Have We Gone Too Far?

Cole grinned at me as he took hold of both of my hands. I really miss him holding me. It feels like it’s been forever now since he last did. Knowing how much I wanted him right now, I lifted up onto my tiptoes and pushed my tongue into his mouth; maybe that’ll get the message across.

“Please,” I whispered, desperate for something to happen between him and me. “I love you.”

We’re at school right now; I know, but does that really matter? There are no cameras in here, the doors locked and its break so I'm not missing anything. Now is the perfect moment for us to spend some time together; to be with each other.

“Please what baby?” he asked as he wrapped his arms around my waist and chuckled lightly.

“Don't make me say it,” I blushed then tried covering my face up with my fringe. Whenever I blush he likes embarrassing me even more; it won’t happen this time though.

“I think I want to hear it,” he mumbled, brushing the hair out of my face and grinning at the color I had gone. “Don't be embarrassed,” he cooed making me blush harder. Why does he always do this?

“Stop,” I moaned, bringing my lips to his and biting down on his lower lip.

“Stop what?” he asked without breaking our kiss.

I shook my head at him and brought my hands up to his collar and unbuttoned it. To be honest I don’t know what’s come over me. Am I using Cole right now? I know we’re together but after Zan and I, can I seriously still be like this with him? I betrayed him and if he ever finds out... He’s going to hate me.

“What’re you doing Zack?” he mumbled.

“It’s been too long,” I moaned, locking his lips with mine once more.

I closed my eyes as we got deeper into the kiss, I wanted to keep them open so I could look at his stunning face but I wasn't able to look him in the eye anymore. How bad is that? I can’t even look face to face with the man I love because of stupid bloody guilt!

“You know what?” he said, pushing me backwards a little and resting his hands firmly on my waist. I love it when he holds me; it feels like I'm safe when I'm with him, even though making out with my teacher is actually one of the least safe and most risky positions you can be in at a school. “You’re right,” he said as one of his hands slipped up underneath my shirt and traced its way up across my stomach.

His touched made me shiver a little due to how cold his fingers were, however the pleasure I was able to get from him doing something as simple as this is unbelievable. Cole’s able to make me feel things that I’ve never felt before; feelings that I’ve never before known were real.

Cole’s lips quickly made their way from mine and started sucking on a soft spot I have on my neck. When he did this I felt so weak that he actually had to hold onto me to stop me from falling. Part of me felt a little pathetic for not being able to keep myself balanced, but at the same time I was glad that Cole didn’t care. In fact, I think he was enjoying holding me up right.

As he continued to suck and nibble on my skin he pulled my body closer to his so that they were pressed up against each other. Instantly my breathing hitched as I was able to breathe in his scent. The way Cole smells makes my mind go crazy; it’s weird but, I think I like it that way. It’s as if everything about him gets a reaction out of my body. To be honest at times that can be a bad thing, but most of the time I love the way I react to him. It proves to me that I really must like him...so why was I with Zander?

“Shut up!” I muttered to myself. How can I be thinking of him when I'm like this with Cole? What’s wrong with me?

“What?” Cole chuckled awkwardly.

It’s not just my mind that needs to shut up it’s my bloody mouth. How did I end up saying that out loud?

“N-nothing,” I moaned lightly. I felt nervous and once more couldn’t give him eye contact. “I was just...talking to myself,” I sighed, knowing that although that sounds slightly mad, Cole was going to believe it coming out of my mouth.

“Zack,” he laughed as he hugged me. “What am I going to do with you?”

“Here’s a clue,” I said with a sudden burst of confidence as I pulled off his tie and flung it onto the floor before rushing my hands down him, unfastening the buttons on his shirt. I haven’t seen him this way in so long. How did I ever live without seeing him?

“You sure?” he asked softly as he watched me taking the shirt off him.

“Yeah,” I grinned. This time I know what I want. I don’t care about the consequences of what we’re going to do because as long as no one finds out, we’re fine.

I pushed it down over his shoulders and smiled, proud that I was able to do that with so much ease. But when I saw the look on Cole’s face I felt a little less impressed with myself. He was laughing at me!

“My go,” he sighed, shaking his head at me.

What did I do?

“Love you,” he whispered as dropped down to his knees and took hold of the bottom of my jacket as he slowly fumbled with the material, gently kissing and biting against my skin as he lifted it up. Oh god, please don’t do it like this! Why didn’t I think of doing it nice and slowly? I could’ve tortured the guy; maybe that’s why he was laughing, because I didn’t take advantage of the situation.

He looked up at me as he brought his hands up to the zip at the top of the jacket, occasionally running his tongue across any exposed skin. A smiled crossed me face as I realized I still had his jacket. Cole really knows how to tease me. Why won’t he just hurry up though? The slower this takes the more time I have to think...

