Have We Gone Too Far?

“Are you sure Cole’s coming to get you?” John asked me. “I mean we’ve been waiting for ages now; I might as well take you myself.”

I nodded at him angrily because I really can’t believe Cole has left it this long. He said he’s get me over an hour ago... so where is he? Now I'm going to have to ride with John; great!

“Thanks John,” I muttered, hating the fact that he was doing something nice for me.

So this is my plan for the rest of the day: get to school again, most likely get a detention for leaving, avoid pretty much everyone, get an explanation from Cole and then hopefully stick with him for as long as I can. There we go; everything’s sorted now; I’ve got a whole day to look forward to. Aren’t I lucky?

When John dropped me off at school all I could do was mumble to myself as I tried to think of something to say. What can you say after you’ve ran away and then decided to come back? Do you say sorry? Should I even tell anyone? I mean maybe they didn’t notice. Surely they’d have better things to do than to keep tabs on me. Then again; Cole told me that he told Mr. Walker he hadn’t seen me and it wouldn't take long for him to find out that I'm not in school.

It felt odd walking across the yard on my own, knowing that Mr. Walker will want to know why and probably where I went. Plus I have to think of an answer for him seeing as I can’t say I was at Mr. Sander’s and I left because I'm scared of my dad.

“Zack!” I heard someone shout making me tense up a bit. Who the hell was that? I started panicking a bit but then I realized it was Beth. “Where were you?” she asked running up to me and wrapping her arms around my neck. “Well?”

“Oh,” I gasped only just remembering how much she wanted to speak to me this morning. “I'm so sorry; I completely forgot.”

“You better be sorry,” she said poking me in my ribs. “So why weren’t you here before?”

“I skived off this morning, came in and then left again,” I shrugged.

“You said you were on the bus,” she said crossly. “So that must mean you were here for a bit. Plus Liza said you were in, so I was like no he’s not you lying-”

“Yeah I didn’t feel too good,” I lied.

“You said you were skiving though.”

“I meant ill,” I said unsurely knowing that she was on to me.

“You might as well tell me; you can’t keep secrets too long without me finding out you know,” she smiled.

I laughed at that seeing as I'm amazing at keeping secrets and hiding things really. I mean she’s never asked about my parents the whole time I’ve known her; she’s completely clueless about it. Then there’s the fact that I'm gay, in a relationship with a teacher, have been raped by Mr. Baker, am likely to be attacked by a load of strangers who have been sending me text messages... Wow that list was longer than I expected.

“Fine; I came in on the bus but I didn’t want to go to form so I left and kind of lost track of time,” I told her.

“Is that the truth?” she asked as she folded her arms across her chest.

“Yeah,” I smiled smugly.

“You’re lying,” she sighed. “Why don’t you trust me? It’s like you don’t tell me anything anymore!” she said as her eyes filled with tears.

“Bethie,” I said softly as I pulled her into a hug and let her cry into me. “I didn’t know that bothered you,” I whispered. “I'm sorry.”

“It’s not you Zack,” she sniffed, laughing a little. “It’s just I want to tell you something but I don’t know if I can. I mean it’s not like you tell me anything is it?” she mumbled.

Suddenly I felt really bad because she’s right; I don’t tell her anything about me. I'm too scared to tell her. She’s been like my best girl mate for years now and if I started telling her things I'm worried that our relationship will become a little awkward and I really don’t want to risk that.

“Do you want me to tell you things?” I asked, regretting it straight away.

“Of course I do,” she said laughing a little as she pulled away from me and looked up into my eyes. “Are you going to tell me where you really were today?” she asked making me take a deep breath.

“I stayed with a mate last night, came to school and then went to the beach. Came back to school, left again and went to another mate’s and then I came back and now I’m talking to you,” I shrugged.

“Zack,” she moaned. “That’s not telling me anything.”

“Sorry,” I mumbled to her.

“If you really don’t want to tell me about that.... Could you at least tell me something about you?”

“I'm a girl,” I joked.

“I'm being serious!” she shouted as she slapped my arm.

“Look I'm sorry. What do you want to know?” I asked her as I tried to get into a serious frame of mind.

“Why do I barely ever see you anymore?” she asked me. “We haven’t hung out after school since Liza’s, you don’t hang out at lunch, you skive off all the time-”

“I've been busy,” I told her.

