Inside of You

The show went well and I couldn’t believe how much John has grown musically. Well the other guys improved a whole lot too and I don’t doubt that they’ll grow even bigger in the near future. I bet sooner or later, they won’t be safe in their own homes. But I don’t really mind I mean for as long as their happy, it’s fine.

That night, Andy bailed which was good. I didn’t know what the hell I’d do if she was there beside me watching them. I didn’t strike a conversation with her since that little talk we had before I went over to John’s house and slept there.

It was already 6:20 PM on the clock and I was as nervous as someone who has stage fright and was about to go up on stage to start belly dancing - never in my life will I do anything like that by the way. John was picking me up 4 minutes from now for some unknown reason. He couldn’t just say he’d come over at 6:30 but I didn’t mind for as long as he was sure to blow me off my feet.

I spent the last four minutes curling my hair with a curling and iron and picking out the shoes that were sure to match my dress. I didn’t know how I was supposed to dress, really but I might as well dress nicely so that I wouldn’t be the only one with a jaw that wouldn’t close. Well maybe my outfit wasn’t that amazing but whatever.

A knock on the door made my heart stop. I rushed down the hallway and looked down the stairs. Aunt Catherine had let John in and he was wearing something really casual. Talk about the first V-neck shirt he ever owned, a pair of jeans and black chucks for shoes. I was beginning to feel a little overdressed but hey, at least we were wearing the same colors - black and white.

I went down the stairs as quietly as possible but even my descent was being loud. I mentally cursed myself for trying to impress him when this was probably just going to be another outing. At least I had chosen not to wear make up or anything like that.

“Wow, you look amazing,” he said and that makes mission number one a complete success.

“Thanks,” I said reddening just a little on the cheeks.

He kissed me full on the lips before checking the clock on the wall. “Right on time,” he said and I raised an eyebrow.

“What is?” I asked him clearly confused.

“6:24 PM, we had our first kiss,” he said and I laughed.

“That is the dorkiest thing you’ve ever said,” I said clutching my stomach at how cheesy what he said sounded. John pouted and that made me stop laughing but the smile on my face was still there. I kissed him on the cheek and that sorta made him feel better. I mean he did start smiling again. “It’s okay, it was pretty sweet though,” I said and he pulled me into his arms.

“Oh, you haven’t seen anything yet. Prepare to be blown away.” He said as we went out the door and started for his car.

“Where exactly are we going?” I asked him as we both got into the car.

“Well, if I told you, it wouldn’t be a surprise anymore now, would it?” he said and I rolled my eyes.

The whole ride there, he kept talking about how the stars would look like tonight. I didn’t really know why he jumped into such a random conversation but I just played along with him since it would be mean not to answer when he would ask me something.

We arrived at Kennedy’s apartment building and I was wondering if we were about to meet up with the guys but before I could get out of the car, he grabbed a blindfold out of his pocket and wrapped it around my head.

“Don’t take it off and no peeking,” he instructed and I just laughed at how silly he was being.

“Whatever,” I said opening the car door. I heard his door open and close swiftly and as I was about to step foot on the ground, John grabbed my hand and helped me out of the car since I would probably end up stumbling due to my lack of vision.

John started up a new conversation as soon as we hit the stairs. It was going to take some getting used to but after a flight, I climbed up the stairs without much problem. John kept his hand in mine for guidance though.

“Don’t you ever wonder why the grass is so green?” he asked and I wanted to laugh so badly and kept wondering why he had to go through this whole fiasco just to show me that he can blow me away. I was seriously if this was what we were going to be doing the whole day.

“Well, maybe I have and maybe I haven’t,” I said feeling the walls and realized that there were no more stairs left to climb. I felt really exhausted. It seemed like we climbed the whole 12 flights.

“We’re here,” John said and I heard a door open and we walked through it. A soft zephyr passed us and it was a little too chilly for an Arizona evening.

I eagerly took off my blindfold and realized that we were on the rooftop of the apartment building where he asked me to come on tour with them. I looked at everything in front of us. There was a small picnic set up with a basket and a few things on the mat. I walked towards it wanting to see what was on it.