Crap! I just realized I'm still thinking! I thought I told you to shut up ages ago!. Well, I never really did listen, did I? You know what, I just realized something. Earlier I said that Cole made my mind go crazy; this is proof. I'm talking to myself!

I let out a little giggle as I argued with myself inside my head. Cole looked up and raised an eyebrow at me. Maybe this was the wrong time to be laughing at my insanity.

“Are you alright?” he asked me as he got back up onto his feet. Why’s he stopping? Don’t stop, please!

“I’m, I'm fine,” I told him, this time managing to keep eye contact for a few seconds, which is better than nothing I suppose.

“I know when something’s bothering you,” he said softly as he tried to look me in the eye. I guess I'm not helping myself by practically completely avoiding looking at him now. Usually I never notice things like the color of the carpets in rooms, the ceiling, little patterns around the walls. Today I’m seeing everything though, as my eyes travel everywhere trying to avoid his. “Tell me,” he said, taking hold of my face in his hands.

Why won’t he let me keep some things secret? It’s not like he doesn’t hide things from me. Then again, they’re probably nothing to do with him cheating on me, so I guess our situations are kind of different.

“There’s nothing to tell,” I whispered.

He nodded his head at me but I knew I hadn’t heard the end of it yet. He’ll want to know what’s bothering me soon and I'm sure he’ll go to all methods to find out. I suppose in a way that’s his job.

“Oh,” he said like he was just remembering something, he probably was actually. “I’ve got some uniform for you,” he smiled.

I started at him for a moment. Why has he got me uniform? I know I get a lot of weird looks being in my own clothes, plus teachers have a go at me for it a lot, but I can take it. On top of that the uniform is really expensive here.

He must’ve noticed the look I was giving him because as soon as he looked at me he started explaining.

“You can’t go around school like that,” he mumbled.

“You don’t need to buy me uniform though,” I told him. “I can look after myself.” Well I can try to anyway.

“Look, I’ve paid now and I can’t send it back,” he said with a devilish grin on his face. “Do you want me to help you change into it?”

When those words left his mouth a large smile spread across my lips.

“I’d love you to.”

Cole quickly ran the zip down and flung the jacket of my shoulders. He laughed at my face when he saw how shocked I was with the sudden speed he’d picked up on. My heart was racing inside of me now; something will happen between us today, I know it will.

“I love you,” I whispered as I wrapped my arms around his neck and placed my hands into his hair. It was so soft and silky.

He placed his hands on my bum and lifted me up so I could straddle his waist, my lips then smacked against his, my tongue pushing inside of him as we roughly enjoyed each other’s presence.

I felt Cole’s hands move to the front of my thin shirt and then swiftly lift it up over my head, only breaking our kiss for a few mere seconds. I pushed my body up against his and we fell back towards the door. Before long I was tugging at his belt buckle, wanting to have a little more fun than simply getting changed into my uniform.

“Zack,” he whispered. “I want to, but I can’t.”

“Why?” I asked feeling a little let down now.

“I have morals Zack,” he sighed. “Not many seeing as I'm still doing this but, we’re done it once already and I don’t want to again until you’re old enough. The first time I didn’t know,” he muttered.

“Fair enough,” I mumbled harshly underneath my breath.

I don’t know why but I feel really irritated with him now. I understand why he’s saying that and I wouldn’t want him to do something that he could regret or hate himself for doing. It’s just I really want to. Does that make John right? I'm in it for the sex? God I hope not.

“Don't hate me over this,” he said wrapping his arms around me, but I stupidly pushed him away and turned away from him. “Zack,” he sighed. “I just can’t do it.”

Can’t or won’t?

“Having sex with me is so wrong, isn't it” I muttered but didn’t really want him to hear me.

“Grow up,” he hissed.

Ha, playing the old age card. Wait, what? Why am I being like this?

“No, I'm meant to be like this. I'm a lot younger than you, remember?” I shouted back at him, quickly realizing that I was being a lot louder than I should be.

He smiled and shook his head at me.

“Is this how you and I are going to be?” he asked taking in a deep breath. “You get to be the stroppy kid all the time and I have to be the old man taking on all of the responsibilities.”

I don’t know what it was about what he just said but my eyes instantly started stinging. What was he trying to say?

“Don't cry,” he sighed, noticing the water building up in my eyes.

“Crying is part of being a stroppy kid!”

The look he gave me then was one that I’ve never seen on him before. In a way it was scary, as if he was about to completely lose it with me.

“Get changed in the cupboard,” he hissed at me. “Here’s your uniform,” he said as he passed it over.

Perfect. Just perfect.