When I Go, Bring Me Back Again

Like Gerard had said and agreed to, he and Mikey had talked. It was after school when they finally got around to it and things were better between them. I had also talked with Gerard and we agreed to involve Mikey in things that we did. Though they walked on egg shells around each other when I was around, it was easy to tell because they would always get really quiet. I had tried talking to Mikey a few times, but each time something came up and he had to leave. Gerard told me that he felt bad and was having a hard time dealing with the fact that he cracked my head open. If anything I would have thanked him, he gave me more time with Gerard because of it and I didn’t mind it a bit. It’s quite nice sharing his bed, especially when he’s asleep and I get to let my mind wander off into little fantasies of mine. Which all involved him naked of course.

But it was Tuesday now, and there were only five days left before thedreadful big night. So far things were going good, Gerard was talking and laughing...and smiling. I was pretty much convinced that we would win this and I wouldn’t have to live without him. That none of us would.

I had also continued my little notes in his locker, he had left his sketchbook even though he told me numerous times he was iffy on doing it. Let me tell you, I wanted to keep it. I looked at it every night, just staring at his amazing work. I would have to talk to him later on about designing a tattoo for me.
“Frank,” I blinked looking away from the grass at Gerard who was drawing in his sketchbook again.
“Yeah? Sorry.” he just laughed turning it on his lap and let his head fall back against the trunk of the tree.
“I said what should I do?” I knew what he was referring to, the last note I had left him. I made a ‘hmm’ sound and looked up at the leaves and branches of the tree.
“Well what did it say again?” I asked knowing he would blush when he said it. He looked back down, the tint creeping up into his cheeks.
“He wants to meet me after school.” I grinned.
“Well, do you want to meet him?” he shrugged.
“Yes or no? That isn’t an answer Gee.”
“Well yes and no I guess.” he frowned.
“Ok, I’m confused.” I turned to face him.
“I want to, but I don’t want to.”
“Well why do you not want to meet him?” I placed my elbows on my knee’s, hunched forward as I picked at the grass.
“I like someone. Well, I’ve always liked someone. I guess now it’s two people, I’m kind of worried about it you know?” whoa, he likes someone?
“Who is it?” he just grinned.
“If I won’t even tell my brother, I’m sure as hell not going to tell you.” he laughed.
“He’s ugly isn’t he? He must be some other art nerd, am I right?” he only laughed shaking his head.
“No, I don’t think he’s good at art. Well, that’s a bit mean really. I do know he’s not an art nerd.” Well that really narrowed it down. There are barely any art nerds in the school, now I’ve got about ninety-eight percent of the school population left to pick from. Well I could subtract all the girls, but still that was a good fifty percent that I was left with.
“Oh, was it love at first sight? Did he knock you off your feet because he was just that beautiful?” I stated with a really bad romantic voice making him laugh even harder to the point where he had to stop drawing.
“Well no on the first part, and the second part... you’re pretty damn close.” I frowned looking at him. After a few moments he looked over at me.
“What?”
“You’re not helping here, I know practically nothing. God, you’re playing two different guys at once. This won’t look good on you, you do realize that right?” he went back to drawing, the smile slipping onto his pale face.
“I’m ok with that.”
“Whore,” I scoffed.
“Bitch.” he didn’t miss a beat.
“Slut.”
“Skank.” he smirked.
“Yeah I know, your brother bends over really well.” his face went bright red and he looked at me with wide eyes. I fell back into the grass laughing while he made gagging sounds. After a few minutes my sides ached and I pushed myself up looking at him, he looked scarred, the way he just looked off into the distance with wide eyes.
“Don’t tell me you’re actually picturing it?” I laughed again, he shook his head quickly before shuddering.
“That’s disturbing Frank, it really is.” I shrugged sitting back up, leaning against the trunk and looked at his drawing.
“Another vampire huh?” he nodded.
"You’re obsessed, but that’s cool because they’re awesome.” he grinned in approval and went back to drawing. I sat there for a few minutes looking around at the different students before remembering the night of the concert, how Gerard went defensive when I mentioned therapists.
“Hey Gee?”
“Hmm?”
“Can I ask you something?” I looked over at him, his hand moving swiftly over the paper.
“Sure.”
“Remember the night of the concert?” he nodded.
