Have We Gone Too Far?

Things were a bit awkward after that with Kyle and me. He knows about Mr. Baker; I can’t believe that I told him, but at least he’s worried about me, and he doesn’t think that I'm in a relationship with him like pretty much the entire rest of the school think. It’s sick really; how could they even think that? I know there’s a picture but you don’t have to believe things so easily.

He wanted me to go with him to the bike sheds so I could see everyone else as well. To be honest I wasn't too sure if I wanted to see them again after how they reacted Friday night. They really upset me and only Kyle tried to apologize. Beth might’ve wanted to but I can’t be sure. I'm hoping that’s why she was with me, because she wanted me to forgive her. Unless she just wanted to tell me that she didn’t want to be the dad anymore.

Anyway, I'm not ready to face all of them yet. I wouldn't feel comfortable around them and maybe I never will. Who knows? So instead of going with Kyle I looked for Liza and Zander. I assumed it would be an easy thing to do, but, well, it wasn't. They weren’t anywhere I looked. Where are they?

I hate walking around on my own because it makes me feel like a bit of a loner, but I suppose right now that’s what I am. Until I find Zander or Liza it is anyway. I have no idea where they could be. To be honest I don’t even know if they have a place where the hang out, maybe they didn’t tell me where they’d be for a reason.

What? No! You’re just being paranoid. They’ve probably been let out of class late or something like that. They generally like me so they wouldn't just leave me; they’re too nice to do that to someone.

Once I’d pretty much searched every corner of the yard and most of the field as well I decided to have a look inside. Believe it or not my luck actually improved when I went in because the person who was on duty was none other than Cole.

As soon as I knew no one else was around I went up to him and gave him a quick hug. I wanted it to be longer so badly but I knew that’d be too risky to do right here and right now. It was so hard to let go off him, but I managed to do it, with a lot of effort though.

“Do you want to go somewhere more private?” Cole whispered, most likely just as worried as I was about someone else coming inside and catching us.

I nodded and smiled at him as we went into the nearest classroom and closed the door. There wasn't a lock there but I knew we’d be able to stop ourselves doing anything ‘illegal’.

He looked at me as if he was about to cry. What’s happened to him? I tried to act supportive for him but then images of what Zan and I did came flashing into my mind. Oh God, he doesn’t know about that, does he?

“I was so worried about you,” he said softly. “Did they do anything to you?” he asked me sounding like he was preparing himself to punch something. I had no idea he’d be this worried about me. I should’ve known. I was with my parents after being in trouble with the police. He’d have thought they were doing all sorts to me.

“Stuff happened last night,” I whispered, knowing that I’d have to tell him about it at some point.

“Tell me,” he said in a small voice as he got two chairs for us to sit on.

We sat down facing each other and he took hold of both of my hands. I had a feeling that that was not just to help me tell him but also for him to so he’d find it easier to listen to.

“D-dad kicked mum out and he dumped me in an alleyway,” I whispered. “I was alright though,” I sighed. “D-don’t worry about it.”

“You slept on the streets?” he asked as his breathing started going a little uneven.

“I went to stay with Liza and Zan,” I whispered, hoping that he wouldn't ask me why I didn’t go to him instead.

“How did you get there?”

I knew he wouldn't like it if I told him a stranger paid for my taxi. He’ll be telling me about not trusting people like that forever if I tell him the truth. Then he’ll remind me about all of the things that man could’ve done to me. But it’s not like I have a better answer than that one, is it?

“I got a taxi,” I whispered nervously.

Why did I feel so nervous? Maybe it’s because of what Zan and I did. It’s the guilt washing over me now that I'm seeing Cole like this. I feel even worse than I did this morning when I was thinking about this now.

“Come here,” Cole sighed as he wrapped his arms around me. “At least you can stop worrying about them now.”

He’s right. I no longer have to worry about my parents, but I know as I fact I still will. And what about the baby? If mum and dad are splitting up its life’s going to be even worse. Then again they might try and change, maybe it’ll be easier for them with me out of the picture.

“I love you Zack,” he whispered into my ear.

His breath was cold and it made me shiver a bit. I want to say that I love him too; I do love him, but for some reason I can’t get my words out. So this is what living with a guilty conscience does to you. Part of me wants to tell him but I know he’ll hate me if I do. And he’ll hate Zan too for that matter. I can’t let him know for Zan’s sake, not because I'm too scared to tell him or anything like that.

“You too,” I whispered nervously.

“Are you alright?” he sighed. “You seem a little...tense?”

No I'm not alright and yes I am a little tense. Right now I'm so stressed and... Just clam down Zack and answer the bloody question. Lie of you have to.

“I'm fine.”

Cole broke the hug and rested his hands on my shoulders, locking eye contacted with me. I can’t lie to his face...or can I?

“What’s bothering you?” he asked softly.

Think, what can I tell him? My breathing started getting heavy; he clearly knows I'm hiding something. Oh God, what should I say?

“N-nothing,” I muttered.

“I know you Zack, just tell me what’s wrong,” he whispered after gently brushing his lips against mine. That felt so good.

I looked into his eyes and smiled weakly.

“Have you seen Mr. Baker today?” he asked me.

My shoulders shrugged at him. I'm not ready to talk about that yet, maybe when I see him at lunch I’ll talk but not right now. It’s still fresh in the mind but I’m not in the mood for bawling my eyes out again yet.

“What happened, Zack?” he said, sounding stern now. “Tell me.”

“Not now,” I sighed.

“Yes now,” he hissed. “If he’s done something to you I need to know about it!”

Right then the bell rang. The phrase ‘saved by the bell’ never felt more appropriate than it did now. It’s not that I don’t want to talk to Cole it’s just that I'm scared in case I mention something about what I did with Zan and now he’s pressuring me to tell him what Mr. Baker did and I'm not ready to do that.

“I’ve got to go,” I sighed standing up.

“Zack wait,” he said as he took hold of my arm. “I'm sorry if you don’t think I'm being fair but I really care about you. If he’s hurt you, I need to know about it.”

“N-not now,” I stuttered. “I'm going to be late,” I mumbled, not really caring if I missed at bit of maths really.

“I'm sure your teacher won’t mind,” Cole smirked. “If you good in class anyway.”

“W-what?” I asked, giving him a confused look.

“I'm covering your class today, remember? I did tell you.”

Oh yeah... maths with Cole, boy this is going to be weird. Right so ‘Mr. Sanders’ will be teaching me today. Interesting.

“Can’t wait,” I chuckled.

He smiled at me before opening the door and walking down the corridor with me. For once I might actually enjoy a maths lesson. I never thought I’d think something like that. Ever!