“Busy with what?” she shouted. I didn’t know I annoyed her this much.

I shook my head at her; she doesn’t need to know about my life. It’s better if she doesn’t anyway.

“Zack,” she moaned.

“I've just had a lot to deal with at home,” I muttered. “I really want to spend more time with you again but I don’t know if I can.”

“Why can’t you?” she asked impatiently.

“I can’t after school and you’re with Kyle a lot during school and I'm trying to stay out of his way.”

“Kyle’s a great guy!” she hissed at me. “He’s been there for me, unlike you,” she growled.

“Beth, I don’t know what you’re on about.”

“You’re treating Kyle like he’s the bad guy when he’s not. You’re the one who doesn’t care about anyone other than yourself! Kyle has to look after his family and deal with his parents divorce! All you need to do is stay loyal to your friends and you can’t even do that.”

“What are you on about Beth?” I shouted at her. “I have problems too-”

“There’s that ‘I’ again. It’s all me, me, me with you isn't it.”

“What? Of course it isn't! I mean Kyle doesn’t care about his friends. First he sleeps with Ellie behind Jay’s back and then he dumps her for that slut Miranda!”

There was an awkward silence when I realized what I’d just said. Kyle’s relationship with Miranda was meant to be low-key and no one was ever meant to find out about him and Ellie.

“Kyle and Ellie,” she whispered.

“You can’t tell anyone,” I whispered. “It just slipped out.”

“I can’t believe he’d do that to Jay,” she sighed. “I didn’t think he was like that.”

“Yeah,” I muttered. “He’s going through a tough time though isn't he,” I said to defend him even though I'm not on his side at all.

“Do you think his mum and dad know how much they’re affecting him?”

“I doubt it,” I sighed. “Mine wouldn't notice,” I whispered.

She looked at me for a moment with a concerned look on her face.

“You know; I think that’s probably the first time I’ve heard you mention your parents,” she said softly.

“We don’t really get on,” I mumbled.

For a moment our eyes met and she gave me a supportive smile.

“They hurt you don’t they?” she asked.

I nodded weakly at her. I didn’t understand how she worked it out but Beth is a very observant person. She knew I’d been avoiding talking about them; maybe that’s why she never asked about them; she was worried about what I’d tell her.

“Does anyone else know?” she asked me.

“Mr. Sanders, Liza and there’s a chance she’s told Zander.”

“I'm not the first you’ve told!” she gasped but then smiled at me. “It’s alright though,” she chuckled. “I didn’t know you went to see Mr. Sanders,” she said awkwardly.

“Well, you do now,” I smiled at her.

“I went to see him today too,” she told me nervously. “I told him about how I was raped,” she said and then looked up at me to see my reaction.

“Oh God Beth,” I said pulling her into a hug. She’s finally told me. But something was odd about this; she isn't even crying.

“That’s not all,” she sniffed. “I'm pregnant.”

I loosened my grip for a moment to let her words settle in. She’s having a baby! Not any baby though; a rapist’s baby.

“Are you sure?” I asked her.

“Certain,” she sniffed as she held onto me for dear life. “Zack, I know who it was that attacked me,” she sniffed. “You know him too.”

My breathing went uneasy then. Someone I know hurt Beth. Someone I know got her pregnant!

“Mr. Baker,” she whispered. “I'm having his baby.”

“You’re keeping it then?” I asked cautiously. Can she seriously have the child from a man like him?

“Maybe,” she sniffed. “But I don’t want to tell people I was raped.”

“You have to,” I told her. “You’d rather that than having the whole school saying things behind your back and trying to work out who you slept with.”

“Could you do me a favor?” she asked in a really quiet voice. “Don't hate me for asking and I know it’s a big deal what I'm going to ask you to do...” she cried.

“If you tell me what it is; I’ll see what I can do,” I told her; wanting to be as much help as possible.

“I want...” she said before her voice gave up on her. “I w-want to-to...”

“You can tell me,” I whispered. “Don't worry about me hating you or thinking differently about you because that’ll never happen.”

“You don’t know what I want yet,” she sniffed.

“I promise I could never hate you,” I said nervously, hoping that this build up won’t be worth it.

“I want to t-tell people t-that you you’re...” she paused for a second and took a deep breath. “I want to say you’re the father.”

My mouth dropped open. What?