Have We Gone Too Far?

Zack was going to kiss me. I know he was; there was no doubting it. Everything is just so confusing right now. I mean, first he tells me that he can’t be with me, then he kissed me, now he’s told me that he’s in a relationship with Mr. Sanders, but then he tried to kiss me again, and just now, he walked out and left me here.

Why does he keep sending me mixed signals? Sometimes I think that it might just be easier if he told me he hated me or something like that, sure I wouldn't believe him, but if it there was hate there between us, I wouldn't be questioning my feelings for him, and his for me.

Maybe this is my fault. It feels like it was ages ago now, but I still remember that day he came round to my aunt’s house. When I saw him there, I was so shocked. Throughout the day he’d been horrible to me, but then, he started being nice. It was strange to be honest. He asked me something that I’ll never forget when Liza made me play truth or dare with them, which I admit I enjoyed more than I expected. He asked if I hated him... Chances are that I wouldn't be feeling like this if I didn't tell him no. If I’d just said yes, maybe my heart would’ve been spared the hurt it’s been put through. Maybe I would be over him already.

I dropped my head into my hands as I thought into it more. This is my fault. What started this whole thing between me and him was when I kissed him. If I didn't do that, none of this would’ve happened. I sniffed when I realized that it looks like I'm the only one suffering right now. Zack’s happy. As soon as he heard Cole coming he ran downstairs into his arms. Cole, well, he has no idea about his boyfriend pretty much cheating on him, so what has he got to worry about?

Is it fair that both of them walk away from this unharmed and I have to be alone with a broken heart?

It isn't.

There was a slight pain in my chest when I heard Zack giggling downstairs, most likely at something Cole did. Have I ever managed to make him laugh like that?

They deserve each other, clearly. I can’t help wondering one thing though: If Zacky loves him so much, what was he doing with me? Why didn't he just stick to being horrible to me? Why did he have to turn out to be so nice?

I sat in silence for a few minutes, just trying to calm myself down. I wasn't crying, thankfully. That stage is long gone now. The only thing I need to do is accept all of this. Zack’s with Cole. Zack’s not with Zan. Simple.

As I was thinking, I was sure I heard shouting downstairs. I felt horrible when I smile crossed my face, but I couldn’t help it. If they were arguing, that only meant good things for me. What if they split up? Would Zack come back to me?

I could tell whose voices were speaking but I couldn’t quite hear what they were saying. It was Zack and Cole... Zack was upset.

Did he do something to him?

No...No he wouldn't. Cole’s a good guy...even if I want to hate him, and partially do. He wouldn't hurt Zacky.

I wonder what’s going on though. I know it’s not my place to interfere, unless it’s about me. Wait, what if Zack’s told him? Or worse...He already knows.

This can’t be happening. I know it’s not certain that that is what they’re shouting about, but what else can it be? It’s not as if they have anything to fight over, is it? What would I know? It’s not like Zack tells me everything about them, he’s only now told me that there even is a them. To think that I used to just think of Mr. Sanders as a teacher, as my learning mentor. I should be able to trust the guy, but now, I'm not so sure if I can.

Right then I jumped out of my skin. What the hell is going on down there? It sounded like the door had just been bashed in. I honestly can’t imagine any of the three down there resorting to something like that over a stupid fall out...

Part of me was curious. I wanted to go down there and see for myself what was happening. But the smarter part of me decided against doing that. If it’s an argument concerning me, they wouldn't want me there, if it’s become something more than that, they’d definitely not want me there. But if it’s something else, I think I'm the one not wanting me down there.

What am I on about? What’s the worst that could be going on?

Instead of carrying on with pointless panicking and worrying, I choose to just sit still and listen. That’d be the best way to work out what’s going on. The only problem with that was that there wasn't any sound anymore. The house was silent. After all of the shouting and the arguing...nothing.

Something must’ve happened.

When the silence ended I heard a man chuckle. I was sure it wasn't Mr. Sanders or his brother and it definitely wasn't Zack...

Someone else is down there.

For a second I wondered when this extra person must’ve come, but then I remembered the sound of the door a few minutes ago. This guy broke in!

