Bastards of Young

Your head slamming hard into a glass window as your bus that smells like piss pulls into the station is a shitty way to be woken up by anyone’s standards, but sometimes that’s what life gives you. The only thing that had been better about this trip was the showers at the last station. At least I could tell Billie how I felt smelling relatively like a normal human being.

As I sat nursing the throbbing spot on my head, I saw my father and brother standing at the bus platform. Dad and Jimmy looked even more alike standing on the bus platform with their broad shoulders and thick brown hair. Jimmy had even grown a beard like Dad’s in the time I had been away.

“Hey there, Paul Bunyan,” I said with a weary smile as I dragged myself off the bus.

“Hey, Twerp,” Jimmy enveloped me in a warm hug.

“It’s about time you came to visit,” said my dad to my right. After Jimmy let go he scooped me into a hug and twirled me around.

“I missed you too, Daddy.” I buried my face into his shoulder, taking in the scent of cigarettes and oil from when he’d work in the garage. I had forgotten how much I missed that smell.

Pulling back he surveyed me, “You sure they’re feeding you enough over there? You look slimmer.”

“I’m fine, Dad! I’m just on the go a lot.”

“Yeah, well, your mom won’t like you missing your Southern Charms as she calls ‘em,” he gave me a poke in the stomach as we started towards the truck. “The boys arrived right after we left.”

My stomach lurched. “Really, now?”

“Yeah, your mother’s already trying to fatten them up. She said they’re all real nice. A little weird, but nice.”

“What does she think of Billie,” I bit my lip as I look at him from the other side of the truck.

“She doesn’t like the hair much, but he’s a hell of a lot better than the last ass you brought home.”

I broke into a grin as we all climbed into the truck. Within minutes Jimmy and I were doing what brothers and sisters do best. “I’m not touching you,” I taunted, holding my finger inches away from the side of his face.

“Jean, I swear to God.”

“Jim,” my father warned, casting a stern sideways look at the both of us and adjusting the volume on his Yardbirds tape.

“You know, Jimmy, I could do this,” I smashed my finger to the side of his face, “And technically I’m still not touching you. There are tiny micro particles that constantly separate us.” I rubbed my finger into the side of his face a bit more. “Isn’t that neat?”

“Yeah!” It was then that Jimmy reared back and punched me with all of his might in the leg.

“Ow! Shit!”

“And that was just micro particles pressing into your leg, right?” I flicked him in the ear. “Ow, bitch!”

“Guys! You’re 21 and 25, I shouldn’t have to threaten pulling over any more,” he was trying to have The Look – that one that makes every child want to crawl under something and die – but, an exasperated grin fought its way through as he shook his head.

“Sorry, Dad,” we both said automatically.

Pulling into my old neighborhood was surreal. As we passed the woods where the other kids and I would build forts and the park where I was kissed for the first time by Robbie White and the old oak tree in the middle of the Lake View round-a-bout that I broke finger falling out of in 10th grade it hit me how long I had been anywhere with real history to me. “God, it’s nice to be home,” I said feeling really at ease since the trip home had started.

“It’s nice to have you home, sweetie,” my dad said as he pat my knee affectionately. Jimmy just grunted in agreement as he took my hand, but I should have known sweetness like that doesn’t last and soon he was painfully squeezing my fingers, daring me to make a sound.

I could see their van as we turned onto our street and my stomach immediately twisted into knots. “Here we are,” my father announced before grumbling “I better like this guy, his dang van is taking up half the street.”

“You will,” I said in complete confidence as we parked. “He makes me happy.”

Dad just smiled somewhat sadly as he got out of the car and reached into the bed for my bag. Putting his arm around me, we all started towards the house. Walking in through the front door, I saw Mom pass the kitchen entrance and come to a complete stop when she saw me. I gave her a warning look as she looked ready to explode into squeals and bone crushing hugs. Taking the hint, she just rushed forward, exclaiming, “Baby girl,” in a strained whisper.

“Hi, Mom,” I managed to choke out as she gave me a big hug and kiss on the cheek.

“I’ve missed you so much!”

“I’ve missed you too, Mom.”

Pulling back she nodded to the living room entrance at our left. I poked my head in cautiously. A big grin spread across my face as I found Mike and Tre snoring in unison on the couch and recliner with MTV playing softly on the TV. On the coffee table were three sets of dirty dishes, strong evidence of a good day for the boys. “Is Billie upstairs,” I asked frowning.

