Status: Completed OneShot :]
A Single Moment of Sincerity
1/1
You promised me forever. You told me you would never leave my side, you’d always be there, no matter what.
We sat on the stone ledge beneath the lighthouse, dangling our bare feet above the clear, chilly water of the lake. Our hands are so close, but not touching. You look so beautiful, but I can’t tell you that, I can’t risk our friendship like that. It’s getting harder to keep these feelings in, though, I’m going to have to tell you, and I’m just going to have to hope that you feel the same way about me.
“Hey Trace.” I called out quietly.
You looked at me, “Yeah?”
“I have something I want to tell you, the reason why we came down here.”
You gave me a slightly confused look, “What is it?”
I looked out into the calming waters of the lake, the small ripples relaxing my mind. “I…like you, a lot, Trace,” I said quietly, slowly lacing my fingers with yours, “And I’m hoping that you feel the same way about me.”
Your bright blue eyes bore into mine, and I couldn’t tell what you were feeling, though I so desperately needed to know.
Your fingers run down my jaw line, petting my cheek, running through my hair. I lean into your touch; it’s so soft and gentle, just like I imagined it would be.
I scooted closer to you, our arms touching, our thighs against each other, resting my head on your shoulder, “How do you feel about me, Trace?”
You still said nothing, leaning my head up off your shoulder, our noses brushing against each other, our lips so close, our breath colliding. I placed my hand on your cheek and the other on your thigh, closing my eyes, silently pleading for your lips to meet with mine. Your kiss was the single thing that I’ve waited my whole life for, even if I didn’t realize it until a few months ago. You were so close, the need for your kiss, your touch, you, was stronger than ever before.
Our lips brush against each other in the lightest of touches and my heart almost skips a beat. With my eyes still closed, I found your lips again, pressing mine to yours in the softest, most gentle manner that I’ve ever kissed anyone. You were special to me, Trace, so special, and I needed to show just how special you were, even if you never realized it.
Your lips kissed back just as soft and gentle, your hand sliding slowly onto my neck as our lips parted. You had a smile on your face, a smile I hadn’t ever seen before; a sure smile, a positive, confident smile. I knew that without you even saying a word. You were sure about this, about us, about what we were becoming, you were positive that it was going to work out, and you were confident that we would stay strong.
You were.
You were always by my bedside whenever sickness ailed me, even if it was just the smallest of colds.
I was in a daze. I didn’t know what was going on around me, it was all blurry and fuzzy. The only thing that was clear in my vision was you, holding my hand, running with the stretcher into the ICU until you couldn’t run with me anymore.
I asked the doctors not to save me, that this is what I wanted, that I needed to get away from everything, and they listened. I can’t live knowing that the only person I’ve ever loved has done such horrible things to me, to us.
You’re the only thing that really kept me alive, but at the same time, you were the one that was killing me. You were the one that put me here. I couldn’t live without you, you were everything to me, but at the same time, staying with you was slowly killing me; I knew your secrets, I knew, Trace! All those “friends”? Those people, those lowlifes, those whores who took you away from me, I knew what they really meant to you, and it broke my heart. Every time you traded me for them, I got a little worse.
But you never noticed.
I was just a shadow, part of the background, a stranger.
I thought our love was more than that, I thought that we’d be together forever, happily ever after, but that never really happens, now does it? At least not for me.
Now that I’m in the emergency room, you suddenly care about me. It feels like the beginning, when there was nothing but you and I, before all these different people started running and controlling your life, our life. You used to care enough to push them away, you used to put me before them, I used to be your everything, but now you’ve made me nothing; nothing to you, nothing to myself. You care more about the fucks and drugs than our love.
You did this to me. You landed me in the hospital bed, my stomach full of random prescription drugs and booze, the deadly effects slowly consuming by body, causing me a slow death just for you. Is this what you wanted, Trace? To see your boyfriend lying on his deathbed because of the slow death you’ve caused inside me?
Well I guess it’s too late to change anything now, isn’t it?
My mind was fading in and out of consciousness, my vision fading from you to a cloud of black, then back to you again. Concern was swept over your face as you held my hand. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to die with you as the last thing I see; it might make my death that much more painful and uneasy. At the same time, though, I wanted you to be the last person to see me before I give into Death’s comforting grasp, just so you can see what you turned me into: a lifeless shell of the boy you used to care for, used to hold, used to love. But now I’m just a body, just lying there, and you’re just standing there, all those fake, fucked up emotions flowing through you. Don’t try and tell me they’re real, I can see right through you, everybody can.
“Davon, stay with me, baby. Everything will be okay.” You said, trying to keep me alive, keep me conscious, but the angelic sound of your voice only makes me want to die faster. I don’t want to be fooled by your tricks anymore, I don’t want to play your games.
I felt your lips press against mine, automatically bringing me back to the first kiss we shared together, so special, so precious. The feeling wasn’t there anymore, though, it didn’t give me the same spark that it did the first time. I barely kissed back, but I couldn’t tell if it was because I was too weak or because you just simply weren’t worth it anymore.
“What are you doing with our son?!” I heard Mom’s voice yell at you, making your lips leave mine, making it harder to breathe. It’s like you took my final breaths from me with that one final kiss.
“I love Davon.” You said, grabbing onto my hand again, squeezing it. I didn’t squeeze back; I couldn’t. The pills were taking me, the alcohol, the lies.
I smirk with the last of the energy I have, shaking my head, “No, you don’t. Not anymore.”
I closed my eyes and squeezed your hand once more, using the last bit of the life left in me. I heard your voice screaming to me, telling me to stay, not to fall asleep, not to go away. You should’ve been telling me those things when I actually mattered, when I came before everyone else.
When you actually cared.
