You Can't Say You Love Me

The ride in the carriages drawn by thestrals was just as uneventful as usual. We were silent, but Ginny watched me with hawk eyes as I attempted to rub the soreness from a few of my muscles. The Cruciatus Curses had been weak, yes, but they still left nasty muscle pains for a while after they were done. I knew by Ginny’s disapproving looks that she still didn’t think I’d done the right thing, and I knew I hadn’t, but I couldn’t just stand by. I realized that I’d changed a lot. It wasn’t like the old Ami to have both red and gold-like yellow in her hair. It wasn’t like old Ami to talk so condescendingly to two Death Eaters much older and more experienced than she. It just wasn’t done. Wasn’t even thought of, in the time of old Ami.

New Ami was different.

I was different.

I worked on rubbing a few kinks out of my back, twisting uncomfortably to get at them.

“Here,” Luna said softly from beside me, making me turn my back on her. I heard her mumble some sort of spell, and I felt a comforting and massaging warmth on my back. “It should help.”

“It already is,” I said, rolling my shoulders back. “Thanks, Luna.”

“It’s fine.”

It fell silent again, and after a few minutes, Luna removed the charm. I thanked her softly again, breaking the silence, and glanced out the window of the carriage at the darkening sky. It was a blood red sunset. Perfect for dark deeds and evil doers and bloodshed.

I averted my gaze as the carriage trundled to a stop.

“Here we are,” I said softly, to which Ginny nodded with a dark, unreadable expression in her eyes. Neville bit his lip, but he had a firm look in his eyes that was nearly foreign to them. I’m sure the only time he ever looked so brave - besides when he stood up for me in front of Amycus - was when he stood up to Harry, Ron, and Hermione way back in first year. “Shall we go?”

“Let’s,” Luna said, her dreamy voice slightly marred by nervousness, which I had never thought I’d see in Luna Lovegood, dreamer and strange girl extraordinaire.

We climbed out of our carriage together, and headed towards the doors.

“It’s you lot,” sneered Alecto as we passed her. “Don’t forget your detentions!”

“Wouldn’t dream of it, Toad-face,” I sneered in return. I heard Ginny’s little grunt of disapproval, but I tried my best to ignore it. I received a sharp slap for my bit of fun, and I felt my lip split. My scornful expression still hitched on my face, I twitched a corner of my mouth up in a smirk and swept on by.

“What are you doing, Ami?” Ginny asked, stepping up beside me in the Entrance Hall. “Trying to get yourself killed already?!”

“No,” surprisingly, it wasn’t me who answered. “She’s not. She’s just showing them that she’s not going to go down without a fight.”

Neville’s fists were clenched again, and he added, “And neither will I.”

“Do we still have our galleons?” Luna asked suddenly. We all paused to look at her and she elaborated. “Our D.A. galleons. So we can set up meetings?”

“We’ll have to use something else for now,” I suggested. “I’ll see if I can’t use the Protean Charm now. I’ll just have to look it up, and I’ll find something else we can use. We don’t want to be pulling old D.A. members back to Hogwarts for no reason.”

“Ah, I see,” Luna nodded. “That makes perfect sense. Oh, dear, here comes Amycus. We’d best be going now…”

“Yeah,” Ginny grabbed one of my arms, as though she thought I was going to rush away just to confront the Carrow.

“I’m not going to get in his way on purpose right now, Gin,” I sighed, removing her hand as we walked in the Great Hall with Neville and Luna. “I’m not that stupid. Besides, there’s a whole year left for me to be an example, right?”

She winced at how I chose to phrase it, just as I was ignoring a shocked look from the Slytherin table as we walked in. I absently wiped my stinging lip, and he averted his gaze.

“You don’t need to be that reckless,” Neville muttered as Luna branched off to the Ravenclaw table. “I know you want to prove yourself, but that’s not the way to go. I…I’ve wanted to prove myself to everyone for years now, and this is my first chance to do it. But Ami, we don’t have to be so open and forward. The D.A. could become an organization that operates on the down low, y’know? So they can’t quite pinpoint who we are. I mean, from what’s happened already, they’ll probably automatically take you and me as part of it. They might even target you as a leader. It wouldn’t be good, but as long as you stop openly opposing them anymore…”

“I know what you’re saying,” I told him as we sat at the end of the Gryffindor table farthest from the top table, “and I know it’s a smart move. I think you should know, too, that I don’t care if they pinpoint me as a leader because then they might lay off of everyone else. I’m prime example material, you see? I’ve lived in a house that has a big connection to the Order all my life. I know what techniques they’ll use to get information. I’ve been warned and trained against them, Neville. Don’t worry about me, okay? Worry about yourself.”

“Ami,” Ginny sighed, “we can’t help but worry about you. You’ve changed so quickly in such a short time. I’m afraid that the change will be the death of you this year!”

“As long as there are Death Eaters at Hogwarts, I’ll do whatever I can to keep the students safe. D’you think all the little first and second years deserve to be oppressed like this? D’you think they understand yet? Sure, there are some eleven and twelve year olds that can grasp what’s going on, but the rest are more likely to panic than be calm and levelheaded. I know you don’t like to hear it, both of you, but I’m willing to fight for everyone else here. I’m willing, Ginny. Willing to lay my life on the line for a better cause than any other - the eradication of the Death Eaters and their Dark Lord. You already agreed that you were with me, don’t back out now.”

