Inside of You

I was stunned. I think my heart stopped for a couple of seconds. But once I heard Kennedy’s footsteps coming towards me, I swallowed and turned around to face him. I’m not sure he noticed the worried look on my face seeing as he still tried to grab me by the waist to pick up where we left off but I pushed him away harshly, grabbed my bag from the couch and ran out the door. I wasn’t going to look back and I wasn’t going to wait for an explanation because I knew exactly where it was headed. But I had to wonder why all of this was happening to me. I mean out of the six billion people in the world, what made me so damn special? Why did everyone want to play tricks on me?

As I ran with tear-filled eyes, I saw Garrett’s car pass by. Was he in on this too? I thought I had potential friends but I guess they all just hated me that much. I ran without direction for what felt like hours. My legs didn’t slow down or speed up. They maintained the pace I started with and after a few twists and turns, I found myself back in a familiar place. I didn’t know that the meadow was this close to Kenny’s house but I’m glad because at least there was a safe place somewhere in the vicinity.

The Arizona sun beat down on my body and made me sweat like a pig but I didn’t care. I was a crying wreck and I didn’t want to think about anything else. I wonder what would happen if I chose to run away again. Would it be better? Would anyone even care? Maybe this time, I’d try places outside America. That way, it’ll be hard to come back. But if I did choose to come back, who would I come back for? Definitely not Andy, that’s for sure.

I walked to the spot that John and I used to lie on and sat on the ground. I couldn’t help but think about what a mess my return has brought upon all of us. I should’ve bought that roundtrip ticket back to New York instead. But then again, I’d have to face another set of problems over there. Why is there no safe zone for me? Am I that unwanted in this world? Am I a plague to everyone alive? A disease people want to get rid of? How in the world did I end up in this shithole anyway? Life was kind of breezy when I was younger. Not a single problem stuck to me like glue. Sure there were some downers but nothing this large. I just want everything to go back to normal.

I started to calm down after a while of debating on whether travelling to another country was a good idea or not. If I left, I’d be gone for good. I won’t come back for anyone or anything. I’d grab a territory somewhere and start again. I’d start my life in a place where people don’t know me. This time I’ll probably be more prepared. Life has no cruel side that I haven’t seen already. I’m ready to face the world with the knowledge I’ve gathered these past few weeks. It’s time I find myself and become whoever I want to be without anyone else holding me down.

Footsteps were heard as I tried to get up. I swiftly turned to face the trespasser hoping that I could punch or offend the person physically. I didn’t know why I wanted to but I felt like venting out in a physically offensive way.

“Olivia?” John called out. I wanted to run away from him as well but I didn’t have the strength to do any more running.

I didn’t answer him so he came closer to me at a quicker pace. Once he stood right in front of me, he wrapped me up in his arms harshly.

I couldn’t just let him hug me like that so I fought back by punching him on the chest. I did the same gesture that Fred Flintstone did when he got locked out of his own house. But instead of laughing, I broke down and started crying again. I slipped down to the ground with John as he held me. I knew what I did sort of hurt him but he didn’t let go. He kept one arm around my neck and the other around my waist. I was locked in with no escape route.

“Let me go,” I whispered to him. The ball in my throat that appeared every time I cried prevented me from screaming at him.

“No,” he said sternly. His voice was a tad bit shaky though.

“Please, just let me go.” I crashed into him instead of pulling back. I felt so worn out. I thought that after this moment, I’d probably wake up in my New York apartment ready to start a new day. But this wasn’t a dream. This was so far from ideas in my head. This was real life, my reality.

“I did that once and I swore to myself that I would never do that again,” John said, moving his chin from the top of my head to the side of my head. He pulled away just a little to look into my eyes. “But I’ve failed you once again. Please forgive me.”

The way his eyes stared into mine brought back the familiar feelings that I once felt for him. I wanted to fulfil his wish but I couldn’t just give in. I don’t break that easily.

“But why did you do it John? Why did you have sex with Andy?” I asked, cringing at myself for saying those foul words. I wish that I never had to say those things but it had to come out one way or another.

“Baby, I did not have sex with your sister. I wouldn’t even touch her if she was the last girl here on earth. Nothing went down between us yesterday or ever.” His words sounded so sincere. I wanted to believe them but John has deceived me quite a number of times to the point where I’m not sure when he’s lying or telling the truth anymore.

“If it wasn’t with you then who was it with?” I asked, hoping his reply would have some kind of sense.

“Garrett, probably,” he replied without a single doubt in his answer. “He was there the whole day and not once did I see them head outside.”

“But it happened in my room.” I tried to test him but even I knew John was smarter than that. He was a guy who actually knew how to use his head.

“You were with Kennedy yesterday. I didn’t forget that. That’s why what Andy tried to do didn’t affect me in any way.”

I was surprised he actually knew how to reason out well. I mean I knew he was intelligent. I just thought he wasn’t this smart. But then again what kind of person would skip to conclusions before analyzing the facts? Well, maybe there are a lot of people like that around the world but I’m glad John isn’t one of them.

“I’m sorry I jumped on you like that. I never should’ve doubted you like that,” I said, placing my hands on his lap. I think may have went too far up his lap but he didn’t seem bothered by the closeness.

“It doesn’t matter anymore. As long as you’re here with me, it’s fine.” He was about to crash his lips into mine but I stopped him before I did anything stupid.

“But is it okay if we stay friends for a while? You know, to see where this goes?” For some reason, I still doubted his answer but wouldn’t you? I’ve had my hopes thrown to the side so many times and if I rushed head first into this, I was bound to fall off a cliff some day. That was one thing I was sure about.

“Is this about Kennedy?” he asked, starting to get impatient with me. John really is a great guy but one of his worst flaws is his temper. He’s quite short for a tall guy.

“Trust me, it’s far from it. Just trust me on this, okay?” I bit my lip before slipping away from him but I didn’t get that far. He was determined to never let me go. I was proud of his determination but I still had some questions left unanswered so until I clear them up, I’m not taking any chances.

“Okay, but give me at least one chance to change your mind.”

I cocked an eyebrow at him, wondering where he was getting at. Suddenly, he moved in closer and closed the gap between us. This time, no one was here to wreck the moment.

The moment his lips touched mine, the proverbial wave of emotions crashed over me and flowed into every vein in body. My brain shut down completely and made my heart decide. I, on the other hand, had no complaints. I moved my lips together with his to the point where things kinda got out of hand. I knew that I asked if we could be friends now but if you got a taste of his lips, you’ll never be able to get enough.

I was starting to lose my breath but I didn’t want to break away. I knew he was feeling the same but we both knew that this would probably be the last time our lips would brush in a really long while. We savoured the moment while it lasted and when the time finally came, we both pulled away slowly.

“Olivia, no matter what you decide, I want you to know that I’m never gonna stop waiting. I don’t know what it is but something in me never wants to set you free. Please don’t make me suffer too long.” He stroked my cheek and licked those luscious lips of his.

I swear if the world didn’t complicate things for me, I’d never let go of John as well but not everything in life is simple. I should’ve learned that by now but apparently, I’m the most stubborn person anyone has ever known.