Depraved Heart
Depraved Heart
“Do you think you’ll get away with this?”
Logan’s eyes narrowed dangerously, making me painfully aware of the fact that he was almost a foot taller than I was. “What are you going to do about it, Tobias? Turn me in? You wouldn’t do that to your own uncle, would you?”
Everyone had known about his little side-business, and had turned a blind eyes to his carelessly concealed actions. He was family, and we all wanted to believe he was the clean-cut young man he portrayed himself to be. But this was different. He had taken one step too far, and now a man was dead.
“You killed your own brother. You killed David.”
“No, Toby, I didn’t.”
My throat constricted as he used my old nickname, before I decided I was too old for it. We had grown up together, Logan and I, and he was the only one I still allowed to call me that. Even though he was technically my uncle, he was only five years older, and the two of us had been almost inseparable. Even when I’d had to take the fall for him and spent four months in juvenile detention, it never mattered.
We had grown up, but not apart. Living in the city’s underbelly, he was the only person I knew would stand by me no matter what. Over the years Logan had become involved in some less than legal activities, growing much like the people our parents had told us to stay clear of. He had become the very person he had feared as a child. It was kind of sad, really.
“Toby, you know I didn’t lay a finger on that man.”
“Then how do you explain his disappearance? People are looking for him, Logan! They can and will find out what you did!” I was babbling now, my voice panicky. But I felt the calmness of his tone wash over me, persuading me that my uncle, my best friend, had nothing to do with any of this. My eyes flickered around nervously, looking for someone, anyone. I felt my resistance crumbling with every second.
“No one will find out, because I have nothing to hide. Say it, Tobias.”
I swallowed, trying to find my voice. “You have nothing to hide,” I echoed, defeated. What was I thinking, not trusting Logan? He had done nothing but protect me. I, of all people should have known how loyal he was.
“Good boy.”
He turned and left, leaving me standing outside. I stared around me. Music blasted from passing cars, dimming light casting long shadows off decaying buildings. Kicking my feet against the gravel, I sat down on the roadside. Logan hadn’t killed him. Logan hadn’t killed him. I repeated it to myself like a mantra. He couldn’t possibly have done it. Even his boss had confirmed he had been working a double shift at the coffee shop and hadn’t left for even a moment.
Hadn’t David just killed himself then? Logan hadn’t forced him to take the drugs. For all I knew, it could have just been something he was preparing for a customer, something his brother wasn’t meant to see. They had run the business together after all, and it wasn’t Logan’s fault his brother had become an addict. The white powder had killed David, not Logan.
No matter what I did, it’s not like it would have any effect. I was powerless. I couldn’t bring David back to life, and I couldn’t turn Logan back into the person he had been all those years ago.
But other than me, Logan was the only one who had known about his drug problem, the only one who had access to the house, the only one with a motive to kill. What better way to cash in if he just eliminated the person he was supposed to split it with? He wouldn’t have had to inject the cocaine into his brother’s bloodstream; just leaving it lying around the house would be enough. It would have been just the same as putting a bottle of wine in front of a recovering alcoholic; the temptation would be too much. Logan had killed David.
I didn’t want to accept it, every fibre of my being rejecting the idea. It wasn’t true, couldn’t be true! But no matter how hard I tried to delude myself, no matter how much I fought, the bitter facts forced their way to the forefront of my mind.
Standing up once more, I inhaled deeply. My mind was set. Turning around, I opened the door and walked inside. Logan was sitting at the kitchen table, smoking a cigarette. His eyes were glazed, reviewing overdue bills. He did not look up, and I don’t think he noticed as the door banged shut behind me. Small insects scuttled away as I moved across the grimy floor. A cold wind shot through, freezing the back of my ankles.
Marching up to the wooden table, I cleared my throat. Logan glanced up at me; looking almost identical to the freckle-faced kid I had once known. But no, this was something I had to do. He may not have been near David when it happened, but he was still responsible. All through life he had taken care of me, and I had taken care of him. I owed Logan nothing.
“What is it now, Tobias?” Logan said wearily, rearranging the papers once more. I returned his gaze evenly, staring down straight into his eyes. I wans’t going to break the contact, and I wasn’t going to run away. Not again.