“I - I won’t,” she said softly, “I just don’t like it.”

“None of us do,” Neville replied just as soft, “but I have a feeling a lot of us will do what we have to in order to help the Order. We’ve all got some sort of relation who has died or is in the Order, right? So we all have reasons to fight. And we have a reason to win.”

“Thanks,” I murmured to him. Neville nodded, and finally, Ginny took a deep, calming (although shaky) breath, and looked up with fierce brown eyes.

“I’m with you,” she said, “and I’m not going to back out. No matter what it takes. It - it’ll help Harry, in the long run, with doing whatever he needs to, right? Anything harming the Death Eaters and You-Know-Who helps Harry and the rest of the Order. And Ron and Hermione…”

“Yes,” I said, putting a hand on her shoulder. “It will help. I don’t know exactly what Harry, Ron, and Hermione have to do, but I do know it’s for all of us. For you, for me, for your family, for the muggleborns, for everyone.”

“Welcome to another year at Hogwarts,” came a strong, familiar voice. We turned our heads to Professor McGonagall as she stood. The new Headmistress, I assumed. At least for now. “First and foremost, we must sort our first years into their houses. Professor Flitwick, if you would?”

“Yes, yes, quite!” the little man said, and he unrolled a roll of parchment. He stood on a stack of books beside the stool with the Sorting Hat on it.

There were eleven new Gryffindors. Seven of them were boys and only four were girls. All of them, however, seemed very timid, shy, and scared. One of the girls was forced to come all the way down to our end of the table to find a seat, and ended up beside me. She was shaking with fright, her fist at her mouth so she wouldn’t cry. I would assume it was from the jeering and catcalls that came from the Slytherin table without reprimand. Until, of course, and unlikely voice.

“Leave her alone, you great ugly prats!” Ginny yelled over the ruckus. She smiled discreetly at me as I bent to comfort the first year, who let out a slightly teary “thank you”.

“Detention!” Alecto called out, sing-songily. “Tonight with Longbottom and your other friend!”

“It’s Ami,” I called, “and don’t forget it, Toad-face!”

“That’s another week’s worth, Ami!” she sneered, an even uglier contortion of her already ugly face. “That makes three weeks already!”

“ZEFRON, ASTER, P.!”

Professor Flitwick shot warning glances down at us, and I returned to comforting Shauna, the little girl beside me.

“Sh, shh, it’s okay,” I told her, putting an arm around her shoulder. “The bigger kids are gonna watch out for you, okay? And if the others don’t, I will. Okay? Sh, it’s okay. It’s all gonna be okay. Just wait.”

She sniffled, and looked up at me. “Why…why did you do that, Ami?” she asked, in a small voice. “You made her mad. And got detention!”

“I did it because she was being mean,” I told Shauna soothingly. “I don’t like seeing bigger people pick on the littler ones, so I stood up for you. Now, don’t you go getting ideas, okay? You just focus on learning all that you can so one day, you’ll be the big girl standing up for the ickle firsties, huh?”

She smiled at me, watery, but still a smile. “Will do.”

“Good,” I chucked her chin gently. “Now, let’s eat, hey?”

Her eyes widened as she looked at the table, where the plates had magically filled with food before our eyes. It was just like every other first year I’d ever seen when they first saw the plates.

“It…it all looks so good!” she finally said, looking at all the food.

“Yup. Here, try some of this. It’s one of my favorites,” I pulled a chunk of roast off for her, and drizzled a little bit of the sauce nearby on it. I also gave her a few potatoes and a chicken leg, for starters, telling her a few fun facts about some foods they had at different times of the year. I also told her about the French and Bulgarian dishes we’d had for the Triwizard tournament, and her eyes got big and round as she tried to imagine it.

“I’ve never even been out of Britain,” she said in awe. “Was the…beeooyabase good?”

“Bouillabaisse, and yes. It was delicious. I bet I could get you some sometime, if you really wanted it.” I said, grinning at her. All I’d have to do is sneak into the kitchens and ask one of the house elves to make some real quick…I’d done it once before, fifth year. I kind of missed the taste.

“Really?” her eyes grew big and round again. It was cute, how her eyes lit up at every little thing.

“Yeah, d’you want to try it sometime?”

“Yes!” she gasped.

“I’ll see if I can’t work something out.” I grinned at her, “Now eat!”

She nodded enthusiastically and dug in, grinning really big when she had her first bite of the roast.

“Is she settled a little better now?” Ginny whispered.

“Yeah,” I replied. “Hey, Shauna,” I said to the girl. “This boy across from me is Neville Longbottom, okay? And right beside me is Ginny Weasley. If you need anything, just ask one of us, okay?”

“Hi,” she said to them, then, “ah, okay!” to me.

I looked up to catch a glare from Amycus and a mirror image of it from Alecto. I grinned and waved, then turned back to my own food.

“I have a feeling detention’s gonna be hell,” Neville muttered across the table.

Ginny agreed and I let out a snort of laughter.

“It’s detention with Death Eaters, what more could you expect?”