Inside of You

I don't know how long I just stayed there staring at the ceiling before I fell asleep but as soon as I woke up, I was alone on my bed. I checked the clock and saw that it was barely seven in the morning. I couldn't really go back to sleep so I got up and stretched my cramped up limbs. 

"Good morning, sunshine," Adam greeted as soon as he emerged from the bathroom.

"I thought you left," I said with a yawn as I sat back down on my bed.

"Well for some reason I couldn't just leave you here alone," 

I smiled at him and liked how thoughtful he was but I couldn't get rid of the scenes of yesterday's events. Especially how crappy John was acting towards Adam. 

"You know, we should still think of something to do to get back at John," I said rubbing sleep out of my eyes. 

Adam rolled his eyes as he sat on the desk right across my bed. "You're kidding, right?" 

"I'm being serious, Adam. You can't just let him get away with what he did," I said getting all heated up again. "How in the world are you able to forgive him?"

"I thought the lesson-teaching was done yesterday," 

I can't believe he talked about it in such a light mood. Did he like to get punched like that? I mean does he not have the pride to stick up for himself? What the hell was wrong with him?

"Tell me, what's the secret?" I said getting suspicious. I mean guys don't let go that easily do they? "I mean there's gotta be a reason why, right?"

"I'm sorry, secret?" he said laughing cheerfully. 

I studied him carefully as he went on laughing boisterously at what I said.

"Are you okay?" he was on the point of getting hysterical right now. I didn't get it. It's early in the morning and he's laughing with his bed head hair.

"Okay," he said shortly after abruptly ending his laughter, "I'm high," he whispered before getting crazy once again.

"On drugs?!" I cried out but he covered my mouth before I could say anything more.

I pushed him away as hard as I could wanting to get away as far away from him as possible but he did nothing to stop me. 

"Olivia, you don't have to be scared. I won't hurt you," he said with a bright smile on his face. 

I was on the verge of heading out the door but he grabbed my hand gently before I could place a finger on the doorknob. I breathed in and out evenly but was disgusted by the way he smelled. I always hated the smell of cigarettes and I thought I'd get used to it by now but until this day, I try to steer clear of anything involving drugs and cigars. 

"It puts away all your worries," he explained. "It's like an automatic switch that would put your anxiety to rest." he yawned. His eyes were glassy. I didn't know what to do.

I told myself I'd try to help him out of this addiction. I had no idea he was on anything. I mean if he was on something yesterday then it wasn't clear because he seemed quite normal. Except of course the part where I saw him talk to his 'client' over the phone. 

"Adam, you have to snap out of this," I told him warily. 

"You can't stop me," he said lying on my bed. He stared at the ceiling as if he was watching a 3D movie. "You should try it some time,"

I looked at him as if he was out of his mind - wait wasn't he already out of it? 

I've seen other models shove coke up their noses and it looked gross and absurd. I tried it once but I don't really know what happened after. All I remembered after taking the drugs was taking shots at a bar. After that, nothing. And that's what I hate about drugs. It makes you forget everything. I mean what happens if you did something stupid that night? What happens if you end up in an asylum with no reminder of why you even entered the gates? What happens when you die because of it? I don't want to be remembered as someone who died due to an overdose. I wanna be remembered as someone who did something great and made the most out of her life. I don't want to waste my life away with one drag from a cancer stick or anything related to it.

"I'd rather die by walking into a knife, thank you very much," I said trying to keep things light.

"These things don't kill you," he chuckled. "They merely give you a ray of sunshine. It only lasts for an hour so you have nothing to worry about," 

"No," I said sternly. 

"Oh come on," he said getting up as e reached into his pocket. "I swear all you'll feel is numb. Like the clouds are floating around you. It's nothing strong like ecstasy although ecstasy would be nice right now," he guffawed. 

The way he talked made me want to just run away but what did I have to lose? I mean from what it looked like, he didn't seem that far out, right?

"What are you on?" I asked realizing what I was doing was completely on the wrong side of the line but I really didn't want to have to feel this way anymore. Besides, it just one drag, right?

"Weed," he said checking my clock. "Oh shit, it's 6:45 already?" he laughed, "My boss is gonna kill me." he said getting up. 

At one point I was sorta relieved that I didn't have to spend anymore time with him but what was I to do today?

"Here," he handed me a stick. "Go and have the time of your life," he said before running out the door leaving me for work.

Did I really want to do this right now? I mean it's not like he's pushing me to do anything. Besides, it isn't necessary. But it is quite inviting. I mean who wouldn't want to just get away for a while? 

If I was going to push through with this, maybe it would be better with Adam beside me but then again I don't know. Maybe it would be better to try it out for myself first. Adam's opinions might persuade me into taking another stick. 

I can't believe I'm thinking about experimenting drugs with my own body right now. But it's just one, right?

I walked outside my room and went down to get a lighter. I wasn't going to smoke in the house. That would be pretty stupid since I'd probably get caught easily. 

So I walked to this familiar path down the backyard which was connected to a forest. I knew this place by the river John and I used to hang out in when we were kids but I don't think he goes there anymore so I guess it's a good hiding spot. 

I sat by a rock as I watched the river. I raised the shivering hand that was holding the stick of weed. I placed it between my lips and sparked the tip with the lighter in my other hand. I breathed in carefully using my mouth and before I knew it, I was consuming a portion of it. I didn't understand why I didn't choke the first time but then again, I didn't really take a heavy first drag. What can I say? I think I've seen too many movies remembering the dos and don'ts when it comes to smoking.

The high sensation was just about to kick in when suddenly I heard footsteps coming from behind.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?"