Raised in the Era of Heroes and Cons
CHRISTIAN'S INFERNO
I didn't go straight back to the apartment after learning what Christian did with Gloria. MY Gloria. I couldn't face Addison like this, hurt and angry about something I couldn't explain to her even if I wanted to.
I found curse words flowing from my mouth as I crossed to the bar and wrote out six IOUs for beer. I needed to calm down, try to seem somewhat normal when I got back to the apartment.
A week.
A week after the letter was sent.
That means that while I was reading the letter she could've been in bed with Christian.
Oh fuck no.
This must be some kind of cruel, sick joke set on me by whatever higher being was out there. My image of Gloria was being warped into this disgusting illusion. She slept with Christian. That was just wrong. So beyond wrong.
I didn't want this. I didn't want this at all.
At this point I was pretty sure anything could happen, and I was starting to guard myself for the Saint, just in case he decided to come back and laugh in my face, saying I told you so in that stupid sing-song voice he got when he was proud of himself.
First beer gone.
Christian could go to Hell.
Fuck him.
He can go to Hell for all I care. I would send him there myself if I could get away with it.
How dare he even still be in touch with Gloria. It's not fair.
Second beer gone.
How come he got to be in contact with her? I was the one who loved her. I was the one who knew all about her, lived with her, asked her to never leave. I was the one who felt that heart wrenching pain each and every day whenever I saw something that reminded me of her.
Wait a minute. What the hell happened to that one guy, Nate? Weren't they gonna get married? Run away to Vegas or some shit like that?
Third beer gone.
I was seriously considering going back backstage and punching Christian's lights out.
He deserved it. Leaving me here all those years ago, never trying to get back in touch, making me have to read tabloids to hear what was going on his life, fucking Gloria of all people.
Can't he control himself just once? Can't he just think about someone other than himself for once?
Fourth beer gone.
I'm pretty sure I heart the Saint's signature laugh and I was on the verge of tears.
I didn't want him here, I didn't want him to witness my total breakdown.
I didn't want him whispering his stupid "I told you so"s in my ear. This had nothing to do with him anymore. He was just a figment of my imagination, he wasn't real. I shouldn't be worrying about him anymore.
Fucking Christian, this was all his fault. I was doing so well. Finally getting over her, mostly sober, finally feeling good about myself and the people around me. No Saint to taunt me into insanity. Level job helping people in a healthy way. None of that "sex, drugs, rock 'n' roll" shit.
Fifth beer gone.
I just wanted to die.
No.
I wanted Christian to die.
I wanted him to have never been born. I might've been able to live a semi-normal life if I had never had his influence.
Sixth beer gone.
Whatever happened to the kid?
Did she still have it? Did she give it away?
I wanted to see it so badly. I bet it was fucking beautiful.
It would be 20, 21 now.
I hoped it had her features. My feathers are complete crap, hers were beautiful. Long legs, cute nose, gorgeous eyes. Yeah, I wanted it to look like her.
It probably hated me. Dad's never around, not paying child support. Shit, it definitely hated me.
And I found myself crying for the child that was mine. The child that I had never met. The child that most definitely hated me. (I mean Jesus, how could it not hate me? I hated my dad for not being around.) The child that probably saw more of Christian than it saw of me.
Fucking Christian.
God I hated him. He had all the things I wanted. He was close to the two people I loved the most, the two people I would probably never see.
But then again I guess I was kinda glad that he was there for Gloria. And the kid.
Even though Christian was a fuck up he was a good guy. He took care of me when I was high, made sure that i was getting enough to eat when Mom used the grocery money to buy booze, let me sleep on his bed while he took the floor when Mom locked me out of the house, made sure I had passing grades in school, went to pick me up when I was suspended.
Yeah, I guess that he would've been a good dad to the kid.
Made me think about the kid that I saw every day.
Addison.
I was doing my best but she still hated me. Was I really doing everything I could to be the best dad ever?
Was I too angry with her as a child? Was I too much of a fuck up? Did I not pitch in enough for her school things? Was she still mad at me for not showing up to her 3rd grade play because I had to work over time with this kid from Jersey?
Did I spend too much time with work? I probably did. What the hell was wrong with me, putting work before family all the time? That was why Kristin left, I think, so it's probably why Addie hates me. But I was trying my best, I really was. I just wanted her to have the best life possible, was that so wrong? I wanted her to be happy and have all the things that I never did.
I was trying to do my best.
But I don't think it was enough.
I got under the grip
Between the modern hell
I got the REJECTION LETTER in the mail
AND IT WAS ALREADY RIPPED TO SHREDS
Seasons in ruin and
This bitter pill is chased with blood
...............There's a fire in my veins
AND IT'S POURING OUT LIKE A FLOOD
Christian's INFERNO
Christian's INFERNO
This diabolic state
Is gracing my existence
Like a catastrophic baby
MAYBE MAYBE YOU'RE THE CHEMICAL REACTION
I AM THE ATOM BOMB
I AM THE CHOSEN ONE
And then return man to ape
Christian's INFERNO
Christian's INFERNO
I found curse words flowing from my mouth as I crossed to the bar and wrote out six IOUs for beer. I needed to calm down, try to seem somewhat normal when I got back to the apartment.