I sat down on a spot where there was nothing on it and took of my shoes. My feet hurt and I was sure that blisters would appear on my heel some time soon. On my left, there were a bunch of things - familiar ones. There was a shovel and pail, a flashlight, a box filled with paper, a notebook, a photo album, a collection of key chains, a pack of gum, a bag of sour gummy worms, a box of crayons, and there was a picture that was torn but was taped back together.

Tears filled my eyes as I remembered what each and every little thing meant. I felt an arm around my shoulder and I didn’t realize ‘til I turned my head that John was there looking at me the whole time. I smiled at him as a few tears made their way down my cheek.

“Before we dive into these things, let’s get something to eat first. I’m starving,” he said and I laughed. I felt so fragile around him but I knew I was safe in his hands.

He grabbed two sandwiches neatly wrapped in foil. They were hot so I guess it wasn’t long since he wrapped them up and placed them up here. I smiled at him once I unravelled the wrapping and found a grilled ham and cheese sandwich.

“This was what you’re Mom used to make us when we’d play around your backyard the whole day,” I remembered as I took a bite.

“Well, she left three of those in the house so I decided to heat them up for this,” he said and I smiled as I kissed him on the cheek.

“I always loved these,” I said taking another bite.

“But that’s not all yet,” he said looking for something in the basket and grabbed a few things from the cooler next to it.

“Wait, let me guess, Kool-Aid?” I asked him and laughed when he looked back at me with narrowed eyes telling me that I’d ruined the surprise.

“Well, I bet you didn’t expect it to be the Fun Fizz kind,” he said with a childlike grin and I laughed.

“You got the Fun Fizz ones?” I asked in between laughs and he nodded as he grabbed a plastic cup and placed water in it. The water was cold so we didn’t need any ice. “I’ve always wanted to try them.

“Here,” he said handing me a small Kool-Aid pack. I smiled as I looked at the flavour. Laughin’ Lemonade.

“How’d you know-”

“Come on, do you really think I don’t know you at all?” he asked and I laughed as I opened the pack and took out the yellow drink drop which would make the water in my cup turn into lemonade. John grabbed his own cup and opened his own pack and retrieved a violet drink drop. “We’ll drop it together okay?” he asked and I laughed as I held out my drop and placed it on top of my cup.

“I guess this would take the place of stirring together?” I asked and he smiled.

“You know me too well,” he said and we dropped it together and he kept cheering about how his would drop would dissolve first and we were both pretty loud but we didn’t care. Our whole lives, we never really care about anything.

We ate and drank our juice together as we laughed about more and more memories we had as children.

“Okay so you remember the shovel and the pail right?” he asked and I nodded enthusiastically.

“Whatever happened to the sandbox in your backyard?”I asked him and he frowned.

“Mom made it her little garden,” he said and I placed a hand on his back and rubbed it up and down. “But that’s why there’s sad inside the pail, see?” he grabbed the pail and showed it to me and I smiled as he set it back down.

He told me about the flashlight and made me remember the times where we used to turn out all the lights in his room and go around the house looking for ‘ghosts’ whenever his parents weren’t around and my mother would ask me to go and accompany him. John was always disappointed when he couldn’t find anything inside the house and down in the basement. To my embarrassment, I always asked him if we could stay in his room because I was a kid who believed that ghosts were real. I know, I was stupid once too. After our little ghost hunt, John would always cheer me up by handing me a pack of sour gummy worms. Usually, I’d always end up crying or getting mad at him for scaring me. He won me back with a pack of candy. I wasn’t really a hard kid to be with.

Then he started talking about the crayons and I laughed as I remembered what it meant. The very first day in Kindergarten, we colored a few pages and everyone would always tell me that I colored nicely but there was one person who always told me that I wasn’t the best ‘colorer’ out there. That girl - whose name I do not remember - said that if I colored nicely one more time she’d break all my crayons. I chose not to listen to her threat and the next day, I found all my crayons on my table - broken and crushed. I cried the whole day that day and told John about it when I came home. The next day, when I opened the door to my room, I saw a box wrapped in paper with his messy hand writing saying ‘It’s OK :)’. I remember opening it and treasuring those crayons forever. I never brought them to school though. They were always in John’s room where I’d bring my coloring books and color on them whenever he wanted to just watch TV.

“Moments like those I would never be able to forget,” he said and I pulled him into a hug as more tears started flowing from my eyes.What they say’s not true. Memories don’t just fade away.