Have We Gone Too Far?

“So, did you do anything interesting last night?” I asked Beth, hoping that she’d cave and just tell me what happened.

“Nope, I’ve heard you had fun though,” she giggled.

“And who told you that?”

“Ky, nothing stays secret for long when you trust him with something.”

Why did she tell Kyle then? Or is she trying to let me know that she’s already found out about Kyle telling me? Confusing? She’s being pretty subtle if she does know. Is Beth even capable of that?

“Yeah, he can’t keep his big mouth shut!” I laughed, trying not to sound too serious.

I hate insulting Kyle, I feel like I'm stabbing him in the back, even though what I’m saying is generally true.

“You’ve got to love him though,” Beth sighed.

“Yeah.”

Beth gave me an odd luck. Crap! Did I just say I love him? What? No. I couldn’t have, could I?

“You... love him?” she sniggered.

“You know what I mean,” I said, hoping that I hadn’t gone red or anything stupid like that.

If I was blushing over Kyle I’d never be able to live it down, especially if he finds out about it.

“I'm only messing.”

I wanted to believe her so much, but part of me thought she knew everything. Everything! It’s as if she’s realized I'm gay, the way she acts around me now, it’s... odd.

“Zacky,” Kyle shouted over to me. “I could use a hand over here!” he moaned as he tried to get Ellie off his back and attack Jake at the same time.

Friends at war, aren’t we a close little group.

“Will you be alright on your own?” I asked Beth.

“Yes. Why wouldn’t I be?”

I smiled and nodded at her as I went over to join the battle.

***

There’s ten more minutes until lunch is over, and let’s just say that I’m dreading my visit to the student mentor. A Student Mentor? What the hell? I don’t need to see anyone, never mind be forced into talking to one of them. It’s so unfair.

When the bell eventually went I waited behind for a while, until the yard was completely empty of kids. There was only me here now. Just me with my thoughts wondering what I can do with them.

As I tried to work out why I was still sat on my butt, I felt my pocket start to vibrate. It was my dad! Why would he call me?

My hands started trembling as I contemplated whether or not I should answer it. If I ignore it he’ll have a go at me and if I answer he’ll know I'm not in lessons.

I’ll risk it; he probably already knows about me liking to miss certain parts of the school day anyway.

“Hello,” I said, my voice was shaking though.

“Where are you?” he grunted down the phone.

“School, why?” I asked.

“You’re mum needs to tell you something,” he hissed, not liking the tone of voice I used when I asked him.

“What about?” I whispered.

I wasn't too sure if I’d overstepped the boundary or not by asking that, but his reply wasn't sent back too aggressively.

“It’s not really something we can discuss over the phone,” he muttered after being prompted slightly, which meant he wasn't alone.

“Okay, do you want me to get home early?”

I partly hoped he’d say no, that way I was guaranteed safety for a few more hours, but if I was able to leave now, I’d miss my appointment with the student mentor.

“Get back as soon as you can,” he sighed as if he’d just given in to the person who was pressuring him into saying things. “But you need to go speak to that guy your form teacher told us about.”

What? Why would dad want me to speak to him? I mean, the guy will be trying to find out what my parents are doing, so shouldn’t dad want me to steer clear of him?

“Okay,” I sniffed.

I had no idea why I had tears in my eyes, well, honestly I did know why. It’s just really pathetic to admit. This is the first civilized conversation I’ve had with my dad in years. The only time we’ve talked without giving out insults or threats to each other. The first time we’ve ever really listen to what the other was saying for reasons other than fear.

“Don’t say too much, but you’ll need to say enough to keep him happy. If you don’t say a word they’re going to keep sending you back until you do.”

“Thanks, dad,” I sniffed.

“Hurry home,” he said before hanging up on me.

“Wow,” I whispered to myself.

I couldn’t believe how well that went. It was too surreal to explain properly, but my dad’s never like that. Ever!

I took a deep breath and thought about what I'm going to tell the learning mentor when I see him. It’s hard right now, after hearing my dad like that, but I have to do it, so I might as well be prepared for it.

So, I got up and headed into the building. I was walking down the empty corridor when I started to get second thoughts about turning up. I can’t do this. I'm sure no one would notice if I took another little detour, I mean, I’m like twenty minutes late already so another five won’t make any difference.

So, instead of heading down the corridor where most of the offices are, one being the student mentor’s, I took a left and walked down the stairs down to the art rooms. One more lap around the school won’t hurt.

I tried to avoid walking past any rooms with windows into the corridor or with the doors open, just in case a teacher wanted to know why I wasn't in my lessen; I always find it hard to come up with a convincing enough lie.

When I was outside on the yard again I realized how stupid I was being; I can’t avoid this forever. Sooner or later I’ll have to go and see him, and he’s more likely to think I’m troubled now seeing as I’m keeping away from him. Maybe I should just go. One session might help a little. It could give me some extra confidence... or it could completely break me down. What will happen if I crack? If I tell him everything? Everything I’ve been trying to protect and keep secret would get out. I’d be over.

How can I keep so much secret after opening up about a couple of thing like my dad said? How?

All I need to do is walk in, how hard can it be? You just pull the handle down, push the door, pick your feet up, move forward (Ha! This is a little more complicated than I’ve ever realized it could be). Who’d have thought there would be so many steps you have to take before walking through a door!

“It’s now or never,” I quietly muttered to myself.

I knocked on the door and waited to be told to come in. As I entered I immediately recognized the man behind the desk.

“Cole,” I gasped.

“Zack!” he stared at me in sheer shock. “What the hell are you doing here?”