“I won’t let you get away with this.”
Logan’s eyes narrowed dangerously, making me painfully aware of the fact that he was almost a foot taller than I was. “What are you going to do about it, Tobias? Turn me in? You wouldn’t do that to your own uncle, would you?”
Everyone had known about his little side-business, and had turned a blind eyes to his carelessly concealed actions. He was family, and we all wanted to believe he was the clean-cut young man he portrayed himself to be. But this was different. He had taken one step too far, and now a man was dead.
“You killed your own brother. You killed David.”
“No, Toby, I didn’t.”
My throat constricted as he used my old nickname, before I decided I was too old for it. We had grown up together, Logan and I, and he was the only one I still allowed to call me that. Even though he was technically my uncle, he was only five years older, and the two of us had been almost inseparable. Even when I’d had to take the fall for him and spent four months in juvenile detention, it never mattered.
We had grown up, but not apart. Living in the city’s underbelly, he was the only person I knew would stand by me no matter what. Over the years Logan had become involved in some less than legal activities, growing much like the people our parents had told us to stay clear of. He had become the very person he had feared as a child. It was kind of sad, really.
“Toby, you know I didn’t lay a finger on that man.”
“Then how do you explain his disappearance? People are looking for him, Logan! They can and will find out what you did!” I was babbling now, my voice panicky. But I felt the calmness of his tone wash over me, persuading me that my uncle, my best friend, had nothing to do with any of this. My eyes flickered around nervously, looking for someone, anyone. I felt my resistance crumbling with every second.
“No one will find out, because I have nothing to hide. Say it, Tobias.”
I swallowed, trying to find my voice. “You have nothing to hide,” I echoed, defeated. What was I thinking, not trusting Logan? He had done nothing but protect me. I, of all people should have known how loyal he was.
“Good boy.”
He turned and left, leaving me standing outside. I stared around me. Music blasted from passing cars, dimming light casting long shadows off decaying buildings. Kicking my feet against the gravel, I sat down on the roadside. Logan hadn’t killed him. Logan hadn’t killed him. I repeated it to myself like a mantra. He couldn’t possibly have done it. Even his boss had confirmed he had been working a double shift at the coffee shop and hadn’t left for even a moment.
Hadn’t David just killed himself then? Logan hadn’t forced him to take the drugs. For all I knew, it could have just been something he was preparing for a customer, something his brother wasn’t meant to see. They had run the business together after all, and it wasn’t Logan’s fault his brother had become an addict. The white powder had killed David, not Logan.
No matter what I did, it’s not like it would have any effect. I was powerless. I couldn’t bring David back to life, and I couldn’t turn Logan back into the person he had been all those years ago.
But other than me, Logan was the only one who had known about his drug problem, the only one who had access to the house, the only one with a motive to kill. What better way to cash in if he just eliminated the person he was supposed to split it with? He wouldn’t have had to inject the cocaine into his brother’s bloodstream; just leaving it lying around the house would be enough. It would have been just the same as putting a bottle of wine in front of a recovering alcoholic; the temptation would be too much. Logan had killed David.
I didn’t want to accept it, every fibre of my being rejecting the idea. It wasn’t true, couldn’t be true! But no matter how hard I tried to delude myself, no matter how much I fought, the bitter facts forced their way to the forefront of my mind.
Standing up once more, I inhaled deeply. My mind was set. Turning around, I opened the door and walked inside. Logan was sitting at the kitchen table, smoking a cigarette. His eyes were glazed, reviewing overdue bills. He did not look up, and I don’t think he noticed as the door banged shut behind me. Small insects scuttled away as I moved across the grimy floor. A cold wind shot through, freezing the back of my ankles.
Marching up to the wooden table, I cleared my throat. Logan glanced up at me; looking almost identical to the freckle-faced kid I had once known. But no, this was something I had to do. He may not have been near David when it happened, but he was still responsible. All through life he had taken care of me, and I had taken care of him. I owed Logan nothing.
“What is it now, Tobias?” Logan said wearily, rearranging the papers once more. I returned his gaze evenly, staring down straight into his eyes. I wans’t going to break the contact, and I wasn’t going to run away. Not again.
“I won’t let you get away with this.”