I thought you were perfect, I thought everything was perfect, that forever was perfect.
Forever ended too soon.
We sat on the stone ledge beneath the lighthouse, dangling our bare feet above the clear, chilly water of the lake. Our hands are so close, but not touching. You look so beautiful, but I can’t tell you that, I can’t risk our friendship like that. It’s getting harder to keep these feelings in, though, I’m going to have to tell you, and I’m just going to have to hope that you feel the same way about me.
“Hey Trace.” I called out quietly.
You looked at me, “Yeah?”
“I have something I want to tell you, the reason why we came down here.”
You gave me a slightly confused look, “What is it?”
I looked out into the calming waters of the lake, the small ripples relaxing my mind. “I…like you, a lot, Trace,” I said quietly, slowly lacing my fingers with yours, “And I’m hoping that you feel the same way about me.”
Your bright blue eyes bore into mine, and I couldn’t tell what you were feeling, though I so desperately needed to know.
Your fingers run down my jaw line, petting my cheek, running through my hair. I lean into your touch; it’s so soft and gentle, just like I imagined it would be.
I scooted closer to you, our arms touching, our thighs against each other, resting my head on your shoulder, “How do you feel about me, Trace?”
You still said nothing, leaning my head up off your shoulder, our noses brushing against each other, our lips so close, our breath colliding. I placed my hand on your cheek and the other on your thigh, closing my eyes, silently pleading for your lips to meet with mine. Your kiss was the single thing that I’ve waited my whole life for, even if I didn’t realize it until a few months ago. You were so close, the need for your kiss, your touch, you, was stronger than ever before.
Our lips brush against each other in the lightest of touches and my heart almost skips a beat. With my eyes still closed, I found your lips again, pressing mine to yours in the softest, most gentle manner that I’ve ever kissed anyone. You were special to me, Trace, so special, and I needed to show just how special you were, even if you never realized it.
Your lips kissed back just as soft and gentle, your hand sliding slowly onto my neck as our lips parted. You had a smile on your face, a smile I hadn’t ever seen before; a sure smile, a positive, confident smile. I knew that without you even saying a word. You were sure about this, about us, about what we were becoming, you were positive that it was going to work out, and you were confident that we would stay strong.
You were.
You were always by my bedside whenever sickness ailed me, even if it was just the smallest of colds.
I was in a daze. I didn’t know what was going on around me, it was all blurry and fuzzy. The only thing that was clear in my vision was you, holding my hand, running with the stretcher into the ICU until you couldn’t run with me anymore.
I asked the doctors not to save me, that this is what I wanted, that I needed to get away from everything, and they listened. I can’t live knowing that the only person I’ve ever loved has done such horrible things to me, to us.
You’re the only thing that really kept me alive, but at the same time, you were the one that was killing me. You were the one that put me here. I couldn’t live without you, you were everything to me, but at the same time, staying with you was slowly killing me; I knew your secrets, I knew, Trace! All those “friends”? Those people, those lowlifes, those whores who took you away from me, I knew what they really meant to you, and it broke my heart. Every time you traded me for them, I got a little worse.
But you never noticed.
I was just a shadow, part of the background, a stranger.
I thought our love was more than that, I thought that we’d be together forever, happily ever after, but that never really happens, now does it? At least not for me.
Now that I’m in the emergency room, you suddenly care about me. It feels like the beginning, when there was nothing but you and I, before all these different people started running and controlling your life, our life. You used to care enough to push them away, you used to put me before them, I used to be your everything, but now you’ve made me nothing; nothing to you, nothing to myself. You care more about the fucks and drugs than our love.
You did this to me. You landed me in the hospital bed, my stomach full of random prescription drugs and booze, the deadly effects slowly consuming by body, causing me a slow death just for you. Is this what you wanted, Trace? To see your boyfriend lying on his deathbed because of the slow death you’ve caused inside me?
Well I guess it’s too late to change anything now, isn’t it?
My mind was fading in and out of consciousness, my vision fading from you to a cloud of black, then back to you again. Concern was swept over your face as you held my hand. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to die with you as the last thing I see; it might make my death that much more painful and uneasy. At the same time, though, I wanted you to be the last person to see me before I give into Death’s comforting grasp, just so you can see what you turned me into: a lifeless shell of the boy you used to care for, used to hold, used to love. But now I’m just a body, just lying there, and you’re just standing there, all those fake, fucked up emotions flowing through you. Don’t try and tell me they’re real, I can see right through you, everybody can.
“Davon, stay with me, baby. Everything will be okay.” You said, trying to keep me alive, keep me conscious, but the angelic sound of your voice only makes me want to die faster. I don’t want to be fooled by your tricks anymore, I don’t want to play your games.
I felt your lips press against mine, automatically bringing me back to the first kiss we shared together, so special, so precious. The feeling wasn’t there anymore, though, it didn’t give me the same spark that it did the first time. I barely kissed back, but I couldn’t tell if it was because I was too weak or because you just simply weren’t worth it anymore.
“What are you doing with our son?!” I heard Mom’s voice yell at you, making your lips leave mine, making it harder to breathe. It’s like you took my final breaths from me with that one final kiss.
“I love Davon.” You said, grabbing onto my hand again, squeezing it. I didn’t squeeze back; I couldn’t. The pills were taking me, the alcohol, the lies.
I smirk with the last of the energy I have, shaking my head, “No, you don’t. Not anymore.”
I closed my eyes and squeezed your hand once more, using the last bit of the life left in me. I heard your voice screaming to me, telling me to stay, not to fall asleep, not to go away. You should’ve been telling me those things when I actually mattered, when I came before everyone else.
When you actually cared.
I thought you were perfect, I thought everything was perfect, that forever was perfect.
Forever ended too soon.