I jumped when the noise kicked off again after the deathly lack of it for so long. It sounded like there was a struggle. There was clearly fighting going on.

Please say they’re okay!

Tears started welling up in my eyes as I tried to imagine what was going on down there. Even though there was still a small chance that my theory was wrong, my gut was telling me that it wasn't. Someone’s going to get hurt. The only thing I was able to do was pray that it wouldn't be Zack.

What should I do?

The man might be armed for God’s sake! Think dammit think!

I closed my eyes for a few seconds and tried to block everything out, but as I was doing this I heard a few more voices. More that I couldn’t recognize. It wasn't just one intruder.

I started shaking as I slowly crept over to the bedroom door. I need to be quiet. If they hear me, who knows what could happen.

Carefully I pulled the handle down and tiptoed across the landing which was just at the top of the stairs. If I was to just step out of line once and make a loud enough creak against the floor, they could hear me. If I get caught, we’d have no chance of getting out of here.

My hand gripped hold of the phone that was on the small table.

Almost there.

The police. I had to call them; it was the only option. This was definitely a break in, and even if it isn't, it’s better safe than sorry right. I'm sure Cole wouldn't invite guests over who’d fight, yell and need to break the door down over to house. I might not know him that well, but I doubt anyone would do something like that.

As soon as I was back in the bedroom with the door securely shut behind me I let out a long deep breath. This’ll all be over soon. As soon as they get here, everything will be alright.

I looked down at the phone and tried dialing, as I did this I noticed how much I was shaking. I cursed myself as I hit the wrong button. God I hate being scared, I just can’t control my body when I am.

After a few attempts I managed to dial the number correctly.

999

It rang a few times, making me feel even more nervous. Beep beep, beep beep.

Why can’t they just answer straight away?

After a few more rings it went to the machine and I asked for the police in a weak shaky voice. Come on Zander, be brave. I'm a hero right now, so just stay calm and do what has to be done.

Told the man on the phone everything that had happened and explained to him about what I thought was happening. The only problem was when he asked for the address. How would I know that?

This isn't my house. I have no idea where we are. Crap. We’re at a teacher’s house. That’s going to raise so much suspicion. What do I do now?

“Erm...I d-don’t know the add-dress,” I stuttered nervously down the phone.

The man at the end said something but I didn't hear it. Something happened that made me jump and instantly pushed my heart into overdrive. There was a gun shot. There was no doubting that sound.

As I jumped I must’ve hung the phone up because I heard the engaged noise.

My lips started to tremor and my eyes overflowed with water as that night flooded back into my memory. Why did I have to remember?

Me, my mum, my dad and my older brother, Cade, were meant to be spending the weekend together as a family. We didn't go away anywhere but it was still meant to be special. Friday night and Saturday morning was really great. And I really do mean that. Everything was going perfectly, but then it was like some switch went off in my dad’s head and he just completely lost it.

I’d never seen him the way he was then ever before. It scared me. Mum and I went upstairs that night after he’d snapped at Cade for no reason at all really. Being with each other 24/7 wasn't working out how we wanted it to. We were meant to be getting closer, not losing it.

Cade didn't come back up with us. He said he wanted to talk to dad about something to try and make a mends with him. I didn't understand why though. He hadn’t done anything, it was just that dad had suddenly become short tempered.

I heard them shouting at each other. Everything they were saying seemed so serious. Mum could tell that they weren’t kidding around, so she went down there to check on them, but before she left, she told me to promise to her to make sure I didn't go down there. She didn't say why, she just told me to stay in my room.

I stayed true to my promise and stayed up there until I just couldn’t bare it anymore. I could hear my mum screaming. I just wanted to know what was happening, and for some reason I didn't realize that it was going to be something I wouldn't want to see.

Dad had a gun. I saw him holding it, having it faced at Cade. I didn't understand why and I still don’t. But there was nothing any of us could do. I looked over to my mum and saw blood dripping down her face. Dad must’ve hit her.

I was scared, but I didn't do anything other than stand there and watch everything that was happening around me.