A week.
A week after the letter was sent.
That means that while I was reading the letter she could've been in bed with Christian.
Oh fuck no.
This must be some kind of cruel, sick joke set on me by whatever higher being was out there. My image of Gloria was being warped into this disgusting illusion. She slept with Christian. That was just wrong. So beyond wrong.
I didn't want this. I didn't want this at all.
At this point I was pretty sure anything could happen, and I was starting to guard myself for the Saint, just in case he decided to come back and laugh in my face, saying I told you so in that stupid sing-song voice he got when he was proud of himself.
First beer gone.
Christian could go to Hell.
Fuck him.
He can go to Hell for all I care. I would send him there myself if I could get away with it.
How dare he even still be in touch with Gloria. It's not fair.
Second beer gone.
How come he got to be in contact with her? I was the one who loved her. I was the one who knew all about her, lived with her, asked her to never leave. I was the one who felt that heart wrenching pain each and every day whenever I saw something that reminded me of her.
Wait a minute. What the hell happened to that one guy, Nate? Weren't they gonna get married? Run away to Vegas or some shit like that?
Third beer gone.
I was seriously considering going back backstage and punching Christian's lights out.
He deserved it. Leaving me here all those years ago, never trying to get back in touch, making me have to read tabloids to hear what was going on his life, fucking Gloria of all people.
Can't he control himself just once? Can't he just think about someone other than himself for once?
Fourth beer gone.
I'm pretty sure I heart the Saint's signature laugh and I was on the verge of tears.
I didn't want him here, I didn't want him to witness my total breakdown.
I didn't want him whispering his stupid "I told you so"s in my ear. This had nothing to do with him anymore. He was just a figment of my imagination, he wasn't real. I shouldn't be worrying about him anymore.
Fucking Christian, this was all his fault. I was doing so well. Finally getting over her, mostly sober, finally feeling good about myself and the people around me. No Saint to taunt me into insanity. Level job helping people in a healthy way. None of that "sex, drugs, rock 'n' roll" shit.
Fifth beer gone.
I just wanted to die.
No.
I wanted Christian to die.
I wanted him to have never been born. I might've been able to live a semi-normal life if I had never had his influence.
Sixth beer gone.
Whatever happened to the kid?
Did she still have it? Did she give it away?
I wanted to see it so badly. I bet it was fucking beautiful.
It would be 20, 21 now.
I hoped it had her features. My feathers are complete crap, hers were beautiful. Long legs, cute nose, gorgeous eyes. Yeah, I wanted it to look like her.
It probably hated me. Dad's never around, not paying child support. Shit, it definitely hated me.
And I found myself crying for the child that was mine. The child that I had never met. The child that most definitely hated me. (I mean Jesus, how could it not hate me? I hated my dad for not being around.) The child that probably saw more of Christian than it saw of me.
Fucking Christian.
God I hated him. He had all the things I wanted. He was close to the two people I loved the most, the two people I would probably never see.
But then again I guess I was kinda glad that he was there for Gloria. And the kid.
Even though Christian was a fuck up he was a good guy. He took care of me when I was high, made sure that i was getting enough to eat when Mom used the grocery money to buy booze, let me sleep on his bed while he took the floor when Mom locked me out of the house, made sure I had passing grades in school, went to pick me up when I was suspended.
Yeah, I guess that he would've been a good dad to the kid.
Made me think about the kid that I saw every day.
Addison.
I was doing my best but she still hated me. Was I really doing everything I could to be the best dad ever?
Was I too angry with her as a child? Was I too much of a fuck up? Did I not pitch in enough for her school things? Was she still mad at me for not showing up to her 3rd grade play because I had to work over time with this kid from Jersey?
Did I spend too much time with work? I probably did. What the hell was wrong with me, putting work before family all the time? That was why Kristin left, I think, so it's probably why Addie hates me. But I was trying my best, I really was. I just wanted her to have the best life possible, was that so wrong? I wanted her to be happy and have all the things that I never did.
I was trying to do my best.
But I don't think it was enough.
I got under the grip
Between the modern hell
I got the REJECTION LETTER in the mail
AND IT WAS ALREADY RIPPED TO SHREDS
Seasons in ruin and
This bitter pill is chased with blood
...............There's a fire in my veins
AND IT'S POURING OUT LIKE A FLOOD
Christian's INFERNO
Christian's INFERNO
This diabolic state
Is gracing my existence
Like a catastrophic baby
MAYBE MAYBE YOU'RE THE CHEMICAL REACTION
I AM THE ATOM BOMB
I AM THE CHOSEN ONE
And then return man to ape
Christian's INFERNO
Christian's INFERNO