Inside of You

I watched the hands of the clock tick round and round as and watched the minutes pass away. I didn’t feel like doing anything today and there really was nothing to distract me. I should really get out more.

I thought about getting out of the house to face the world and maybe really start over. I mean these past few days, I’ve been lying around the house and I haven’t really had the time to get out and maybe make some new friends or create more memories. Who knows? Maybe life outside these walls might seem brighter.

Once I made it clear to myself that I was going to explore the town to see what was in store even if I’ve been into town for like a thousand times before, I wrote a note on a post it and placed it on the refrigerator so Aunt Catherine would know where I’d be.

I grabbed the keys to one of the cars in the garage and backed out of the driveway as soon as I turned on the engine. I saw John looking out his window when I turned on the car but he didn’t bother to say hi or anything. He just simply stood there and stared at me.

I didn’t prolong the awkwardness because I know he knew I was looking as well so I sped off down the road and drove to the first place I knew I wouldn’t meet anyone I knew – the mall.

I parked the car in the parking lot and walked towards the entrance. Tempe was excruciatingly hot today so once I walked inside the door the cool air totally relieved me.

The mall looked exactly the same but there were some stores added and some that I noticed were gone. I didn’t really know where to start so I just started walking forward. I looked at the merchandise from each store through their displays in the window and went in the stores whose merchandise caught my eye. Most stores I walked into were clothing shops. I know that I have too many clothes but somehow, I couldn’t stay away.

I was just looking through the racks when suddenly, my phone rang. I grabbed it from inside my bag and looked at the screen before answering. It was an unknown number. I know I shouldn’t really answer it but I was curious to know who was on the other line so I went against what I thought was right and answered the phone.

“Now, where in the world are you?” the voice seemed familiar. It had that raspy boyish tone that sent chills down my spine.

“Who is this?” I asked feeling afraid. I knew exactly who it was. The tone of his voice gave him away.

“I’ve missed you so much,” he said. “You never should have left,”

“How did you get my number?” I asked quietly as I tried to hold on to dear life. I was on the verge of breaking down and I was in a mall. What in the world can probably be worse than this?

“You’re asking the wrong questions,” he said with a smirk. “I’ll be waiting for you…” he trailed off.

I started to get all paranoid and I started looking around me. Suddenly, I didn’t feel so safe anymore.

“I’m not coming back,” I told him with my eyes all watery.

“That’s what they all say,” he laughed.

I threw my phone in the trash bin right outside the store. I didn’t know what to do and I didn’t know where to go. I had no one to talk to and suddenly I just wished that instead of my mom being passing away, I should’ve taken her place. I mean at least things wouldn’t be as messed up as they are now. I just don’t know where my life leads from here.

I went outside for a quick breather as I tried to calm myself down. I was going to be okay. I mean he’s not here. He doesn’t know where I am and Tempe is my safe place. No one can take advantage of me here and no one shall ever take advantage of me ever again.

“Need a cigarette?” I freaked at the sound of someone talking to me. That was how paranoid I was.

“Whoa, I didn’t mean to scare you,” he started to laugh.

I looked to the side to see exactly who was talking to me. The guy seemed familiar but he was definitely not that rapist from New York. Might he be an old friend?

“Do you have a name at least?” the guy asked. Where the hell are my words when I need them?

“Um, it’s Olivia,” I said biting my lip as I looked into his steel gray eyes.

“That’s a pretty-“ he paused suddenly, “Wait Olivia Harper?” he clarified and I nodded.

“Yeah,” I said wondering who he really was and how he knew me.

“I’m Adam,” he introduced, “Adam Michelson,”

I scanned him from head to toe. He couldn’t be that chubby kid back in high school. He looked like he shed 20 pounds. It was amazing how he looked really good right now.

“How the hell have you been?” I asked cheerfully as I gave him a hug.

You see, Adam’s been my best friend since 3rd grade and we always kept in touch even when we went to different high schools. He was always my go-to person. I mean sure, John, Garrett and the others were there but when I didn’t feel like talking to them, Adam was my go-to guy.

“Well, I’m doing well actually. I could be better though and I could be a lot worse. But I’m not complaining,” he told me with a big smile, “What about you?” his tone suddenly changed it seemed cautious as if he knew everything I’ve been through recently.

“I don’t really know anymore,” I said sullenly. I didn’t mean to sound sad but I couldn’t lie to him about how I was feeling. I’ve never lied to him about anything, actually.

“I heard about your mom and I’m really sorry I couldn’t make it to the funeral,” he said pushing his hands deeper into his pockets, “I was actually in New York when I heard about the whole thing,”

When he said ‘New York’, I cringed and I know that he noticed but he didn’t say anything about it. He knew me too well. He knew better than to run his mouth when something like that happened.

“Oh, well its okay,” I told him, “You were probably busy with something,”

“Yeah, I was actually doing a shoot for this agency,” he said shyly as I raised both my eyebrows.

“You’re a photographer? When the hell did this happen and why haven’t you told me?” I asked nudging him on the side as we started walking back inside the mall. I guess we both thought it was too hot to hang outside.

“Well, I guess I got pretty overwhelmed with everything that was happening that I didn’t really have the time…?” he said carefully.

“Oh, well then I guess we have a lot of catching to do,” I said and he smiled.

We both walked into a coffee shop where we started to catch up on each other’s lives. I told him about modelling and New York and eventually it led to the event that happened. I bit my lip as he waited for me to utter the words I thought I wouldn’t have to speak of again. But I had no choice. We swore to each other that we wouldn’t keep things from one another and I wasn’t going to risk the friendship that we’ve formed by refusing tell him about what happened. He sorta had the right to know anyway. I trusted him that much.

“I was in New York during those days,” he said in an angry tone. “Why didn’t you think about calling me?”

“I didn’t know you were in New York,” I said defensively, “and plus, I really didn’t know what to do anymore. I couldn’t think or eat straight for days,”

“Couldn’t you call the police and report what happened?” he asked warily but I just shook my head.

“It’s New York, Adam,” I reminded him, “I’m sure they get too many rape cases but they just leave it there to rot on their desks,”

“But it still isn’t fair,” he told me clasping his hands harder together on the table.

I reached over and placed a hand on top of his hands to loosen it up. “What’s done is done,”

But before Adam could utter another word, John – who comes out of nowhere – grabs him from his seat and connects his fist to his jaw.How many more nightmares could possibly happen today?