When I Go, Bring Me Back Again

Gerard’s POV

Was it pathetic? Was I being pathetic? I knew I was, Mikey made sure to tell me so whenever he came down to see me. But it just.... none of it was making sense in my head. I wanted to believe him, to believe all of them, but there was that one thing that was in the way, and I had no idea what it was. It only made me hate myself, I knew what I had to do, and boy did I want too. All I do is fuck up, I mess up everything.

I pushed my Brother away from me for years when he was only trying to help me. My parents had no idea who I even was, I was just a stranger to them and it wasn’t even their fault. Then there was Frank, and I didn’t even know where to begin with him, but I knew I had fucked up. But he was gone, he would never have anything to do with me again. I had managed to alienate myself from everyone yet I didn’t, I pulled on their emotions without even realizing it. I let someone in, I let people in and for a moment they thought there was hope. They thought that I would be okay now, but I wasn’t. Because at one point or another I’ll just screw everyone over and I’ll still be depressed.

So I was left with myself, sitting in the same spot where Frank left me, staring at the envelope that laid on my sketchbook. Curiosity made my fingers twitch, but anger kept them in my lap. My eyes finally tearing away to look at my drawer. The conversations about his dream swirled around my mind as I opened it up, looking at my reflection in the blade of the knife. It scared me in all honesty. How he had that dream about me killing myself when in reality that was how I had always imagined it. I reached into the drawer gripping the handle and lifted it slowly. It could be just like he imagined it, but I would only make his nightmare come to life. Hell, mine had come to life, why couldn’t I do the same to him?

I was pulled from my thoughts when I heard running on the stairs, dropping the knife I slammed the drawer shut and spun around, catching the time. Who would be up after midnight on a school night, besides me that is? My door swung open and I was met with my brothers panicked eyes.
“There’s cops at Frank’s house Gerard,” he panted clinging onto the edge of my door.
“Then why are you down here?” the panic was swallowed in anger and he stormed over to me.
“Look for once, get your depressed ass up and think about someone else. The only reason you hate yourself so much is because you’re fucking selfish. If for five minutes you would pay attention to other peoples lives then you would know that there are other people who have it worse than you!” he yelled startling me.
“Now you’re coming with me and we’re finding out what’s wrong. If Frank fucking did something to himself because of you, I will never forgive you Gerard. He tried to fix this and you were a dick, now let’s go.” he drug me upstairs but not before I had stuffed the letter in my back pocket. The pounds of our feet filled the house and we came to an abrupt halt at the top of the stairs where Mom was standing.
“What’s with all the yelling boys? It’s late.” she yawned.
“Something happened at Frank’s, we’re gonna go check it out.” Mikey replied quickly swinging open the door, never letting up on his grip.
He continued to drag me with him until we were at his door, where he knocked madly until it was opened by a police officer.
“Where’s Frank?” he asked, not giving the officer a chance to speak.
“I’m afraid I can’t..” he was cut off by Frank’s Mom walking into the doorway, she pressed her hand on his chest telling him it was okay and he nodded.
“Come in boys.” her eyes were red and puffy, fear began to set in as we walked in the house, I noticed immediately the absence of one person in particular.
“Ms. Iero what happened?” I looked over at Mikey, she choked pressing the back of her hand against her mouth and closed her eyes. The cop looked from her and then to us before sighing.
“Mr. Iero was going to go visit his grandparents and stay with them for a few days. On the way they were the cab he was in was hit by a truck that ran a red light. All three were identified but two were found dead at the scene, the third was air flighted and was said to be in critical condition. We’re waiting on confirmation to see if he was the only one who survived.” he explained.
“And if it’s him, he’ll be okay right?” Mikey’s voice cracked, his arms falling limp by his sides. The cop shook his head slowly.
“I’m afraid that whoever survived, judging by the description of their state, they won’t make it through the night. But I’m not a doctor so I can’t say it’s true, I’m just going by what I’ve heard.” he stated just as his walkie talkie went off. He excused himself and left the room leaving all three of us alone. I could feel a cold glare on me and I knew it was Mikey, looking up only confirmed it.
“Mikey,” I pleaded but he shook his head walking over to Frank’s Mom and wrapped his arms around her as she cried. The sound of approaching feet pulled me away from the sight and I looked at the cop.
“They identified the person as Frank, he’s in emergency surgery right now. I can drive you all there if you’d like.” I looked back at them and sighed. See what I mean? At one point I screw everyone over.