“He’s in the shower,” my mother dropped her voice lower. “I don’t think any of them had showered in days, bless their hearts.”

“Has the runty one had a shower,” my dad said eyeing Tre. “I don’t want a crusty meathead on my recliner.”

“Dad!”

“Yes, John, they both have. And Jimmy,” my brother perked up, “Don’t go bothering any of them.”

“Mom, I’m hurt!”

“Uh-huh,” my mom said unconvinced. “How about you two come help me with supper? Jean, Billie should be out soon. Oh, and your sister will be here later. She had work.” Mom led my father and brother away as she gave me a slightly-disturbing-to-come-from-your-mom-wink. Dad and Jimmy looked over their shoulders worriedly. I think Dad was about to say something, but Mom gave him a sharp whack on the shoulder. Shaking me head and grinning, I started up the stairs.

Halfway up, I heard the bathroom door creak open loudly. Standing frozen to the spot I listened as foot steps made their way across the hall and into my old room. “You’ve got this, Clarke,” I whispered to myself. Putting one foot in front of the other I went over the small manifesto I had scripted to say on the bus in my head, while mumbling encouragements to keep moving under my breath.

I reached the top and turned to go into my room just as Billie was turning to go down stairs. My stomach turned to stone and the entire speech left me completely as I stared back into his wide, unbelieving eyes.

Say something, Clarke. Fucking say anything! Opening my mouth I blurted, “I love you,” a little louder than I meant to.

“What,” he croaked, looking at me like I was from another planet.

“I love you.”

He was silent as he looked me up and down still wearing a face of complete and utter disbelief. I could see the tiny gears in his head turning as he looked me in the eyes once more, opening his mouth to speak. I braced myself for whatever was going to come out next.

“What?”

“Christ, Billie,” I said letting my shoulders drop and taking a step forward, pushing him against the wall as I did so. “I love you, dumb ass.” Leaning in I kissed him with a grin.

“No,” he whispered heavily as I went to pull back. Hooking a hand around the back of my neck, he pressed my lips to his once again. We became lost in the moment as our tongues battled and our hands got reacquainted with each other’s bodies. As I pulled his hair, he started to make the funny noise I loved, causing me to giggle into the kiss. In retaliation, he gently ran his nails up and my spine, causing me to shiver and make an equally weird noise at the back of my throat. I could feel him smiling triumphantly.

“Hey,” came a harsh voice next to us. Ripping apart, we both wiped the spit from our mouths and tried to act like everything was normal as Jimmy looked accusingly from Billie to me.

“Hey, this is Billie,” I said quickly wrapping an arm around Billie’s waist, hoping with me in the way Jimmy wouldn’t punch the guy into next week. “Billie, this is Jimmy.”

“Hi, she’s told me a lot about you,” Billie smiled and held out a hand that Jimmy just looked at.

“I’m sure,” he said coldly, looking away from Billie’s hand to me. “Mom said to come down for dinner. So, you know,” he looked at Billie pointedly, “Come down for dinner.”

Once Jimmy was gone Billie’s head and hand shot down to his crotch. “Do I,” he asked weakly.

“No,” I said checking too. “Jimmy’s just being an ass.” I gave him a comforting kiss on the cheek. “You’re fine.” I took his hand and went to lead us down to the kitchen, but Billie didn’t budge. I looked back questioningly. He looked slightly sheepish as he stood there grinning at me happily.

“You said you love me.”

I broke into a grin too. “I do.”

“You came all this way to tell me?” He stepped forward so that we were only a few inches apart.

“I did,” I said biting my lip.

“Thank you,” he said pulling me into one of those hugs that make you tingle all over. We held each other for a while in silence, enjoying being close once again.

“Jean,” came my father’s and brother’s voices from downstairs.

“I’m coming,” I yelled back after breaking the hug. Looking at Billie again I almost pitied the guy. “Okay,” I said brushing off his shoulders and trying to calm the cow licks in his hair. “The safety word is ‘peaches.’ If they get too intense just say that and I’ll say we’re going for a walk to the Circle K or something.” I gave him a kiss. “Don’t start crying until we get outside.”

Billie laughed and rolled his eyes as we started down the stairs. The poor bastard had no idea.