“Well, when I mentioned something about therapists, you got really defensive. I was just wondering why that was.” his hand stopped and he sighed.
“I didn’t have a really good experience with one. At first you know, it was okay. He was really nice and was good at making it seem like he cared. Then when he found out I was gay, things changed. Instead of helping me he only made things worse. He would use things against me, tell me I would go to hell, all sorts of homophobic rubbish. When my parents found out, they were pretty ticked off about it. I mean it’s not like it was something terrible, but it’s ruined any form of respect I have for the profession.” I nodded frowning.
“I’m sorry,” he just shrugged.
“I don’t think about it anymore.” I noticed that there were a lot of things that he didn’t think about anymore.
“I have another question.” he nodded as he began drawing again.
“If you just don’t think about things anymore then how do you get over them? I mean just because you don’t let them surface it doesn’t mean they don’t exist. Like all the times I hurt you, it’s not as if they’ve just faded away into nothing. They happened Gerard, even if you don’t think about it, that doesn’t mean they didn’t happen.” I stated looking back up at him, picking at the strings of my shoes. He went quiet after that, his art work seemed to not matter at the moment as he stared off looking at anything and everything.
“If you don’t face your monsters, then what happens when all of them come together? I don’t want to make you depressed or anything, I was just curious.” I added quietly.
“How did you do it then? Deal with things, your problems?” his voice was soft, he looked at me intently as if my answer was going to be golden.
“I used to bully you, and go out with my friends and destroy things. But I don’t do that anymore.” I shrugged.
“Then what do you do now?”
“Try and do things positively, help people out you know? It’s a good feeling.” I smiled softly staring at my worn out converse.
“What like charity cases?” I just shrugged and then realized what he meant by that.
“No!” I looked up at him to see that he was shutting his sketchbook and sliding his pencil into his pocket.
“Whatever Frank, I knew there was a reason. Of course, Frank Iero wouldn’t want anything bad tagged to him. So of course, to fix that he just goes and tries to make everyone fucking happy that way he looks like he’s the best thing in the world, right?” there was hurt and anger in his voice as he got up. I grabbed his hand trying to pull him back down.
“Gerard no, I’m not doing... I did this because I want too.” I tugged on his hand looking up at him with hopeful eyes.
“Why, why would you want too? It makes sense Frank, and you know what, I’m okay with it. I don’t care, like you said, I don’t care enough to fight for anything. So why should I fight to believe that you might actually want to be nice to me? It’s a lost cause, it’s stupid,” he rambled. Seeing as I wouldn’t be able to pull him back down, I pulled myself up causing him to almost fall over. When I was up I hugged him, I didn’t care if he tried pushing me away or if he told me to let go.
“Stop it Frank, you’re being ridiculous.” he sighed once he finally gave up.
“No, because you’ve got the wrong idea Gerard.” I looked up at him.
“Outside of Mikey, you’re the only friend that I have. I try to make you happy yes, in hopes to maybe make up for what I’ve done. But I mainly like making you happy because it makes me happy to see you that way. There’s no double meaning behind all of this, there never was and never will be.” he stayed quiet, not looking at me, but not pushing me away either. I waited a few moments hoping that he had something to say.
“I think he wants to talk to you,” was all that came out of his mouth, still looking past me. I looked over my shoulder and saw Mikey walking our way, looking like he was deep in thought.
“I’m not leaving until I know that you know that you’re not a damn charity case.” I stated looking back up at him. He let go of me and bent down to pick up his things.
“We’ll talk about it later. You two need to talk more.” and he was gone. I looked back at Mikey who was still walking this way, only now Gerard was approaching him. It looked like a battle field in a way, like they were coming to meet in the middle. Gerard would probably get all vampire on his ass, and Mikey... well Mikey would probably stab him with his glasses. Poor Mikey would never have a chance. The idea made me laugh too, as I watched the two brothers talk for a short moment before hugging and parting ways. Mikey turned to look at me and started walking again, so it looked like we were finally going to get to talk about what happened. It only sucked because he had horrible timing.