "We both new, none of this could happen in real life. We need to stop pretending." My voice was low now.

"No. I'm not pretending. I haven't been pretending at all Darcy. Because right now, things are rough. Right now, you have think I'm abusive and I stay up at night because I can't stand your career choice. But I also can't stand to see you throw away your future. Because that's where were going, and it's all that matters right now. And maybe you think I'm crazy, but I've been thinking a lot about my future lately, and I've realized that no matter what my future amounts to, you need to be there. Because if I become a lawyer, or a doctor, or fail my family completely, I wanna do it for love. I wanna do it with you by my side, and a ring on your finger, and our baby in our arms. I can see this, Darcy. This is how it's supposed to be."

My eyes were swelled up with tears now, and Rayden came over and knelt beside my chair. I bit my lip to stop from crying, hoping he wouldn't notice, but it was visible across my face.

"Hey." He whispered, moving my hair behind my ears. I sniffled and shook my head, wiping away a tear. I had to stop this before it went any further.

"No. No, that's not me. I'm not the girl you marry. It's not gonna be me."

I watched as Rayden's expression morphed into disappointment, his brow furred and his head shook back and forth. I wiped a tear that was rolling down my cheek.

"No, no Darcy you don't mean that!"

"I do mean that. I'm not that girl, Rayden. I. . .I can't have kids."

"Darcy." Rayden wrapped his arms around me, pulling me closer to him. "No Darcy, that doesn't matter. We'll figure something out. We can adopt." I shook my head, wiping tears from my eyes.

"No Rayden." I sniffled. "I'm a teenage stripper with a druggy father who can't ever be a mother. I'm the definition of a whore."

"Darcy, that's not right. You and I can go to doctors. They have new medical discoveries every day. And if that doesn't work, we can adopt kids. Kids who need good homes and good families. And you can go to school, and get a job and fix everything,"

"That takes a lot of money, Money I don't have."

"And I do." He said. I turned to look him right in the eye.

"I can't take your money, Rayden."

"Not my money, my fathers. I told him about you-not everything, just the good stuff. And I told him that you weren't in the best situation. And he said he would be willing to help. He's got money through his windows these days."

"Your speaking with your father?" Rayden smiled and pulled me into his chest so I was sitting on his lap.

"You feel lighter." He mumbled, gazing into space. He took a deep breath. "But your hair smells the same." I turned around and rested my face on his shoulder. "He called me a week or two ago. At first I was resistant but. . .he seems really interested in my life." I smiled.

"That's great Rayden." We stayed there for a minute, just thinking.

"Please come back to school." He mumbled.

"I have to think about it."