Diary of a Madman
Chapter Twelve: Past
Dear Diary,
It's been a while. I'm sorry I haven't been able to speak to you for the past month or so; a ton of things have been racking my mind. Jess and Aria got back together a few days ago; basically ending any chance I would have at being her boyfriend. Yet, I feel happy for her. She still is my friend and we still are (what she calls) bffl's (an acronym for best friends for life) I feel like I shouldn't even bother saying how gay it makes me feel. The whole girls are my friends and nothing more scenario has always ended up finding its way to me. Jenna was an exception for that, and well, look how that turned out right?
School has been getting progressively worse for me over time. My grades are dropping down to hell, and I feel as if I am beginning to become depressed. I don't know what has come over me. I know that this isn't like me either. I'm usually a happy sociopath, now I'm just a depressed sociopath, and that isn't any fun. I used to be able to pride myself on being different, but now, I'm just another person in the crowd. I can't even bring myself to continue this entire sob story of how my life is becoming horrible. It's just so fucking stupid, all for a girl, I become this depressed?
I don't even know what to do anymore. Why I should continue this whole operation of writing on diaries. Maybe I should write on something that doesn't rip as easily. Damn it, now she has gotten to my heart. Hopefully she won't have to be the next Jenna; this girl is special, I know it. I can't go on living like this. I can't always look on the dark side of things. Maybe I should try looking at the bright side. She's happy with Aria, and as long as he is happy; I can give myself a reason to be happy.
I forgot to mention a few things actually. She doesn't know that I liked her, which is a start. She still sees me as her most trusted friend, and she is helping me get my grades back up again. We actually have another project to work on together. This time it's about the USSR, and all the cover-ups that they had during their history. My teacher told me if I get an A on the project, then I will have an A in the class. Otherwise, if I get anything lower, then I will end up having a B or a C in the class. Depending on how high or low of a grade I get, that would fix up all my grades in an instant.
Another strange thing that has been happening to me is that I sometimes black out completely and apparently I'm a completely different person at those moments. I would say things that I never say, do things I'd never dream of doing. It's strange. Last time I had these blackouts where when Jenna and I were together. I think something horrible will happen. I just don't know what it is yet. I'll have to go now, goodbye diary. It was nice seeing you after all this time. I'll add more entries to you soon.
From,
Alex
P.S.
If you see Jenna or if she sees this.
Tell her
"Miss You"
It's been a while. I'm sorry I haven't been able to speak to you for the past month or so; a ton of things have been racking my mind. Jess and Aria got back together a few days ago; basically ending any chance I would have at being her boyfriend. Yet, I feel happy for her. She still is my friend and we still are (what she calls) bffl's (an acronym for best friends for life) I feel like I shouldn't even bother saying how gay it makes me feel. The whole girls are my friends and nothing more scenario has always ended up finding its way to me. Jenna was an exception for that, and well, look how that turned out right?
School has been getting progressively worse for me over time. My grades are dropping down to hell, and I feel as if I am beginning to become depressed. I don't know what has come over me. I know that this isn't like me either. I'm usually a happy sociopath, now I'm just a depressed sociopath, and that isn't any fun. I used to be able to pride myself on being different, but now, I'm just another person in the crowd. I can't even bring myself to continue this entire sob story of how my life is becoming horrible. It's just so fucking stupid, all for a girl, I become this depressed?
I don't even know what to do anymore. Why I should continue this whole operation of writing on diaries. Maybe I should write on something that doesn't rip as easily. Damn it, now she has gotten to my heart. Hopefully she won't have to be the next Jenna; this girl is special, I know it. I can't go on living like this. I can't always look on the dark side of things. Maybe I should try looking at the bright side. She's happy with Aria, and as long as he is happy; I can give myself a reason to be happy.
I forgot to mention a few things actually. She doesn't know that I liked her, which is a start. She still sees me as her most trusted friend, and she is helping me get my grades back up again. We actually have another project to work on together. This time it's about the USSR, and all the cover-ups that they had during their history. My teacher told me if I get an A on the project, then I will have an A in the class. Otherwise, if I get anything lower, then I will end up having a B or a C in the class. Depending on how high or low of a grade I get, that would fix up all my grades in an instant.
Another strange thing that has been happening to me is that I sometimes black out completely and apparently I'm a completely different person at those moments. I would say things that I never say, do things I'd never dream of doing. It's strange. Last time I had these blackouts where when Jenna and I were together. I think something horrible will happen. I just don't know what it is yet. I'll have to go now, goodbye diary. It was nice seeing you after all this time. I'll add more entries to you soon.
From,
Alex
P.S.
If you see Jenna or if she sees this.
Tell her
"Miss You"
♠ ♠ ♠
Miss You.