Have We Gone Too Far?

I closed my eyes and for a moment I froze, not believing that someone was in the doorway and had just caught us. I must be imagining things. I mean, Mr. Sanders wouldn’t kiss me, but then again, Cole might.

“It’s not what it looks like,” Cole said strongly but still in shock.

“Not what it looks like! Then what were you doing?” I heard a male voice shout.

My heart raced as I put a name to the sound. It was Mr. Barker. Crap, he’s going to kill me. He saw me kissing my student mentor. Bloody hell I was kissing my student mentor! What was I thinking? Here! At school! Anyone could have just walked in.

“It’s not his fault,” I said defensively. “I just... I just couldn’t control myself. Please don’t tell anyone,” I begged.

“Zack,” Mr. Baker sighed. “You don’t need to take the blame for him.”

“I'm not...” I said feeling a lot weaker than before. “It was me sir. I'm sorry; I don’t know what I was thinking.”

He gave me an odd look and I knew he was finding it hard to believe.

“I'm just confused,” I had to take a really deep breath to be able to say the next bit. I can’t believe I'm doing this. “You were right when you thought something was bothering me... I-I I’m...gay,” I sighed not believing I’d just told another person. “But I don’t know what’s going on and...” I was tearing up at this point and I knew this was really believable because it was partly true. “I don’t know why I kissed him, I just felt so many emotions and I didn’t know what to do with them.”

“It’s okay Zack,” I heard Mr. Sanders whisper as he tried to work out if I was being serious or not.

“You should have spoken to me,” Mr. Baker said as he walked inside the room and shut the door behind him. “You knew I was there to listen; why didn’t you say anything?”

“It’s not really something I want to talk about,” I sniffed.

“Okay,” Mr. Baker sighed as he walked up to Cole and whispered something to him.

I watched as Cole’s face dropped. What did he say to him? He better tell me later.

“I think you’d best go back to your lessons Zack,” Mr. Baker muttered, still glaring at Cole. “And, I still need to speak with you though, Mr. Sanders.”

Cole’s head was looking down at the floor now, I knew he regretted it. But was he regretting kissing me or the fact we got caught? That’s what I want to know.

“I’m sorry,” I said bravely as I walked out of the room.

After something like that happening, I should feel awful, but for some reason I feel pretty good. One, Mr. Baker won’t be bothering me about things as much now that he knows. Two, Cole and I kissed. I don’t care about what happened afterwards at the moment. All that matters is that he must like me back if he was willing to kiss me in school.

Wow.

***
Cole’s Point Of View

This can’t be happening! I kissed him but I wanted a hell of a lot more. Why am I like this with him? He’s a kid! What was I thinking? And now Mr. Baker’s seen us. What am I meant to do now? If he says something my career is over, everything I’ve been working my life for would be wasted. I can’t let that happen.

As I ran everything through my head Mr. Baker whispered to me so that Zack couldn’t hear.

“If you want me to keep quiet I’ll need you to do something for me,” he said in a harsh prickly voice.

I really don’t want to help him but what other choice do I have? If I don’t do as he says...

“I think you’d best go back to your lessons Zack,” Mr. Baker told Zack while staring right at me. “And, I still need to speak with you though, Mr. Sanders.”

I looked down at the floor in shame, he’ll never treat me the same way again. Mr. Baker doesn’t seem like he believed Zack completely so he’s going to have a right go at me now. I don’t think I'm ready. What if I say the wrong thing?

As Zacky left the room Mr. Baker encouraged me to take a seat at my desk so that I was sat opposite him.

“Look, I know you’re new to this teaching thing but you can’t just let your pupils do that sort of thing with you.”

“I know.”

What else could I say? Man, I'm struggling and this is only my second day here. I'm in way too deep with this kid as well; I can’t believe I let all of this happen.

“I'm not stupid and I know you wanted that just as much as he did...”

“What?” I hissed. “What makes you think that?”

“You’re acting pretty defensive right now,” he smirked.

“That’s because you’re trying to make this my fault!” I shouted.

Man I’m bad at this. Take a deep breath and try and act normal.

“I'm sorry,” I muttered. “I’m still trying to understand what happened.”

He looked at me for a while as if he was trying to get inside my head. That won’t work though, over the years I’ve built a sort of force field around me that’ll block out anyone I don’t want looking in there.

“I don’t think that was Zacky’s fault,” Mr. Baker sighed. “I think he was sticking up for you because I’ve known that kid for a hell of a long time and there’s no chance that he’s gay and there’s certainly no chance that he’d hook up with a teacher.”

“I swear I didn’t do anything wrong.”

He shook his head at me and I started to get really aggravated; why didn’t he trust me? He should be able to take my word, especially with Zack backing me up.

“What happened before I walked in?” he asked randomly.

“We spoke about his parents for a bit but... he wanted me to change the topic so I brought up what you were telling me about him not eating enough.”

“Must’ve been more than just that,” he said, dragging out each syllable.

“I told him to look in the mirror at himself and, well, he sort of...” What am I trying to say now? Even I don’t know. “He... looked at me instead and... liked it I suppose.”

“Zack’s not like that. He likes girls.”

“No he doesn’t!” I insisted. “Honestly, he’s gay.”

“And he likes you?”

“No, no. He was just confused. He’s only recently realized his sexuality and he didn’t know what he was doing.”

“Well, how can you be so sure?” Mr. Baker snapped at me.

“He wouldn’t lie. Not about something like that.”

He nodded at me, finally something we agree on!

“How did you end up kissing?” he asked curiously.

“He tripped over and when I helped him up he kissed me.”

“Okay,” he sighed as he began to believe me and join my side.“I don’t think it’s your fault but you really do need to be more careful.”

“I know,” I muttered. “Will you keep this quiet?” I asked.

“Yeah,” he said arrogantly, which made me feel a bit confused. He shouldn’t have said it like that, should he? “As long as you come out with me tonight, my lips are sealed.”

I stared at him wide eyed for a moment. What did he just say? He can’t be serious!

“What do you mean?” I asked as soon as I was able to speak.

“You and me are going to go out for a meal and then we’ll go back to mine.”

I felt my stomach start aching at what he just suggested. I can’t do that. I won’t do that. But what other choice do I have?

“You’re not being serious, are you?”

“Yes, I am. If this gets out you won’t get another job like this again, so I think it’s in your best interests to take me up on my offer.”

“But...”

“No buts, a simple yes or no will be fine, just remember, if you say no everyone will know about you and Zack.”

I shook my head at him, I’d never do that! Ever!

“I...”

“So you’ll kiss a kid but you won’t spend some time with me.”

My heart was racing. I’m screwed either way, but at least if I choose a certain one of those options I’ll still have a job.

“Fine,” I answered reluctantly. “I’ll see you tonight.”

This feels so sick and wrong that I’m honestly struggling to explain. Heck, what is the to explain? It’s pretty obvious what Mr. Baker wants and I know I'm going to have to give it to him. How could this get any worse?