Before dad fired the gun into my brother, he smiled at me. I don’t know why he did it, he just did. That was the last look he gave me before he shot Cade. He then followed those actions by firing a bullet into his own head. It all happened so fast.

At the time I couldn’t even move. I just stood there. I didn't cry or anything like that either.

After I witnessed that I didn't speak for weeks. To be honest it might have even been months. That was why I was sent here. They wanted me to be away from everything that had happened. I really didn't think it would’ve helped, but it did, until I heard that gun shot.

I blinked a few times to try and snap back into what was going on right now, instead of just living in the past. The past is the past, it doesn’t matter what happened then, all that matters is how I move on from that, and how I act now.

I need to put all of that aside and just focus.

What’s happening down there?

After that last time I was curious, I knew it would be best to stay upstairs. If I go down there I’ll see something I really don’t want to see, but if I stay up here...

Oh what difference am I going to make? None whatsoever.

I didn't want to go down to them. I knew what was likely to happen if I did. It’s just, I felt like I needed to go down there. If not only to make sure my friends are okay, but to see how I’ll cope.

After last time, I just want to see if I’d be able to do anything. Maybe this time I’ll be able to help or at least have some kind of reaction to what’s going on.

Slowly I made my way down the stairs. I could hear them talking. My mouth dropped open when I managed to put a name to that voice. Mr. Baker. He’s hurt Zack. What if he’s done it again? What if he bloody shot him?

Without thinking I ran the rest of the way down the stairs but then quickly stopped myself when I remembered what was happening just in the kitchen.

That was close.

I breathed in and then carefully peaked into the room, making sure that I wasn't seen by any of them.

I couldn’t see much but I didn't want to stay there in case I got caught. So I backed up again and sat down on the stairs, listening in to the conversation.

My heart raced when I realized what Mr. Baker was accusing Cole of doing. The strange part was that I believed him. Cole made a guy kill himself. He basically raped a kid and now he’s with Zack... What does that say about a guy? He had a relationship with a ten year old and now he’s with Zack! That’s...That’s sick.

I think I must have completed zoned out for a few minutes seeing as I have no idea what happened after that. Maybe I was just thinking too hard... The point is that I’ve lost track of what is happening and it seems to be all kicking off now.

I heard someone dropped down to the floor and then Cole called out something with made my heart race.

“Zack,” I heard him shout.

No, no, no. He can’t be hurt!

“Apologize!” I heard Mr. Baker shout at Cole, ignoring whatever must’ve happened to Zack.

I had to look again. If Zack was hurt, I don’t know what I’d do.

When I peaked around the corner I saw John jump up but quickly get taken down by the guy that was just on top of Zack. His gun flew across the floor and landed just by the entrance, just in front of me.

I backed away fast, worried that he’d go back for the gun and see me there, but although I was worrying about that, I couldn’t help letting a sigh of relief escape my lips when I saw that Zack was alright. Another man went over to him and wrapped his arms around him. Part of me felt jealous, but that was only a very small part. I knew that there wasn't anything going on. The man I needed to worry about was Cole.

“One last chance Cole!” I heard Mr. Baker shout.

I wished I knew the whole story. Sure I feel like I know enough after listening to all of that, but there might be more to it... Maybe Cole has something to say too.

“I’ve said I'm sorry,” Cole said with clear panic in his voice. “I didn't want it to happen. What more can I say?”

“Sometimes sorry is not good enough,” I just about heard Mr. Baker say.

I started to shake because I knew that he was going to shoot him. You don't say something like that and then tell them that it doesn't matter and let them go. That’s not how it works.

For a second I thought about it being a good thing if Cole was killed. No more competition. I quickly tossed those thoughts aside though. I couldn’t do that to Zack.

This time I was doing to do something. I wasn't just going to sit back and watch it happen again.

I grabbed the gun that was on the floor and held it out in front of me. I didn't know what I was doing. How would I know how to work a gun? So I just held it in the direction of Mr. Baker and Cole, then closed my eyes and shakily pulled the trigger back.

Bang.

I jumped as the gun fired and I felt tears in my eyes. Did I hit him?